Obama stared. "What?"
"Harder. I said harder," Rarity smirked. "You know I can handle it."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! Just do it."
Obama put all of his pent-up frustration and anger into throwing the baseball as hard as he could. He fully intended to injure Rarity, but unfortunately, she was oddly skilled at baseball and hit yet another home run.
"Yes! Another point for the pony team!"
"Since when were you so good at baseball?" Applejack asked, staring at the flying ball in awe.
"Oh, I just figured if I can hit a home run in the bedroom, I should be able to hit one out of the bedroom, too," Rarity said, creeping everyone out. "Besides, look at who we're up against."
"You guys are so cheating!" Sweetie Belle said. "You put all of us kids and the human on one team! We don't even have enough people to cover all the bases!"
"Come on, just use your robot powers to win!" Scootaloo said.
Sweetie Belle fumed. "For the last time, I'm not—"
"Come on!" Apple Bloom whispered, pulling Sweetie Belle aside. "She finally got that restraining order for Rainbow Dash! She's wanted that since, like, she was four! Let her have her fun."
"I guess…" Sweetie Belle said, feeling all guilty now.
Rainbow Dash was, of course, obnoxiously sitting on a cloud right outside the limits of the restraining order. She waved at everyone.
"Hey!" The gang turned around. "Get ready, guys!" Twilight stood at home base, holding a baseball bat with telepathy.
Sweetie Belle panicked. "No! Not the magic user! Oh god, this is going to be horrible! Take cover! Take cover!" she screamed while running around everywhere.
"Try not to blow up anything this time," Obama said.
"I'll try," Twilight said unconvincingly.
Obama chucked the baseball at her. With a bright spark of light she sent the baseball flying… right at Obama's face. He hit the ground with a thud.
"Are you okay!?" Rarity yelled, running up to him.
"You stay the hell away from me!" he screamed. Rarity uneasily kept her distance. Obama started to get up, but then noticed what looked like a message burned into the ball. He held it up to his face.
"Obama," Obama read to himself. "I want to speak with you. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I have a lot of questions for you, too. Please meet me tomorrow at the OV Club at noon. –Twilight"
Then the message faded away.
"What's wrong?" Applejack said.
"Oh, nothing," Obama lied. He stood up, dusting himself off, and smiled. "Nothing at all."
– – – –
Once inside the club, Obama had to cover his ears. The music was deafening. He looked around for Twilight, but to no avail. It was absurdly crowded, and there were ponies grinding on each other everywhere. Was this even the right place? Why would Twilight even be going to a place like this?
Then, the music became quiet, and Obama took his hands off his ears. He could hardly hear anything now, except for one voice.
"This way," Twilight's voice said.
He followed the sound until he found Twilight at a small table. He pulled up a chair and sat down across from her.
He decided to get the most obvious question out of the way first. "Why are we meeting at a place like this?"
"I figured this should be a private conversation," Twilight said. "You never know when you're being listened to around here. But at this place, the DJ is so awful…"
Vinyl Scratch screamed "AW YEAH! IT'S EPIC WUB TIME!" from behind the DJ stand.
"…you couldn't hear anyone over the music even if you wanted to, and the crowd is too thick to lip read. So with a simple selective hearing spell…"
"You can talk privately."
"Exactly," Twilight said. "Start walking around randomly. We will be able to hear each other no matter where we go in this building, and seeing the two of us together will arouse suspicion."
"Understood."
Obama stood up and started walking around.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he said.
"What you said when we were alone the other day," Twilight said. "About creating a new world."
"What about it?"
"Tell me. Are you planning on overthrowing Celestia?"
Obama paused. If he said yes, would she turn him in? If he said no, would she turn him in? Wait, why would she turn him in if he said no? He needed to settle for a compromise, just like back home.
"Yemaybeno," Obama said.
Obama didn't think good under pressure.
"You can trust me," Twilight said. "I'm… still trying to make up my mind about whose side to be on."
Obama decided to be honest. "Yes. I am."
"What makes you think you'd be a better leader than Celestia?"
"Nothing," Obama said. "I'm not planning on replacing her."
"What?"
"I want to institute a democracy," Obama said. "A type of government where the people decide what happens."
"Obama, I know what a democracy is."
"Do you?" Obama said. "A democracy is freedom. Do you know what freedom tastes like?"
"I…"
"Let me show you and the other oppressed citizens of Equestria what freedom tastes like!"
Twilight started sounding worried. "What are you talking about?"
Obama started wondering if he had taken his metaphor too far. "Well, I mean, you won't actually be eating freedom…"
"I didn't do it!"
"What?"
Someone else must have been talking to her. Obama stood still and tried to listen as best as he could.
"Do you know who I am? I'm Princess Celestia's personal protégé! You think I'm going around murdering people?"
Murder?
"My taste in clubs is irrelevant to that! I haven't done anything wrong, so you can't… what's that? You… no, you aren't… that's insane! You're insane! Get off! Help! Someone, help! O—"
Suddenly, with a snap, the music started blasting through Obama's eardrums and he could no longer hear Twilight. He looked around. She was nowhere to be seen amongst the grinding ponies.
"Twilight!" he yelled as he pushed through the crowd. "Twilight! Are you here!? Twilight! Where are you!?"
"TWILIGHT!"
Obama burst outside the club and looked around. There was no trace of her. Where could they have taken her!?
"Heya there, Obama!" a voice said. Obama turned around. It was Applejack. "Say, have you gotten over Rarity molesting you and completely destroying your manhood yet? Just curious. Too soon? Tell me."
"Twilight! Have you seen Twilight!?" he said, grabbing Applejack's shoulders.
"No, why?" Applejack said, bewildered.
"I just heard her get taken away by someone! And they said something about her committing murder!"
"Say what now!?" Applejack yelled, then started running off. "There's only one place she could be if they were talking about murder! The police station! Here, hop on!"
Obama started to move, then stopped dead in his tracks. "I… what?"
"This is no time to be bashful! Get on! You can ride me to the police station! It'll be faster that way!"
Obama started getting all post traumatic stress disorder on her. "No… I don't want a whip…"
Applejack looked annoyed. "What, didn't my counseling get that all out of you?"
"No! I'll… I'll just follow you, okay!?"
"Fine! Just run fast!"
– – – – –
Obama ran fast, which left him a wheezing mess when they reached the police station. Unfortunately, once there, the gang encountered another problem.
"You won't let us in!?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "Our friend was arrested and we can't even visit her!?"
"Sorry," the guard said. "You can't see her until everything's calmed down."
"And when will that be?"
"After the verdict."
Rainbow Dash started to attack, but Applejack held her back.
"What do we do?" Obama said.
Fluttershy walked up to the guard and whispered something into his ear. He froze.
"W-Well… that…" he said. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let you visit her for a little bit…"
"All right!" Rainbow Dash yelled. She fluttered over to Fluttershy. "What did you say to him?"
Fluttershy said she threatened to incinerate his testicles if he didn't cooperate.
"Right on, man!" Rainbow Dash said, hoof bumping Fluttershy. "Let's go in!"
Once inside, they found a room with a glass pane dividing it in half. On the other side was Twilight.
"Guys!" she said. "You came!"
"Of course we did, sugarcube," Applejack said. "What happened?"
"I was in the OV Club…"
"Hold up! What were you doing in a dump like that!?"
Twilight panicked. "I, uh, like their music?"
They all stared at Twilight.
"I think we all know that's a lie," Applejack said. "What were you really doing there?"
"I… well…"
Obama tried to save her. "I invited her there. I was curious about their catering."
Silence.
"That makes even less sense!" Applejack yelled.
"Just drop it, the reason isn't important," Rarity said. "I bet she was just hiring a male prostitute or something."
"What!? No, I'm not you, Rarity!"
"I'm trying to save you here, Twilight!" Rarity whispered as loudly as possible.
"Anyway," Twilight said, with much irritation, "I was in there when a bunch of police officers came up to me and said I was responsible for the murder of the previous community organizer."
"You mean the woman I replaced?" Obama said
"Mare, yes," Twilight corrected, automatically.
"But they need evidence to arrest you, right?" Applejack said. "What evidence could they possibly have?"
"And that's where this story gets stupid," Twilight said. "They found a bloody knife in a pile of my vomit. They're saying I murdered the previous community organizer and then ate the evidence." She fumed for a bit. "I mean, what the hell. Doesn't it make more sense that some moron put that knife there afterwards!?"
Fluttershy coughed.
"Knives are tasty," Pinkie Pie grated, coughing up a razor blade.
"The only thing that can free me is…" Twilight paused, putting her hoof on her head. "…testimony describing my vomit, specifically the absence of a knife coming out of my mouth."
"Well, that's easy!" Rainbow Dash said. "We were all there!"
"…and they won't accept testimony from you all, since you're my friends. That's right. We need an unbiased third-party to describe my vomit."
Everyone gaped.
"How come it took an act of god to get just a restraining order for Rainbow Dash, but they're able to hold you on such flimsy evidence!?" Obama said.
"Oh, it's probably because she's straight," Rainbow Dash said.
"What?" Obama said. "Seriously?"
"Well, I do have to pay 5% more sales tax for being publicly straight," Twilight said, scratching the glass in irritation. "It wouldn't surprise me if it made me more suspicious in court, too."
"That's absurd! I'm straight!" Obama flailed his arms around, as if he was trying to make a point, but could not quite decide what it was. "Does that make me more suspicious!?"
Everyone backed away from Obama.
"Oh, come on!" he said.
"But who can we get to describe Twilight's vomit?" Applejack said, trying to change the subject. "Who else was there? That was when we were talking about the whole Celestia ran out of stallions thing, right?"
"I think I saw Bright Eyes there!" Pinkie Pie said.
"Who?"
"You know! Ditzy Do! Derpy!"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh, that basket case."
Twilight groaned. "You're going to have to narrow it down more than that."
"Oh, you know. Gray pegasus, blonde hair, googly eyes," Rarity said. "Dropped all those packages on you, remember? She keeps trying to break into my house and steal my man! She's such a bitch!"
"Like, bitch bitch, or Trixie bitch?" Twilight said.
"Bitch bitch. No one is Trixie bitch," Rarity said, one of the few things her and Twilight could agree on.
Obama felt a sinking feeling for some reason.
"Anyways, does anyone know where Derp— Ditz— wassername lives?" Applejack said, trying to pull things back on subject.
"Oh! I know! I know!" Pinkie Pie said, running off. "Follow me!"
Everyone else followed.
"We'll get you out of here," Applejack said to Twilight.
Twilight nodded.
– – – –
"You sure you know where her house is!?" Applejack yelled at Pinkie Pie.
"Sure do!" Pinkie Pie said. "If I remember right, it's right—"
Pinkie Pie, and a couple seconds later, everyone else, crashed against a large wall.
"What the hay!?" Applejack said, rubbing her head. "I don't remember that being here before!"
Rarity looked up. "Oh… oh god…"
"What? What is it!?"
"Look at the sign…"
Everyone looked at the sign on the giant building they just hit.
"The Great and Thrifty Trixie Motel!?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "What kind of moron would approve that!?"
Obama gulped.