Still, this new no-more-ignoring-consequences life I lead, has led me to get used to it.

But as I got up, I noticed a new sensation. It took me a few more minutes to find the word for it;

“Oh, sir, I am so glad you are awake.” Said the apparently aristocratic alarm clock, which was sitting at the edge of my bed. I was lying on the floor, in a tangle of sheets. I had allowed myself to be convinced that I should sleep like a regular pony for once.

I stood up and felt this strange sensation of stiffness along my spin, as the alarm clock’s ramblings continued. “You did ask me to wake you up on time sir.” It said, pathetically eager to please. “And after you let me move and speak sir, why, it was an absolute honor. I’ve done reconnaissance with the other alarm clocks. The Main Bedroom’s clocks are set to go off in two hours, and Ms. Scootaloo is to be awake an hour earlier.”

“Is her room on the top floor?” Asked I, interrupting the clock’s tirade. I reached up, the motion somehow both painful and relaxing in my state of stiffness, and unscrewed the light bulb from the ceiling.

“Um… well I suppose it is possible that her room changed by now, but when last I was there her room was on the top floor.” The alarm clock said, pleased with himself.

“Good.” I smiled, and picked up the alarm clock. “Then the Seventh Great Prank War begins.”

“Sir, what are you –” These were the clock’s last words. I shoved the light bulb into its mouth and opened up its back.

I never liked clocks. They kept far too careful track of time. Time should be let free of it’s constraints, free to mingle with its minutes, free for the seconds to be as long as they wanted, and the years to be as short. But time was imprisoned, and clocks were both cell and warden. Fortunately, they are easily dismantled. All it takes is one loose cog, and time is set free.

I emptied the alarm clock’s gears onto the bed, and watched as it rolled it’s eyes, and closed them.

Safe from prying eyes at last, I began to fold and contort my body. The stiffness faded, into a mixture of pain and bliss, and before long I was back to my fully nubile self.

Slithering out the window as silently as I could, I took my leave of House and its occupants.

I was tempted – almost sorely tempted – to not go into Everfree. The Apple family farm was close by, as was the cottage of that cheater Fluttershy. But the plan was set. There would be time to prank them later.

I tried various techniques to walking as I went through the Everfree. I could fly in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but walked is rather limited.

So I strolled, I trotted, I skipped, jumped (exhausting), hopped, shuffled, danced, waddled, spun, lumbered, crab-walked, and tip-toed through the forest.

I was considering next whether I wanted to swing through the trees like a monkey, or use my tail as a makeshift pogo stick, when I reached the FUNTIMESWALL.

The Everfree forest was one of my strongest bastions of chaos back in the day, second only the Htnyrbal, my fortress.

Doubtless Celestia took this into account when she moved into the palace right next door so as to better keep an eye on things. Well, I had no time to explore and see just how many of my houses were in ruins. But there were secrets in the Everfree that were protected even from Celestia and her ilk. Secrets like those hidden behind my FUNTIMESWALLS.

The FUNTIMESWALL, spelled with capital letters because 'WHY NOT?' is a wall of brambles that I placed over most of my most prized possessions. A plant that would form a thick wall around something of my choosing, and would only open for those who sought and practiced the art of fun. Since this was in the heart of the Everfree, fun would be the last thing on any pony’s mind. Since I am fun personified, the brambles never even come close to me.

Basically, if anypony can have fun in a place like Everfree, they’re somepony I want to find this place.

Or somepony who’s willing to kidnap toddlers, trap them in some sort of ‘fun room’ where they would have endless fun, and then drag the toddlers behind them in a cart so they would offset the great amount of fun they are not having due to dragging toddlers.

Either way, anypony who crosses the FUNTIMESWALL will be somepony I would want to have cross it.

In the midst of this particular bramble thicket, there was a hole. Hopefully it lead to the mirrorpool, and not the pit of marionettes. Those puppets could get nasty when they’re not fed.

Lucky me it was the mirrorpool! I almost couldn’t believe it was still there except… well, I made it, of course it was still there. Not that I made it; when the Elements of Harmony turn me to stone, every active enchantment I cast gets nulled out. Fortunately, I can influence other ponies to create or power my enchantments.

The mirrorpool was one of my craftier inventions. Forseeing that Celestia may one day bind me with some sort of magical oath, I created a pool that would create an exact copy of anypony… sans any connections. No oaths, no ties of any kind could escape the pool. No friendships, no alliances, no enemies, only the bonds that you’ve made with yourself.

“And into my own reflection I stare
Yearning for one whose reflection I share
And solemnly swearing not to be scared
At the prospect of being doubly there.”

“What was that for?” The other Discord asked angrily. Then he widened his eyes. “Oh I see, you want to have all of the fun for yourself.”

“You’re a distraction, nothing more.” I explained congenially. “I understand if this upsets you, but, hey, at least you’ll get the pleasure of annoying Shining Armor.”

“An honor I’m sure.” Discord said, smiling at myself. “But I think I’ll just take your powers, and be done with it. After all, I am the true Discord.”

“I could break the bureaucracy any time I liked.” I replied airily. “But I don’t think even you want the consequences of that.”

“You may not, but I do.” The other Discord grinned. “I’m all for it actually. Discord is the most powerful being in the universe… fear doesn’t suit me.”

“But no fear at all is just boring.” I said, suddenly realizing exactly which cliché was at work here and deciding to nip it in the bud.

I readied a ball of chaos energy behind my back to destroy my evil clone with one fell–

But well, to make a long story short, I’d forgotten that even without my powers at five meters away I can snap my own neck in, like, a quarter of a second.

The pair of us quickly turned to the pool, and recited the poem again. Now, remember, I didn’t make this pool, I only guided the ponies who did, and those unicorns had a real thing for a good rhyme.

Our dopplegangers sprouted up – mine with his head still dangling from his neck – and while I quickly erased the third Doppleganger’s powers into the ether, doppelganger prime blocked me from erasing the powers of Dop4 – that is, the doppelganger of doppelganger prime, whose neck wasn’t snapped.

“Nope!” Said the fourth doppelganger, who promptly decided unpredictability was the better part of Discord, and gave me his powers of his own free will. “I’m being contrary!” He giggled, skipping happily towards the exit. Meanwhile, my second copy of myself had made another clone, and the pair of them were quite a sight what with both their necks being snapped and all.

This was getting out of hand. It was time to use the magnificent brain I possessed, sharpened to a razor’s edge through my family feuds. Four clones of me, each thinking the same way, probably thinking about what I’m thinking right now.

Discord number four? He probably only gave me part of his magic as a ruse to get me to semi-trust him and is now in his way to the outside world. Discord number three is probably hurt that he was born into the world without magic or a functioning neck, so he’s just moping, maybe thinking the situation through and trying to come up with a plan like I am, or maybe biding his time. Discord number two was probably realizing that his efforts to create more than one spirit of Discord would go just as well as mine had; I’d intended to use this pool to sow chaos not to trick babysitters or fight myself. He was probably thinking the same thing; if you’re confused, confuse your enemy so that you’re confused together.

Discord had one advantage over all of these imposters right now – he hadn’t had his connections to the outside world cut off. But that was also a disadvantage. It was possible, even without magic, that one of the imposter Discords would create more chaos than he’d be able to handle in his imperfect state. And being a creature of Discord, he couldn’t see how to the bindings of his prison would result in victory. Besides that sole difference, he and the other Discords were the same; no two copies perfect, of course, each one deliciously unique in their chaos, but each as cunning as the other.

So, off the top of his head, his options were limited to a miniscule seven schemes.

“Alright!” Discord said, clapping his palms together. “Everybody calm down!”

With a clap of his hands, a bright light filled the room. All of the Discords were suddenly caught in an anti-gravity spell, and all instantly on edge. They knew he couldn’t trap them, his magic wouldn’t let him bind things together. And the anti-magic spell gave them an advantage, allowing them to utilize their wings, which was even more suspicious. The fourth one wisely edged away from the cavern’s entrance, suspecting a spell placed therein under the cover of an anti-gravity spell, and not giving away any hypothetical magic he may have hid from Discord-prime.

“Feeling threatened boss-man?” The first duplicate sneered. “Of course, you’d have to depend on your magic to defeat us, weak as you are. I would propose a contest of chaotic skill, but you’d be much to scared.”

… which was, of course, the response Discord had expected, so the morose Discord and the sly Discord did the unpredictable.

The morose D blew down on the lake, the anti-gravitational spell effecting the water and making it rise. Discord himself had used a spell on the lake, therefore if the lake swallowed him, he would disappear as quick as his clones. The other Discord decided to level the playing field and finally showed some of the magic he’d been storing, casting Discord’s signature spell.

All unicorns have signature spells, spells related to their special talent. Those spells are the easiest for unicorns and alicorns to cast. It was simply an extension of the very power that flowed through them. Discord hadn’t named his spell, but it was an orb of pure chaos. PURE chaos. It was easy enough to cast but impossible to control. Not even he could predict the chaos that ensued – he never used it for fights unless he wanted to conserve magical energy, lest the chaos accidentally favor his foe.

The ball of pure chaos energy shot past him – and hit the pool. The pool naturally absorbed any of its copies back into it, or any of the originals who entered the pool, even when there was only one left. For a moment Discord hoped that the pool would just absorb the spell too, it being an integral part of Discord.

But then, if the pool wasn’t effected by his magic, it wouldn’t have been affected by his anti-gravity spell, as the cunning morose copy had demonstrated. The pool shattered into a million puddles. Even more horrifically, out of the pools emerged teeth, horns, claws, hooves, tails, bizarre copies of Discord with no order whatsoever.

When your enemy’s powers are based on disrupting things, the only reasonable strategy was to break more things first.

“Booyah!” The magical Discord split his power into three, and gave it to the other Discords.

“This is why you can’t beat us Discord!” Yelled my first duplicate. “You’re nothing but a twisted and warped version of the original! We’re off to spread chaos, and there’s nothing you can do to stop us!” He cackled, and pulled the other two duplicates to teleport, while the discord with the broken neck gasped in shock.

I smirked, and got up brushing off my coat. I was arrogant, and I knew it. The Discord born with a broken neck was also born with a damaged ego, so it only observed, and thought, and didn’t act. The other two underestimated me, especially the one that managed to keep his powers.

But I, for all my arrogance was scar… fri… slightly more wary of them. And that led to their downfall.

I also knew I did the impossible, and I knew I did the impossible so I’d take precautions against myself.

When I cast the anti-gravity spell, I pretended that it was a double-bluff to disguise the spell placing a trap that would spring on any who left the entrance, which is why I left the entrance alone. I also pretended it was a triple bluff, allowing the second me to challenge me to a duel of supremacy, a duel in which they knew I would cheat, which was why the second Discord challenged me anyway, to show that he was superior, and why the other two made sure to disrupt my plans to a challenge.
But they didn’t know, (well, I guess the last me guessed at the last moment) it was actually a quadruple bluff, to hide the fact that I tore a discord through time itself, sending whoever teleported outside to a rift above the pool in the past which wasn’t broken.

Usually when a pony travelled through time, it was a closed loop. Everything that happened in the past when people travelled backwards in time, already happened. But I could ignore that particular rule.

When your enemy’s powers are based on disrupting things, the only reasonable strategy was to break more things first.

~~/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\~~

Hopefully it lead to the mirrorpool, and not the pit of marionettes. Those puppets could get nasty when they’re not fed.

But before I could, a shimmering rift appeared in the air above me. Three identical copies of me fell out of the rift and into the pool, instantly exploding into their essence of magical ether and being reabsorbed by the pool.

“Well there’s something you don’t see every day.” Discord muttered. As he watched, another Discord appeared at the rift and pointed an accusing finger at me.

“All right, listen up me.” I said. “Remember when we tried to make a second draconequus? Same lesson to be learned. There can be only one. If you want to have a day with Scootaloo, you find another way.” Suddenly, an eagle’s talon extended into view, with another eagle’s talon where each individual claw should have been, and swiped at the other me. “Woah, down boy.” The other me said with a smile. “Oh, you beautiful abomination…”

For a moment, I was tempted to go ahead and recite the spell anyway, just to see what would happen. But I decided that I already did what I did to make that future possible, it would be boring to do it again.

Time being of the essence, Discord found it in Scootaloo’s best interests to teleport himself home, as quick as possible. As per his instructions, she was already up and waiting. “Are we gonna go pranking now?” She asked excitedly. She was wearing an old helmet of some kind, all round and green and leafy and boring. And she had black marks smudged under her eyes.

“Of course we are.” Discord said, chuckling at the fillies excited attitude and random accoutrements. “But first, we have to make sure that Shining Armor won’t interrupt us. Come on.”

Discord realized he really should correct her and have her sit on other parts of him instead, just to keep things random. But then, her preference for being in high places might lead her into a position where Discord could one day manipulate her into taking over Equestria, so he let it slide. Also it felt warm and cuddly, but that, he told himself, was most assuredly unimportant.

The pair of them flew into Everfree, straight through the HAPPYFUNTIMESWALL, and into the cave wherein lay the mirror pool.

“Now, all you have to do is recite this rhyme.” Discord said, handing her a slip of paper.

“This mirrorpool will help us trick Shining Armor.” Discord explained. “I’d have done it myself but – well, I think I may destroy the universe or something if I do.” He shrugged. To him, it was no big deal, the destruction of the universe. Just slightly less fun then they’d have otherwise.

But Scootaloo shuddered, hinting that an actual intelligence rested behind those violet young eyes. She then went to the edge of the pool, and recited the spell.

The Scootaloos exchanged admiring glances, and then the first Scootaloo rapidly recited the spell again, bringing another duplicate out from the lake.

“These are your copies Scootaloo.” Discord said, motioning to the other two. “And they will be our distractions.” With a snap of his fingers, Discord wove a spell, and the third Scootaloo clone’s appearance was broken, shattered into pieces, and re-arranged like a puzzle with all the wrong pieces.

“You will have one job.” Discord said, pointing to his imperfect clone. “You will act like me.”

“Because being me means you get to do absolutely whatever you want free of… most consequences.” I explained, after but a brief pause to ponder whether or not to elaborate on the nature of said consequences.

Sure enough, the Scootame began skipping around the cave room happily. “Yay! Yay yay yay yay yay! This is awesome!”

“You will go to school.” Discord explained. And when Scootatwo’s face fell, I elaborated. “There, you will be able to expand your mind…”

“I know what a school is funny-face.” Scootadupe said, sticking her tongue out at me. “You can’t trick me into thinking it’s exciting.”

“But don’t you want to spend the day with our friends?” Scootaloo asked with innocent naiveté.

The other Scootaloo looked back at her inquisitively. “F-friends?” She asked, confusion and worry clear on her features. “You… have friends?”

“Of course we do!” Scootaloo yelped, playfully giving her clone a smack. “How could you forget Applebloom and Sweetie Belle?”

“The Mirror Pool doesn’t make complete copies.” Discord explained to Scootaloo, resting a definitely-not-comforting-no-matter-what-she-wanted-to-think arm on her shoulder. “The mirror pool frees you completely of the bonds you’ve made with others. You still have the bonds you made within yourself, acting as you would act – but acting as you would act if you didn’t have any friends.”

With some trepidation, the Scootaloo wannabe stepped forward. “So…” She asked, hesitantly. “So you’re saying, that if I went to school… I’d have friends?” Oh for crying out loud, the filly was crying!

“Awwww, no fair!” The Discord impersonator began to cry too. “I want to go to school! Why can’t I go to school?”

“You kids today.” Discord muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “You flip-flop back and forth so often, I’m surprised any of you find your cutie-marks.”

“Hey yeah!” Scootaloo chirped, clapping her hooves. “Maybe you’ll get a master of disguise cutie-mark!”

The Discord impersonator stopped crying for a moment, as she thought about it. Then she shook her head. “I still wanna go to school.” She said with a mumble.

“Maybe you can make friends around Ponyville!” Scootaloo said excitedly. “There are lots of friendly ponies around here!”

“Ponyville?” The imposter asked, stroking her beard. “You really think I could make friends?”

“Wait! Stop!” Discord frantically cried, placing himself between Scootaloo and her shapeshifted clone. “Bad idea!” He said. “She’s supposed to go around pretending to be me, and I don’t make friends!”

“Because of your magic.” Scootaloo said, scrunching up her face, trying her hardest to think things through. “Your magic is about making discord, and you don’t know how to do anything else. And you’re lonely, you said so last night! Well… kind of… sort of… but if you let her be you for a day, she’ll be able to make friends for you, and then it won’t matter if you can’t make friends, all you have to do is not do your discord thing to them!”

It was a rather feeble argument but… well, it was the most conniving manipulative intelligent thing Scootaloo had said since she’d known Discord. He groused a bit, but decided that encouraging this sort of behavior would prepare her for the political life that awaited her should she take the throne.

He weighed the pros and cons of his set-Scootaloo-up-to-rule plan. It would be playing the long game, and in the end he didn’t want to rule anyway, but it was a pretty poor plan all things considered, and it could be easily undone if her friendship with the Crusaders developed. It might be fun breaking the Crusader’s friendship though…

He looked into three sets of puppy dog eyes, one set coming from the most beautiful face in the world, and the other two coming from Scootaloo. He mentally shrugged, and moved Operation: Queen Scootaloo up to plan D.

He sent a glare at his duplicates way, and muttered darkly. “Just don’t make me look bad.”

Discord considered, briefly, merely dropping Scootaloo-prime in the pool and letting her blank slate of a duplicate take her place. But then he wouldn’t have the joy of crushing her friendship with those foals, so he moved Operation: Ace In The Pocket to plan F.

They dropped the two clones at House, who had become, this morning, a lotus flower styled house, with a majority of the rooms on the outside, and open to the winds, covered only by a canvas. Scootaloo waved goodbye to the Father-and-Daughter-for-a-day, and then turned to Discord. “So, who’re we gonna prank?”

“Everypony we can Scootaloo.” Discord said, giggling with an evil glee. “Everypony we… oh, hang on, hold that thought.”
With a look of bored contempt, Discord strode out into the middle of the field, where a stampede was gathering. The alfalfa mare was running through the streets towards House. Ignoring Scootaloo’s astonished gasp, Discord began to count the number of rabbits casing her.

With a snap of his fingers, the herd of rabbits screamed. They began to stick to each other, attracting one another like magnets until finally there were two balls of 54 rabbits each. Discord tore up a patch of the ground, and flung it at the rabbits, the strip landing between the two balls. The pack of rabbits now formed a division sign, one ball at the bottom, and above the strip of earth the other ball floated. And then they began to roll away, haphazardly into the distance.

And with a casually extended arm, Discord plucked the alfalfa mare from where she was running into the Everfree forest.

“You wanted us to catch you a sister, right Scootaloo?” Discord asked, slinging the mare over his shoulder like a sack of grain.

“Oh boy you caught her!”Scootaloo chirped with excitement. “Hi there, I’m Scootaloo! I’m your sister!”

“No you aren’t!” The pile of alfalfa snapped harshly. Discord tightened his grip on the struggling green mass. “I’m a vegetable, you’re an animal! We aren’t sisters! And your ‘daddy’ has made my life miserable ever since I was born!”

Discord sighed. He was beginning to have doubts about Scootaloo’s… Scootalooness. There was a time and a place for crying – well, no there wasn’t, but there was definitely an anti-time and anti-place, and that was right here and right now. “Yeah, alright, time for you to learn who your daddy is.”

I channeled my magic into her. The horn disappeared, melting into the steaming alfalfa as two growths emerged from her back to make wings. She gurgled as the magic in her mouth stopped working and formed into actual vocal chords. The empty sockets swirled with magic, and formed shining violet eyes like Scootaloos…

With a dramatic flair, I conjured a curtain and pulled it apart. “Scootaloo, meet your new sister!!!”I declared, pulling apart the curtain.

The pegasus was green all over – a light green coat with a dark green mane. She no cutie-mark, and she looked more like and older Scootaloo than Discord had planned, but that was okay.

“Woah.” Scootaloo’s eyes widened with delight as she dried her tears and inspected the new pony. “What’s your name?”

“Name?” The green pony blinked oddly, and inspected Scootaloo. “Right. Because when my farmer sewed my seeds, she named all of us.” For a pony who I had only just ‘brought to life’ she held an impressive grasp of sarcasm.

“Let’s name her Rabbit Bait!” Discord said with eagerness. “Or Sitting Duck! Needs Floss? Oh, how about Target Practice?”

Scootaloo and her sister shook their heads at him. “No, she needs a cooler name than that.” Scootaloo said, deep in thought. It’s amazing how oblivious she could be to my threatening power.

“Green something.” The mare said, examining herself. “I like green, I think.”

“How about, Soylent Green?” Scootaloo recommended, with a light in her eyes.

“It’s something that’s made of ponies.” Scootaloo explained, hopping around her new big sister. “I snuck into a Manehatten theatre and saw a movie about it once! But Soylent here isn’t made of ponies, so it’s funny!”

Discord and Soylent gave her confused looks. “What’s a movie?” They both asked at once.

Scootaloo looked away bashfully. “Er… forget about it.” She muttered. Transparently attempting to change the subject, she quickly informed Soylent of her goal. “Okay Soylent, we’re taking the day off to do family bonding stuff. Daddy wants to start a prank war!”

“I like your helmet.” Soylent said, smiling and patting Scootaloo on her helmet.

“Thanks.” Scootaloo said, with a smile that could put Celestia’s sun to shame. She took off her saddlebags and began to rummage through them. “I also brought itching powder, rope, suction cups, various dies…”

I decided to interrupt her no doubt fascinating tale of saddlebag exploration. “Well, all that’s fine and well.” I said, tossing her bags aside. “But do remember who I am and what I can do?” Thunder and lightning gathered in the background as I amassed my expositing power.

“The First Great Prank War, between myself and Celestia at the birth of Equestria, Accidentally flattened the world. The Second Great Prank War began with the creation of the Crystal ponies and escalated! The Third Great Prank War unleashed the Windigos, the Dragons, and the Smooze from Tartarus! The Fourth Great Prank War is technically still happening, fought as it was through time, and a great many fruits only exist today because Starswirl stole their seeds from the future! The Fifth Great Prank War ended with every member of the Royal Family being with foal! And the sixth Great Prank War was greater than all of them combined, so terrifying was my pranking might that I was sealed in stone for a thousand years!”

I threw my hands into the air and cackled triumphantly as lightning struck the forest behind me. “This is no mere father/daughter bonding outing Scootaloo! We will bond so hard, Equestria itself will tremble!!!”

As predicted, Scootaloo began skipping in joy with Soylent at the last sentence, but surprisingly she managed to cool down. “Um… that’s great dad.” She said. “But could we maybe… not prank so hard? When Rainbow Dash pranks, she makes sure it’s only a minor inconvenience.”

Ugh, I should have known that it would all lead back to the Element of Loyalty. It was so tiring raising an ungrateful daughter obsessed with one of your enemies.

“Alright fine, we’ll keep the pranks on the downlow.” I said, bowing elegantly. “But you still have the unbridled power of the Spirit of Chaos at your disposal.”

I could see the excitement bubbling behind Scootaloo’s eyes. “Alright… first we need to figure out who are targets are, and create a battle plan.” She said, unrolling a map she had in her pack.

I put on a military uniform, and began marking the map. “First priority is the Elements of Harmony.”

“Not Rarity!” Scootaloo yelped. “I want her to let Sweetie Belle play with me! And not Applejack either, I don’t want her to get mad.”

My concession came with much eye rolling. “Fine.” I said. “Four out of six isn’t bad. We also need to prank key strategic points; the Secret royal guards stationed in Ponyville. The Royal food supply. The nobility. And then the princesses themselves. We’ll want to prank them, and Shining Armor last, so we can get away with this as long as we can. Also, there’s an old friend that has unfinished business with me I’d like to visit while we’re out and about.”

“Alright…” Scootaloo said, looking at me suspiciously. I guess even she knew not to trust me with too much of a leash. But she was brave enough to press on, and press on she did. “Now, who has an idea for how to prank Rainbow Dash?”

As it turned out, I didn’t even need any magic to prank Rainbow Dash. We found her laying asleep in a cloud, and we got Soylent to fly up and talk to her. She was a bit odd, even for a plant. She figured the best way to wake Rainbow Dash up would be to poke her nose repeatedly. Not that it was ineffective.

Rainbow snorted awake, and looked at her with irritation. “Who’re you?” She asked grumpily.

“Oh, I’m soylent.” Soylent replied, running an inquisitive hoof through Rainbow’s hair. Rainbow edged away worriedly, but Soylent stayed where she was, swaying in the breeze. “I have a message from Discord.”

At this, Rainbow Dash sat upright and wide awake. “Discord? What? Where?” She asked, frantically shifting her eyes to every angle, but unable to find us because of my amazing camouflage. Scootaloo and I were hidden in a cloud. Nobody here but us clouds.

“The message is; You have been pranked. That is all.” Soylent lazily back flipped down from the cloud, leaving Rainbow Dash in a frantic tizzy.

Rainbow began to pace. Well, not pace, but she flew in circles as she muttered. “I’ve been pranked? Me? How? Is there something in my mane? No. So how? Wait, maybe it’s something I don’t know about yet! Maybe he flipped my house upside down! Maybe everypony in Cloudsdale have been set up on blind dates! Maybe he rearranged some of the letters in the Daring Do novel I haven’t read yet! Oh no!” She gasped. “Did he do something to the story I’m writing!!?” She flew off in a rainbow colored blur.

Scootaloo giggled and hoof-bumped her sister. “That was great Soylent!” She crowed. “Let’s do Fluttershy next!”

“Wait, we’re pranking Fluttershy?” I asked. From my experience, Fluttershy was a pony who could be scared by her own shadow. I didn’t know Scootaloo had such a ruthless streak.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo said with a giggled. “Fluttershy’s the second most awesome Pegasus in all of Equestria! She’ll probably be a lot of fun to prank!”

There were a lot of misconceptions floating around in her head, but I couldn’t deny her definition of fun!

In the end, I used an old trick I played on Starswirl the Bearded to mess with Fluttershy.

The three of us, wearing immaculate chicken costumes, snuck up behind her fence. My first idea had been to write her fake letters from a ‘mysterious admirer’ and break her heart later when the truth was revealed, but Scootaloo saw through my idea and dubbed it ‘not harmless’.

I quickly took three rocks, and transformed them into slightly scruffy and malnourished housecats. On the three housecats, I put numbers; 1, 2, and 4. Then I set then loose.

She noticed the second one first. “Oh, hello there little kitty.” She said with a smile, beckoning it forward as she finished feeding the chickens.

Kitty 2 came up to her, followed by kitty 4, and she examined them. “Oh my goodness!” She gasped. “You poor things, were you in Everfree forest?”

“Oh no, there are four of you aren’t there?” Fluttershy looked around worriedly. “Oh dear, I hope he’s alright! You three stay here alright? Angel will look after you, and I’ll go and find your friend.”

Her silhouette was already flying over Everfree forest, nervously jolting around back and forth, looking for a lost kitten.

I patted Scootaloo on the back and prayed that she didn’t start crying. Again. “Don’t worry.” I said. “We’ll tell her it was a prank later. I’m sure she’ll think it was hilarious.”

“I still think we should have turned her into a flower.” Soylent said, staring vacantly into space. “Then she would have stuck around when we told her how funny it was.”

“But then her pets might have eaten her.” Scootaloo explained with a sigh. “Come on, let’s go prank Twilight.”

“I don’t think Twilight needs our help to make a fool of herself today.” I pointed out.

In response, I just snapped my fingers and teleported the three of us to the centre of town.

Ponies were staring interestedly out of their shutters, barely even noticing us. They were too busy staring at the showdown.
Twilight Sparkle, still wearing the glasses Screwball had given her, was stand in the middle of the street, glaring at something off to the side. Applejack and Rarity stood behind her, concerned about their friends vision impairment. On the other end of the street, there was a largish caterpillar glaring at her, wearing a vest, a bowtie, and a striped hat that was three times as big as the worm wearing it.

“I don’t get it.” Soylent observed. “That tumbleweed is sure handsome, but why is everypony staring at it?”

“I thought Celestia banished you from Equestria after our last duel.” Twilight said to a barrel of water.

The worm at the other end of the street chuckled. “Well, it wasn’t difficult to use my intellect for things other than embarrassing you Nightlight.” Twilight grimaced at this unaffectionate nickname. “You’re looking at the new Ambassador for the Bookworm race, which means diplomatic immunity. Except technically, you’re not even looking at me. I’m over here.”

Twilight turned, and squinted at a skinny little bucktoothed colt with an oversized camera around his neck. “Is that what this is about? Are you here to challenge me to another duel? Do you really think you can still beat me when it comes to pop quizzes?” The poor colt scrambled backwards wildly, and with a sigh Applejack stepped up and corrected her friend’s gaze.

“No.” Said the bookworm. “I am here to crush you like a bug. That is all you are. Just a tiny bug underneath the ample knowledge I posses which has allowed me to win every pop quiz I have ever had… with the exception of a competition with a CHEATING unicorn.”

“My name is Trivia, foal!” Trivia snarled, drawing himself as big as he could manage.

Trivia took another quill out of his increasingly nerdy vest of nerdy nerdiness.

With a psychotic grin, Trivia opened up his suitcase, and a veritable avalanche of quills poured out.

His smile of triumph was cut short, as Twilight elegantly summoned multiple quills in midair. They landed point first in the street, like the arenas of battle of old where swords were placed in the ground for opponents to draw out whenever they needed one.

Trivia pouted, and reached into his hat. He withdrew a quill that was three times the size of him and seemingly made of solid gold.

“This is all very gripping.” Soylent said. “And as much as I want to see two nerds competing to see whose quill is bigger, the day’s getting on, and we’ve only pranked two ponies.”

“Right you are.” Discord said with a tipsy nod as the three of them slunk into the alley behind them. “First Pinkie Pie, and then Canterlot!”

They found Pinkie Pie in Sugarcube Corner, but they were having a difficult time deciding what to do. Considering that Pinkie Pie, according to Scootaloo, surpassed even Rainbow Dash in pranking, they were having trouble coming up with a plan.

Discord rolled his eyes. “That’s not pranking, that’s vandalism!” He complained. “Alright you two, watch and learn!”

Discord sighed, and rolled his eyes. “Fine. But this’ll still be fun.” He said, snapping his fingers.

From where they were, they could see Pinkie Pie. As he snapped his fingers, she suddenly stiffened, freezing in place.
“Ms. Pie…” The stallion currently at the counter was a big red goon… the same one who had been pulling Ms. Kitchen Utensils on her wagon yesterday. How fortunate. “Ms. Pie, those brownies done?”

“What did you do?” Scootaloo hissed. It looked like she was going into a panic. How adorable.

“Did you replace her brain with the brain of a vegetable?” Soylent asked. She was pressing her face against the window. It was drawing uncomfortable glances from the ponies on the other side of it. “Was it a cute vegetable?”

“No.” Discord said with a chuckle. “It wasn’t a vegetable, cute or otherwise.”

Pinkie Pie’s small pet alligator ran down the stairs, screaming. It paused when it reached the door, then backtracked to the counter, standing in front of Pinkie’s face. “Thorry.” The toothless-gator-who-now-had-Pinkie’s-brain-and-apparantly-voice said to the stallion. “Bu’ your brownieth may ‘ake a while. I’m thure the caketh will help you with tha’. In the meanwhile, I’ll be ‘rying ‘o find a the’ of ‘eeth becauthe, awethome ath thith body ith, I can’ ea’ cupcaketh like thith!”

She then resumed screaming in the stallion’s ear (couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy) and raced back out of the bakery.
Pinkie Pie’s body blinked.

Discord shared a look with Scootaloo, before bursting out into uproarious laughter. “Oh man, that was priceless!” Scootaloo giggled. “Now that! That was a prank!”

“I told you!” Discord snortled. “When you’re with the spirit of Discord, there’s no need for any of this small-scale stuff we’ve been doing all morning!”

Scootaloo didn’t hear her. “Oh man!” She clapped her hooves. “We’ve gotta do this again!”

“Muffin!” Soylent began to lick the window, even as the thouroughly disturbed ponies on the other side packed up and left. “Can I have a muffin? Please?”

Scootaloo's Chaotic Family

by Schrodinger's Pony

Day 4: A Close Morning Shave