"And what have we here?"
That voice made me jump, I didn't even hear him teleport in!, to find Discord standing just a few feet away.
"Uh... What the hay are you?" Damn that sounded unconvincing, but why the hell is he here?! I'm nobody, I haven't done anything! Where did he find out about me!?
"You know, not many ponies remember my name, or recognize my work. But then, you aren't a pony, are you Cotton? or should I call you Robert? " I wanted to punch him so much for that. "And as for how I found out about you, you did just yell at me a few minutes ago. I would have come over sooner, but I was busy finishing up a little game with the Elements."
"So, what, you can read my mind? You know everything about me now?" It was official, I hated Discord. My privacy is something I take very seriously.
"Oh heavens, no! Knowing everything would be so boring. When I reach into someponies mind, I only go deep enough to get their name and a few interesting bits about them. And you, Robert, are full of interesting bits."
"Enough with my old name already. Unless you plan on sending me back to earth, it's Cotton now."
"Send you back? To that boring place?" With a snap of his fingers there appeared next to us a simple wooden door with the word 'Earth' printed on it. Discord reached over with his lion arm, snapped the handle right off, and ate it. "Perish the thought!"
"If you didn't look too deep into my brain, then how do you know it was boring?" He actually managed to look quite sheepish at that. Without even turning into a sheep.
"Well, I may have looked the tiniest bit deeper than usual, but can you blame me? You were performing an experiment aimed at making electicity more efficiant, but instead you wound up as a pony in Equestria! That's just so deliciously chaotic! Hahaha!"
"*sigh* Whatever..." Discord is basically god, being pissed at him is pointless. I started walking away, trying to ignore him. He hadn't done anything to me yet, so he probably wasn't going to.
"Not even a goodbye? How rude."
I just kept ignoring him while heading towards town. Maybe I can get a few things to eat before all the stalls explode or something. A tree pulled itself out of the ground and started walking off, each step knocking loose a few acorns that then split open and started flying around like beetles.
More and more things were changing around me as I walked, each random event quickly followed by some stiffled giggling. The sun and moon started switching positions every few minutes and a group of dancing buffalo were performing up ahead. And still that giggling, right behind me.
"Why are you following me? Don't you have anything better to do?"
"Ooh, it speaks! You really should learn to be less stodgy all the time. I mean, look at all the fun changes I'm making around here, and you can't even be bothered to crack a smile!" With a snap of his eagle claw I felt a string wrap around my head, and a piece of cardboard was now held loosly against my muzzle. I imagined it had a big smile painted on it.
"Mm-hmm." It wasn't hindering my breathing at all, so I pretended not to notice it. No need to indulge him by reacting to his antics.
"... You don't seem to be that bothered by me or my chaos. Even Celestia, with all her years of practice at putting on a calm, collected image, gets mad at me quite easily."
"It's called repression. It's something I've always been good at."
We crested the last big hill before Ponyville, bringing it into site. It was a mess, ground in a light and dark pink checkered pattern. Several buildings were floating, the town hall in particular was floating and upside down. ...Well, that was quick. No food for me then.
"Well, what do you think? I did this especially for Twilight, who should be getting here in about another fifty minutes."
"Eh," I half grunted. Discord was silent for several seconds, almost like he was trying to find a hidden meaning in that dismissive sound. When he finally started talking again I could hear his wings more clearly as they brought him in closer. There's only one reason he'd want to get closer to me.
"You know, you really aught to talk more, be more expressive. As it stands your about as engaging as a bowl of rice pudding. So how about it? Why don't you go ahead and tell me..."
A quick glance showed his claw coming towards me, so I quickly jumped away from it, only to bump into something. I felt his claw poke the side of my head before I could look up. "What's really on your mind."
"I hate you Discord." I could feel his magic weaving through me, taking hold of my voice and forcing me to speak.
"Hate me? You didn't seem to care before, why would you-"
"SHUT UP! You wanted me to talk, well now I'm talking! I hate you because of this! Right now! I like not talking to people! I like being left alone! And I like my privacy! But you come waltzing in here with your bullshit, start sifting through my mind and now you're forcing me to spill my guts!" While all of it was true, and I'm sure Discord didn't really mind, as I doubt he has much experience with being liked, I silently feared what was to come. His magic still had a firm hold on my vocal cords, and I knew the tirade I was about to go on would make him angry.
"And you wanted to know what I think of your chaos right? Well it sucks. It's downright orderly!" His eyes were narrowing already. "Look at these floating trees, what's chaotic about floating trees? You just delocalized the gravity and pulled them out of the ground! Same thing for all the floating buildings. Look at those dancing buffalo! No chaos there, they're all in sync with eachother! And their dance is well choreographed to boot!" Steam was coming out of his ears now, and he was gritting his teeth. "The sun and moon switch places every few minutes now instead of once a day, and that isn't chaotic either! You just sped up the cycle a bit. And just look at the ground! Checker pattern!? Patterns are, by definition, orderly! Chaos on the other hand is, by definition, disorderly! Do you see the contradiction?" With that last condescending statement his horn and the tips of his antler shot off gouts of flame like little rockets.
"What would a pathetic mortal like you know about chaos! I am Discord! The God of chaos!"
"You know, for going through the effort of forcing me to speak my mind, you sure don't listen that well! This isn't chaos! This is just different! You are not a god of chaos, you're just some omnipotent prick!" As I panted, trying to regain my breath from all the shouting, I could feel his magic letting go of me. But that no longer mattered, the damage was done. Something changed in Discord once I'd said that. The fires went out on his head and he unclenched his jaw, his entire posture seemed to relax. But his eyes revealed a cold fury.
"Get out." It was almost a whisper, but the world had gone deathly silent.
"Wha-"
"I said GET OUT!" I was lifted into the air and kept floating at about head hight with Discord. As he continued to speak I could feel his anger pressing in on me with a physical force, wanting to crush me but never actually doing so.
"You've insulted me, and my chaos, and I won't stand for it!"
"But you made m-" My mouth was gone.
"Your lucky I'm not the kind to hold a grudge. I'm even going to give you a little gift to improve your attitude." Suddenly I was pulled towards him and quickly found my entire head enveloped in the iron grip of his eagle claw. I imagine it was like being hooked up to an electric chair.
His magic was pouring into me, ripping through me without mercy. Through the pain I could just barely sense him rearranging things in my head, breaking neural connections and forming new ones across my brain. Distantly I was aware that this process hadn't been painful for any of the effect main six. His magic continued arcing through me for what felt like ages before it finally stopped. My ears were ringing, and I could barely hear him as he spoke again.
"Now it's time for you to leave. Equestria is my house now, and you are officially uninvited."
With what felt like a hard punch to the stomach I was flying backwards through the air, the ground and sky both flying by at dizzying speeds as I was propelled to who knows where. Discord hadn't given my mouth back, so I couldn't even scream as I anticipated becoming a long red smear on the landscape. In only a few seconds I shot passed all of Equestria. A snowless mountain range passed beneath me and my trajectory, which had been flat and uneffected by gravity, began a downward arc.
At this speed, there's no way I'll survive! But Discord wouldn't really kill me, would he? I always thought of Discord as just out to have some fun. To get some laughs at other ponies' expence!
The ground drew closer, uncaring of my plight.
He wouldn't really kill me!
Still it grew closer, my speed unchanged. I felt the icy sting of my tears in the wind.
Would he?
"Mmm..." I couldn't help but express my approval of the spaghetti I was eating. I was never very in to pasta dishes, only eating it when it was offered to me, and never bothering to make it for myself. But, after spending nearly a year eating mostly bland grass and flowers, and spending money on proper meals only occationally, it was heavenly. The noodles were thin, likely angel hair, moist and slippery, the tangled mess weaving in and around itself perfectly as it twirled around my fork. The sauce was incredible, it was probably home made with some closely gaurded secret recipe, and peppered with a light layer of mazzarella. Topping it all, were several meatballs, cooked to perfection. They were succulent, juicy, and melt-in-your-mouth tender. In the time I'd spent in Equestria, meat was one of the things I missed most, and as I popped another of the delectable morsels into my mouth I couldn't help but release another satisfied moan.
"Mmhmhmhm." Came a cute little giggle from across the table.
Looking up from my meal I briefly examined the table itself. Situated just above and to the left of my plate was an elegent wine glass, filled half way with a deep purple liquid. On either side of the table were two long candles, providing the rooms only light. In the center of the table on my left was a plate holding several uneaten pieces of garlic bread, and next to it on the right was an ice bucket holding what looked like a wine bottle. The lable, of coarse, read Grape Juice, which was fine by me, I never liked alcohol anyway. And passed that, in the opposite seat, was her. Smiling that same brilliant smile, as always. It looked the same as any other, but this smile was special. It was for me.
"Enjoying Mrs. Cakes spaghetti?" She said with that lovely lilt to her voice, like she was suppressing another giggle.
"It's the best thing I've eaten in years. But I feel kind of bad that you were the one who set all this up. I should be setting up fancy dinners for you, not the other way around."
"Aw, don't feel bad. Things are just different here in Equestria. There are way more girls than boys, so some gender roles are just all flip-floppy compared to where you're from."
She was always so sweet, always trying to cheer me up when even the slightest negative emotion crept forward. She knows everything about me now, it was only a matter of time with how often we talked. She promised not to tell anypony about me though. She knows that I don't like a lot of attention, and that being singled out as an extradimensional being would put me in a massive spotlight. That's just one of the reasons I've grown so attached to her, because I can trust her. Be honest with her about everything and know she will never betray that trust.
"I love you Pinkie."
"I love you too Cotton."
We leaned closer, slowly bridging the gap over the table. The distance continued to shrink, I could feel her breath against my face, it's sweet scent like strawberry frosting. We closed our eyes, and...
*Blink*
A white cloth ceiling stretched over a simple wooden frame was above me.
"Am I in a covered wagon?" My voiced question was met with several surprised gasps from all around me. Sitting upright I saw several foals of varying types sitting around the mat I was laying on. Creepy...
After only a second of staring the foals all scrambled out of the flap at the end of the wagon frantically yelling 'he's awake' several times. "Fuckin' kids", I muttered. I started at that, my anger actually seemed genuine instead of simply irritated. That's odd. I've never liked kids, but I've never hated them before... Speaking of odd things, that was one hell of a dream.
My thoughts were interupted by the entrance of another pony through the flap. It was a pagasus mare, she was light blue with a dark blue mane, and my brain seemed to have shut down as I stared at her. She was quite shapely, and adorning her flank was a silver colored crescent shape with a few small lines behind it, as if it were flying. I gave my head a few good shakes, desguised as cracking my joints, to get my mind back in order. Get it together. You've seen plenty of beautiful women and mares in your life and none of them were this distracting. There is nothing different here, so focus.
"Oh, thank goodness. We were beginning to fear you would never wake. Are you feeling well?"
"Yeah... I'm alright. Where am I exactly? And how long has it been that you thought I'd never wake up?"
"We're still in the Badlands, and you were asleep for four days." She came closer and seemed to be examining me, "we we're actually surprised you survived at all. It was quite the impressive fall you had."
Right, my cross country flight a la Discord. "Thanks for taking care of me while I was out. My name's Cotton Hill, who are you?" I tried to get up but my legs were all wobbly so I sat back down before I could fall over.
"My name is Silver Wind. It will take some time for your legs to fully wake up, until then..." She walked around to my side and her voice took on a sultry tone, "I will help you." She stretchout a wing over my back, lightly brushing the tips of her feathers against me and sending a few shivers up my spine. Once it was all the way across me she folded it in and her wing formed a firm grip against my side. She helped me stand, and I could feel my body temperature rising all over from this extended close contact, as well as how she had spoken.
I had to get the promiscuous one, didn't I? I could swear I heard her purr just now...
"Now let's get you outside. Your legs should get better after a little walking, and Diamond Sigil wanted to see you once you woke up." We walked out of the wagon into the barren fields of the Badlands, where I was greeted by the site of what appeared to be a tent city. There were several other wagons like the one I had been in as well, and likely more beyond what I could see through the white sea.
"So who is this Diamond Sigil, and why does she want to see me?"
"She is our leader, and she is very interested in the pony who was so strongly rejected by Discord."
Many ponies were walking around, most were carrying either boxes or bundles of rolled up cloth. I briefly wondered what they were doing when one of the tents came down while several ponies started removing the cloth from the collapsed frame.
"How do you know what happened to me? And why is everypony packing up? There can't be more than a few hours of sunlight left."
"We have grown used to traveling by night in the last years. The sun is hot in the Badlands, traveling at night is cooler and easier. The moon gives us enough light to see by."
"You've been wondering the Badlands for years? Why would you do something like that, and how are you even alive?"
She let out a dainty giggle at that and pulled me a little tighter against her with the wing over my back. "No, silly, We've only been in the Badlands for less than a week. We came here from across the sea to the east. Our band was traveling in Zabrica for several years, and the sun there is quite hot in all seasons. When we crossed the sea, we had planned on visiting Equestria, but when we passed through the mountains we saw all manner of strange things. Lady Sigil recognized it as the workings of Discord, so we turned around and are now headed south towards Minotaur lands. It was one of our day watchers who first saw you flying by overhead."
I had only really been half listening as she talked, I was destracted by her wing around me. I had almost forgotten it was even there. My legs felt better now, I didn't need her support anymore, but I didn't want to push her away. The warm feeling of her wing over me and her body pressed to my side felt... nice.
Dammit, what is wrong with you! "My legs feel better, I can walk on my own now," I said as I pushed against her wings grip on me. She resisted for a moment before letting me go, her face clearly showing disappointment. We continued on through the tents, now in silence, as I contemplated my newfound lack of control over myself.
Dammit, what is wrong with me! First I snap at a bunch of stupid kids, then I can't stop ogling some random mare, and now I wanted her to keep holding me?! Fuck! It's like I'm having mood swings or something! What happened that I- oh...
A little gift to improve your attitude.
...That fucker! I felt him doing something to my head, that bastard must have screwed with my emotional control! I let out a small growl before I could stop myself. Silver looked over at me, she seemed concerned but didn't ask me what was wrong. I took a few calming breaths.
Easy there, anger is never useful. All it does is make you punch things, that's how you broke your gameboy when you were seven. After a few deep breaths I could think clearly again. Could it really be Discords magic? I felt him changing things in my head, but he was sealed again days ago. Everything effected by his power was returned to normal by the Elements... unless... "Silver, did your day watchers report anything else odd happening the day they found me? Any strange lights, or any kind of large magical disturbances?"
"Hmm... I don't remember hearing about anything like that. Aside from you it was another uneventful watch." She shifted a few inches closer to me, probably thinking she could use the conversation to get near me again. I shifted myself to maintain the distance, she seemed to get the message and didn't try again.
Well, balls. The Elements' power didn't reach outside Equestria, and since I wasn't in Equestria, everything he did to me is now permanent. I hope it doesn't take too long to get my self control back.
Eventually we came to what could best be descibed as a trailer, kind of like the one Trixie had. However, unlike Trixie's, this one was undecorated and had no obvious modifications. It was only made remarkable by the fact I hadn't seen any others on the way over. Silver walked up to the door and knocked a few times.
"M'Lady, I have brought the unicorn." There was a muffled sound from behind the door, I couldn't make it out, but Silver moved to open the door. "She will see you now, please, step inside."
I was getting a real mafia-boss vibe from this, like I'd go in there and be greeted by a shroud of cigar smoke and an italian accent.
Thankfully this wasn't the case, though I had to take back my previous thoughts on the place as Silver shut the door behind me. It was simple enough on the outside, but the inside was decorated up the ying-yang. There was a carpet adorned with stitched flower and bird designs, Though I couldn't make out the colors in the dim lighting. There were many candles all across the room but none were lit, instead the dim light was coming from a glowing crystal embedded in the ceiling. Several paintings lined the walls, all of which looked to be sunsets in different lands, some had snowy terrain, a few had deserts, and others had grassy fields. At the end of the room, what would be the 'front' of the trailer, was a generously sized bed that left only just enough room on either side to walk up to it's head. A draw curtain was set infront of the bed, currently open, revealing the silhouette of it's only occupant.
I was about to say hi, but I got destracted by a faint glow coming from her head, and then all the candles in the room were lit at once.
"Greetings Outsider. I trust you slept well."
Oh fuck you Universe. I was honestly hoping for the 'wizened old lady' type of leader, not the goddamn supermodel kind. She was a unicorn, coat a deep forest green, almost black in the candle light, her main was of the same color but streaked with bands of silver. On her flank was the picture of a tattered old book, several of it's pages misaligned like they were about to fall out. She was laying on the bed at an angle to the door, allowing me to see her side while not having to turn her head at an uncomfortable angle to look at me. Her eyes were a piercing shade of blue that seemed to glow, and she wore a warm smile on her face.
As the seconds ticked by and my rebellious eyes refused to remain focused on her face, I was finally snapped out of it by her voice.
"See something you like?" She fluttered her eyes at me and her smile, once warm and inviting, was now almost predatory.
"Yes- no! Well, er, what I mean is-" Great, another Silver to worry about. "Uh, ahem! Anyway! You wanted to see me?" That awkward moment passed, I was now able to focus, whereupon I saw her smile falter for a moment, like I'd just done something to annoy her. I first thought it was the staring that annoyed her, but that didn't really fit as she seemed to have been enjoying it at the time.
"Yes, I did request your presence. A unicorn flying through the air as if launched from a trebuchet is not a common sight. And, acording to the stories, Discord was loathe to have anypony escape his reach, little own remove them himself. I am curious as to what caused this, has Discord become vengeful after so long in stone?"
"Uhh, no. I just pissed him off. How do you know so much about Discord? I was under the impression that very few ponies remember he even existed."
"Oh? How strange, I would think Equestria, of all places, would remember him. Celestia and Luna were the ones who defeated him after all. One would think that to be a prominent part of any history class. As for how I know... well." She trailed off as she took one hoof and began sensually sliding it down her side. She smiled again when she saw how I couldn't take my eyes off it, before bringing it to rest above her cutie mark. "I know all the old stories."
I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat at some point. Man it is hot in here all of a sudden. I took a slow, deep breath to try and calm myself down and lower my heart rate, when I caught a wiff of something. Is there a strawberry scented candle in here? At that point my stomach let out a rumbling growl, and I nearly collapsed as all at once it hit me that I haden't eaten in at least four days.
"Oh yes! You must be positivly starving by now. We'll talk more later, Silver can lead you to some food. We wouldn't want you dying on us now. After all, everypony needs to eat." There was an inflection to her voice that I didn't recognize in that last statement, but food was calling and it wasn't important.
I said my goodbyes and went outside into the setting sunlight to find some food courtesy of Silver Wind. She took me to one of the wagons, inside were several baskets and boxes full of different foods that I helped myself to. After eating I started to feel tired, which I thought was wierd as I had just woken from a four day nap not more than an hour ago. Regardless, Silver led me back to the wagon I had slept in before. After exchanging goodnights, and insisting I would be plenty warm by myself, I went back to sleep.