//------------------------------// // Five is Right Out. // Story: Crisis of Infinite Offspring // by dramatic_spoon //------------------------------// “Who are you?” Golden Gem leapt off the bed and eyed up the new colt. “I am the GREAT AND POWERFUL CENTER STAGE!” the colt announced. As he reared up, fireworks suddenly exploded around him. The pegasus and earth pony filly accompanying him leapt backwards, avoiding the smoke and explosions. The colt, Center Stage, collapsed, coughing from the smoke. “You’re really weird.” Apple Pie told the colt. “Yeah, like you’re one to talk.” Scarlet Tornado shot back. “And the two of you?” Golden Gem trotted over to the pegasus, eyeing her. “I’m Apple Cinnamon.” The pegasus returned Golden Gem’s glare. “I’m Golden Sweet.” The earth filly stepped back from the two. The door opened wider, and Applejack trotted into the room. “Big Macintosh, I heard an explo…” the four new ponies turn to look at her, “…What in tarnation?” “I’m here to see my daddy.” Golden Sweet sat down. “EEYUP!” Acey Mac beamed. “What they said.” Apple Cinnamon returned to her stare down with Golden Gem. Applejack glanced at the colt, before doing a double take. “Wait a minute, He looks like…” Applejack turned her attention back to Big Macintosh, “TRIXIE?!?” “You should refer to her as the MAGNIFICENT AND ILLUSTRIOUS TRIXIE!” Center Stage announced, “She likes it better.” “And who are the other three?” “I’m Acey Mac, and my mommy’s Cheerilee.” The cerise filly beamed. “I’m Golden Sweet.” The other earth filly smiled, “and my mom’s Carrot Top.” “My mommy’s Spitfire.” The pegasus told the assembled fillies and colts. “You’re mom’s Spitfire?!?!” Scarlet Tornado snapped to attention and leapt out of the bed towards her. “That’s awesome! My mom’s Rainbow Dash.” “I noticed.” Apple Cinnamon snarked. “You’re mom’s an OK flier…” “OK?!?” Scarlet Tornado yelled, “My momma’s the bestest, most awesomest flier in Equestria!” “Even Rainbow Blitz wasn’t that annoying.” Apple Cinnamon complained. “Big Macintosh!” Applejack yelled, startling all the fillies and colts. “Applejack,” the stallion protested, “I don’t even know ho-” “HOW COULD YA MARRY CARROT TOP!?!? You know how much she hates us, and me especially!” Applejack screeched. “Applejack, I don’t think that’s th’ problem here.” The stallion sighed. --- The kitchen was filled with noise, as the nine fillies and colts ate their breakfast. Applejack, Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh sat to the side, as Granny Smith passed more food around the table. “Who wants more Applesauce?” the elderly mare beamed. “Me!” three of the fillies called out. “I want another apple turnover.” Golden Gem requested. “I want a beignet.” Center Stage complained. Granny Smith shook her head. “Sonny, we ain’t got nothin’ fancy like that. We have fritters if ya think that’s good enough for ya.” “Grandma Stage Light always make beignets when I’m at her house…” The colt grumbled as he levitated a fritter towards him. “Well, you ain’t at her house, sonny, and you better like what you get.” Granny Smith scolded Center Stage. “Big Macintosh, why does that filly look like Miss Cheerilee?” Apple Bloom asked. “Because it’s her daughter.” The stallion sighed. Apple Bloom blinked, “It was Scootaloo’s fault.” “Apple Bloom, stop talkin’ about that.” The stallion sighed again. “How’d ya get a black eye anyway?” “Applejack.” Big Macintosh stood up. “Alright, now listen up.” The fillies and colt ignored him, as they continued to munch their way through the breakfast feast. “…AHEM.” Big Macintosh coughed loudly, catching the attention of the younger ponies. “Alright, You all listen up. We’re goin’ into town today, ‘cause we got business.” “Can we see mommy?” one of the fillies inquired. Several of the other ponies began to murmur between themselves, asking similar questions. “No.” Big Macintosh was interrupted by a chorus of groans and whines, “Now listen.” The stallion firmly continued, “We’re gonna find out how to get you back to your moms an’ dads.” “But you’re my Dad.” Golden Sweet responded, “At least I think you are, my daddy has a metal leg.” The stallion sighed. “…I don’t know how to explain it. I am th’ same pony as your dads, but I ain’t him.” “…I don’t get it.” Sparkling Cider frowned. “I don’t know how else I can explain it.” The stallion sighed in defeat, “Now c’mon.” PONYVILLE Big Macintosh trotted through town. Hooked to his yoke was a large cart, lined with old blankets, and filled with the fillies and colt. “Dad, I wanna go see mom.” Scarlet Tornado whined. “No.” “But...” “I sai-” A rainbow streaked blur whizzed past Big Macintosh. The stallion looked up to see the filly flying off. “…Ah hell.” The stallion grunted and glanced behind him, “None of you get th’ sa-” The stallion fell silent, as he realized that the only ponies left in the cart were Apple Cinnamon, Center Stage, Garden Royal, Acey Mac, Sparkling Cider and Golden Sweet. “…where did the others go?” “They all jumped out a while ago.” Center Stage yawned, “I told them not to, but they still did it anyway.” “An’ none of you tried ta’ tell me?” the stallion scolded. “We did.” Sparkling Cider frowned. “But you kept hushing us.” “This ain’t gonna end well.” The stallion sighed, “Why didn’t nonna you jump out?” “I’m not flying to Cloudsdale.” Apple Cinnamon sat down. “Mom isn’t here. I didn’t see her cart, so that means she’s touring again.” Center Stage added. “The town doesn’t look like how I remember.” Golden Sweet frowned. “and I don’t wanna get lost.” “I was gonna, but Sparkling Cider pulled me back down.” Acey Mac sulked, “I wanna see Ma.” Garden Royal muttered something inaudible “…Alright, who jumped out first?” CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE “…I don’t know why daddy doesn’t want to let me see mommy.” Golden Gem scoffed. The filly pushed the door open, and trotted into the boutique. “Yes! One moment!” Rarity’s voice called out, “Now, Mr. Cake, stay there, and don’t move.” Rarity trotted out into the shop and noticed the filly. “Oh, Hello.” Rarity greeted the filly. Rarity quickly glanced around, “…I’m sorry, but I do not allow unsupervised fillies to wander around, there are things that are quite valuable, and dangerous. Where is your mother?” “Here.” Golden Gem smiled. Rarity frowned and quickly looked around, “...I do not see any other pony here, are you certain?” Golden Gem’s smile quickly faded, “…You don’t recognize me?” the filly asked. “I’m sorry, dear, but I cannot say that I do.” Rarity apologized, “Are you lost?” “…No.” Golden Gem sat down on the floor. “...Are you alright?” Rarity trotted over to the filly. “…No.” Golden Gem sniffled, her lip quivering. “Don’t worry” Rarity tried to assure Golden Gem with a smile, “I’ll help you find your mother.” Golden Gem began to cry, confused and upset at Rarity’s inability to recognize her. “Oh dear.” Rarity turned around, “Mr. Cake, I’m sorry, we have a bit of a situat-” The door opened again, and Big Macintosh trotted in with a frantic worried look on his face, “Rarity, have you se-” the look faded once he saw the sobbing filly. “Oh, thank goodness.” “Big Macintosh, do you know who this is?” Rarity asked. “She sai..” “Daddy, how come mommy doesn’t recognize me?” Golden Gem sobbed. Rarity blinked in confusion, “…I beg your pardon?” “It’s… complicated.” Big Macintosh sighed, “I can explain later at Miss Twilight’s.” “I’m finishing up something for Mr. Cake, and then I will be right over.” Rarity nodded. “Great.” Big Macintosh nudged the still crying filly, “C’mon sweetie.” “Idunwanna.” Golden Gem sobbed. “Gem, we need to go and look for the others.” Big Macintosh gently reminded the filly. “No.” the filly collapsed onto her side. Big Macintosh sighed. “Big Macintosh, just what is going on?” Rarity pressed on. “Well…” Big Macintosh sighed, “It’s like this. See, after I got home yesterday…” --- “An’ that’s why she’s lyin’ on your floor.” Big Macintosh concluded, motioning to the sniveling filly who sat behind him. “…Big Macintosh, that is quite frankly the most ridiculous and absolutely stupid story I’ve heard in a very long time. Even more so than the story about what Sweetie Belle and her friends tried to do for you on Hearts and Hooves day.” Rarity shook her head, “I mean, where do I even begin?” “..Miss Rarity, I don’t think it matters if you believe the story or not, th’ flesh an’ blood of the matter is right there, and I really don’t know what else I can tell her.” The stallion shook his head, “But th’ real problem is that she doesn’t understand it.” “…I see.” Rarity looked over at Golden Gem, “Golden Gem, right?” after the filly nodded in confirmation, Rarity continued. “That’s a very pretty name.” “…Mommy named me.” The filly sulked. “Yes, that does seem like a name I would like.” Rarity smiled, “I know it’s difficult to understand what’s going on, but think what your mother would say to you?” “…” Instead of responding, Golden Gem lied down, “I don’t know.” The filly finally responded in a very weak voice. Rarity sat next to the filly, and placed a reassuring hoof on her shoulder, “I know what I would say. This is a very scary situation for you, but what you have to do now is be a big girl, and do what Big Macintosh tells you, alright? Don’t you think that’s what your mother would say?” “…yes.” The filly weakly agreed. “So don’t you think you should do what she would tell you?” “…I guess.” The filly looked down, “How come you look like my mommy, and talk like her though?” “Because….” Rarity paused, uncertain of how to continue, “I sort of am your mother. Just like how Big Macintosh is sort of your father.” “….I don’t get it.” The filly frowned. “Don’t worry sweetie, everything will be alright.” Rarity assured the filly, “How do you feel now?” “…A little better.” Golden Gem got back onto her hooves, with a small smile. “Good. Now be a good girl for your mother, no more crying or frowning, alright?” Rarity smiled at the filly. “Okay.” “No, no.” Rarity shook her head, “I want to see you smile when you tell me that.” Golden Gem’s smile grew a little bigger, “Okay.” “Good. Now do what Big Macintosh tells you.” “Thank you Miz Rarity.” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the filly, “Now Gem, I want you to go outside and wait with the others. Don’t try to run off, an’ don’t let anypony else run off, alright?” “OK daddy.” The filly trotted outside, as Big Macintosh sighed in relief. “Thank you very much, Miz Rarity.” “Oh, it’s not a problem.” Rarity vacantly waved a hoof. “I think you’re takin’ this pretty well, everything considered.” Big Macintosh continued. “Darling, after some of the adventures we’ve had, a filly claiming that she’s my daughter is probably the least interesting of them all.” Rarity joked, “Still, she’s quite a cute little fil-” “Miss Rarity?” Carrot Cake’s voice called out from another room, “I hate to be a bother, but my hooves are starting to fall asleep, and I don’t think I can stand much longer.” “Oh my goodness, I completely forgot he was there.” Rarity slapped her forehead with a hoof, “Big Macintosh, I’ll see you at Twilight’s.” The fashionista spun around and trotted into the back room, “I’m so sorry Mr. Cake, there was a little situation, but it’s dealt with now.” Big Macintosh trotted outside, and returned to the cart. Apple Cinnamon, Golden Sweet, and Sparkling Cider all were sitting atop Acey Mac, who continued to struggle and try to free herself. “Daddy, how come everyone else is sitting on Acey Mac?” Golden Gem inquired. “…It’s a bit of a long sto-” “There he is!” A rainbow blur whizzed past Big Macintosh and touched down by the cart. Rainbow Dash trotted over, a sleeping Scarlet Tornado perched on her back. “Heya big guy.” Rainbow motioned towards the sleeping foal, “So I was takin’ a nap, and suddenly this little filly flew up to me, sayin’ that I was her mom.” Rainbow blinked, “I know Pinkie threw a couple of wild parties lately, and I’ve been drinking a lot of cider, but I think I would remember gettin’ it on with you, and having a kid.” “…Eyup.” “Which means this is something for the egghead to figure out.” Rainbow Dash shook her head, “Anyway, we flew around for a bit, but she’s all tired out no-” “Hi Aunty Rainbow Dash!” the fillies called out. Rainbow glanced at the cartful of fillies, before turning her attention back to Big Macintosh, a mischievous grin on her face, “I guess what they say is true, Big Macintosh does get all the mares.” “Miss Dash, that ain’t the problem here.” The stallion sighed. “Right, right.” Rainbow Dash brushed the thought away, “So I’m really jus-”, Rainbow Dash blinked in sudden realization, “Waitaminute, how come that filly looks like Fluttershy? And that one looks like Rarity? And that one looks like Twilight?” “Well, it’s kinda complicated. And before you jump to any conclusions, I didn’t sleep with them.” Big Macintosh defensively replied, “Last thing I need now is another black eye.” “Okay, Mac, you’re really going to have to explain this one to me.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Head over to Miz Twilight’s place, and I can explain it to y’all at once. And bring Fluttershy with you, alright?” “Gotcha big guy.” Rainbow nodded, “Just take her, and I’ll be on my way.” Big Macintosh picked up the sleeping filly and placed her in the cart, followed by Golden Gem. Rainbow Dash took off, as Big Macintosh hooked the cart back up to his yoke. “That leaves…one more.” The stallion sighed, “…Oh this is going to be a problem….” SUGARCUBE CORNER “…Alright, you all stay out here. Sparkling Cider, Cinnamon, I’m leaving th’ two of you in charge.” “How come they’re in charge?” Center Stage argued, “I should be in charge!” “No way.” Golden Sweet countered, “You’re not very nice.” Before the two can start arguing, Big Macintosh coughed loudly, “Fine. Center Stage, You’re coming with me.” “Ha!” the colt laughed. “But you ain’t gonna do any talkin’, got that?” “Ha!” Golden Sweet stuck her tongue out at the colt. “Let’s go.” The stallion and the colt trotted into Sugarcube Corner, leaving the fillies behind. “…What’s wrong?” Apple Cinnamon asked Golden Gem, “You haven’t been acting like yourself sense you came back from your mom’s place.” “…She’s not my mom.” Golden Gem replied. “What are you talking about?” Sparkling Cider joined the conversation, “That’s the place where Aunty Rarity works.” “It’s her, but it’s not her.” Golden Gem frowned, “I don’t know how to explain it. She looks like my mom, sounds like my mom, acts like my mom, but she isn’t her.” “…This sounds like one of my mom’s books.” Acey Mac butted in, “She has this really weird one where the Elements of Harmony go to this other place that’s exactly like it, but everypony’s a girl or a guy.” “That’s how every place is.” Sparkling Cider countered. “No, I mean all the mares are colts and all the colts are mares.” Acey Mac continued, struggling against the ponies on top of her, “Can you get off? My insides feel like they’re being smushed.” “Are you gonna run away?” Apple Cinnamon eyed her suspiciously. “Ee…nope.” The other filly avoided the pegasus’ gaze. “I think you’re lying.” Apple Cinnamon countered, “So I ain’t moving.” “You’re mean.” Acey Mac pouted. “Gem, I think daddy knows what he’s doing.” Sparkling Cider ignored the other two ponies. “I hope he does.” Golden Gem looked down. “He always knows what he’s doing, that’s why he’s the best dad in the world!” Golden Sweet joined the conversation. Garden Royal nodded in agreement. “...I gu-” “HI EVERYPONY!” Apple Pie leapt into the cart, carrying a box with her. “You found your mom?” Sparkling Cider asked the cheerful earth filly. “YEP! We had plenty of fun! We baked a bunch of stuff for the “All-twelve-of-the-alternate-offspring-of-Big-Macintosh-have-arrived-in-this-universe party she wants to throw for us later!” “But there’s only nine of us here.” Sparkling Cider counted off. “I dunno. Mom always knows these sorts of things.” Apple Pie shrugged, “But she made us cupcakes!” The cheerful filly opened the box, and passed out the cupcakes. “Oh, Scarlet’s still asleep.” Apple Pie frowned, “I’ll just put it on the side for her.” Center Stage hopped back into the cart, followed by a levitating beignet. “Alright, now we’re going to the library.” Big Macintosh announced to the fillies and colt. PONYVILLE LIBRARY Big Macintosh trotted up to the door, followed by the fillies and colt. “Now when we get in there, I want you all on your best beha-” The stallion was interrupted by a massive thump from within the library, followed by a crashing sound. “Follow me an’ stay outta trouble.” Big Macintosh pushed open the door and entered. “Miss Twilight, I heard a noise, Are you alrig-” A red pegasus colt with a pale apple-green mane landed face first on the floor in front of him. The colt got back onto his feet, shook his head, and opened his eyes; both of which stared in different directions. The colt smiled at Big Macintosh. “Hi Pa!” the colt smiled. “Um… hi.” Big Macintosh returned an uneasy smile. “Oh no, what did you do now…” Twilight trotted into view, “Big Macintosh! Thank goodness you’re here! There’s a bit of a situation….” “I know. Lemme guess, this fella here claimed I’m his dad, right?” Big Macintosh asked. “How did you…” Twilight trailed off, “Never mind, it’s not just him.” “What do ya me-” Big Macintosh was interrupted by the sound of crashing thunder, causing the fillies behind him to scream in terror. A storm cloud formed in the middle of the room and dissipated. Where the cloud was, a purple coated colt stood, his long gamboges mane, loose and flowing. Most startling was the colt’s appearance; upon his forehead was a unicorn horn, while on his back was a pair of wings. “…Oh no, don’t tell me…” Big Macintosh muttered. “GREETINGS FATHER!” the Colt yelled, startling the others. “TIS I, YOUR SON NOVA!” “…That’s the other thing.” Twilight grumbled, “What brings you here today?” “Well…” Big Macintosh motioned for the other fillies to come forward, “You ain’t gonna believe this.” “Try me.”