//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Triple X // by ElMikkino //------------------------------// I fiddled around in my chair a bit and stared at my hooves. Today had been a horrible day. I was such a nervous wreck at having to face Lyra that I didn't get any work done at all. A few customers did come in, but after my shaky greeting, most of them didn't stay around for too much longer. I had also planned on sorting through some of the newer videos we had gotten and putting them on shelves, but if I had a choice, I wouldn't come within half a mile of porn. I flicked around one of many cigarettes I had today. I glanced at the clock on the Weather Channel. 7:25, and counting. Lyra would be here any minute now. It wouldn't really even had been that bad if Lyra had the first shift today, as well. That way I could've ripped off the awkwardness quickly, like a band-aid. Allowing the moment to fester in my mind had only made it worse. That shocked look on her face...I can't get it out of my head. Both halves of my brain are collaborating against me today. The shop bell rang, and I hesitantly looked up from the counter. It was the pony I had been longing and loathing to see all day. Lyra seemed just as anxious as I did, though, wearing the same worried expression. She gulped, and walked up to the counter. "Hi..." she said. My hooves became more interesting than ever. "Hey..." I replied back. This was how I unfortunately expected this to happen. An awkward moment passed. "About last night..." began Lyra. "Yeah," I replied. "Let's just not talk about it, okay?" "Agreed." I got off the chair, and allowed Lyra to sit in it. Right now, this situation was still as awkward as Lyra's posture. The seconds started to go by, each one feeling like a minute. If the Weather Channel ticked, it'd be doing so very loudly right now. Finally, Lyra broke the silence with a sigh. "Look Sly, I don't think we can just--" The shop bell rang once again. Lyra and I stopped thinking about the finer intricacies of our hooves, and looked up at our new guest. I instantly recognized him. Not this guy...I don't know his name, but every once in a while he's at the Knife and Apple, yelling at some random stripper. He's infamous around the place for failing to know his limits and always going over them. Unfortunately, it looks like he once again is completely smashed. This pink mass of overweight pony slowly turned toward us, and looked at us sternly with one eye through the broken lens of his sunglasses. He stared us down like a deranged version of the Element of Laughter for a bit before finally speaking. "So...you gotsh the goodsh?" he said, swaying. I cocked an eyebrow at him, and gestured with a hoof to the rest of the store. "Yeah, we do." He put on a confused look, before coming to his senses as much as he could. "No!" he slurred. "I mean, do ya gotsh the boozhe?" "I'm sorry, sir," said Lyra. "But we do not sell alcohol here. We only sell adult videos. Personally, I think you've had too much anyways." I shot Lyra a look. This was the first time Lyra had ever seen a drunk and crazy pony in the shop, and she had just done the two worst things you could do to agitate one: Dumbing down your sentences because they're drunk, and telling them they should stop drinking. You'd think she'd have some experience in this because she goes to college and all. "Lishen," said the stallion. "I am not the leasht bit tipshy, so you better take that back, mishy!" Ugh, this was the worst this guy could get. And it wasn't even dark outside yet! Lyra instinctively rolled away from the pony (Yes, my office chair rolls. Yes, it's fun. WHEEEEEEEE!!). She's probably realized that what she said was unnecessary. I guess it's up to me to save the day, despite the fact that I'm probably almost as scared as she is. "Actually," I started. "We do have some alcohol here. Forgive my employee, she's new here. Come on, I'll lead you to it. It's in the back though, so we have to go outside." "Okay, mishter," replied the drunkard. I got off my not-lazy-at-the-moment ass and led our guest to the door, and courteously opened the door for him. He took a few steps outside, and started staring at the summer sunset. "Sho, how do we get to the ba--" SLAM! The door reeled under the sudden pressure as I swiftly locked it with the key I had in my mouth. Lyra burst out laughing, as did I. That was a nice move. "Nice one, Sly," she said as she walked over to the door, still giggling. On the other side, our pretty-drunk pink pal was only now starting to realize his current situation. He turned around, and stared at us menacingly through the glass door. A hoof of his started pawing the ground. My smile instantly faded. "He wouldn't." Lyra's thoughts echoed mine. "He wouldn't." Outside, the stallion growled. "Okay, maybe he would," I said. My coolness was starting to drain away. "He might," replied Lyra. The stallion charged, a raging ball of pink coming right for us. "He is, he is fuck fuck FUCK!" I yelled. That door wasn't very strong, and I waited for the glass shards to grace my skin. BOMF! Huh...that didn't sound scary or glass-shattering at all...in fact, it was almost comical. I looked over at Lyra. Her horn was glowing with seafoam green magic, along with the large window and the door. You're the best, Lyra. The fucking best. Outside, the raging being continued to futilely smack his head into the door, failing each time, with Lyra standing strong. Eventually, he gave up as the sun set into the west. I reiterate, how'd he get so drunk so early, anyways? I turned to Lyra, and held up a hoof. "Brohoof," I said. She returned the gesture. "Fewf, that was a close one," she said. "Are you kidding?" I replied. "You were awesome. I sure wish I had you when Gilda was here." I take everything that I ever thought back about unicorns being stuck-up bitches who just do everything with their magic. "Well, yeah," replied Lyra. "I guess I was kind of awesome." And just like that, the awkwardness was gone. I unlocked the door, and we got plenty of customers that night, and we had a great time just shooting the breeze with each other. Still though, I do hope the next time I get into an awkward situation with somepony, it doesn't take a life-or-death situation to fix it. ----------------------------------- Sundown the next day, the last day that I will work at Lyra's side before I let her run free. I have to say, she's caught onto everything pretty quickly, and now has no qualms about the dreaded fourth aisle. Tomorrow's the one day the shop's closed, and I'm looking forward to a break, with all the fourteen hour shifts I've recently worked. I looked over at the unicorn beside me as she packed up her things. Her mane shined in the light of the descending sun as it shone through the small cracks in the posters on my window. I found myself looking over every part of her...her face, her withers, her fetlocks and those nice flanks...the Weather Channel had said Wednesday was going to be a nice day... "Hey," I said. "Why don't we go somewhere tomorrow?" Lyra looked a bit surprised at the question, and she pondered it for a second. Before long though, she turned back to me and smiled. "Sure," she said. "Why not?" Yes! Awesome! "Where are we going, though?" Not as awesome! "Uh...um..." I was drawing a complete blank. I haven't dated in a long time...being the owner of a porn shop doesn't really help you in that department. "How about we start at the park at noon and go from there?" suggested Lyra. "Sounds good to me," I said. "Okay then, see you tomorrow!" said Lyra as she walked out the door. I could've sworn she gave me a little wink as she went off. Wow...my first date in like what...at least six years, right? None of my relationships have ever turned out great, though. None of them have ever lasted for more than two months or so, and they all have soured around the time I brought them over to my house. "Why do you need me when you have all this to satisfy you!?" has a line that has been said to me more than once. I really hope this one goes better. I lifted up my foreleg and smelt its pit. Eww... --------------------------------------- "So Mr. Clop, what treatment would you like today? May I perhaps suggest the mud bath?" I sleepily looked over what I had gotten myself into. Normally, I would never be up at 9 AM on a Wednesday. What Lyra arranged as our date time would normally be when I get up. I also would normally never be at a spa on a Wednesday. Or ever. But after trying my hardest to get my shower to work properly, and discovering that the one plumber in the entirety of Ponyville requires at least a day's notice, here I am. I glared at Aloe. "You really think a mud bath would get me clean?" Aloe gave me a shocked look. "Well, it does have rejuvenating qualities, and many essential vitamins and miner--" "I don't want none of that. I came here so I could stop smelling like shit. What do you recommend for that?" I know I'm being hostile, but being sleepy puts me in a bad mood. "Sir, might I suggest going home and washing yourself?" "Well, thanks very fucking much for the advice, but my hot water's broken. Y'know, I'm just going to use your bath, k?" I walked over to the reception counter and slammed a few bits down on it before walking over to the door. "Oh," I said turning around. "Before you ask, no, I would not like a 'happy ending.'" Aloe gasped as I turned my back on her and slammed open the door. On the other side, I met the angry and disappointed faces of many relaxed ponies, along with Lotus, Aloe's sister. Damn, should've known this place had thin walls. I walked over to the tub and sat down in it, feeling like the douchebag I am. Well, this day can only get better... ------------------------------------- I sat on the bench in the centre of the park, waiting patiently. My newly-washed mane glistened in the noon sunlight. Beside me rested a bouquet of violet-blue tulips, straight from the florist (another place I never expected to visit). The sun was now high in the sky, and beating down on me mercilessly. I wiped the sweat off my brow as I asked a passing stallion the time. "12:10," he responded, checking his watch. 10 minutes late already. But that's normal, right? Mares always lose track of time when they're prettying themselves up. Then again...what if she decided not to go through with this? I've heard that employee-employee relationships can be very awkward, which means that a boss-employee relationship would probably be moreso. In all the porn DVDs I've watched where there is one, the boss is a complete douche with no appreciation for the mare's feelings. I don't think I'm like that, and I don't think Lyra does, either, but what if her friends have convinced her otherwise? I doubt Bam Bam, or whatever her name was, would react very well to Lyra dating the guy who runs a porn shop. I got off the bench, and picked up the tulips in my mouth. No use waiting for something that you know won't come. "Hey, Sly! I'm here!" What a beautiful sound. I turned around, and there Lyra was. It looks like she also took the time to wash herself, as her light blue mane glistened in sunlight. I should never have doubted her. "Um, Lyla," I said, struggling to talk with flowers in my mouth. "Theezh al fol y--" Suddenly, a green stallion popped up beside me. "Hey, everybody!" he said. "Eros, the famous lyre player, is giving a surprise performance on the other side of the park!" At this, Lyra's eyes seemed to glow with excitement. Her ears and tail also perked up, and she broke into a big grin. "Sly," she said. "We have to watch this performance! Come on!" She dashed away towards the south end of the park. Well, this is just great. I plodded after her until we reached the small stage at the southern end of the park. On the stage stood a light pink coloured unicorn stallion, holding a lyre in one of his forehooves. He had a light red and white coloured mane, and a cutie mark of an arrow nestled in a lyre like it would in a bow. He narrowed his sky blue eyes and gave a sultry look to crowd. "Ponyville," he said, his voice as sweet as candy floss. "Are you ready for a little show?" At this, the gathered crowd of about 100 ponies, mostly mares, screamed at the top of their lungs. Lyra's eyes grew even wider. "I'll take that as a yes," said Eros. He then started playing. It was a sweet little number, that gently radiated over the crowd as he plucked the strings with his magic. It was a melody so sweet that even the songbirds stopped to listen to this master. In other words, it was booooooooooooring. This was not my kind of music. When I do listen to music, I prefer hard rock or pop. I also like my music to be a bit edgy, and not something my grandma would've listened to. I turned to Lyra. "Can we go somewhere else?" I inquired. No response from her. Her eyes just grew to the size of dinner plates, and her mouth hung open in ecstasy. I spit out my flowers and trotted away. I know when I'm not needed. ---------------------------------- I looked up at the time on my computer. 7:57 PM. No sign of Lyra. I had spent the afternoon on my computer, just doing anything to keep my mind off of her. I've exhausted all of the things I normally do on here now, though. I looked up at the smoke wafting from my cigarette. I had bought a new pack before I got home, and I'd already gotten through more than half of it. I looked over at my bed, and its wet pillow. No, it certainly had not become wet due to me crying my eyes out on it for the first hour I had been home. Definitely hadn't. My computer screen reflected my face right back at me. My mane's almost back to its old self, though it's not as smelly. My eyes are pretty bloodshot, which I insist is not from crying... Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it's from crying. My first date in 6 years breaks my heart, and I still am forced to work with her. I'm 29 now, and I'm starting to lose a bit of my youthful appearance, especially with all the smoking I do. Oh well, at least I can drown my sorrows in alcohol at the Knife and Apple. I'll probably even buy a stripper for the night. I heard a faint rapping on the front door. Great, and now a burglar's going to rob me? "Hey Sly, I know you're in there. I'm sorry! Come on down!" All at the same time, I felt complete bliss and total loathing. Should I run down as happy as a lark and embrace her, saying I forgive her? Should I not respond and stay up here, leaving her to feel as sorry for herself as I do for me? Something in between? Ehh, whatever, I'll just go with my gut. Before I knew it, I found my gut taking me downstairs, and unlocking the front door. Lyra looked like a lame dog, coming to beg for food. "Look, Sly," she said, whimpering. "I'm really, really sorry. I got so caught up with Eros's concert, and then Bon Bon and my other friends also turned out to be there, and then they invited me to their afterparty, and, and...oh, I don't know why I did it. I'll be honest with you, I was a complete ass. Will you forgive me?" I looked her up and down. She was in a sorry state and on the brink of tears. The setting sun was making her apology seem even more dramatic than it already was. Okay, I'll say that I forgive her, but I must remain strong. Like a real stallion. Like a strong individual. Like--oh, who am I kidding? "LYRA!" I shouted, bawling my eyes out like a little colt. I embraced her. "Of course I forgive you!" Lyra sniffed. "Thank you, Sly." A little voice at the back of my mind told me that embracing someone like this on a first date was a bit strange, and normally I'd agree, but Lyra seemed much closer to me than that already. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we've already spent more than 21 hours alone together. After about a minute more of this, I finally released her from my embrace. This day's finally starting to go well. "Sly," said Lyra. "To make it up to you, we can go anywhere you want." Across the street, Hard Cider opened the door to the Knife and Apple. He turned on the small neon sign on the brick wall, which started flashing "Open". "We're open!" Hard Cider shouted as he put a wedge under the door. One of his bouncers emerged from the depths of the place and took a stand outside, ready for the first customers. "Um...how about the Knife and Apple!?" I asked jokingly. "Hmm..." responded Lyra. "Sure." Wait, what? "Uh, I was kind of joking," I responded. "I know that," said Lyra. "But as you've said before, it's a whorehouse!" "Well, I'm open to trying new things. I haven't done anything wild and crazy in a while." "But you're in college!" "So?" "So...uh...doesn't something wild and crazy happen every week in college?" "Pshh." Lyra swatted her hoof in the air as if I had just made a preposterous statement. "You've never gone to college?" "No, my pops said it was a waste of time, since I was going to be running this anyways." "Well, the 'crazy party every week' view isn't really true, especially at a college as quaint as Ponyville's. There aren't many Pinkie Pies that go to our college. In fact, that time I drank beer with you was the first time I'd drank with a guy in a year or two." "Heh, wow," I responded. A moment passed. "So...we're really going to Knife and Apple?" "Yep," Lyra happily responded. "Don't you worry yourself, I can handle the strippers." We walked across the street to our destination. Wow, this was certainly not what I expected be doing now an hour ago. "Halt!" said the bouncer, a built-up navy blue stallion. I blushed a little. "Oh yeah, there's a small entry fee for non-members." Lyra rolled her eyes, and magicked a few bits out of her bag. "Okay, that should cover it," she said. "In we g--" The bouncer stuck out a hoof, blocking Lyra's path. "ID," he stated menacingly. "Sheesh," said Lyra, as she magicked out her ID, too. The stallion gave it a quick look over, and gave a slight nod before allowing us to pass. "Thank you," said Lyra. As we walked down the stairs to the bar, I couldn't help but feel a little giddy. I imagined Lyra's embarrassment when she saw one of the strippers, and I wondered if she'll get drunk or not. We reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped in, obviously the first ones there. The newly-polished bar sparkled on our left, a few large tables on the walls behind it, and behind those, about 50 seats arranged in a semi-circular pattern around the stage, where a pole was ready to be used. "Hey, Sly! Who's yer friend?" shouted Hard Cider from his place behind the counter, his southern drawl exposing itself a bit. "Cide," I started. "This is Lyra Heartstrings, my new employee. Lyra, this is Hard Cider, owner and proprietor of the Knife and Apple." Hard Cider leaned over the counter, resting his chin on his hoof. His tawny coat almost blended into the varnished wood. "Well, imagine that," he said. "You come in here only a few nights ago, mad about how the Doctor quit, and now yer back here tonight, with a new employee right by your side. Might I add that she's a mighty fine looker?" "Cide!" I shouted. Lyra giggled. Oh, just you wait, Lyra. Hard Cider can seem like a really sweet guy who wouldn't do anything wrong, but remember that he manages all the full-time strippers in this club. Once, his bouncer didn't show up for the night, so he took up the job for himself, giving bartending duties to his only waiter for the night. That night, a rowdy teenager tried to get in, and it's rumoured that he ended up at the hospital later with a broken jaw. I heard hoofsteps behind me, and turned around. A cyan pegasus stood in the doorway. "Hey, Sly!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "Who's this?" Lyra quickly turned around, and gasped. "A-are you Rainbow Dash? The Element of Loyalty?" Rainbow's expression quickly soured, but she still looked sympathetic. "Yeah. Well, kinda." Rainbow walked up to the bar, and sat down on one of the stools. She made her usual order as Lyra turned and whispered in my ear. "Why is Rainbow Dash here?" she said. This was a serious question, but I'm not sure if I'll give it a serious answer. It's hard to concentrate when Lyra's tongue is just a few millimetres away from my skin. "She's had a rough few years," I said. "Got into the Wonderbolts at a lightning speed, and got kicked out just as fast. She was having a relationship with Spitfire, which is strictly forbidden. They let Spitfire stay on though, since she was one of the main faces of the Wonderbolts. In my opinion, I think an Element of Harmony that's saved the world twice and who also happens to be one of the fastest pegasi alive is more important than Spitfire. But nonetheless, Rainbow is a frequent customer here, and she drowns her broken dreams in alcohol almost every other night. She can barely keep her job at the weather patrol now. We can't really imagine what it was like for her, though, her rise-and-fall being so sudden and meteoric." Lyra simply nodded in response, looking sorry for Rainbow Dash. I got an idea. "Hey, Rainbow!" I shouted as Dash downed her first glass of cider. "Wanna sit at a table with Lyra and me?" Rainbow glanced over her shoulder at us. "Ehh, sure, why not?" she said. Rainbow hopped off of her stool, balancing her glass on her wings and back. "Thanks for introducing me to your friend, by the way," smirked Rainbow. Lyra and I blushed. For about an hour, RD, Lyra and I ate a late dinner and swapped stories that got increasingly more exciting with the amount of alcohol consumed by all of us. Rainbow told a slightly scandalous story from some of her days as a Wonderbolt. Lyra told us about the one wild college party she has attended. RD and I listened intently about what Bon Bon and Hoops were doing behind the couch as we chowed down on our orders of nachos and grilled cheese sandwiches. Around 9 PM, it was finally my turn to tell a story. "My turn, eh?" I said as I looked over my two companions. I glanced over at my now-empty third drink before continuing. "Have you guys ever heard the story my pops used to tell me of how I was born?" Both Lyra and RD shook their heads. This was one of my favourite stories to tell, so I was happy neither of them had heard it. "Well, the tale of my birth started about 30 years ago, now, when my pops was 26. He had recently inherited a large sum of bits from his uncle, and with it he bought the building the Mareborough is now in. It used to be a butcher's shop, but after Red Light bought it, it started displaying a whole new kind of meat." Lyra and RD both chuckled a bit. "Why did your dad decide to open a porn shop?" inquired Lyra, who this whole time has been sitting in her awkward position. "I don't really know," I said. "He used to tell me that it was because he regarded the body of a mare as a beautiful thing, and wanted more lonely stallions to be able to see it. The adult video industry had just started at that time, as well, and was booming in popularity. Those were his reasons, but I think when he bought it he just wanted an excuse to clop at work." I laughed at my own joke, but no one else did. Maybe it was a bit too brash? Ehh, whatever. On with the story. "He did learn to appreciate the business over time, though. Anyways, back to my 26-year old father. Like I do now, on Wednesdays, he used to go over to the whorehouse across the street and have a drink. Of course, back then, it was owned by one of the Riches, but it was a lot like it is now. One of the first times Red Light went there, he drank too much and started cajoling the stripper. Eventually, the stripper got bored of poledancing, and persuaded my dad to part with his well-earned bits and have a good time with her. My dad wasn't the most experienced in that department, though, and let's just say that he wasn't quick enough in the end." "You mean..." Rainbow Dash started. "Yes, I mean exactly what you think I mean," I responded. "Anyways, the stripper gets angry with him, and kicks him out. Nine months later, he opens the door of the shop one night to find a little charcoal earth pony foal, moi, in a basket outside his door. Like a scene out of a movie, or something. What happens next changes depending on if Red Light was sober or drunk when he was telling this story. If he was sober, he takes me in happily and raises me. If he was drunk, the story gets even more interesting." Lyra and RD leaned in closer. I gave a little pause for dramatic effect before continuing. "If he was drunk, he says that after he found me on the doorstep, he picked me up in his mouth and raced across to the strip club, and shouted at whatever Rich ran the place, asking if the stripper he fucked still worked there. Rich said that the stripper had just quit an hour ago, and said she was going to take the 9:30 PM one-way train to Fillydelphia. Shame, too, since she had just gotten back from maternal leave. At this, my dad raced to the train station, still carrying his son in his mouth, and made it to the platform just as the train was departing. As the train started to pull away, he put me down and shouted. 'YOU WHORE! Leave me with the kid, very professional! I don't want him, though! Take him!' "At the last words, Red picked up the basket with one hoof, and began to throw it at the departing train. And I would've hit that train and probably died if it wasn't for Granny Smith being there. At that time, she wasn't a grandma yet, but she was still pretty old. She bopped my father on the head with her cane, and screamed at him. 'Ya darn falootin'-tootin' scallywag! You put the ingredients in the oven nine months ago, but when it comes out fully baked, ya toss it like it's a bad loaf of bread! But that looks like a fine loaf of bread to me, so you take it home and make the most of it! Ya got that, sonny?' 'Uh...I...I think so,' responded my father, dumbstruck. 'Good, good,' said Granny Smith. 'Just don't cut that loaf up into slices.' "And after those parting words, my dad took me back to the shop and raised me with no qualms. The end." Lyra and Rainbow Dash's faces both wore a strange expression, as if they didn't know whether to laugh or to be appalled. That's how everyone responds to this story, and it's part of the reason why I love telling it so much. "Um, Sly?" said Lyra, raising a hoof. "Yes?" I replied. "Am I free to laugh my ass off?" "Sure are." And with that, we all burst out laughing like a pack of hyenas. After a minute passed, and we were all fully laughed out, no one seemed eager to tell the next story. Suddenly, though, Hard Cider's voice rang out from the stage, as he spoke into a microphone. "Hello to all you stallions!" said Hard Cider, addressing the crowd that had gathered in front of the stage in the last hour. About 10-15 stallions sat in the seats around the stage. The only two non-stripper mares in the entire building were at my table (score?). "It's 9:10 PM, and that means it's time to begin the show for the night!" continued Cide. "As you all know, Wednesday is Amateur Night, and today, we've got a very special treat for you. Here all the way from the Zebrican savannah, I present to you, the Striped Seducer!" The curtain rose, and from behind it stepped a face I didn't think I'd ever see in this club. RD and Lyra had the same reaction as I did, and we all dashed over to the stage, our food and drinks finished and quickly forgotten. I approached Hard Cider as he was making his way off the stage. "Cide, talk to me," I started. "Why is ZECORA stripping tonight!?" In the past few years since Zecora was accepted into Ponyville, people have realized that she's really quite a smart and charming individual. She now brings her herbs and potions every market day, and is friends with many ponies in Ponyville now. She is not in any need of money, and is certainly not crazy, so why she is doing this is beyond me. "I'm not exactly sure maself, to tell you the truth," replied Hard Cider. "I think she said something about a bet, though." At that, Hard Cider walked back to his counter, and RD, Lyra and I were left dumbfounded. I glanced up at the stage, and saw that for an amateur, Zecora was doing a pretty good job. She was wearing only a loincloth, no stockings, bras, or frilly maid outfits (what's the point of a bra, anyway?). At a loss for words, we three all sat down side by side in some unoccupied seats. The other stallions were getting over their initial shock now of the identity of the amateur, and the fact that she was almost as good as a real, and were now cheering and jeering at her like they usually do. Rainbow joined in after a bit, too, but I stayed back. Even after a few drinks, I'm not one to put myself out there. I have to say though, she was putting on a mighty good performance, with all those spins and splits. I think even Lyra was enjoying it, despite insisting to me after I asked that she was as straight as a board. Eventually, though, the performance started winding down, and Zecora had not removed a single piece of clothing, since she was wearing only one. One stallion was starting to get rowdy. "Take it off!" the maroon coloured stallion shouted. "Kick it up a notch!" At this, Zecora lowered her head and positively growled at the stallion. She licked her lips, and spoke for the first time she'd been on stage. "Stop cowering, you little wussy! Come up here, and lick my--" CRASH!! A waiter behind the seating area dropped an entire tray of glasses on the hardwood floor (Heh heh. Hardwood.). "Damn!" he said. "That's coming off my paycheck!" I turned back to the stage and saw Zecora doing one last round of dancing, her loincloth now removed. The stallions and one lesbian mare in the room were whooping now, and were very clearly impressed at her performance. Lyra was covering her eyes with her hooves, but was peeking out a bit over the top of one. Zecora then finally retired backstage, no one getting to spend the night with her. I turned to Lyra. "I think I'm ready to leave now, how about you?" "Yes, I think I am," said Lyra nervously and quickly. "Dash, you coming?" I turned to Rainbow Dash, who was still panting at Zecora's performance. She wiped the sweat off of her brow, and turned towards me. "In more ways than one," she said through ragged breaths. I burst out in a round of nervous laughter, and we all walked towards the exit of the club. We passed Hard Cider along the way, who was going up on the stage to announce the next stripper. "Oh, by the way," he said, turning to us. "The Apple Family Reunion is coming up, and I'm invited. It's next Wednesday, and I can take two guests. Would you, Sly, and you, Rainbow, like to come?" "Sure," I responded. Hard Cider's family is well known around Ponyville, and I kind of wanna meet them. Plus, I kinda wanna see the look on Big Mac's face when he has to reveal that he knows me. Dash, surprisingly, was more reluctant to respond. I guess she hasn't talked to Applejack in a few years now. "And Rainbow would like to come too," I said. "Wait, what?" said Rainbow. "Great!" said Hard Cider. "This'll be a real hoedown! Goodnight, you guys!" Rainbow turned to me with a glare. "What?" I said. "Don't you think it's time you saw Applejack again?" Dash sighed. "I guess," she said. We all went outside, and Rainbow said our goodbyes to us. I turned to Lyra. "So, how was the date?" I asked. "T-the date?" responded Lyra. "It was good, I guess. The food was great, and Rainbow Dash is pretty cool. It got pretty awkward at the end, though." "Tell me about it," I said. A moment of awkward silence passed. "What are you doing, you dolt?" asked the bouncer behind us. "Huh?" I said incredulously. This was the first time I'd ever heard one speak like they were conversing. "It's the end of the first date. You're supposed to kiss her goodnight." Lyra and I blushed as red as Big Macintosh. "Uh..." I said. "Would you like that?" "I wouldn't mind it, I guess," responded Lyra. More awkward silence. "Kiss her already!" yelled the bouncer. "YESSIR!" I screamed before rushing forward--and bonking snouts with Lyra before falling flat on my ass. The bouncer chortled, and Lyra did a cute little giggle. "Close enough," she said. "Goodnight, Sly." "Goodnight..." I responded, rubbing my butt in pain. Lyra then swiftly and silently trotted away. The bouncer turned to me. "Y'know," he said. "Her hoof or her cheek would've been fine." "Well, you should've told me before!" "Heh. Well, run along now." I obeyed him, and walked back to my shop. Damn, so close! --------------------------------------------- Author's Note Thanks for all the feedback, guys, and all the appreciation I've been getting! I'm really happy people like this story so much. If anyone is worried about the controversy it's received, really, I don't mind at all. As Seth said, it probably has gotten me more views than it would have if there was none. I know I'm walking a fine line, and I might have to edit this chapter to get it on EqD (fingers crossed that I won't!), but that's what I get for writing this. Shoutout to the bronies at the Total War Center forums. I probably would never have found EqD if it wasn't for them. Also a shoutout to my IRL friends for reading this first, and giving their feedback. And a big thanks to everyone who is reading this, of course. Also, if anyone is interested in designing a cover picture for this story, I am sorely in need of one. RD's face just doesn't express enough of what the story's about. If anyone's interested, PM me, and I'll send over some additional info. If you have any criticisms, feel free to shout them out in the comments. I've already addressed some in this story's 59th comment, though (don't know if I can link directly to it). So yeah, hope you like this chapter, and the next one'll be coming soon. (Heh heh. Coming.)