Therapist Visit

by ABagOVicodin


Rupture

“Oh, it’s nice to see you again, my faithful subject. Were you the one that sent me this letter?”

“I see. Is there something that you wished to talk about?”

“Ah, well, I don't stay up during the night as much as you might think. My student is probably worried about her new transformation, so I am staying awake to catch any letters that she will no doubt send me. I just took a walk outside the castle to clear my head and here we are. How are you doing this fine night?”

“Good? Well, I'm happy for you. I am doing fine as well. It is rare to see your student transcend her studies and become a new princess all in the same day. There have been millenniums of work and planning lost because of my mistakes; I am so glad that I didn't stress Twilight too much. It has happened before and I paid the price because of it. But I digress...”

“Are you going to go visit my sister?”

“Very well, I'll follow you to her room.”

“So tell me... how did you and my sister meet?”

“Oh... I did not know that my sister left the castle as much as she did. I didn't think that she would want to go out searching for a mate. She always seemed so introverted... so focused on reading and gazing at the stars. She reminded me of somepony else that I know...”

“I'm sorry if I spaced out. I was just thinking. Let's stop for a moment. Are you in any rush?”

“Ah, well since you aren't, would you like to come into the Royal Kitchen with me? I would like a slice of cake before I retire to my room.”

“There is no need to bow to me, Appetizer. One slice of cake with vanilla frosting, please. Would you like anything, Mr...?”

“Ah, very insightful name for a stallion such as yourself. Very well. Just the cake, Appetizer. Thank you, and have a good night.”

“Mmm... this cake is very good. Are you sure that you don't want a piece?”

“Oh, my apologies. I didn't know that you are a diabetic.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Where do you see yourself with my sister in ten years?”

“I see. Interesting choice of words. General, yet positive. You have certainly been asked this question before, haven't you? I wonder if all stallions respond that way... it seems to be a pattern.”

“I'm sorry if it seems like I'm interrogating you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

“Yes... well... since the two of us are here... I can appropriately apologize for our previous encounter. I admit that I went a little overboard with my threats. I was just... surprised that my sister would start dating again. I'm happy that she is putting herself out there, I really am, I just wish that I could help her with her choices...”

“No... I don't want to pick for her. I just... I want to explain it to you, but I don't think that it would be polite to talk about Luna's past. She can tell you about it.”

“It's not that I don't want her to be happy. I do. I guess after a thousand and so years, I still haven't gotten over the fact that my sister can date other ponies.”

“No, I have nothing against you. My sister dating just rubs me the wrong way... heh... I blame my mother for that. My mother used to carry around this passive-aggressive vibe wherever she went. When I used to date, my dates would usually crack after a few weeks and tell me that my mother was scaring them. Is it my face? The horn? The wings? Maybe if I spread some cake over my face, I wouldn't be so scary.”

“I'm sorry that it is taking so long to reach Luna's room, but we are almost there.”

“Hmm? Turn around? Why would I do that?”

“My apologies if I don't believe you. Is there something you wish to do with my sister that I should know about? Hmm?”

“If there is no problem, then we should continue, should we not? For someone who knows how to answer my questions, you can be a terrible liar when you are put on the spot.”

You can be as well, Sister.

L-Luna?

Did you send me this letter?

I didn't... what is the meaning of this?

Sister, why are you not in bed? Shouldn't you be sleeping for the Royal Coronation tomorrow? Your student will be crowned a princess, you should be awake for that.

I... will be. I'm just making sure that Twilight doesn't panic from her new set of wings. She tends to send me a lot of letters when it comes to something that is new to her, and I'm sure that I'm going to get at least two letters from her tonight.

Then shouldn't you be in your room? I doubt that the letters come to this hallway, unless that changed while I was gone as well.

Luna, are you okay?

I'm fine, Sister. Why would I not be?

Don't lie to me Luna. Something is the matter, and I want to know what it is.

Ponies in Tartarus want ice water! What if I don't want to tell you what it is?!

Then...

Then what Sister? Are you going to make me?

Luna, please calm down.

I am perfectly calm.

There is something wrong with you Luna. Please... just calm down... we can talk this out.

Can we talk this out Sister? We haven't spoken about anything important since you brought Starswirl's book to me.

But-

And before that, Twilight's train back to Ponyville after Sombra was banished.

She-

And before that... Cadence's marriage.

She asked for-

Even last night, you asked me to help hold that dinner for you. When was the last time you visited my room to just say “hello”?

...

Did you do this? Have you been lying to my sister to make me look bad?

He doesn't need to Sister; you do enough of that by yourself.

Luna! What has gotten into you? This isn't the sister that I know!

What have you done to my sister you foal! I knew I should have scared you off when I had the chance!

Ah, so the truth comes out.

I... No... Luna... you don't understand!

Of course I understand Sister. Now I do, because you decided to drop the act.

There isn't...

Tell me Sister, is this new for you? Have you always tried to scare away my coltfriends? He isn't my coltfriend by the way, he's my therapist.

Th-therapist?

I hired him after Twilight Sparkle banished King Sombra. I had a feeling that Twilight Sparkle was rising the ranks of her magical studies while I remained in irrelevance.

But... you looked okay. You didn't seem upset.

I guess that's why Twilight is the Princess of Friendship and not you. Did you think that somepony is going to ignore when another door of opportunity slams in their face? Did you think that another dream being cut to pieces in front of you was going to be taken with a grain of salt?

Tell me Sister... do you know what it's like... to be imprisoned for a thousand years? Do you know what it's like... to know that all of the ponies that you knew and loved are now going on with their lives without you?

I... I don't... Sister.

Ah... you don't. Every pony that you knew, you could watch. You watched them grow. You could see them get their cutie mark, find their special talent, and find their place in our society. You got to meet an innumerable amount of ponies and provide them with your knowledge and experience from your countless years of age. You seized the opportunity to open up your own school for gifted unicorns, and trained the one unicorn that is now going to replace me. You got to see Twilight Sparkle grow and become a princess. Would you like to know what I could see while I was gone, Sister?

I...

The Earth. No, not Ponyville, Canterlot, or even Equestria. I watched the Earth as it spun from night to day and back again. I watched the moon, and in turn, myself turn towards Equestria. You replaced me as if there was no trouble at all and continuously moved me back and forth between Equestria and the other side of the Earth. My movements were all based on your choosing while I was imprisoned in the moon. Even while we were an immeasurable distance away from each other, you were still pushing and pulling me away, treating me like one of the guards in this castle at your beck and call.

Do you know how it feels, Celestia, to hear only your thoughts for a thousand years? I could live off of the scorn and hatred from your banishment for a certain amount of time, but what happens when that dries up? Imagine you are asking a question, and the only one that can answer is yourself. Soon enough, the questions come down to the self when you can't live off of the hatred anymore. I attacked myself, while you used me as the night's lantern.

Tell me this Celestia. What if... before you were banished, you tried to solve Starswirl’s spell, and failed?

L-Luna! You couldn't have! The spell is only connected... to the Elements!

It isn't, Celestia. The spell is connected to the destinies and special talents of the friends of the pony who casts the spell. It only affected the Elements because Twilight, the Element of Magic was the caster. Now, imagine your surprise when you find that after months of studying and implementation of new spells, you are simply not able to reverse it? I implemented nearly every spell I could think of to try and ameliorate it, but all I managed to do was block the problem from everypony around me. Everypony in Canterlot was oblivious to the change due to one of my memory spells, which is probably why no one ever told you about it. I failed the spell... and ruined the lives of five ponies because of it.

Those ponies were my friends, my bodyguards in Canterlot. Yet, I can't remember their names. Do you remember the names of the guards that stood outside my castle before my banishment, Celestia?

Well... there was Twinkle Post... and-

I don't.

Imprisonment shapes ponies, Celestia. The years before my banishment are a blur at best and completely forgotten at the worst. I feel a clenching pain in my chest whenever I try to think of the times before my imprisonment. I simply cannot, since I thought about every single detail when I was imprisoned. Every second, every minute... every single hour of every single day was spent thinking... crying... hating what you did to me. The mistakes that I lined up like a set of dominoes that initiated the conclusion of my reign alongside you played in my head over... and over. In the end, I never forgave myself, and as I stand here before you... several years having come and gone... I don't even know if I forgive you.

When I was first broken out of my Nightmare Moon form, the first words that came out of my mouth were “I'm sorry. I missed you so much... Big Sister.” Do you know what that means? It was a surrender. I was sorry, even though you put me through a thousand years of emotional and mental hell while you moved me around like a marionette in the moon. My one chance at revenge and redemption was broken by your protege as I imprisoned you. I gave you the treatment that you gave me. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be completely hopeless, to believe that your prison was going to be never-ending. I wanted you to question yourself and beg for forgiveness for your treatment of me. But you know what happened instead? You didn't have to. You knew that Twilight Sparkle was going to discover the Elements of Harmony and in the process, free you from my prison. You didn't have to worry, cry, or regret. You simply had to wait. Because of this, I gave up. That therapist over there, is the final icon of my surrender. This meeting... is me telling you... that I'm done.

I don't want the chance to rule by your side anymore, since Princess Twilight Sparkle is no doubt going to be more suitable for the role. I don't want you to continue this charade that you want me as your co-ruler. I simply do not believe it. Finally, I wish something that I know you will not be able to agree to, now that you know the extent of your mistakes. I want you to leave me alone...

I'm sorry my Therapist. I wish I could have told you everything during our visits... but I couldn't find the words to elaborate my feelings. Even though every single visit of yours probably gave you enough material to write a novel, I feel as if you haven’t even scraped the surface of what I feel. I do not wish to offend you, but I never expected you to get anywhere with these visits. I said it during your second visit, I merely considered you as a wall to bounce my emotions off of. I just wish that... I was wrong.

Luna... Please listen to me when I tell you this. Listen to every single word. I can’t even begin to explain what I’m feeling, will you please spare me the few minutes so that I can?

I’m listening.

A thousand years inside of the moon is not the only prison in this universe, Luna. After I imprisoned you on the moon, I never felt more alone in my life than during those thousand years. Nine hundred years moved by at a snail’s pace as I constantly second-guessed my actions and debated over whether or not I should bring you back. I wanted to bring you back... every single night. But I was scared, I didn’t know how you would feel if I brought you back. I didn’t know if the mare that I brought back would have been my sister, or the one that I helped create.

Luna, Sister, the both of us have created one of the best ages in pony history. When the two of us banished Discord and spread harmony throughout the land, those were the times when the both of us were the happiest. Together, we created culture and a harmonious environment for ponies to create another generation. Our mother would be proud, Sister, with our accomplishments.

I doubt-

Luna, please just let me finish.

Fine.

The both of us were young back then Sister. We both made choices that we now forget. Now... as you stand here before me... I feel as if I was the one that made the most regretful choice. When you vowed to shroud the land in eternal darkness, I imprisoned you in the moon. The legend says that, and although I thought of you nearly every day, I was clueless to the pain that I put you through. You can probably tell since everything you told me has been nothing but eye opening for me. I can safely say that I have failed you as a sister, Luna. Sisters are supposed to provide comfort and support for each other when they fall down, and yet I left you behind as you struggled to push yourself back up.

I love you Luna, and I can only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, even though the torture that I put you through doesn’t even warrant forgiveness. I shouldn’t have done any of it... I should have been the powerful sister that everyone thinks that I am. If I was, maybe I would have been able to find an alternate method to breaking Nightmare Moon. Instead, my method ended up breaking you. I’ve never seen sadness like this, Luna, and not only was I completely oblivious to it, it was and continues to be my fault. I failed you, both as a sister and the co-ruler of Equestria.

When you came back, you seemed so distant from me. When we passed in hallways or during royal events, you barely spoke to me. I knew that you were probably sad, but I thought it was just because you were having trouble adjusting to this new world, and you would quickly find your place and become happier again. I didn’t know if you wanted the royal duties that you were given so many thousand years ago, because I didn’t know what it was that caused you to turn into Nightmare Moon. I know... the legend says that it was because ponies shunned your night, but... I had a feeling that it was more than that. You were always so stressed, so unhappy during the years before your banishment. I didn’t know if it was because of the royal duties, or something else. I didn’t know until you transformed and threatened Equestria.

I didn’t know anything.

Sister... I-

I understand if you want me to leave you alone. I hurt you. I broke you. I did what no other sister would do. But I want you to know that now that we’ve had this talk... I’m ready to change. You never needed to change Luna. I was the one that needed to. I’m sorry Luna... and I hope that you will forgive me.

I need some time to think, Sister. Please go to bed. We have a coronation to attend to tomorrow.

I... very well. Good night Luna. I’ll see you tomorrow.

You have seen enough, Therapist. Visit me tomorrow night, I'll have a bag of two night's pay waiting for you. Have a good night, I'll teleport you home.