//------------------------------//
// The House of Derp 
// Story: Zombie Plan 
// by Red Letters 
//------------------------------//

"...Ditzy?" Twilight asked.
The wall eyed mare turned to look at the purple unicorn. "T-Twilight?"
Twilight ran over to the pony that had delivered her mail ever since she had gone to Ponyville. "What's happened?" she asked, Montag and the crowbar guy running after her. "How did you get here?"
"The TARDIS took me," Derpy said, glancing at the blue box through her right eye.
"The...what?" Montag asked.
A groan came from a few streets away. "You guys need to get inside," Derpy said.
Before Twilight could argue that not all of them would fit in the small blue box comfortably, Derpy opened the door for them and revealed the inside of the TARDIS.
Twilight gasped.
In the small, blue, vintage police call box that didn't seem like it could fit more than two ponies, an enormous chamber awaited, with enough room for a crowd. In the center, a large dashboard sat, covered in buttons and levers, a few screens here and there coming off of the pillar that connected the control board to the roof. A bunch of staircases winded around and off into the distance, suggesting that there were other rooms in the TARDIS.
As the three companions walked in, Derpy hurriedly shut the door. "W-welcome to the T-time And Relative Dimension in S-space," she said, gesturing at the chamber that everyone had already saw.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, Twilight said, "it's bigger on the inside."
"Actually," Derpy corrected, "It's smaller on the outside."
Twilight glanced at the blonde Pegasus.
"What?" Derpy asked.
"What does it do?" Montag asked.
"I-it moves throughout all of Time and Space if you know how to use it," Derpy said. She slightly frowned. "I don't."
"Did you build this?" Twilight asked.
"What?" Derpy asked. "N-no, this is the Doctor's."
"Whose?"
"Uh, T-time Turner."
Twilight looked at Derpy. "That earth pony that sells hourglasses and clocks is actually a time traveler?"
Derpy nodded vigorously.
"Well," Twilight said. "We could use this for shelter."
Guy Montag nodded. "If it's alright with our host," he said, smiling at the Pegasus.
"Totally," Derpy said. "There are extra rooms."
"Wait," Twilight said. "If these thing can travel through time and space, and Ditzy came from where I am, we can return to where we came from!" Twilight exclaimed.
"There's one problem," Derpy said, frowning.
"What?"
"I don't know how to pilot it," she said, a little embarrassed. "And the Doctor isn't here. And he doesn't even now how to that good."
Guy Montag looked at Twilight.
The Crowbar guy stood still.
"Don't worry," Twilight said. "It can't be that complicated, can it?"
"Uhhh..."
Twilight galloped over to the control panel and placed her hooves on it, determined to try to go back home.
There was a thirty second pause.
"Need help?" Derpy asked.
"No," Twilight said affirmatively. "I've got this."
Guy Montag looked down at  Derpy and smirked.
Crowbar guy stayed crowbar guy.
"Uhhhh huh," Twilight said after another pause. "I think I got this."
The purple unicorn reached with her hooves and pulled down a random lever.
The entire TARDIS main chamber's lights flicked and the TARDIS shook.
Derpy sighed. 
Twilight turned around and blushed in embarrassment, then quickly reached over and pressed another button.
BOOSH!
There was confetti everywhere.
"I don't know why he h-has that button," Derpy said, walking over to the control board.
"Hold on, Miss Ditzy Doo," Twilight said, "I can do this. I got this. I'm Princess Celestia's prized student and most trusted pupil! I'm Ponyville's Librarian! I can do this!"
"You okay Twilight?"
Twilight burst into a fury and started randomly grabbing every lever she could, pressing every button she could, trying desperately to get something to happen. Guy Montag started to walk over to help Derpy, who was trying to get the insane purple unicorn to stop.
And crowbar guy...he stayed still.
Before Guy Montag could stop Twilight, there was another explosion of confetti, and the control panel burst into sparks as all three of the beings atop the control center went flying back.
The lights dimmed.
There was silence.

The lights flickered back on.
"Hello?" a British voice said. "Anyone there?"
Derpy dragged herself up from off the floor. "H-w-h-what?"
The wall eyed Pegasus stood and looked at one of the screens.
"D-Doctor?"
"Derpy?" the image of the brown earth pony said. "Is that you?"
Twilight slowly stood up.
"Wh-where are you?" Derpy asked, frantic. Guy Montag had already gotten up, and was walking towards the screen.
"There's no time to explain, Mrs. Hooves," he said. "I'm in a laboratory, and there are martians, and creatures from the future, and another time traveler, and a whole nonny-wagging bunch of stuff and...is that a human?"
Guy Montag stared at the camera. "Uhhh..."
"Oh, a fireman," the Doctor chortled. "Those murderous people who burn books. 451, eh?"
"I...I don't do that anymore," Guy Montag said.
There was a pause. The screen flickered, and then Doctor Whooves was back. The sound of an explosion came from the television.
"Listen," Doctor Whooves said. "I don't have much time. I need to go. STAY IN THE TARDIS. The TARDIS took you to Earth. But I was sure it was to take you to the earth in the twenty first century, not the earth during the Martian Chronicles. Huh. Fancy that."
"What?"
"Just stay there," the Doctor said. "I'm coming for you. The big cuddly guy is still after me. Destruction everywhere and all about." He nodded at the camera. "Allonsy!"
The camera went black.
There was a pause. Guy Montag looked at Derpy.
Derpy sighed and went back on all fours. She looked down at the floor for a second, then, with a determined glare in her eyes, she looked back up.
"Come on," Derpy said. "You guys need rest."