//------------------------------// // Chapter 6: Trip To The Underworld // Story: Hades Is Such A Great Neighbor // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “Pinkie, I swear, if you sing that song one more time,” Hades warned, a perpetual scowl etched on his face since the beginning of the trip. The entire time the group of ponies had been walking, Pinkie continued to sing that insidiously catchy song of hers. “Oh, stop being such a stick in the mud!” Pinkie giggled, sitting on the god of the Underworld’s shoulder like a sugar induced version of a pirate’s parrot. “Singing songs with friends is fun, fun, fun!” “I swear, you’re worse than Disney!” he muttered his his breath, shivering slightly. “This is the reason why I had no sequels. They couldn’t pay me enough to sing one of those insufferable songs.” “Hades, whatcha talking about?” Pinkie asked, roasting a marshmallow on a stick using Hades’ flamey hairdo. Where she got the marshmallow and stick would remain a mystery. Picking her up and dropping her to the floor with a disgruntled huff, Hades said, “Nevermind. I barely got outta that contract deal with my life. Well, unlife, anyways.” “Hey flamehead, how much longer?” Dash yelled behind Hades, having the type of scowl he had on her face as well. “Déjà vu,” Hades noted, trudging along as Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie trailed behind him. “We’ll be there soon enough! Just hold your horses!” Hades got a good chuckle out of that joke, while the mares just traded perplexed looks. “If I remember correctly, the entrance to Tartarus should be around here somewhere,” Twilight said, staring off into the distance in hopes of spotting the famous entrance to the Underworld. “You been there before?” Hades asked, not really surprised. For being the land of the dead and eternal home of monsters and evil creatures alike, he always had a surprisingly high amount of visitors, and not just in the ghostly variety. There was always some dimwitted hero or demigod stirring up trouble for him or wanting to save a lost loved one, though they never really succeed in the long run. He made sure of that. “Well, only at the entrance,” she admitted. “Your dog Cerberus broke out one time and terrorized Ponyville. Thanks to Fluttershy managing to calm him down, I was able to lead him back to the gates.” Wouldn’t be the last time that guard dog of his broke out. He should really have put a leash on that thing, or have Pain and Panic act as his chew toy more often. “Actually, does anypony know where Fluttershy is?” Twilight asked, finding that the shy pegasus was nowhere to be found among themselves. Applejack shrugged. “Guess she stayed at the bakery. Bettin’ she wouldn’t have wanted to come to Tartarus anyhow.” Rarity nodded in agreement. “No need to frighten the poor mare with the Underworld, after all. I’m sure she’ll be fine back at Ponyville while Hades pays Pinkie Pie.” “Hey, if I’m supposed to be payin’ the pink one here, then why are the rest of ya following me?” Hades asked, not getting why more ponies than necessary were following him. “Why, to see your home, of course,” Rarity answered, just the striking image of neighborly manners. “It isn’t everyday that one gets to a tour around the land of the dead.” “Yeah, exactly my point. The land of the dead. Meaning, why would you come along to a place like that?” he asked in exasperation. These ponies definitely didn’t look up to stuff to handle the horrors that Tartarus inflicted on mortals. “Oh, it’s no big deal, really,” she said, trotting ever so gracefully with her beautifully curled mane bobbing with each of her hoof-falls. “I’ve been underground before, and handled myself pretty well, actually.” “That’s right, partner. Rarity here is one tough gal, that’s for sure,” Applejack agreed, smiling at her friend. “Oh you.” Rarity blushed and waved her hoof off. “I still have you girls to thank for getting me out of that bind.” Ugh, friendship moments. Hades’ one weakness. Other than trashy romances. He swore, if they started kissing each other, he was hightailing it to the next universe right away. “If we can stop the cheesy shared praise for just a moment, we’re here,” Hades said, pointing to the sunken earth cave hidden in the nearby shade of some tall oak trees. Snapping his fingers, he appeared there in an instant, causing the others to run over to the entrance to catch up. With a dramatic flourish of his arms that was lost upon his bored face, Hades introduced the girls to the large rock cave formation and said, “Welcome to the entrance to Underworld, otherwise known as Tartarus, Nav, Elysium, Mictlan, Diyu, Niflheim, Asphodel Meadows, Patala, Xibalba, H-E-double toothpicks, etcetera, etcetera.” Applejack whistled. “Hot dang, why does it have so many names.” “Because mortal can’t make up their damn minds,” Hades grumbled, entering the intimidating darkness of the cavern. Looking over his shoulder, he called out, “Anyone else coming along?” “I dunno. It’s awfully dark down there,” Rarity said, her early confidence having vastly shrunk once the imposing blackness of the mouth of the cave was seen. Facepalming at their cowardliness, Hades’ burning hairstyle suddenly flared up, casting a blue glow surrounding himself and casting more light in the Underworld. “There, happy? Now hurry it up, I ain’t got all day. I’ll pay you for the sweets and baked goods, then it’s sayonara! Us gods have busy schedules too you know.” Still nopony stepped forward, until Rainbow Dash was the first to break off from the others. “It’s just a dingy cave. No big deal,” she said courageously, while on the inside she was secretly panicking over being in the same place the dead went to rest. She’d seen enough zombie movies to know this didn’t end well. Evidently that was all the prompting the other girls needed, because they quickly trotted after the two and got their first good look at the land of the dead, and boy was it anticlimactic. Stalactites hung like knives over a ready meal overhead, dropping drops of water that echoed anonymously in the large cavern. The floor was wet, and the faint smell of mildew along with stale air surrounded them. Really, it was what you’d expect of a cave. Dark, claustrophobic, and generally not a nice place to be. That is, until they spotted the river. It glowed an eerie pale blue, and swirled and rippled as if millions of fish were moving in its waters. Upon closer inspection the girls realized with horror it wasn’t fish at all. Not even close. It was the dead. Their spirits flowed down the river in an endless stream, howls and long walish screams springing up from their ghostly forms. One could even distinguish one ghost from another in the sickly blue tide, their faces contorted to anguish and terror. “Well, here it is girls. The River Styx. So far the best guaranteed way to transport spirits into the Underworld and keep ne'er do wells out. Also, Jehovah Witnesses and girl scouts.” Looking down at the five mares, Hades noted they were all stricken by unbelievable horror at the sight of so many souls of the deceased traveling down a one way trip to the afterlife. After a few seconds of extremely awkward silence, Hades sighed and snapped his fingers repeatedly. “Come on, come on. Like I said, I’d like to get this over and done with before the next century.” “Um, H-Hades, h-how exactly are we supposed to cross?” Rarity asked, having no intentions or purposes of dipping one hoof into the river. Hades snapped his fingers, and from the fog that hung over the river appeared a stark black boat. A ferryman could be seen pushing the boat through the waters that made up the dead, though calling him a man was a long shot. “Everyone, meet Charon. Charon, meet the new arrivals to the Underworld,” Hades introduced, pointing with a thumb over his shoulder to the mares. Upon closer inspection the girls realized that Charon was either a skeleton or the skinniest man alive, if he WAS even alive. His skin hung close to his bones, making his hips and ribs clearly seen. He had no pupils, only sunken holes in his head that only spoke of darkness. With only final tug he brought the boat to shore, the ferryman staring down at the small group with what would have been disapproving eyes, if he had some. “These are still fresh,” he spoke in a raspy voice, rubbing his chin with a clawed skeletal hand. “You know the price they must pay for me to ferry them.” “Yeah, yeah, I know, sheesh. I’ll give you a two cent raise. That good enough?” Hades said, tapping his foot beneath his robe, wanting this process to hurry up. Charon answered with a simple nod of his head, moving to the end of the boat and waving his hand to enter. The mares were hesitant to step aboard, not counting the fact that they were about to board a boat to enter the land of the dead while traveling down a literal river of souls. Dash gulped and looked to the sky, or rather in this case, ceiling. “I think I’ll just fly across, if it’s all the same.” Hades chuckled, pointing with a finger overhead. “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Dashie. You’ll just make it easier for the harpies to get an airborne snack.” Several shrieks and laughter could be heard near the top of the Underworld, and hidden in the shadows of the stalactites were the winged forms of grotesque women with legs of predatory birds and razor sharp teeth filling their maws. It was at this point that everypony quickly climbed aboard, Rainbow Dash practically throwing herself on the craft. Dusting off his hands together for a job well done, Hades joined them, the boat leaving the shore with Charon guiding it through the river. Twilight stared overboard, observing several of the faces of those long gone. “So, does everyone dead end up here? Even ponies?” Hades leaned nonchalantly back on the bowsprit of the boat, staring over his fingernails. “Nah. That’s just for the Greeks. I may be Lord of the Dead, but I’m only lord of a certain type of dead, and to put it laymen’s terms, only those mortal that worship the religion I’m dealing in end up in my Underworld.” “Does that mean there’s an Underworld for ponies too?” Pinkie asked, leaning dangerously close over the edge of the boat to see how close she can get her hoof near the departed souls. “Probably. Heck if I know. I’m still new to you ponies, so I still know nothing about your gods or afterlife,” Hades replied, beating down with his foot when a soul tried to grab his leg. Even after dragging himself out of the River Styx the icy touch of those lost souls still gave him the creeps. “Where do all these souls end up to anyhow?” Applejack asked, wisely sticking to the center of the craft to avoid any unwanted attention or grabs by the river. “Some end up in Tartarus for being bad. The lowest, darkest, and plain nastiest point of the Underworld. There they toil in the Fields of Punishment for all of eternity, tortured with no rest 24/7,” Hades replied, drumming his fingers as he crossed his arm in a bored manner. “T-that sounds awful,” Rarity said, staring down at the river of souls with pity. “Who could possibly deserve something like that.” “I could tell you, but I’d prefer to keep this trip PG-rated if I can,” Hades explained. “Anyways, next up is the Asphodel Meadows, or Purgatory if you wanna think of it like that. That’s where normal souls who led unremarkable lives and were generally not really all that evil or good end up in.” “So what do they do there?” Dash asked, having grown a bit more confident after her earlier fright with the harpies. “Oh, you know. Sit around, lay back, do nothing.” Hades shrugged his shoulders. “Usual stuff.” “That sounds awfully boring,” Twilight said, reaching back to pull Pinkie away from dipping her entire face into the river. “Oh, it is, but it’s not like I care. It’s my job to run this place, not care about the souls which end up here.” “It seems like you don’t like your job very much,” Rarity noted, casting a dubious eye at Hades. Hades let out a sharp bark of laughter, his razor sharp smile making everyone uncomfortable. “Oh, you don’t even know half of it!” After a few seconds of even more awkward silence, Hades turned away and scowled in the distance at the bow of the boat. “Okay then, next up is Elysian Fields, otherwise known as the place where every goody-two-shoes ends up in.” “Ooh, what’s it like?” Pinkie asked eagerly, a bubbly smile on her face. “Do you have nonstop parties? Games? Cupcakes? Games about cupcakes?” “How should I know? I’m not allowed in there,” he replied sharply, his scowl increasing. “It’s separate from my domain, where all the righteous and heroic end up in. Meaning not me.” Everyone stayed silent now, Hades’ hair briefly flaring up orange before returning to its normal hue of blue. Walking up to the god of the Underworld, Pinkie said, “If you want, we can always throw a party back at Ponyville for you. I never did throw one of my famous ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ parties for you yet.” Hades stared down at Pinkie with a shocked expression on his face. Did she just say she wanted to throw a party for him? Him, Hades, the one guy you never invited to a party? Not even the other Greek Gods would invite him to their shindigs if they could avoid it. Probably because he’s tried so many times to take over Olympus, but still. He’s never had a party thrown especially for him before. But before he could answer, the boat docked at the shore of the other side of the Styx, Charon bowing down to show them their travel was over. Each mare carefully hopped down on the ground, glad to not be floating over the river of souls any longer. Hades was the last to depart, still mulling over what Pinkie offered him. “Hey Hades, what’s this?” Twilight called out, pointing to something in the sand. Joining her by her side, he inspected the rather large footprint in the sand. It was hard to make out, but something monstrously big made it all right. Hades shrugged. “Eh, could just be a passing monster or demon. But no need to worry. The worse of them won’t try to attack ya with me by your side... hopefully.” “Hopefully?” Rarity gulped, quickly backing away from the footprint that was quite larger than her body. “Don’t worry. Cerberus keeps the baddies in check. With him on patrol, there’s no chance at them causing any ruckus,” he assured them, seemingly gliding over the sand of the shore of the Styx. Without even turning back, Hades shouted, “And if you don’t want to become a monster’s snack, I would advise sticking close to me!” The girls did just that, all five of them forming a perimeter around the god as he entered his domain, Tartarus.