Well I certainly didn't expect this to happen… I thought as the mob of guards started to make their way towards us. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw the horns of the unicorns light up.
"Brain powah!"
"Psykers!"
"Magic!"
We all turned to look at each other. I rubbed my temples and sighed
"They’re all the same thing!" I shouted causing the others to just nod their heads and turn towards the advancing mob.
Ten unicorn guards charged towards the Kaptin who in return just smirked "Iz time for a propa arse kicking!" The Kaptin announced as he lifted his spiked hammer.
"Subdue the beast!" One of the guards shouted, the others lighting up their horns causing a gold shimmer to appear around the Kaptin, who growled in frustration and charged at the guards. "That’s impossible! How can you still be moving while you’re under our strongest paralyzing spell?" The guard demanded while lighting up his own horn. This did little to stop the enraged ork.
"Because zog the logic, I'm an ork!" Bluddflagg yelled as he brought his hammer against the guards at full force, sending them sailing through the air as their bones where crushed by the sheer force of the blow. "Who wants to get zogged next!?"
"Guards, subdue the others!" Celestia stepped forward "I will stop this self-proclaimed ‘ork’…" The guards nodded and split into two groups, one heading towards Eliphas while the remaining ones charged at me and the doctor, the six that were with Celestia also prepared to charge at me.
Shit! I nervously thought and turned towards Medic. "Think you can take some of them out with that… thing?" I pointed at the dart gun. The doctor stared at his weapon in deep thought and suddenly just threw it over his shoulder.
"I zink zat zis vill suffice" he stated calmly as he pulled a wicked looking saw from his belt. "Now zen... HEIL AUS!"Cackling, he ran towards the advancing guard.
"Medic, you fucking idiot! You don't just charge the line!" My shouts fell to deaf ears. Dammit, Medic! I thought and rushed for him, but stopped when a blue blur crashed against my stomach. I fell to my knees clenching my stomach in pain.
"I gotcha now you monster!" I directed my gaze towards the voice. It was that blue Pegasus with the rainbow mane. That blue abomination... I growled internally as I glared at the Pegasus who almost broke my ribcage. "Come on! Show me what you got!" The Pegasus taunted.
To think that I actually thought the locals were friendly! I thought. But I know how to deal with people like her I stood up, stomach still sore and motioned her to come closer. "Come at me, you stupid talking horse!" The Pegasi’s eyes narrowed and she charged at me with her hooves up, but just before she made contact I brought my fist against her face with a powerful jab which sent her spinning in the air as she yelped in pain and fell to the ground clenching her face. "Payback’s a bitch" I muttered as I made my way towards the fallen Pegasus.
"Tha-that didnt hurt!" The Pegasus whimpered. Don’t play it off. I knelt over her, causing her eyes to widen in fear.
"Sorry about this" I apologized, which earned a confused look from the pony.
"What do you mea-" She began to question, but stopped when I punched her square in the face knocking her out.
"This."
I stood up and saw the Medic delivering fatal blows to the guards with his saw causing blood to splatter all over the place while he just laughed. I sighed and was about to go help him, but came to halt when a guard fell in front of me, or rather what was left from him. I grimaced at the sight and turned around to find Eliphas easily sending guards left and right flying with his massive sword.
I was so caught up staring at the massacre that I didn't notice a pink pony sneaking from behind with a cannon aimed towards me till it was too late. "Meanie!"
Wait… What? Boom! " SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" I yelled as I soared through the sky. My flight was short lived when I crashed into an apple stand. "This is not my best day..." I groaned in pain as I tried to lift myself up from the ruined stand.
"There ya are, you vermin!" Oh God... "You think you can just get away from hurtin’ mah brother?" I sprung up as the orange pony glared at me and pawed the ground.
“It wasn't my fault!" I argued back, but later realized that It didn't do any good when I received a solid buck to the stomach as a response. Not again... I fell to my knees for the second time. I could only watch as the angry pony turned around to buck me again.
"HIYAAH!" A familiar voice shouted causing the pony to turn towards the voice in confusion. "I'm coming, mein freund!" Medic shouted as he quickly grabbed the surprised equine by the hooves." Leave dieser Mann alone!" He spun the pony, causing her to fall on her back. I saw my opportunity and quickly hog tied the fallen pony with a rope that I found nearby.
"Thanks. I owe you one," I sighed in relief while the medic knocked the thrashing pony out by hitting her neck with the hilt of his saw.
"No problem, mein fraund," He waved at me and ran to the battle again.
“Sweeping Doom!” The voice of Eliphas echoed in the battlefield resulting in a massive shock way which sent the remaining guards of the second group flying as they were cut in half. "Hardly a challenge" Eliphas stated as he sheathed his sword and made his way towards me. "That leaves fifteen of the xenos, when counting the leader and the three unarmored ones" He said as he glanced at the battlefield. "I believe that we have made our case clear here. We should incapacitate their leader so they would surrender. Perhaps then they will be more cooperative." I nodded my head in agreement and directed my gaze towards the Kaptin who was now pummeling Celestia's shield spell.
"SMASH! STOMP!" The Kaptin yelled as he pummeled the shield, as expected, causing Celestia to sweat in strain.
"You will not corrupt this peaceful land!" Celestia yelled as she shot a beam of pure light towards the Kaptin, piercing his shoulder.
"AU! AU! AU! Pansy horsey!" The Kaptin shouted in rage as he broke the shield with a mighty swing. Celestia in return shot another beam at the Kaptin’s hand sending the hammer flying away. "Nowz you did it!" The Kaptin grabbed Celestia's horn and causing the glow to fade from her horn while the princess stared in shock. "WAAAAGH!" The Kaptin shouted as he lifted the ruler of the sun and smashed her to the ground with bone crushing force knocking her out cold.
The remaining ponies turned towards the voice only to find their ruler lying unconscious on the ground. "Princess Celestia!" The purple unicorn shouted in horror.
"Hear me xenos!" Eliphas shouted gaining the attention of the ponies. "We have your ruler in our control now!" The Kaptin flung Celestia over his shoulder and made his way towards us. "If you don't want to get slaughtered lower your weapons!" The guards looked at each other and quickly threw their spears to the ground, The medic shrugged his shoulders and dropped a thrashing purple maned pony with three gems as a mark from his grasp.
"Another victory for the orks!" Bluddflagg laughed.
"We shall now wait for this xenos to wake up" Eliphas pointed at Celestia."Since she is a powerful psyker, she has to know a way to send us back. And if she declines..." He glared at the ponies "There will be severe consequences".
"Zat might take an hour or so" The doctor examined the princess. "She has been hit quite hard."
"So we have to just stand here awkwardly for one hour?" I sighed as I sat down, my body sore.
"Oh zog that!" The kaptin yelled and dropped the unconscious monarch. "Wez gonna party now! Every victory needz a propa party!"
Eliphas groaned loudly "Oh, by Khorne… Please, no..."
"Too late, chaos boy!" The Kaptin pulled a small radio from his pocket and threw it on the ground.
"How the hell are we going to get a signal here?" I muttered while caressing my sore back.
"If I sayz it will play, IT. WILL. PLAY!" And without any good explication the radio started playing.
"Youz listening to "Like to Smash?" A voice sounded from the radio."Todayz wez gonna play something really orkie! OI! Play the tape you grots!" After a moment of silence a very cheery tune stared playing.
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Aaaaaaaaaaaah
My Little Pony
I used to wonder what friendship could be
Until you all shared its magic with me!
"Thatz my tape youz zogging idiots!" Eliphas slowly planted his face on his hands.
Big adventure!
Tons of fun!
The sounds of what I would describe of a bar fight echoed from the radio.
A beautiful heart
Faithful and strong
Sharing kindness
It's an easy feat
The ponies stared at the radio dumbfounded, while Medic tried to drown the sound by hitting his face against the wall.
And magic makes it all complete!
My Little Pony
You’re all my best friends
"Wez sorry about dat...now wez gonna"
My name is Pi—
"QUIT IT!" Several awkward minutes passed as the sounds of shouting and fighting echoed.
"Play it!" The sheer volume of the radio sent me crashing against the nearest wall. Curse ork logic! I twitched in pain as I fell to the ground, leaving a human shaped form at the wall.
The Kaptin just laughed and started stomping the ground and singing along.
Medic had crashed through a window with just his lower body visible while Eliphas had to use his sword for balance. Our crowd wasn't fairing much better as they were trying to cover their ears.
I tried to stand up, but as luck would dictate a flower pot was knocked from a house by the tremors, hitting me in the head.
Again, curse ork logic... was my last thought before I blacked out.
To be continued.