Let it never be said that Twilight Sparkle is an impatient mare. She had spent weeks taking hourly photographs of an apple, just to record its decay over time for a presentation. She had poured over ancient, nigh-illegible tomes in the Canterlot Royal Library over the course of months, just to make sense of an obscure passage on shield charms dating back to the Equestrian Unification period. No, she knew the benefits of being patient, especially when pertaining to her studies.
Rainbow Dash, however, was doing her best to destroy Twilight's natural calm.
“What I wanna know,” the cyan pegasus barked, “Is why you didn't come to me first! I mean, I am the best flyer in Equestria after all.”
That her friend was the best flier could not possibly be in question. She had a 'Best Young Flier' medal to vouch for her in this regard. Rainbow Dash. Best flier. Let it be known. Let it never be doubted. Especially not by her friends. Especially when she affirmed this fact to everypony and at every opportunity that presented itself.
“I know,” Twilight replied as gently as she could, “But I have a very specific approach for this study. While Fluttershy, Cloud Kicker, and certainly Ditzy don't have your aerobatic skill, they serve more as a baseline for your everyday pegasus. You, however, are very soundly an outlier from –”
“Twi?” Dash interjected, “Normal words.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. The things she does for science.
“I guess you could say I was saving the best for last.” That seemed to placate the pegasus well enough.
The pair made their way to a clearing on the outskirts of Ponyville, just beyond the property of Sweet Apple Acres. They would need the relatively open, unpopulated stretch of rolling hills. Twilight had selected it specifically for her most recent project.
Twilight's project, in short, was an elementary catalogue of how pegasi flew. Sure, dozens if not hundreds of records, treatises, articles, and essays existed already on the subject, but she felt compelled to contribute her own piece to the annals of history, however small.
To that end, she had devised a simple spell – a temporary enchantment, really – that would record the interaction of airflow with a pegasus' innate magic. To say she was thrilled at her genius would be a bit of an understatement, let her not dissuade you from this understanding with her shows of humility. All other work for her study aside, at least that spell would be featured in a scientific journal in two months' time.
Understated though it be, this is a grand achievement. Be you acknown on’t.
Over the past few days, Twilight had asked, coerced, or flat-out bribed a handful of resident pegasi to feature in her study. Among them, for specific data points, she had recorded standard weather ponies, complete with weather-related names; a wall-eyed mailmare with an all-too-great record of clumsiness and unintentional collateral damage; a pegasus with impossibly small wings named, of all things, Roid Rage; and Dash and her mutual friend, Fluttershy, whose uncanny grace both on hoof and wing was simply too much to pass up. Naturally, they would all be anonymous in her published article. With this corpus already compiled, the one indispensable pony to yet feature was the only one in Equestria to perform a Sonic Rainboom. Best Flier, etc, etc.
To say that Rainbow Dash was excited would be an understatement. Since being asked, her hooves hadn't once touched the earth.
“Okay, Twi, whadda I gotta do?”
“It'll be rather simple,” Twilight responded. “First, I'm going to cast a spell on you that will record the interaction between the--” She stopped herself from going off into the realm of technical detail, noticing Dash's eyes already starting to glaze over. “A spell. As I said before, it might tingle. Then I'll ask you to do a few maneuvers, and that should be it.”
“Really? Just a few maneuvers? I can do all kinds of tricks, ya' know! Ooh, how about a Buccaneer Blitz? How'd that look?”
“Dash,” Twi said, hoping to reign in her friend's excitement, “Maybe later. But first I'd like to get through my list.”
Rainbow Dash blew a raspberry at that, but didn't otherwise object.
“Okay, Dash, ready to be... How did you put it, 'zapped?'”
“Of course I'm ready! This is gonna be awesome!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, summoned her magic, and, with an arcane effort that shall not be expounded here to not sully or dissolve the reader's lesser mind, 'zapped' Rainbow Dash with the spell. That incredible, amazing spell!
Twilight sagged for a moment, as Dash chortled.
“Heeheehee, Twi, that tickled!”
“I'll,” Twilight replied, between gulping breaths, “Be sure to make a note of that. Now...” She shook her head and lifted her clipboard. “To start off, I'd like you to just to a simple speed run.”
“Can, do, Twilight! How fast we talking, here?” Dash, if it were possible, was suddenly even more excited.
“Pretty fast, I think. But not Rainboom fast. How about from here to...” Twilight’s voice trailed off as she scanned the horizon. She was looking for a landmark far enough to get enough data, but not too far to break the enchantment and her clipboard. The paper on it was magical, too, in case you weren't aware. The stuff has to be recorded somewhere, silly.
“How about you fly to Sweet Apple Acres' new barn and back?”
Rainbow didn't wait to reply. With a flash, she launched herself even higher into the sky, hurtling through the air. Through the air and three puffy, innocent clouds minding their own business. Twice; once going and once coming. There wasn't much left of the clouds ten seconds later. The poor dears.
“How about that, Twi?” Dash boasted, hovering. “Ten. Seconds. Flat!”
Twilight Sparkle’s left eye twitched, just once.
“Oh, that was, um, nice. Did you have to fly through those clouds, though?”
“Well, I guess not,” Dash admitted. “But, I mean, c'mon. They were there. Did I have to not?!”
Twilight pondered for a moment how to tell Dash in a way she would understand. She didn't hardly succeed.
“Rainbow, the point of these tests is to get clean data. If you're punching holes in the clouds as you simultaneously fly faster than any other pony in my data set, it won't be clear what makes your flight unique.”
Rainbow Dash hovered, her face blank with just a trace of unmitigated zeal.
“Just,” Twilight tried again, “Just try to do exactly what I ask you to, okay?”
“Pshh, fine.” Dash acquiesced with a wave of her hoof.
“Thank you. Fly again, please. Here to the barn. And back,” she was quick to add.
Dash flew off again, this time flying to the barn and back without encountering any obstructions or taking any detours. Twilight breathed a small sigh in relief, thinking that – just maybe – things would go smoothly for the next fifteen minutes or so.
“Very good, Rainbow. Now, could you do a loop, please? A few hundred feet up and back should be fine.”
Rainbow Dash looked quizzical.
“Um... just one loop?”
“Yes,” Twilight affirmed. “Just one loop. Up and back, please.”
Dash did a 'loop.' Straight up a few hundred feet, looped around, and straight back down.
Twilight’s eye featured another twitch.
“Um, Rainbow...” Twilight hesitated, taking a deep breath to calm herself. It was an honest mistake, she told herself. Just a misunderstanding. Nothing to be upsetting.
“Rainbow, a loop like... this.” She traced a circle with her hoof.
“Oh, you mean a coil!” Dash chirped. “Easy!”
“It's not –” Twilight began to interject, but Dash was already off.
“It’s not a ‘coil,’” Twilight muttered to nopony but herself. “It’s a loop.”
Rainbow Dash arched gracefully forward, up, back, and... at the apex, saw fit to add a twirl before arcing back down in a semicircle.
“There you go, Twi! One loop!” Rainbow Dash announced, looking very pleased with herself.
Twitch, twitch.
“Rainbow.” Twilight removed her hoof from her face. “One more time, please, without the aileron roll at the apex.”
“Without the who at the what now?”
“Don't spin at the top of your loop, please.”
“Oh, heh, sorry. Comin' right up!”
Once again, Rainbow Dash shot off. Twilight shifted to the side, trying to watch the maneuver from another angle. The pegasus noticed her move and modified her loop accordingly, keeping the plane of the loop in line with her.
There was no twitch in the eye this time. Instead it had decided to take up temporary residence in Twilight’s shoulder.
“Once more, please, Rainbow.”
“What?!” Dash yelped indignantly. “That was –“
“Please, Rainbow. Just one more loop.” There was a forced calm in Twilight Sparkle's voice that neither of them noticed just then, each for very different reasons.
With a huff of indignation, Dash did one more loop, this time without any unexpected maneuvers or flair. Twilight checked her clipboard once again.
“Thank you, Rainbow. Next, I'd like you to do a barrel roll.”
“A what roll?”
“A barrel roll.”
“A what roll?”
“A barrel roll.”
A beat passed, the pair staring blankly at each other.
“A what roll?”
“A corkscrew thingy, like what you do in the opening credits!”
“Bwaah!” Twilight cried. “Pinkie!”
“Hiya, Twilight! Hiya Dashie!” Pinkie Pie cheered at the two, bouncing up the hill. “I saw Dashie flying out here and noticed she wasn't exactly doing her usual routine of whatever, so I thought that there must be something special going on out here and asked the Cakes if I could take a break from Sugarcube Corner and they said yes so I came out here and found you two and – ohhhhhh – this is probably more of what you were doing with those other pegasi these past few days, they told me all about it and thought it was really interesting, and – oooo! Is that a reader? Hi reader!” Her smile as bright as her cobalt and sapphire blue eyes, Pinkie Pie waved cordially at you.
Twilight gawked for a moment. Dash chuckled in a way that sounded not unlike 'snrkkkt.'
“Pinkie Pie,” Dash said while tapping Twilight on the head to bring her back to her senses, “Never change.”
“Just for you, Dashie, I never will!” Pinkie Pie beamed. She gave Rainbow a hoof-bump and went to sit down by the edge of the woods to watch the proceedings.
“Hey, that's not very –“
I said, Pinkie Pie went to sit down by the edge of the woods to watch the proceedings.
“Anyway, Twi.” Dash prodded Twilight, who shook her head. “A roll of some kind?”
“Yes. Yes, a roll... Um. Like a corkscrew.” She gestured again, this time in a motion reminiscent of a corkscrew.
“Oh, yeah, sure!” Dash beamed. “Coming right up!”
Dash flew off, spinning in an aileron roll and flying back.
“Done and done!”
Another twitch, this one gripping Twilight's eye in a quaking grasp for nearly a full second.
“Okay, not bad. I can still use that. But that was an aileron roll. Just spinning. This time... This time,” Twilight explained, “Rather than just roll, fly as if you're coiling around a barrel. A, um, really long barrel.”
“Fly as if I could suddenly fly in a straight line and you wanted to keep going in circles around me!” Pinkie offered from her position way over there.
“Oh, I get it. Heh, sorry, Twi. Here we go!” Rainbow Dash winked to Pinkie and flew off again.
Rainbow Dash, for her part, did a barrel roll, complete with corkscrewing Buccaneer Blitz. Twilight should be honored to have such an amazing feat recorded on her clipboard. Little does she know how, in only a moments' time, it will [DATA CORRUPTED].
“Way to go, Dashie! That was super-duper-riffic! I bet even Buccaneer herself couldn't do that in a roll! Oh! That just gave me an idea: Buccaneer Roll rolls! They’d have a ‘sh-pow!’ with a hint of ‘whoosh’ and ‘chim-bang,’ all buttery and flaky and – ” And Pinkie will be quiet for the remainder of this story.
“No she won't!” Pinkie called back, not an ounce of malice in her body. Bless her.
Pinkie suddenly remembered the batch of delicious muffins made especially for the local mailmare for her It's Okay To Make Mistakes, We All Understand, You Aren't Being Fired party, and how she didn't set a timer for them, so the Cakes might not take them out. They might burn unless she – and only she – got back in time to save them from a horrible cooking accident.
“Oh no!” Pinkie cried, as if abruptly horrified by some existential plight. “Sorry Twi, sorry Dashie, I gotta go stop an inadvertent muffinpocalypse! Good luck with your science! Bye, reader! Sorry I didn't throw you a party!” With that, the pink confectionist and party pony darted off to parts well known. She will not feature again for the remainder of this story.
Twilight was frozen by a fit of miniscule paroxysms, the whole of her body quivering.
It took Dash a moment to turn from the departing figure of Pinkie Pie and, with a stroke of uncharacteristic insight, notice something was amiss with her unicorn friend.
“Um, Twi? You okay, there?”
“Fine!” Twilight yelped quickly, all too clearly not fine. Her voice was high and thin, her pupils uncannily small. 'Let's just... Get this over with, okay?”
“Okay, Twi.” Rainbow Dash, while perhaps not as attuned to the discomfort of her friend as we, had subdued herself somewhat. “Let's wrap this up, and then we can take a break over at Sugarcube Corner. Heh, maybe we can figure out what that 'muffinpocalypse' and 'reader' thing was about. You look like you could do with some ice cream or something, too.”
“That's...” Twilight paused, visibly relaxing at the possibility of a return to normality. “That sounds good, Rainbow Dash. There's really only one last thing on the list, and this one really is the best.”
Dash's eyes brightened, waiting for the inevitable two words.
“Dash, I'd like to record you performing a Sonic Rainboom.”
“Yesss!” Dash cheered. “I hope you're ready, Twilight, 'cause here!” She hurtled upwards into the air.
“We!” She was immediately a half-mile above the earth; plenty of height.
“GO!”
Rainbow Dash fell. She plummeted. She rocketed downward towards her lavender friend. The air wrestled against her wings and went home whimpering with vivid bruises. Her hooves outstretched, eyes squeezed to slits, a cone of compressed air formed around her. It tightened, she pumped her wings harder. The air screamed in her passing. It was too fast. She was too fast. Too fast! Too good! It hurts! It’s amazing! It’s–
The sky tore apart.
Around Rainbow Dash a bloom of light and magic erupted, a dazzling monument to the beauty and wonder of the world. To the poor, understanding, resigned recording enchantment, willingly enraptured in its execution, it was the last, brightest, warmest thing it ever
***
The muffins weren't burned, I got there in time. I saved one for you. – P.