//------------------------------// // What You Want, What You Need. // Story: Moving On // by Kaii-Leiko //------------------------------// I wanted to go home but I knew that would be the first place Rainbow Dash would look for me. I really didn't feel like dealing with her. I don't have many good days but today was even worse than my average day. I land, not quite sure where I am since I haven't been paying attention. I find a tree to lay under and think about everything. I sigh because I don't know what to do. I can't help but think that Twilight would know what to do. She always had the solution to everything. More often than not she solved Everypony's problems in Ponyville. She was always willing to help. She'd tell me what to do. Even if she didn't have a solution, which I'm sure wouldn't be the case, I know she'd be able to make me feel better. She'd hug me, hold me against her. She would whisper that everything would be okay and I'd believe her because Twilight Sparkle would never, ever lie to me. She's dead I can't take it any more. I scream. I scream over and over again. I scream until my throat is dry and aching and then I scream some more. I'm hitting my front legs on the ground beneath me. I've been holding this in for so long it's kind of a relief to let it out. I finally stop only to find bruises on my front legs but they don't hurt but that's only because no physical pain could compared to what I'm feeling. I'm so angry and I never even realized it until just now. I'm angry at Princess Celestia for ever showing Twilight dark magic. That's what caused her to die. I'm angry at my friends because I feel like they're disgracing Twilight's memory by being able to move on; like somehow she didn't mean all that much to them. I'm angry at myself both for holding on and for not being able to let go. Worst of all I'm mad at Twilight for leaving me. It doesn't make sense. None of it was her fault. I can't control it though. I guess I really am a horrible pony. For months Twilight suffered. Her mind and body decayed until everything was taken from her. Well, not everything. My heart is with her and I don't think it's ever coming back. I hope that even now the part of my heart that allowed me to be the element of kindness is comforting her, wherever she is. She lost her life and I'm here whining because I have to live. It's so messed up and so wrong. She would be so disappointed in me. How am I supposed to cope with losing her? One day am I going to wake up with everything being okay? Or am I really supposed to live the rest of my life like this? If that's the case I don't want the rest of my life. I can't spend much more time like this, it's too much. Trapped between numbness and pain is no way to live. I just want her back.... I just want to know that I'm always going to be loved.... I've gotta stop whining. I pitifully pick myself up. Twilight suffered way more than I did. She had to deal with the assault on her mind by Darklight. I can't even imagine what that was like. The only thing I really remember is how it broke my heart to see her in so much pain and how I wanted to do anything I could to help... "Darling..." I turn around. Rarity's standing there. I don't understand. How did she find me? My face must have shown my confusion because she answered my unspoken question. "Somepony heard the terrible racket you were causing and came to get me at the boutique." Rarity swallowed then took a few hesitating steps towards me. "Would you like to talk about it?" "No." is all I can say. Rarity comes even closer, until she's close enough to touch me. "I don't want to move on." I say it without even knowing why. Rarity hadn't mentioned anything about it. She probably already guessed what that 'racket' had been about. Her face softened and her legs wrapped around my neck. She pulled me into her for a hug. It was Rarity hugging me but all I could think of is how I wished it were Twilight. It was stupid, and Rarity would probably be insulted if she knew but I don't care. I hug her back and close my eyes, pretending it's Twilight. I start bawling, as I knew I would. "There, there..." Rarity whispers. So far she's the best to try and make me feel better. She's kept her distance, most of the time. She's never pressured me or bothered me like the others have and now when I need it the most she's here giving me exactly what I need. "Tw-Twilight..." I spit out between sobs. "I know, darling...I...I miss her too..." Rarity whispers again. I pull away and look at her, wiping my eyes. "You do?" I think Rarity doesn't like the fact that I asked but if that's the case she's hiding it well. Instead she only offers me a sympathetic smile. "Of course I do." "But you all seem so fine now." I say almost accusingly. "Of course, but none of us are. I don't think any of us can hope to comprehend the pain you feel. The love you shared with Twilight is on a completely different scale than how I loved her or the rest of our friends. That doesn't mean we didn't love her though. Everyday we go about our usual business but there's a part of us missing. It's unspoken and we act okay but nopony can be okay with losing a friend. Especially one such as Twilight. Oh yes, we smile and put on a brave face but our heart is aching too, Fluttershy. I understand that you're angry and I don't blame you. You must think we're so awful, in fact I know you do but we're trying to make the best out of everything. For Twilight, she would have wanted us to be happy so we're trying to honour what she would have wanted. I'm not going to lie, it's difficult but we're doing our best. I can see that it has been rather hard for you though." I just nodded. Rarity was doing a stellar job. She wasn't healing my pain but she was at least showing me that I was wrong to doubt my friends. "Twilight was one of my best friends, as are you. I don't know how to make you feel better Fluttershy but try to remember something. She loved you, darling. Very much in fact." Psh, no she didn't. Huh? I've never thought that. In fact if there's anything that I've never questioned it was how much Twilight loved me. I don't get it.... She just needed somepony to take care of her... That's not even my voice I'm hearing but I do recognize it. All too well. I only met her once at my own wedding, which she ruined but I could never forget. It didn't make any sense. Any sense at all. In fact it was impossible. I was scared and what do I always do when I'm scared? I scream. And let me tell you this scream could probably be heard from miles away.