//------------------------------// // Hayburgers with a side of Sulfonic Acid // Story: The life of an odd Prince // by Lucen Aurora //------------------------------// Hayburgers with a side of Sulfonic Acid By Lucen Aurora Ducky tapped her hoof on the tabletop and looked at the nautical clock on a nearby wall. Across the room, a lanky pegasus mare in a red top and black skirt was humming to herself and brushing crumbs off of the tables and onto the floor with her wings. Ducky snorted and looked away, bad enough for a pegasus to work in a ground-based cafe, but that was definitely not what wings where meant for. She looked over to the front door of the restaurant, they where shaped like two over sized saloon doors and had that generic rope and anchor symbol that you typically saw on cheap nautical merchandise. She could see out into the street and the bustle of downtown Canterlot, the unicorn hub and capital of Equestria. Ducky looked back at the clock, and began to tap her hoof faster. It was 5:59 pm and she was getting impatient for it to strike six. The prince would be her precisely at six, he always showed up exactly when he said he would. It was utterly uncanny. The seconds hand on the clock seem to drag on forever, the wait was killing her, she was used to going fast everywhere she went. But whenever the Prince was involved, time seemed to crawl. How odd she enjoyed his company. The moment the second hand hit twelve she swung her head around, so fast it caused a spasm in her neck. Lucen was directly across the table from her, his hooves up on it, his face thrust into hers. "GYAH!" she squealed as he shouted, "BOO!" "Hahahahaha! Ducky, you should have seen your face," he managed to stammer out between spasms of laughter. A dark grey unicorn cringed silently behind him. "You flankhole, gawd, your terrible Lucky," she growled as she rolled her eyes, "And get your hooves off the table, no knowing where they have been, in your case, quite literal." "Okay, okay. Sorry, but I just couldn't resist," the Prince replied with a grin. "So who is this?" Ducky asked, peering at the dark grey unicorn pony that was still cringing behind the prince. "Oh," the Prince began as he dragged the unicorn up to the table and put her in a chair with his magic, "This is miss Synthect. She's the heiress to the Canterlot Chemical Conglomerate." "Oh?" Ducky asked as she tried to raise an eyebrow inquisitively, but succeeding in getting both up instead. "Yup," the Prince replied. Synthect shifted uncomfortably in her seat and stared down at the table. "Uh, Lucky. I don't think she wants to be here," Ducky said looking over at him questioningly. "Oh, I know she doesn't want to be here," he replied, then turned to call out to the waitress in the red top and black shirt, "Waitress! Could we get a plate of Wimpy's special Hayburgers?" "Coming right up your majesty!" the waitress called back as she practically skipped behind the counter and back into the kitchens. "So. Why did you bring her here then?" Ducky asked. "Because I wanted you to meet her. She's been coming to the castle alot lately, getting ready for a fashion show. I'm going to be judging it, you know," he replied. "Oh, well, hello Miss Synthect," Ducky said, giving the unicorn a sympathetic smile. "Hello," the unicorn replied in a soft voice. "Sorry about all this, Lucky does some strange things sometimes. It's best not to question it," Ducky said with a sigh. "Here you go your majesty. One plate of twenty hayburgers, three large hay fries, cooked just like you like them, and three strawberry hayshakes," the waitress said with a smile. "What?" Ducky asked, looking up at the clock," It hasn't even been five minutes yet!" "Oh, I sent a message ahead," the Prince said. Ducky stopped, turned her head to look at him, and let out a drawn out sigh. "You would," she replied, taking a Hayburger with her hoof. "Of course I would, because I did," he replied, taking another hayburger with his magic. "Eeamt uhp," the Prince said around a mouthful of hayburger as he nudged Synthect with a hoof. "I beg your majesties pardon, but I'm already rather full," the dark grey pony replied. The Prince swallowed, "My pardon. Though I don't see why you need it. More for us." He looked over at Ducky who had a burger on either hoof and was taking a bite out of first one then another. Not to be undone, Lucky levitated five burgers in a row and took consecutive bites, left to right and swallowing in between. Seeing the prince throwing down the gauntlet, Ducky grabbed six more hayburgers, one after another and began to juggle them, taking a bite of each as they hit her hoof; Synthect watched in shock, wondering why they didn't fly apart. Synthect gawked as Lucky lined up hayfries, two by two and rapidly crammed them into his maw. Ducky grabbed both Synthects and Lucky's hayshake, took a deep breath, then proceeded to noisily slurp all three straws at once. It only took a moment for her to reel back in her seat. "ARGH! Brain Freeze," she wailed in agony "Hahahahaha, serves you right Ducky," the Prince roared, slamming one hoof on the table and holding his side with the other. "You are such a flankhole sometimes, Lucky," Ducky moaned and grimaced as she peered at with one eye. "Are, are you two okay?" Synthect asked in a tentative tone. "Better than okay, we are PKAY," Lucky replied cheerfully. "Pkay?" Synthect asked, clearly confused. "Yup, PKAY," the Prince replied. Ducky groaned, "Let me guess, because P is one letter higher than O in the alphabet, right?" "Obviously," the Prince replied, taking his shake back from Ducky and slowly sipping it. "You see what I have to deal with here?" Ducky said, turning to Synthect and smiling weakly. "He's a bit... odd," the unicorn replied meekly. Ducky snorted and shook her head. "Speaking of Odd, Synthect is a rather unusual name. I like it! Don't get me wrong! But, how did you end up with a name like that?" Ducky asked curiously. "My family owns the Canterlot Chemical Cooperative. We synthesize most of the pharmaceutical chemicals used in Equestria. My mother told me I was named Synthect because it sounds like Synthesize," Synthect explained. "Huh. Makes sense," Ducky replied, taking a bite out of one of the few surviving hayfries. "Did you know, when the Canterlot Chemical Cooperative started out, all they produced was Sulfuric Acid? It was hailed as the purest Sulfuric Acid you could find anywhere. The process is a trade secret to this day." the Prince said and he warily eyed his partially finished hayshake. Synthect tensed up. "And the odd thing about it, was that although it was marketed at the time as sulfuric acid, it was actually sulfonic acid, which has an organic chemical base," the Prince went on. Synthect was taught as a spring. "It didn't take me long to figure it out, trade secrets are the worst kept secrets because they get traded so much for other secrets. But by carefully thinking about it, I concluded it could only be produced one way," the Prince declared. Synthect looked pale. "Do I even want to now?" Ducky replied, rolling her eyes, not noticing Synthects distress. "Fly vomit," he intoned solemnly. Synthect's mouth openly wagged in shock. Ducky groaned. "Take this half eaten hayburger for instance," the prince went on, holding up a partially eaten hayburger. "Now, if you leave it in a dumpster, what do you think it will attract," he asked. "Flies?" Ducky asked, hazarding a guess. "Right, flies. And how do flies eat their food?" he asked. "Uh, they have a mandible or something? I'm not sure," Ducky replied. Lucky sighed and smiled at her as a patient schoolteacher might smile at a foal. "They have what's called a proboscis and they use it to vomit on what they want to eat. Once the vomit dissolves the food, they suck it back into the proboscis." he replied. "Ewwwww," Ducky said, pushing away a partially eaten burger. "It's obvious. They raise billions and billions of flies, and harvest the stomach acid. Sulfonic acid, to be exact. I'm not quite sure how they get the acid out of the flies, but it is a trade secret after all." the Prince concluded triumphantly. Ducky looked over at Synthect, the pony was shaking. "Oh, Synthect, are you alright?" Ducky asked, moving around the table in concern. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA," the unicorn laughed, "OH, OH GAWD, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" "You see! " he crowed triumphantly, "That confirms it!" "It doesn't confirm anything you knucklehead!" Ducky shouted. Synthect meanwhile had rolled right off her chair and was lying on the floor on her back, laughing and gasping, her hooves weakly kicking the air. Ducky let out a long, drawn out sigh and covered her face with a hoof. "Thank Celestia the restaurant is nearly empty," she muttered as she looked around. The single unicorn couple that sat across the room appeared to be studiously ignoring them. "Oh, wow. I haven't laughed like that in a long time," Synthect said as Lucky helped her to her feet, her face wet from tears of laughter, her mane in a disarray. "I'm glad you ended up having a good time," the Prince replied, smiling at her. "Well, it was a time, anyway," she said, giving him a small sideways smile. "Speaking of time, I really ought to get going. I swear, I feel myself getting fat," Ducky said to Lucky. "Aww, already?" the Prince moaned. "It's been nearly twenty minutes, most of the food is gone and I don't have much of an appetitie after the whole fly vomit thing," Ducky replied. "It was nice to meet your, miss Synthect. And please don't think too badly of Lucky. He's a real sweetheart when you get to know him," Ducky said, smiling at the other mare. "Mmmmm, It was nice to meet you too miss Ducky, but if you don't mind my asking, is that your real name?" Synthect asked curiously. "Oh? Ducky? No, it's just a pet name, like Lucky," she replied. "Lucky...Ducky?" Synthect asked, letting the words roll off her tongue. "Yeah, the first time we met, he couldn't remember my name. So he just started calling me Ducky. It kind of stuck," she replied, shrugging and stretching her wings. "That's, rather terrible," Synthect admitted. "Eh, its better than Seargent ," she said, shooting Lucky a hard look. The Prince coughed and looked away. "I, don't get it," Synthect replied, looking first at Ducky then at Lucky. "Long story, he will almost surely tell you sometime, but I really have to get going, see you later," she said as she all but cantered out of the restaurant. "It's not really all that long a story. Now the setup and the back story as well as all of fallout from it," the Prince muttered. "And the teeth, oh gawd, the horrible, horrible teeth," he mumbled. Synthect shook her befuddled head but couldn't help but smile.. "I really ought to be going myself, that is, if your highness approves," she said, making a short bow to him. "What? Oh. Yes, that's fine. Thank you for coming out miss Synthect. I look forward to seeing you at the beauty pageant." he said with a smile. She bowed as second time and then turned and trotted out of the restaurant. "That went well," he mused. The Prince sighed as she watched her go. Then turned his attention to the unicorn couple that had followed him in and had been watching the group the whole time. They where following synthect out of the restaurant. "But those two are trouble," he muttered.