Mr. Cake brushed off the counter with a worn out wooden duster, shaking his head to flick off near-invisible specks of dust. He stopped and gave the counter a brief look over. Satisfied, he threw the duster behind him. He flinched when he heard a crashing noise and what sounded like a cat screeching. He would get that later.
He watched the sunset from his position behind the counter, smiling slightly. The twins would be back with their mom any minute now, and they could all be together for a bit before they went to sleep. The sun was halfway behind the horizon when he heard the tinkle of a bell from his right. He glanced over to see a frenzied Twilight Sparkle, looking under tables and lifting chairs. She seemed to not see him so focused she was on her task.
“Twilight?” chanced Mr. Cake, not wanting to startle her.
“Ah!” shouted Twilight, stumbling back from a pair of sugar shakers. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were here, Mr. Cake,” she explained, rubbing a hoof behind her back.
“I do live here, you know,” said Mr. Cake, walking towards where Twilight was standing on the other side of the counter. “And, we’re kind of closed. Sorry.” Twilight looked up from yet another lifted chair, exasperated.
“Have you seen Pinkie?” she questioned, moving close to the counter.
“No, I thought she was still at the Library. That was where she was, right?”
“Yes, but something went wrong. You see, I-“
“Is she alright?” he interrupted.
“I think so, Mr. Cake, just let me explain. I was trying to see if I could make one of her cupcakes grow to several times its size, so I tried an inflation spell. However, I slipped on something on the floor of the basement, and my horn pointed right at Pinkie’s head!”
Mr. Cake gasped. A horrible thought ran through his head- a giant Pinkie Pie, bringing destruction to the whole town, unstoppable by anything the town could throw at her.
“What happened, Twilight?” he demanding, shaking her from across the glass display.
“Her head inflated, Mr. Cake! She was nearly floating off the ground!” she exclaimed, pushing Carrot’s hooves off her shoulders. “And then, she just made this face, like, ‘Oh, I know how to fix this,’” she said, doing a horrible Pinkie impression while waving her hooves around in circles.
“And she was out the door! I don’t know how she moved so fast with that giant head, or how she even fit through the door, but she was gone by the time I picked my jaw off the floor and followed her! And now I can’t find her anywhere,” she finished, slumping onto the ground. Her frown was extremely unthreatening.
“So what you’re saying is she’s a balloon now? I think she’d like that…” contemplated Carrot, a hoof to his chin.
“That’s not important! I have to find Pinkie! I think I can fix it if I find her, Mr. Cake,” Twilight said, irritated.
"Carrot,” he said.
“What?” asked Twilight, her frown turning to a quizzical look.
“Just call me Carrot, Twilight. Mr. Cake is too formal,” he explained.
“What? Your employee may or may not be floating somewhere above Ponyville right now and you’re worried about people calling your Mr. Cake instead of Carrot!” shouted Twilight, frustrated.
“I thought you just said the fact she was a balloon wasn’t important, Twilight,” retorted Mr. Cake, a hoof pointed at Twilight.
“I- you don’t- I mean- how could you even be like this right now?” demanded Twilight, hooves flailing about.
“I have a good idea where she went. She knows a pony who’s very fond of popping balloons, met him at that party we had a while back.” He said, nonchalantly.
“No! She can’t let him do that! We have to do this safely, with magic!” she gasped, looking out the door.
“Isn’t magic what got her into this mess in the first place?” Carrot said.
“Now is not the time for this, Mr. Cake,” snapped Twilight, looking back at the stallion.
“Carrot,” he said.
Twilight shouted in frustration, her horn glowing. Carrot backed up against the wall, suddenly nervous.
“I’m sure she’s fine, Twilight! I mean, she knows everypony in this town, and it looked like she knew what she was going to do. I mean, who would willingly hurt her?” Carrot asked, looking straight at Twilight.
She sighed, her face leveling.
“I guess you’re right. I mean, she’s Pinkie Pie- nopony could get close to her if they tried.” She said, looking at Carrot.
“And I think she’ll be checking the Library first, once she gets her head checked. Heh. Head checked- wondered when she’d do that, huh?” Carrot chuckled. Twilight allowed herself a small smile before getting back to business.
“So you’re saying I should go there? That’s where she’d go first?”
“I’m assuming- you are the person who’d be most likely to destroy half the town to find her.”
Twilight blushed slightly, a hoof kicking up invisible dust on the floor.
“That’s what friends are for! Yep! Friends,” said Twilight, reassuring herself. “I mean, what’s a back massage between friends, huh?”
Carrot felt incredibly awkward at this, and instead chose to nod and point a hoof out the window.
“If you want to get home before Pinkie gets there or before it gets dark, I’d say start going right about now. Wouldn’t want Pinkie to get there, leave, and come here only to discover you’ve already left, huh?”
To this, Twilight just stared. She made some calculations in her head while Carrot watched, wondering why she was so quiet.
Suddenly, she jumped up.
“I need to get there in exactly forty five seconds or the scenario you just explained will happen! Unless Pinkie stops to say hi to somepony, which is likely, or if she trips, unlikely, or-“
“Just go!” interrupted Carrot, raising his hooves above his head.
“Ok!” and she dashed out the door, the bell repeatedly dinging as the door swung back and forth on its hinges.
The sun had completely set now, and Carrot wondered whether Twilight would make it in time to catch Pinkie. That is, if that friend of hers pulled through- he did say, ‘if you ever need a balloon popped, I’m your stallion’ several times during the brief conversation they shared. He shook his head- Ponyville had some funny characters, and he hadn’t even met all of them yet.
He looked over to the storage room- his Ponies magazine was still under the oven, as he hadn’t had a chance to get it before the Twins and Cup got back. He furrowed his eyebrows- he would read it, he still had time!
He checked the door out of reflex- all clear on that front. He walked past the ovens and checked the back alley- nothing but trash and leftover party supplies. He double timed it to the ovens, bending over to reach the glorious bundle of papers. He eased his snout under the metal furnace, inches away from the magazine. He stuck his tongue out- maybe he could reach it if he just stretched his tongue out a bit farther-
“Carrot?”
“Augh!’ he shouted, bumping his head into the oven, his body going flat on the ground. He shook his head and started to slide out, longingly gazing at his magazine.
Someday, he thought.
“What were you doing under the oven again? That’s the same position I found you in last night! What is under there?” she questioned, leaning over with the twins in their stroller watching with mild amusement.
“Nothing! I mean, I thought I saw some bits under there, but when I got far enough, I realized they were just some, uh, some bottle caps! And I was just about to pull my head out, but then you came in and I hit my head,” he said, mournfully rubbing his bruise.
“Oh, don’t be a baby, Carrot. Heh. Baby carrot? I made a pun, Carrot!” she laughed, smiling wide.
“I guess you did,” he said, nodding his approval. Pound Cake started laughing, then burped, paused, and continued laughing. Pumpkin followed suit. Carrot walked over and nuzzled the twins. “It’s good to know we all have the same sense of humor. We already got ‘em laughing at puns! And bad ones, too!” exclaimed Carrot, happily. The twins giggled a bit.
“Say, honey, did you see Pinkie on your way here? And did she happen to have a swelled up head?” he asked, leaning up from the carriage. Cup gave him the strangest look, which quickly changed to suspicion.
“Did you have something to do with this?” she demanded, eyebrows lowering.
“No. Well, not really. Twilight came in here looking for her but I thought she might’ve gone to her friend, the one who likes to pop balloons. You know, because her head was so swelled,” he explained, his hooves pointing to his head.
“Well, she said hi to me-“
Twilight predicted correctly on that point, he thought.
“-and said she was going to Twilight’s, because her friend couldn’t help her from turning into a ‘Pinkie balloon’, I think she called it. She was lifting off the ground, Carrot. Is she going to be alright?”
“Yeah, Twilight’s got it covered,” Carrot reassured her. “Nothing could stop that mare- if Pinkie floated up, she’d be on her trail in a hot air balloon, or something. And I think they might be, uh, you know,” he said, cracking a small smile and winking.
“What?” she asked.
“You know,” he encouraged, winking multiple times. Cup pondered for a second, and then her face lit up.
“Oh! Well, Twilight had better know what she’s getting into, then. I’m not entirely sure anypony can handle so much- well, Pinkie. Did you ask them about it?” she inquired, smiling brightly.
“Well, no,” he admitted. “So don’t go telling everypony you see. Or anypony. Actually, just forget I mentioned it,” he stated.
“Ok, Carrot. Honestly, I don’t think anypony would care- you saw how everypony reacted when Lyra and Bon-Bon got engaged. There wasn’t a sore face in the crowd!” she stated, triumphantly.
“Yeah, I guess- but I think both of them aren’t really sure where they stand, so it’s best to drop it for now,” Carrot finished, adjusting his hat.
“Drop what?”
“Augh!” both Cakes shouted. The twins broke out in laughter, having seen the pink pony walk down the stairs. They were not yet old enough to realize Pinkie should’ve come through the front door, and they might not ever be, considering they would be in the same building for a number of years.
“Oh, it’s just you Pinkie. Why didn’t I hear the bell ring?” he asked, looking at the smiling pony.
“I don’t know, Carrot. Why would you?” she asked, puzzled.
“Because it rings whenever someone comes in here, Pinkie,” Carrot explained.
Pinkie looked surprised at this information.
“Wow… that’s one magical bell… maybe it was just really quiet? I sure didn’t hear it.” She murmured, glancing at the bell,
“Never mind, Pinkie. So, how’d it go with Twilight?” he asked, changing the topic.
“Well, she deflated my head because it was really big because Twilight wanted to see if she could make one of my cupcakes the size of Ponyzilla, but then-“
“I know the story, Pinkie. I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said, putting a hoof on the counter.
“Okay? Are you kidding? That was so awesome! I mean, I got to be my cutie mark for half an hour! I wonder if I can still float if I hop off the ground!” she exclaimed, jumping. To her utter sadness, she fell to the floor in a pink heap. “I guess that’s a no…” she said, dejectedly. “Oh! I know! I could just get a whole bunch of helium, and then-“
“Pinkie! That would not work. You could hurt yourself,” he warned, a stern look on his face.
“I’ve hurt myself plenty of times, Carrot! I can take a little gas,” she giggled. “Especially since it makes my voice all high pitched, like a squirrel!” she exclaimed, having produced a squirrel mask and buck teeth.
The twins started laughing again as Pinkie twitched her nose back and forth and scurried around the bakery. Carrot started to laugh as Pinkie inspected a bit on the floor, chomping it like a nut, but stopped when he saw the look on his wife’s face.
“Carrot, I don’t think the twins need any more reason to get excited. We should put them to bed. It’s very late,” she cooed, nuzzling Pumpkin who giggled into her mom’s snout.
“Ok, dear,” he said, watching the exchange with a smile. “I’ll be up in a moment- I need to have a word with Pinkie.”
“Ok. I’ll see you up there.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and took the twins out of their stroller. Carrot watched as she ascended the stairs.
“What do you wanna talk about, Carrot? Because I’m super- duper tired after that whole my-head-became-larger-than-most-of-my-body thing,” she explained, quickly.
“Well, I just wanted to say- me and Cup support you, no matter what you do. Love is deaf, or so they say,” he said, sagely. “I never really got that one, though- what does deafness have to do with love?” he wondered aloud.
Pinkie looked incredibly nervous, her eyes shifting from one side of the room to another.
“I love everypony! So I guess I’m just really deaf, then! I don’t know what else you’re saying, Carrot, so I’m just gonna gotobedbye!” she finished, bolting up the stairs. Carrot looked at the faint scorch marks on the stairs and floor, sighing. He’d have to fix those up before anypony got there the next morning.
He spent the next twenty minutes fixing up the scratch marks, already wishing Pumpkin was old enough to simply magic them away. But that wouldn’t be for awhile. He looked at the stairs, satisfied with his work. Anything else wouldn’t be seen by customers, so he was clear.
He glanced around, checking the windows and stairs for movement. He sidled into the back room, as stealthily as Fluttershy around most stallions. He trotted silently to the ovens, his head repeating a sweep of the room. He peeked out the door, checking the alley. All clear.
He closed the door to the alley as quietly as he could, appearing inside the back room again. He checked a final time past the door to the rest of the bakery, and finally bent over by the oven. He maneuvered half way under the oven, catching a glimpse of his magazine in the complete darkness.
So close, he thought. He stuck out his tongue- he would really do it this time, he swore to sweet Celestia he would-
“Carrot? Are you coming to bed? And why are there scorch marks in the hallway?” Cup’s voice called from the top of the stairs.
Carrot smacked his head in to the oven for the second time that hour. He stared forlornly at the magazine gathering dust before sliding out from under the machine, lifting his sore head.
“Coming dear! And that was Pinkie, Cup!” he shouted up the stairs.
“Oh. That explains it,” he heard her voice float down the stairs. “Just hurry up! The bed’s cold without my Carrot in it!” she said, whimpering.
Carrot shook his head, moving towards the stairs. What did Pinkie think of that? he wondered. He shrugged once after reaching the top of the stairs. Thoughts of Pinkie could wait. Right now, he had a bed and a lonely wife to get to.