Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story)

Twilight's sane Mind:  -deep breath in-  -Deep breath out-  Ok, what would Cadence do at a time like this.
*Imagines Cadence in flashback sequence:  'Remember Twilight, there are precious few things as valuable as love.  Love of a friend, family, or special somepony.  You should be aware of how you effect them, and remember that no matter what you do, there will always be time to be there for them.  Of course, it works the other way too, no matter how bad things get, they will have time for you too.  You'd be surprised how much you can rely on them, provided you keep a cool head and explain the trouble you're in.'* End flashback.

Sane Twilight:  Ok, got to calm down...and get out of this outfit.  Seriously, after all of the effort, it just isn't helping.

INsane Twilight:  NEED TO FIND THE HUMAN!!

Sane Twilight:  (Rolls eyes and mentally decks INsane Twilight)  I've lost enough ground and time panicking, yes I can't tell Celestia, but I've got bucking FRIENDS damn it!  I've been researching the magic of friendship for well over 2 years now!!  I can rely on them!  Provided I don't come off as having another episode, which ghost Sombra sure seems like an indicator of.

Ghost Sombra: Well, glad you finally got that right, at least.

Sane Twilight:  :sigh:  Guess the stress CAUSING him to show isn't gone yet.  Still, I can manage this better.  First things first.

Sane Twilight: (Sends all her cloths back to her closet, sword back to bed room and holds Spike softly, eyes clear and sadness reflected as she gently rocks Spike.)

Sane Twilight:  I'm so, SO sorry Spike!!  I'm having a really bad couple of days, and I really should have snapped out of it a while back.  I shouldn't have taken it out on you and everypony.  Please, please trust me that I would never hurt you or do anything that would endanger you on purpose.  I need you, need my number one assistant, more than ever now.

Spike:  :slowly unfreezing and getting his bearings:  Tw-Twilight?  Was, was all that just a dream?

Sane Twilight:  :Gently nuzzling him:  No, sadly no, Spike.  But, I'm getting better, still not 100%, but that just means I need you to keep me grounded even more.  Listen, an Outer God, a being of great power and madness called Nyarlathotep is coming.  According to my research, the only way to stop him, is with a centaur.  To that end, I summoned a human from another world, in hopes that it would help me create one.  
I need to find this human, if there's to be any chance to save Equestria.

Spike:  O-Ok Twilight, just one thing though...couldn't you just summon a Centaur from another world like you could the human?  I mean, humans are just pony-tales, at least Centaurs DID exist at some point.  There's got to be another world where they exist right?

Sane Twilight:  ...I love you Spike, you know that right?  Seriously, Best. Assistant. Ever.  :Gently kisses the top of his head and breaths deep and releases controlled and calm.  Smiling at Spike:  Now that I have a decent idea, mind grabbing the tomes on Centaur magical signatures, and some documentation on them?  I think I need to set up another summoning spell.  With luck, I'll have this done soon and we can send the human I brought back home...:Says quietly to herself:...After I apologies up and down to everypony AND him.  At least the princess doesn't know about this.

Back in Canterlot

Celestia:  So, been a while, Black Pharaoh, how are things in Egypt these days?

Nyarlathotep:  Not too bad, humans are such lovely little beings.  They cause chaos just by getting breakfast!  And that's not even getting into the depths of their depravity and insanity!  Why my masters would end such a lovely species when they are so entertaining is beyond me.

Celestia:  I know!  Discord thinks having Chaos ALL THE TIME would be fun, but then Chaos becomes the new Order, and it stops being fun anymore!  'Everything in moderation', I said, 'You'll get bored and loose your touch', I said.  But NOOOOO, the little foal just wouldn't listen to reason!  Still, at least now little Twilight acts as my new Chaos generator!  Element of Magic, she may be.  But if anypony was going to contact you or your lords it would be her!  Seriously though, what did she think an old one would talk about after reading that book?  I HAVE to know!

Nyarlathotep:  :Grins widely:  Oh you'll love this, she asked about...the MEANING of LIFE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  :Gasps before righting himself:  As if such a pedestrian concept isn't an oxy-moron unto itself?  Meaning in LIFE of all things?!?!?  Something that spawns from and embodies chaos having routes in order?  PLEASE!  :throws hands in waving gesture:

Celestia:  :Nods with wistful smile:  She's so young yet, not even gotten her wings or true stamina, let alone had her first evil transformation.  My first empire was so long ago now, best decision I ever made, despite the assassinations getting old fast, then Luna was born.  Had to take care of her since mother's never been one for family.  Dear Luna only just got over her conquirer stage, and will likely be in shock for another century or two before she finally gets it.  I do hope you'll be around then!  She'll make such a lovely contemporary when her true talent starts shining through.

Nyarlathotep:  Of course, why do you think I like coming to this little world so much?  When one of these ponies finally breaks, they become things of unsurpassed beauty!  The rarity of such an event only makes it better somehow!  I get my bulk-insanity orders with humans, dime a dozen, despite the fun!  Still, what about the human she brought?  Think he'll finally go native and tap some of your subjects?

Celestia:  :Puts a hoof to her chin thinking:  I know my ponies are open-minded enough for inter-species relations, so long as the parts involved stimulate well enough and the exchange isn't lethal.  Still, if I recall humans have stigmas to that sort of thing, being the only known sentient lifeforms of their world.  So...60/40 I guess, with odds against due to Twilight's usual over-enthusiasm getting the better of her.

Nyarlathotep:  You're on, I say he breaks down and does one of them before he leaves, no rape involved.  Say...2 chocolate cakes?

Celestia:  Make it five and you've got a deal.

Telling celestia would be stupid...
so would telling luna...
What to do, what to do.
.
.
.
Of cource!!
You need to ask Cadense about that love spell she is so proud of.
Then when you find that human. HE. WILL. LOVE YOU.
{Insert evil laugh and convenient thunder here}
Where did that thunder come? No matter. First you need to free spike, but how?
Maybe if... "Spike, wake up. there is Rarity with big pile of gems outside of the library waiting for you!"
I Hope this works.

Thinking the solution through like the smart mare you are. Sure the human is important, but spike's like your baby brother! You don't just leave him and say "I'm going to mate with some human i've never met before."

Is there no spell that can wake him up? If so, use it. If not, maybe a bucket of water thrown at his head will help.
As for the human, perhaps he retreated from Ponyville completely? You're pretty sure he is unaware of the dangers in the Everfree. In fact, he could be in danger right now!. Since its the closest forest and near to Fluttershy's, you could look there first. Before you search the Everfree, you could ask Fluttershy if she knew where the human went.

Use a spell to heal Spike, see a cardboard box that wasn't there a minute ago, lift up the box, and instantly lick whatever is inside it.

Do the cleverly named "un-unconscious" spell.
Splash a bucket of water on his face.
If all else fails, an uppercut to the jaw never hurt! (Haha, see what I did there?)
On an unrelated note, happy St. Patrick's Day!

Find a(n) ruby/sapphire/diamond/quartz crystal/emerald and offer it to Spike.
I don't know if it'll help him, but maybe he'll eventually eat it.
Maybe find him some water while you're at it.

You could always get Rarity to kiss him. Too bad she still isn't speaking to you after you tried to kill each other and all.

go find rarity ask her to check up on spike then go and find the human

You look out the door and say "Hey how did Rarity get all that chocolate and whip cream all over herself?"

Spike Breaks out of his trance and rushes to the door excitedly "WHERE?!!!"

Laugh at Gullible Spike then get down to the business of finding that damn human as you rush out the door.

get a bucket of cold water and splash it in his face, that ALWAYS WORKS! and if that doesn't, have rarity give him a smooch on the cheek

You need to take care of Spike.  You also need to find the human.  While you certainly have enough magic to handle all this, the human seems adept at getting help from other ponies that you seem to be lacking.  You need extra help to handle this.
You remember the mirror pool, and how Pinkie's clones followed a prime directive she gave them, to have fun.  What if you made clones of yourself who's prime directive was to capture the human for you?

Find a spell to temporarily clone yourself so that you can hunt down the human and help Spike at the same time. Then tell the Twilight who is looking for the human to cast a spell that will make the other ponies in Ponyville want to help you search for the human.

Slap Spike in the face. That always works.

Punch spike in the face, that should shock him back to consciousness. Then burn the forest down.

Action: Splash water on to Spike's face. That should wake him up!
When he wakes up, make him help you find the guy.
How to convince spike to help? Say: "He tried to steal Rarity away from you!"

Smelling salts should do the trick! Or a bucket of cold water.

Oh look! A conviently placed bucket of water! (Insert trollface here).
Lets pour it on him! That will un-paralyze him. Totally. Yah.

Okay, here's what you do:
Step 1: Remove Raiden suit, and hide it.  That will not help your case when Spike wakes up.
Step 2: Get a bucket of water.
Step 3: Poor it on Spike in order to get him back on his feet.
Step 4: Apologize for poring water on him.
Step 5: Say in the most calm way that you're on a mission, and for Spike's safety, he probably shouldn't know.
Step 6: Once he leaves, get your outfit.
Step 7: Find human.

You find a filled bucket of water nearby and decide to use it to wake up poor spike, but unfortunately in you panicked state you forgot that there was a brick in there when you were trying to make water bricks with a new spell, and while you wake up spike with the water, you  then knock him back out with the brick.

-Meanwhile, back at the Library-

Applejack and Rainbow Dash comes in.
"Twilight we need to talk."
you ignore them and use this chance to have those two watch Spike while you go look for the human.