//------------------------------// // Justice vs. Corruption, dood, // Story: Welcome to Equestria, dood. // by Fusion Fool the 3rd //------------------------------// This is it, dood. Hell is coming to drop a bomb upon us…and the only thing I can do to stop this carnival of endless destruction that would make Discord cringe and Nightmare Moon look on and say “I want my mommy”, the one thing that I must do to end this hatred… is roll a natural 20, dood. 3, attack missed and the manticore is now using my head as a chewtoy…crap, dood. Oh right, Twilight had an Equestrian copy of Dungeon and Dragons that’s called “Princess Quest”, I was once a mighty warrior that could bend steel with his pinkie, but the manticore that rolled a 17 decided to do that to me, dood; while Super Pal keeps rolling 20s like it’s the only number on that die. Quick rolecall, dood: I’m currently a rotting corpse, Super Pal is a dagger rogue with a horseshoe up his succubi love-hole, Spike is a Paladin where he vows to save Rarity from whatever the game master throws at us, Chocolate was a mage that casts ice and thunder spells, and Lady Sparkle is the game master. We have been at this for 3 hours so far, and Twilight is making sure that if we die, we get the graph and spreadsheet on how we failed so bad and what we could do to save our asses in the form of a lecture, but it wasn’t that bad, dood. I got up to make a snack for everyone because I’m technically dead, and the dead can leave their seat to grab snacks, dood. As a Prinny, why should I let that offer slide, dood? I enter the Kitchen of the library to grab some of the cookies that Chocolate made earlier with Pinkie, and took them back to the circle of RPG-ness. This is a slow game, dood. Spike is trying to get his shield engraved with Rarity’s cutie mark, Super Pal is hoarding the consumables like any variety of dragon that comes to mind, and Chocolate is trying to pick fights with the townsfolk of a board game, it’s like taunting the houses or the hotels in monopoly, why bother, dood? Twilight is having some fun, dood. But her OCD is acting up trying to get everyone to pay attention to what she has to say, dood. Last time this happened, Twilight just randomly shouted “Meteor Shower” and everyone shut up and rolled to see if they would survive…only Super Pal survived, until Twilight sent the Radiation Cockroaches after him and found out that they have a radiation tick that can’t be avoided and killed him in seconds, dood. Makes me wonder what catastrophe will happen to get the players to stop acting like kids… or get Spike to act like he’s older than what he actually is, dood. Our game was interrupted by Rainbow Dash crashing through the open window and landing on me, dood. Yea…she still broke the window, dood. “Hey Twilight, Applejack found something weird in her orchard…it looks like one of the prinnies.” She said, and zoomed out of the library like she’s some sort of badass, dood. We quickly followed her…to the best of our ability… Can you keep up with someone that probably has her teeth lined with Accelerators, dood? (Don’t let her know about the Accelerators, please dood.) One sprint later (we didn’t say anything we just ran, dood) we found Applejack, Big Mac, and Rainbow Dash surrounding something. Twilight moves next to them to look at the ULO (Unidentified. Lying. Object) and shifted a bit to let us look at whatever it was, dood. Now, if you were a prinny… you would respect this guy so much that you would call him “Big Brother” because he is the badass we prinnies need, and don’t deserve. Kurtis, The 38th Defender of Earth, dood. But he seemed to be out cold, though, so it’s hard to be awe-struck with greatness when the object of such greatness is lying in a apple orchard, dood. “Hey Fusion, do you know this guy?” Applejack asked me, dood. “That’s Green Brother, dood. He’s a legend among us prinnies. He has no master, and he strong enough to go up against overlords that don’t abuse Mt. Ordeal 4 and walk away like a champ, dood.” I gush, dood. Even Chocolate and Super Pal are like totally, dood. “And if they do abuse this ‘Mt. Ordeals 4’ place?” Twilight inquired, dood. I let out a sigh, dood. “Then he gets stomped like anyone else not named Tyrant Overlord Baal or Pringer X, dood.” It’s true though…Mt. Ordeal is a godsend for aspiring Overlords. Everyone that is a scared little girl in the area (Myself, the other prinnies, and sorta-kinda Spike) jumped and made a small scream when we all notice the green prinny twitch. Applejack and Rainbow Dash helped the poor guy onto her back as they carried him into the farmhouse, dood. “What do you know about Green Brother?” Twilight asked, everyone giving me all the attention, dood. “His name is Kurtis, he was a cyborg-human guy that worked with the EDF to take over the netherworld a long time ago as the ‘38th Defender of Earth’, he was defeated by Overlord Laharl and his vassals, dood. But in the end, his rival, Captain Gordon, taught him what it truly means to be a Defender of Earth, and Kurtis sacrificed himself to save the Netherworld, dood…he came back as a prinny because of the sins he committed while working in the EDF.” I stop for a moment to check if everyone caught up. “What’s a cyborg?” Spike asked, dood. “Cyborgs are people or ponies that replace a lot of their body with mechanical parts, either because they are insane or because they lost their old limbs and science decided to give them back, dood. Kurtis lost 70% of his body in an explosion that killed his wife and daughter, so he became a defender for the wrong reasons and became a prinny when he died, dood.” I continued, dood. “Ouch, that’s rough. Poor little fella.” Applejack said, it appears that she had just placed Kurtis on the couch behind her with a blanket over him and joined us, dood. “Well, he’s a good guy now, dood. And all prinnies look up to him, dood.” Super Pal chimed in, the prinnie sin the room nod in agreement, dood. The couch moved again behind us, when the badass behind us got up, his cold eyes searched the room for anything familiar, I guess dood. “Where am I?” He asked, dood. “Howdy there, Mister Kurtis. You’re in Sweet Apple Acres.” Applejack explained. Kurtis looked her dead in the eyes and she took a few steps back, dood. “Sweet Apple Acres? I didn’t think those demons took their fascination of a human child’s television show so seriously. Dress up like ponies, that's absurd.” He said, everyone NOT from the netherworld looked super confused, dood. He looked around to see me, Super Pal, Chocolate sitting down, dood. “Prinnies? I thought Heavy Macintosh hated prinnies.” He said, getting off the couch, dood. “Dood, you’re not in the Netherworld…you’re in Equestria.” Chocolate says slowly. Kurtis stopped for a moment slowly walked to the window to see that the usually rotten sky of the netherworld that we all remember it being…is actually a clean, clear blue sky, dood. “But this place is a marketing ploy to sell plastic ponies, how does this place exist?” He asked, you can so hear the gears moving in his head, dood. “Whatever happened to that ‘Prinny Rule Number One’ that these guys go crazy not to screw up?” Rainbow Dash asked, we all look at her with a critical eye…cause that remark wasn’t funny, dood. “Because I think it’s a ridiculous rule, and I will not abide by it.” Kurtis answered, Rainbow Dash looked at us wondering why we don’t just stop as well, dood. “You try dropping a habit that was nailed into your skull for 800 years, dood.” Chocolate remarked, going all angry eyes on the blue mare, dood. “May I ask why you are here?” Twilight asked him, he regarded her about as much as he regards anyone, dood. “I was called upon by Miss Artina to locate a rogue Prinny that escaped the Netherworld by blackmailing the dimension guide with free passage to a unknown location.” He said, dood. A glint shone in his eyes, dood. “With that said, how did these prinnies get here?” He interrogated (he asked like a interrogator would ask someone, dood, I dunno if it’s a word). “We came here months ago, dood. We paid that dimension guide lady and she let us come here. Ever since then we were employed under Lady Sparkle, dood.” I answered him, dood. “It’s not you then, this prinny escaped earlier in the week. You prinnies will assist me in finding this prinny. I don’t know the area very well and will need a guide.” Kurtis ordered, we all just salute, looking like we all shit bricks, dood. “We can help too; we can start our search tomorrow morning when we gather the girls.” Twilight said, Applejack and Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement, Spike nodded as well, hard to get excited about that though, dood. “Very well, I’m going to scout around to make sure the area is secure.” Kurtis said, he opened the door leading out of the house and took off at what looks like Rainbow Dash’s speed, dood. Rainbow Dash didn’t like him already, I can tell, dood. We all met at the library where Fluttershy was holding our Green Brother like he was a Teddy bear, dood. It was hilarious. “Someone tell this crazy mare, I’m not adorable.” He protested, the mares were giggling, but we prinnies didn’t find it funny, dood. “Oh, but you are. The way you act all tough and yet look so cute, is just precious.” Fluttershy said, there was still giggling and confused prinnies in the library’s foyer, dood. “Release me so that I can brief you all on the situation.” He commanded, the yellow mare reluctantly did so, but still rubbed his head with her hoof, dood. “Anyways, there is a prinny that escaped into this land early in the week. According to the description given to me, he is a black prinny with red eyes and metal scraps attached to his body, his name is “Mr. Shiny” but he has only been known to answer to the name ‘Sombra’.” Collective gasps from the ponies, dragon, and the prinnies that watched the Season 3 premier, dood. “According to his statistics Artina gave me: He is a level 10 Private Prinny with a level 3 Crab Claw, lv. 1 Powerful Jacket, level 4 Power Belt, and a stolen lv. 10 Cosmo Muscle. Evility is Explosive Nature. He has 5 known abilities: Prillin Bomb, Star, Enfeeble, Mind Break, and Slumber. Capturing or subduing him will be extremely simple it appears.” He finished, the ponies and dragon were still shocked…the prinnies were on the verge of laughing, dood. “So we are dealing with a weak prinny with a lot of health? Even with that, we can just throw him and send him back to the netherworld that way, dood.” Chocolate chuckled, dood. “Yea seriously, dood. Sure he had a cool design but, he has about as much character as a turnip, He went from dumb My Little Pony baddie to weakest prinny boss, dood, Gilda’s a better villain then him, dood.” Super Pal added, he fell over laughing by the way, dood. “He’s no Chrysalis or Discord, dood. That’s for sure. He only had 5 lines of dialogue; he is so sad, dood.” I cried…cause I was laughing so hard, dood. The equestrian citizens of the room were super confused by our actions... Maybe it’s because we regarded some of their biggest villains like they were there next door neighbor dood. “Indeed, He is rather weak; but remember none of us can lift him, we are all monster class, meaning we can’t lift others. We will have to deal with his large health pool.” Kurtis said, Ponies are super confused now, and we all sigh in defeat, dood. “Gigavolt is a pony, and she threw that Kamikaze prinny into a pit.” Rainbow Dash said, Kurtis shook his head, dood. “Gigavolt changed the rules around her, and is technically a ‘human’ class demon. Most demons consider this cheating the laws of nature, but when did demons ever care about laws?” Our Green Bro explained, “but if Gigavolt is here, then we can get her to assist us if we are adamant on throwing Sombra to exploit the Evility weakness.” “Gigavolt moved back to the Netherworld because she caught herself helping a pony in need and asked for no reward, dood.” I said, took her three minutes to figure out what she did, and when she did, she flipped, dood. She went as far as blowing up her workshop, just so ponies couldn’t use her old place or find a use for anything she may have left behind, dood. I bet she is running around desperate to kill other demons so she can act more like one again, dood. “Why don’t I just throw him, I beat him once before…I can totally, do it again.” Spike proclaimed, flexing his muscles, dood. “You won’t be able to, you are classified as a monster, kid.” Kurtis explained, you know that meme that has that guy looking at you funny like you’re a retard…Yea, dood. So anyways, Kurtis’ plan is to search the Everfree Forest, the more cowardly of us didn’t like the idea, but Kurtis said it was fine and that Everfree is home to some of the weakest monsters he has ever encountered. He even showed us where he vaporized a pack of Timberwolves, dood. The girls were still scared of any attacks that may happen…as was Super Pal since he’s a coward that by all means should be able to take down the Ursa Major, but too busy relieving himself of any pride he had, dood. We came across the Castle of the pony sisters as we see a black dot on the top of the castle’s tower. “Fools.” He says with his one-liners, he descends upon us, trying to look like a boss, dood. “You cannot hope to defeat me with the power I have gained.” Sweet Mother of Overlord Baal, he spoke more than one word, dood. “Mr. Shiny, you will be returning to the Netherworld, you still have a contract in Celestia.” Kurtis declares, Cue group eyebrow raise, dood. “The land of angels, dood. Not the Sun Princess.” Super Pal whispers, dood. “You believe I will return to a worthless land where they force royalty to wash dishes? Absurd.” Sombra spat, dood. “I will use my new found powers to end you, and make those ponies my slaves.” Everyone gets to battle formations that no one said anything about, with Kurtis at point, to fight this horror from the Crystal Kingdom, dood. The ponies or Sombra can’t see it but, even with the Cosmo Muscle, he only has 234510 health. “You think you can defeat me? You're nowhere near my level of skill.” Kurtis taunts. Sombra looked confused by this, unaware that he is going up against a lv. 5700 Defender of Earth, dood. Sombra lunges at Kurtis and hits him with his knives, dealing zero damage, dood. Counter Kurtis hit him back for 9582394 damage, expecting a epic fight, did ya, dood. I looked back to see Twilight holding her head with her hoof, “Why can’t prinnies ever make sense?” I don’t blame her, dood. “Thank you for your assistance, if you excuse me. I must be returning. Farewell.” Kurtis said, dood, as he flew off. “How is he so fast?” Rainbow Dash asked, Super Pal put a flipper on her shoulder, dood. “He's equipped with an accelerator, an item that makes you move really, really fast, dood.” Super Pal explained, dood. By now…all the ponies are trying to mentally register everything that just happened. The next day, the Mane6 and Spike took a day off from doing stuff just to continue trying to mentally absorb what the netherworld has taught them this chapter. So it fell to me to write a letter to Princess Celestia. Dear Princess Celestia I have learned that if you encounter something that is even more bizarre then what is commonly thought as bizarre, then you should try and just let it slide or it will give you a killer headache. I also learned that I suck at pacing as I have been telling my story to any who would listen, and Lyra keeps fixing my mistakes, which is cool, dood. I also learned that if you are vile enemy of Equestria in life, you are so screwed when you die, because you become so super weak, dood. The final thing I learned is that a prinnies view of ‘Badass’ translates to ‘adorable’ to everyone else, dood. Which is super weird. Twilight’s faithful servant, dood. Fusion Fool the Third Next Episode! Fusion Fool: Ponyville is under attack, dood! Twilight: Kay. Fusion Fool: The Evil Creature that I can't name has taken Rarity captive, dood! Rarity: Switching ships, are we? Fusion Fool: It's up to Sparkling Desperado to shoot this monster in the face...and save Rarity, dood. Twilight: I don't have fingers, and why did you pause in that line? Chocolate: Sparkling Desperado, dood? Really? Fusion Fool: With her wicked fast reflexes, that monster doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, dood. Even with the constant badgering of her long time rival "Dead-eye Trixie" Super Pal: Why no Twixie, dood? Chocolate: He doesn't like Trixie, dood. Trixie: "Dead-Eye Trixie", Not a bad name, but "Great and Powerful" will always be mine. Fusion Fool: Final Episode! "The Lone Unicorn vs. Godzilla, the revegance" The bullet of justice and destruction will pop a cap in yo ass, dood! Pinkie: You are so out of ideas, 'dood' Fusion Fool: (sigh) yea, dood. I am.