Yet Another Human in Equestria Story
By: Bardic Knowledge
Prologue: June 19, Stranger In A Strange Land
“What do you think he is, Angel?” asked Fluttershy. Odd. I had just finished what I considered the Extended Brony Challenge (which included the documentary and both Anthologies as well as seasons one, two, and three. Twenty-seven hours of Ponies), and I'm pretty sure she never said a line like that in the show. There was an odd chittering sound, and I blinked my eyes open.
“Well, yes, he could be female, but I'm pretty sure- Oh! He's waking up!” And directly above me was not my ceiling, nor was it a pillow or my Flutter-plushy.
“Okay,” I said, looking into Fluttershy's eyes. “Either I'm dreaming, or I'm in Equestria. I'm not sure which of those scares me more.”
“Oh, you can speak!” she gasped, fluttering back.
“Yeah. Yeah, I can speak. And if I'm dreaming, this is the most lucid dream I've ever had.” A white shape moved out of the corner of my eye, and a sharp pain flowed up my arm. “Yow!”
“Angel! Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into him.”
“I do. Pain means this isn't a dream.” I closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose. “That leaves me with two questions: Where did you find me, and when are we?”
“Well, I found you on the edge of the Everfree Forest, but other than it being June 19th, I don't know what you mean about 'when are we.'”
“Of course it was the Everfree, that place must have some kind of dimensional instability or something. And the when, well, that requires I ask a question or two. Depending on the answers will tell me when I arrived. Let's see... You said it was the 19th of June, right?”
“Yes.”
“What can you tell me of the Mare in the Moon?”
“You mean the silhouette of a unicorn on the moon?”
“Yes. Interesting. Particularly the similarity of our calenders. I'm guessing the Summer Sun Celebration is in two days?”
“Um, yes?”
“And is there someone living in the library?”
“Not that I know of.”
“That leaves one thing to test, then I'll explain.”
“Um, okay.”
I stood up, surprised when I discovered Fluttershy came up to my chest. Not such a little pony after all, even if I was only just over five and a half feet tall. In fact, the ceiling was easily high enough that I could actually stand up straight without running into it.
I started, “Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend-”
“FOREVER!” Pinkie finished, bursting out of a mouse hole.
“And that's one theory confirmed. And Pinkie, before you go off to throw me a party, let me speak to both you and Fluttershy.”
“How do you...?”
“Know your names? That's part of the explanation.” And with that I sat down on the couch again. “I'm what's called a human, scientific name Homo Sapiens Sapiens. In my world, there are well over 6 billion humans living on the planet, which we call Earth.”
Fluttershy's eyes widened at the number, while Pinkie perked up, “Hey! That's just like-” I held up my hand.
“Please, don't interrupt. At home it was February 19th, A.D. 2013, and I had just finished watching a marathon of one of my favourite shows, called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.' You two are two of the main characters in that show.” Fluttershy's already wide eyes widened even further, and her coat seemed to turn white, while Pinkie smiled hugely.
“From the questions I had just asked Fluttershy, I have determined that I have arrived in episode one of season one. Interestingly, at this point in the show, it's focusing on a different character. If I was just following the show, I'd have probably landed on Twilight during the opening narration.”
“Who?”
“Oh, she'll be here tomorrow. If I haven't interfered in your schedule too much by then, Pinkie will be the first to meet her. Fluttershy, you'll be the last. I'm going to wait until after the Summer Sun Celebration to tell you much more, because I'll be telling Princess Celestia everything at the same time.”
“So, what are you going to do now?”
I glanced down at myself. I was wearing what I had worn to bed. Thankfully, I had decided to wear pyjamas that morning, which meant I had on my Super Mario pants and Elements of Harmony t-shirt, with my class ring still on my left middle finger. I wish I had my computer with me, though. All the things I'd show them...
“Well, I think step one is getting clothing, since this is all I have. Our world has a greater social stigma than yours about clothing and the lack thereof. Which means going to the Carousel Boutique. Unfortunately, I do not know the way.”
“I'll take you!” chirped Pinkie.
“Thanks, Pinkie. You should know, you are my fourth favourite character in the show.”
“Really?! Who are the others?” she gasped, her fore-hooves against her cheeks.
“Number three is Derpy Hooves. The reason being that she was created by the fans, and then she was suddenly an actual character in the show. Most of us were ecstatic, but a vocal minority claimed she was an 'ablest stereotype.' Whatever that means.
“Next up is a bit of a spoiler, so I'll skip number two. But, Fluttershy, you are my favourite of all the characters.”
“R-really?” she stuttered, blushing, hiding one eye behind her mane.
“Yes!” I smiled lightly. “You're just so adorable! I just wanna hug you!” I threw my arms wide. Her blush grew as she reached forward and hugged me. Her fur on my arms felt funny.
“Awww,” cooed Pinkie. After a second we broke the hug and I stood.
“Thanks for looking after me, Fluttershy.”
“Oh, it was no trouble at all,” she replied, blush still evident.
“Alright, Pinkie Pie, lead the way.” And with a bow to Fluttershy, I followed Pinkie outside. Everything was bright and vibrant, the colours far more lively than back on Earth, forcing me to squint. Looking over at the Everfree as best I could, I noted that the trees there looked the same shades of colour as home, despite the bright sunlight shining upon them.
“What's wrong with your eyes?” Pinkie asked, pronking alongside me. I bobbed my head to follow her eyes as we travelled. Thankfully, the dirt road wasn't too hard on my bare feet.
“I'm photosensitive. Means that bright lights, especially sunlight, hurt my eyes. I'm not sure which happened first: my sensitivity, or my tendency to spend my time in the dark.” She zipped over to a nearby tree along the path and rifled around the leaves a moment, before coming back with a pair of sunglasses.
“Let me guess,” I smiled as I put them on. “You have sunglasses stashed all over Ponyville, in case of sunglasses emergency.”
“Yeppers! That in your show, too?”
“Well, sort of. And it's not 'my' show.” I replied. Ah, blessed darkness. “So, uh, Pinkie. Are we just going to go straight into town, or are you going to take me a sneaky path to the Boutique?”
“Well, I guess that depends,” she murmured, tapping her chin. “How long do you think you'll be staying?”
I sighed and looked down. “Considering I don't know how I got here in the first place... I have no idea.”
“Then let's introduce you to everypony! That way, you won't have sneak around everywhere when you want to go places!”
“I guess it's a plan. I'll explain my other-worldly origins, but I don't think I'll mention the show to everyone. At least, not immediately.”
“Okie dokie lokie!”
We moved along for a while in mostly silence, Pinkie humming a random song of hers, when another question occurred to me.
“Hey, Pinkie, there's a few memes and ideas about you back home I want to double-check about.”
“Uh-huh.”
“First off, are you aware of the fourth wall?”
“It'd be awkward if I wasn't! I mean, staring into other ponies' houses like that would be rude!”
“It would, but that's not what I meant.” I hmmed for a moment. “Okay, you know how in a play, the stage has a wall behind it and the two off-stage wings?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, the characters aren't normally allowed to interact or react with the audience, so we refer to the side the audience is sitting on as 'the fourth wall.' The term has since expanded to include anything that can be watched or read, so that if a character speaks directly to the audience or the person reading, they are noted as being 'fourth wall aware' and are Breaking The Fourth Wall.”
“So, you're asking if I'm aware of that kind of fourth wall?”
“Yes.”
“Nope! I mean, there's some things I feel that others don't, but it's nothing like that.”
“Your Pinkie Sense, you mean.”
“Yep! You know about that?”
“There was a whole episode about it, actually. So, I know the signs for falling things, scary things, bees, opening doors, and beautiful rainbows. There was also one for the alligator in the tub, but I've forgotten that one.”
“So, why do you ask?”
“Oh, we've always made jokes about the idea that you were aware of us watching. It started in an episode where the animators had you looking the wrong direction, so that it seemed you were watching us watch you. Then there were all the times you interrupted the iris out-slash-fade to black at the end of the episode.”
“So what was the next question?”
I paused mentally. “You know, I think I've forgotten. Like Phoebe Kalinowski said once, 'I've got a memory like a steel trap: everything that goes in gets mangled.'”
Pinkie laughed at my appropriated joke and I looked ahead. There was Ponyville. Despite the length of our conversation, we hadn't even been walking for five minutes. Well, I was walking.
“Be right back!” Pinkie smiled and zipped off ahead. I kept walking at a fairly sedate pace. Then I heard the squeak of a bullhorn and Pinkie's voice echoed over the land. “EXCUSE ME EVERYPONY! BUT I'VE FOUND A NEW FRIEND WHO LOOKS REALLY WEIRD! SO DON'T BE ALARMED, HE'S REALLY VERY NICE! HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW LONG HE'LL BE STAYING, BUT RIGHT NOW HE JUST WANTS TO VISIT!” There was another squeak and the pink blur came back to join me.
“I guess I look kinda weird by your standards, don't I.”
“Omigosh, I didn't hurt your feelings did I?”
“Nah, I'm Proud to Be Wyrd. I spell that with a 'y' because I'm extra strange.”
She giggled. “You're funny.”
“Interesting, since I consider Laughter to be one of my weak points.” I blinked. “And by that, I mean I'm not that good at causing it and my laugh tends to scare people.”
“Well everypony's got some little quirk. Just look at me!”
“Pinkie, you're one big quirk.”
At that point we had actually reached town, and I saw ponies of all shades watching as I glanced around. One of the first ones I spotted that I recognized was Lyra, sitting at a booth with a drink in her hoof. She seemed to be looking around for someone, but when she glanced over in our direction she did something I didn't expect: she did nothing.
“Huh. Guess that's another thing down.”
“What?” asked Pinkie.
“Oh, due to how Lyra was sitting in one episode, we joked that she was obsessed with humans and wanted to be like us. But I just saw her look my way and not react at all. Is she, ah, 'with' Bon Bon?”
“No, it looks like she's sitting by herself! Why would you ask that if you can see her?”
“Er, I meant 'with' as in 'going out with.' Are they dating?” Pinkie's head just cocked sideways. “...Maybe I'll ask Rarity. She'd probably know.”
“Oh, so you know who Rarity is, too?”
“How else would I know the Carousel Boutique is where to go for new clothes? She's another of the main characters.”
“Wow, do I know everypony who's a main character?”
“I thought you knew every pony and non-pony in Ponyville.”
“Oh, silly me. I forgot!” I snorted a quiet laugh.
I attracted many curious gazes on my way through town, but most ponies noticed Pinkie beside me and took that as a sign to go about their business. I wonder if Zecora should have just talked to Pinkie before she tried coming to Ponyville. That could have solved so many problems.
When we finally reached the Boutique, I paused. “Uh, Pinkie? I just realized, I don't have any of your currency.”
“Oh, don't worry. Rarity's really understanding about that sort of thing. She'll probably figure out some way to pay her back another way.”
Right, Spirit of Generosity and all that. Hard to remember sometimes, considering how selfish she can seem in-show. It's not that I didn't like her, she just wasn't high on my favourites list. Pinkie knocked on the door in what was likely her own particular knock.
“Coming~,” sang Rarity, and with a glow of light blue magic, the door handle turned and opened. “Now what can I do for yo-wahahahaaa!”
Ah, yes. That laugh/cry noise she does. Pinkie frowned thoughtfully. “I thought everypony heard my message. This is my new friend...” she glanced up at me. “I don't think you ever said your name!”
I thought back. “You're right. I guess I just forgot. My name is Joseph Glenn McCord, but most everyone calls me Joe.” I bowed low, the way I had learned after years in the S.C.A. (Society for Creative Anachronisms). It was all very noble and polite.
“That's an interesting name,” Rarity commented, though she bowed back in the pony way.
“In the world I come from, pony names are the curious ones.”
“In any case, please come in, won't you?” She backed away, allowing Pinkie and I to enter. “What brings such an unusual client to the Carousel Boutique, hm?”
“Well, I have only arrived in Equestria today through means unknown to me, and I'm afraid these clothes are the only possessions I have.”
“And what curious clothes they are.” She stepped around me, looking my pyjamas up and down.
“Humans, that's my species, have a major social stigma against not wearing clothing, unlike ponies who normally wear little or none. So, I was wondering if it would be possible-”
“To have me make you clothing?”
“Why, yes. Unfortunately, I don't have any money, so...”
Pinkie suddenly hopped to the door. “Well, you two have shop to talk, and I've got a party to throw! I'll see you later, Joe!”
“Bye, Pinkie!” And with a quick wave, she was out the door. By the time I turned around, I already had a measuring tape up my arm. Rarity mumbled something I couldn't quite make out.
“So tell me about yourself, Mr. Joe,” said Rarity, moving the tape from my ankle to the top of my head, before she muttered again, only this time I understood her, “Hmm, five foot eight and three quarters.”
“Formally speaking, it would be 'Mr. McCord,' but you can just call me Joe. And, well, I don't know what you'd find interesting about me. I'm twenty-four years old, out of an average human lifespan of about ninety years. I figure I'm of average height, but a little heavier and rounder than most-”
“No, dear, I mean your interests.”
“Ah. My particular focus is that of stories. I figure that if I had a cutie mark like ponies do, it'd be a book with incomprehensible scribbles on the pages. Books aren't the only source, though. There's plays, television, movies, games of all sorts. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd be a writer. I even had a series of novels planned, though only two chapters of the first book were actually written.” By this time, Rarity had finished measuring and was moving about the shop with various fabrics in her magic.
“I should probably mention, my favourite colours are red and black.” Rarity stopped and went back to her fabrics, grabbing up those colours before laying them against me.
“They are a bit simple, but I can make it work.”
“I know. It comes time to tell you of the story I favour most at this time of my life. Pinkie and Fluttershy, who found me, already know of it. It was a television show on my world called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.' You, and them, and a couple others, are the main characters.”
“Really?” she said, eyebrow raised.
“'Easiest way to convince someone you're from the future, is to tell them something you couldn't possibly know.' You are the Lady Rarity, whose younger sister is Sweetie Belle. You seek to be famous and a Canterlot noble married to Prince Blueblood. You got your cutie mark when a sonic boom shattered a rock your horn had dragged you to, revealing a plethora of gems within that you used to make the costumes for your school play shine.”
Her mouth hung open, the cloth she had carried laying against the floor.
“I apologize for being so blunt.” As if I had doused her with cold water, she snapped out of her stupor.
“I... I see. You truly do know who I am, then?”
“Yes. I know. If you would rather I not-”
“No, no, dear,” she demurred. “It was quite shocking, but, I suppose that means you just got a head start on being my friend.”
“Yeah, I'll just have to tell you more about my life to make up for it. I lived my life until I arrived here in a little city called Ionia in the state of Michigan in the United States of America...”
Several hours later, after taking a break to eat (no meat, but I didn't mind) and having several new outfits made, I left the Boutique and stood confused for a moment.
“Okay, where should I go next?” I muttered to myself. I was now dressed in a very comfortable outfit, having described human fashion and its similarities to pony fashion: a dress shirt that could be considered more crimson than just red (with ruby buttons) and black slacks that fit just right (though it felt odd to be without my wallet). Over all of it I wore an ankle-length coat with deep pockets and onyx buttons with a water-repelling enchantment on it. The added gemstones seemed a bit extravagant to me, but Rarity told me they were spare, relatively low-quality ones. And she decided to take the challenge of designing clothes for a non-pony of “such interesting proportions” as payment for making my clothing.
She's so much nicer in “person” than in the show.
As I stood there wondering, a gust of wind blew my new coat about, a flash of rainbow landing in front of me.
“So, I hear there's something strange and new in town,” said Rainbow Dash. “I'm guessing that's you.”
“Indeed it is.” She rose off the ground, her wing-beats almost knocking me off my feet as she stared me in the eye (save that my sunglasses were on).
“And just what are you doing here?”
“For now, I'm just visiting. But if I can't figure out how to get home, then I may become a permanent resident.”
“And what makes you think we'll let you stay?”
“I can be helpful.”
“Helpful how?” Rainbow landed on the ground again, wings still flared.
“I know the future. For instance, tomorrow a unicorn will come to town to make sure everything is ready for the Summer Sun Celebration. Her name is Twilight Sparkle. She will be a good friend to Ponyville.” Of course, I only know specific sections of the future, but this'd get Rainbow off my back until I could explain everything to Celestia, Luna, and the Mane Six.
“We'll see, big guy. Catch you on the flip side!” And with a burst of speed that almost knocked me off my feet, Rainbow took off.
“...Big guy? I'm not even two feet taller than her.” I shook my head. “Well, that makes all the Mane Six save AJ and Twi. Maybe I should- ow ow ow...” I put my hand over my eyes. Bugger all, why'd my contacts have to act up now? I blinked several times trying to get the pain to go away. Okay, step the next: see if I can get some glasses or contacts. Crap. I still don't have any money. Glorious.
“Grah! Fine. If I'm gonna stay here, I'm going to need a job. Time to start-”
“Hiya!”
“-Searching. Hey, Pinkie. Don't suppose you overheard me just now.”
“Not really. I was just going to bring you to your Welcome to Ponyville party!”
“I just realized that if I'm going to stay here in Ponyville, I'll need a job. Otherwise, I'll be dependent on others for my entire stay. And that's just not fair to them.”
“Welllll, the Princess is going to be here for the Summer Sun Celebration, right? You can ask her if there's a job only someone like you can do for her! And for tonight, you can stay with me!”
“Are you sure the Cakes will be alright with that?”
“What do Mr. and Mrs Cake have to do with you staying at my house?"
A quick thought ran through my head before Pinkie tugged on my shirt. Pinkie doesn't live with the Cakes?
"Now, come on!”
I shrugged. “Alright, but I've never been much for parties. I tend to sit in the corner reading at the ones I've been to. I'm a bit of a loner at times.”
“Not much for parties? That's like saying you don't like chocolate!”
“I don't like chocolate.” Pinkie stopped, mouth hanging open. I shrugged. “I just lost taste for it years ago. I prefer sour and spicy things these days.”
That seemed to interest her. “It's a good thing I stocked hot sauce then!” We continued onward to the gingerbread house-like Sugercube Corner. As Pinkie and I entered, there was a pair of explosions from either side of the doors and confetti flew everywhere. I jumped and held up my hands to cover my face.
“Screaming darkness! Did they have to be so close to my head?”
“Sorry, I forgot you were taller than a pony.”
“It's alright Pinkie, I forgive you.” I glanced around the shop. “Not many ponies interested?”
“A lot of them still had work to do and will be by later, but that doesn't mean we can't start the party now!”
I was introduced to the Cakes, who were very nice and probably used to Pinkie making strange friends. Next, I properly introduced myself to Fluttershy, Applejack, and Big Macintosh, both of whom had been asked by Pinkie to provide some apple snacks. They couldn't stay long, as they were gearing up for nearby family coming over for the Summer Sun Celebration.
Derpy was there and we had a decent conversation about her job as a mailmare and her family, which was primarily just her, Dinky, and Sparkler. Turns out she didn't have a relationship with Time Turner (A.K.A. Doctor Whooves), who also had no actual relation to the Doctor.
Curses.
After a few minutes of chatting, she asked me why I hadn't said anything about her eyes, since they were usually the first thing ponies asked about. The only question I had was about how well she could see with her eyes like that, and she said that she normally saw pretty well, but sometimes her eyes, both of which were “lazy,” would slide in a different direction and she'd lose track of where she was going.
I sampled some of the food, but explained that I had just had lunch with Rarity and couldn't eat much. I was then informed (by Rarity, who had just arrived ahead of a crowd of others) that it was technically dinner, and evening was approaching fast.
I was introduced to everypony, and gave an abridged summary of my pre-Equestrian life, leaving out the mention of the show as I had decided.
An hour later, the party wrapped up, and Pinkie led me to her house, where I was introduced to Gummy and his lack of teeth was introduced to my hand. We then went upstairs and she opened the door to her room.
I looked at the balloons floating on the ceiling and picked out a cookbook to glance over as Pinkie settled into bed. I glanced around.
“Er, Pinkie, where might I be sleeping?”
“With me, silly!” I blinked rapidly. An opportunity a particular faction of the Herd might kill for.
“Well, I tend to find the floor a more comfortable place to sleep than a bed. Also, I, ah, can't sleep at night. I tried, but I can't manage to sleep until after five in the morning.”
She looked thoughtful for a moment before springing out of bed and zipping to her closet, where she pulled out a sleeping bag and pillow.
“In case of slumber parties,” she explained. “Well, slumber parties with more guests than bed space.”
“Thanks, Pinkie. As... unfortunate... as it sounds, I almost feel more at home here than I did at home.”
My back popped mightily as Pinkie bounded over to me and hugged me tight. Oh, that hurt so good... I sighed in pleasure and hugged her shoulder with my chin, since my arms were captured by her forelegs.
“I hope you can at least visit your home, or here when you get home, eventually,” she whispered.
“So do I. So do I.”