//------------------------------// // Episode 19: Just a Tuesday // Story: Equestria's Crazies // by Thorax //------------------------------// The mare of darkness stood atop the Arcane tower of Canterlot castle, cackling to herself as the mid day sun rapidly descended as the moon rose to take its place. Nightmare Moon had finally done what she was born to do, she had brought about eternal night. She stared triumphantly across the star covered skies of Equestria. Elsewhere within the walls of Canterlot Castle the defender of dawn lounged lazily in her throne, staring blankly out the window at the newly arisen moon. "Heh" Celestia groaned as she pulled her back legs up from the side of the throne "She managed to get the moon up this time." "Good for her" Luna stated bluntly as she flipped the page of her comic "I assume you're going to go ruin her fun?" "Nah" the Sun Goddess groaned again as she tried to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in. "I quit, she can have Equestria. Wake me up when the dinners ready, or if something important happens." with that Celestia closed her eyes and tuned out the world around her. For several seconds Luna thought about heading outside and stopping her apparently evil other half. She knew saving Equestria from evil was rewarded with fame. However, in the long run she decided saving the day would take too much effort, so she returned to her comic. Back atop the Arcane tower Nightmare Moon wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do at this point. She hadn't expected to make it this far. In fact, bringing about eternal night had become more of a hobby than a long term goal. She'd summon unspeakable horrors to bring about eternal night. The Elements would blast her with friendship and then they'd all go out for Ice cream. As Nightmare continued her inner conversation on the meaning of her existence she failed to notice the Crystal Unicorn who had gone out in search of the sun. "whr yu goh sun?" Sombra mumbled as he tilted his flashlight in hopes of finding his missing sun. However, sadly for Nightmare one of the many places his magically supercharged flashlight shined was her eyes. The black Alicorn let out a faint yelp as she lost her footing and fell. Once again thanks to her lack of luck it wasn't a quick fall a she bounced from spire to spire, before eventually coming to a bone crunching stop on Celestia's balcony. Oblivious to the kill he had just made Sombra watched happily as the moon descended and the sun quickly returned the light to Equestria. The Crystal Unicorn returned the flashlight to his saddle bag before happily trotting off. "Well that was weird" Blackhoof said aloud to himself. The poor assassin had shown up hoping to make some quick bits. Instead he was treated to one of the weirdest spectacles he had seen in ages. “Get used to it buddy” Chrysalis mumbled as she trudged by, an unconscious Draconequus atop her back. The black stallion didn't respond, he instead chose to silently watch as the Changeling Queen made her way over to a rather large bush, before dumping the unconscious god in a bush. "Here to kill Celestia?" Chrysalis asked as she carefully adjusted the leaves to cover her victim completely. "How did you know?" Black asked as he pulled himself out of his apparently terrible hiding hole. He had spent the last two hours making his stealth approach on the castle and it had all been for nothing. "Basic castle training" the Changeling Queen flatly stated as she conjured a scroll and showed it to the stallion. "There was a workshop a few weeks back on how to avoid an assassin." "How'd that work out for you?" "Being the Changeling Queen means you learn how to avoid an assassin. Sadly for Luna, Nightmare and Discord they had apparently never dealt with a crossbow." "That's good to know, any idea where they are at the moment?" "Well it's Tuesday, so Celestia's probably taking her weekly "I quit holiday" so she'll either be tanning or sleeping in their throne room.” "Thanks" Blackhoof shouted as he galloped towards the door. "Stab them once for me" Chrysalis shouted back as she dodged an arrow. Nice kid she thought to herself as she finished hiding Discord. "That'll teach you for eating Donuts; those were a gift from a secret admirer." Several minutes later Blackhoof stood before the two sleeping Goddesses, not quite sure how he should strike. Usually he attacked when Celestia wouldn't expect it. However, he hadn't intended for both of them to be in the same area. Slowly he began searching through his saddle bag in hopes of finding a weapon that would allow him to dispatch both targets. During his search for the proper tool, black stallion remained unaware of the slowly awakening Sun Goddess and he continued to sort through different types of knives and poisons. "Luna" whispered the Sun Goddess as she silently tapped her sister. "Wha-mmph" Luna groaned the groggy mare as Celestia covered her mouth. "Stay quiet" Celestia whispered as she pointed towards the assassin only a few feet in front of them. "On my signal, run." she stated as she slowly and silently climbed to her hooves, Luna following behind her. "Run!" Screamed Celestia as she broke into a gallop Blackhoof was startled by the sudden outburst, but still managed to get one blindly fired shot off. Unfortunately for the Lunar Goddess her flank was the unfortunate target of the crossbow bolt that hit her. "He shot me!" Luna cried as she followed her sister through the many twists and turns of Canterlot Castle "He does that!" retorted Celestia as she darted into one of the many rooms, shortly followed by Luna. After several seconds of silently waiting, Celestia flicked on a light switching, revealing their sanctuary as little more than a storage closet. "He shot me in the flank" Luna repeated as she pulled the metal bolt out of her flank. She had already had one incident with Celestia second student in the past. After that single incident she made sure to rewrite her sister original law. However, it appeared that Blackhoof either hadn't heard, or didn't care. Either way, she didn't think it was the appropriate time to try and talk the situation down. "Luna, you need to focus or he's going to do a lot more than shoot you in the flank." Blackhoof isn't one to easily give up once he's set his mind on something." "So what do you suggest?" Luna asked as she rubbed her wounded flank "We can't just let him get us, I refuse to allow him an easy victory and we can't order him to stop, because you told him it was okay." Celestia remained silent as she began weighing the possible options. She couldn’t send him to the moon till he got bored, she tried that once and he shot her on return. He couldn’t send the guards as that would cause a big scene. She was down to two possible options, she could vaporize him with a single thought or she could do something much worse. “I know what we have to do.” The Sun Goddess stated bluntly a dark expression on her face. “What’s wrong sister, it can’t be that bad.” “We have only one possible options may the abyss have mercy on us.” “Celly, stop being so dramatic and just tell me what you’re thinking.” Celestia’s expression rapidly shifted further into despair. “We have to tell his mother.” “By the Sun and Moon!” gasped the Lunar Princess as she realized how desperate her sister had become. “Surely you’re joking; we can’t do something so foul.” “I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.” Celestia responded as she summoned her staff list. Silently Celestia began reading through as Luna carefully peaked out the door, a ping of joy shooting through her as she found no sign of her assassin. “Here we are” Celestia stated happily as she found the required staff member “Rose Petal Blackhoof” the Sun Goddess read aloud. “She’s currently working as one of the chefs in the Castle Kitchen.” “So all we have to do is sneak down there, and we’re home free?” The Night Goddess asked as she once again surveyed the outside hallway. “That doesn’t seem too horrible, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?” As if on cue the resounding sound of hoof hitting stone echoed throughout the room. In a moment of panic Luna quickly killed the lights, and the two Goddesses became absolutely silent. They listened carefully for any sign of the threat. However, it appeared to be non-existent as the only sound that greeted them was their own breathing. “I think we’re safe” Luna said with a sigh “Nope” Blackhoof happily responded There was no sound from Luna as she casually opened the closet door, stepped out and closed it behind herself. She had hoped Celestia would have had the same sense of mind to leave the deathtrap. However, the now large pool of blood forming just under the door, told her otherwise. “D- do you know” Celestia coughed as she did her best not to bleed out too quickly “how hard it is… to get this much blood out.. of white fur?” she managed to finish drawing one final breath. “300 Bits!” Blackhoof shouted enthusiastically as he fired several shots at the closet door. The waiting Princess took that a sign to get the buck out of dodge. There were several things running through Luna’s mind as she ran for her life. Luckily one of those many things was not an arrow. How had he gotten in there? Why would Celly train someone who's destiny is to murder her. What did Rose look like? Why are all the locks either jammed or broken? During Luna's train of thought, she had managed to miss the entrance to the Castle Kitchen and end up in her sisters room "Gotta hide, gotta hide." Luna repeated as she frantically searched for anywhere she could possibly be safe. She couldn't try hiding in the closet or under the bed, those would be expected. As the sound of approaching hoofsteps echoed into the room. The Lunar Goddess panicked and fled to the balcony where she hoped he would not look. "Nightmare?" blurted the confused Goddess as she stared at her partially conscious and bloody other half. "What the buck happened to you?" "sli-*cough*-ped" Nightmare managed to gurgle out "Found you!" Shouted black as he opened fire. Luna didn't think about what she did next, it happened naturally. Without hesitation Luna grasped Nightmare with her magic and raised her as a shield. There were four distinct thuds as all fired bolts found their resting place in the half dead Goddesses back. "I hate you" Nightmare managed before drawing her last breath. "Wow..." Blackhoof said in amazement "You technically used yourself as a shield. I'm not sure if that's genius or possibly one of the meanest thing's I have ever witnessed." "Oh.." Luna responded as she placed a hoof on her lips "She's going to be sooo mad when she gets back." "Well it's a good thing you'll be dead when she wakes up." Blackhoof happily stated as he loaded a few more bolts into his Crossbow "Nowhere to run now Princess." He's right Luna thought to herself as her flank hit the railing of the balcony. She was cornered several floors above the garden below with no possibly means of escape. All she could do now was accept the death she was about to receive and probably send him an angry letter when she got back. "You have wings you moron!" echoed the shouts of Chrysalis from the garden below. "Oh look at that" Luna said aloud as she unfurled her wings "I do have wings" With that Luna quickly spun around and the jumped from the balcony. She laughed triumphantly as she took to the air and circled the balcony mocking the wingless assassin below. Sadly for our semi-stupid Princess of the night she had forgotten her attacker’s weapon of choice was designed for such a thing. With a single well placed shot, Blackhoof had scored a direct hit on Luna's left wing sending her into a downward spiral. "Mayday! Mayday!" shouted Luna as she crashed through the roof of another portion of the castle. Several minutes later the unconscious Lunar Goddess began to stir. "Princess Luna" a voice repeated as Luna slowly opened her eyes. "I'm okay my little pony" Luna reassured as she picked herself up and began to search her surroundings. It was in a state of ruin but she was almost sure this had been the kitchen. "Princess Luna?" The older grey mare repeated "Are you okay? Your wing is bleeding pretty badly. Wait a second" the mare added as she examined the Princess's wound and more importunity the arrow that had caused it. "Blackhoof" the mare said with a sigh "Dandelion Theodore Blackhoof!" shouted the mare "You stop hiding in the shadows and get out here this instant." "Uh oh" came the voice of Blackhoof as he dropped his Crossbow from his place on the rafters. "Yes mom?" Luna was completely stunned. She had never seen an assassin stopped by their mother. She had spent the better portion of the evening running for her life and all it took was someone shouting their assassin's full name to send terror through him. Luna even found herself slightly intimidated by the mare in front of her. "What did I tell you about assassinating the Princesses?" "Only when you're not working?" the black stallion mumbled "That's right; now look at this mess I've got to clean up." Luna was speechless "Now, I want you to apologize to Princess Luna and start cleaning up your mess." "Ahhh but mom." "Don't "Ahhh mom" me" hissed the mare "You'll clean up your mess or I'll take away your trebuchet privileges" I'm so sorry mouthed the Lunar Princess as she silently made her way towards the door. She had never wanted to do something so horrible to any pony, but it was something that had to be done. Carefully she opened the wooden door and was met with a horrifying site. Nightmare Moon covered in large patches of blood, several bones obviously broken and four large metal bolts jutting out of her back. "Gotcha" she said with a grin and a cough as she plunged a small dagger into Luna's heart. With that, both of the Lunar Goddesses collapsed as they both took their final breaths. Needless to say, when Discord finally woke up, he was quite confused.