//------------------------------// // To the Windows To the Walls // Story: Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story) // by RazortheAwesome //------------------------------// "To the sweat drips from my balls, I'm beatin' ya down to the fuckin' ground, Got a Mega Buster for y'all, c'mon!" Okay that is enough singing of Duane & BrandO's awesome rendition of their song Megaman 2. You need to figure out what the hell to do. You can hear them coming up the ramp. Oh god the HIND HELICOPTER HAS TRANSFORMED INTO A PONY! Throw crayons at it while shouting "Get back vile shapeshifting demon!!!" Oh come on! You know better than that! The hind isn't a transformer (at least as far as you know. You've seen that it clearly has pilots and last time you checked, transformers don't need pilots) and even if it was there is no way it could transform into a lawnmower.... or whatever is outside. Also you're pretty sure there are no shapeshifting demons in this world as far as you know, and even if there was they wouldn't transform into a trio of little girls (Oh the irony of these statements in multiple ways). Plus, even if it was a demon you know that there is no way that you could kill it with a crayon.... Of that at least you are pretty sure.... Plus, you might need the crayons for later. You aren't about to get rid of them just yet. You look out the window of the club house down at the younger ponies and smirk slightly, "This tree house must be theirs" Still, you quickly look out the window to confirm your beliefs. You quickly move your head over to the nearby window and look outside. Outside you see three little fillies, one yellow, one white, and one orange. 'Crap! This tree house must be theirs!?' you think to yourself. You've got to get out of here. You suppose you could try to deceive these children into hiding you, but you have no idea how well that will even work, or how gullible these children may be. Hell, you have no idea how they may react to meeting another species. Sure all the other ponies took it well but they were grown adults, these are clearly kids. Crap, you can see them coming up the ramp now. They don't know what you are. Make like a statue! Grabe the lamp shade and pretend to be a lamp I second this idea. Disguise yourself as lamp post, quicky Don on a tanuki costume from Mario bros 3 and turn into a statue. If that doesnt work, throw shit at them in hopes they will run away. Even if that means your actual shit. And if that doesnt work, simply go out the front door and walk away like nothing happened. Well they are just kids, not like they will rape you. You look around frantically for a lamp post you could use to disguise yourself as. There are however, three problems with this idea that prevent it from working. 1.) The closest thing to a lamp post that you find is a desk lamp on a nearby dresser, and the lampshade on it is much too small for your head, as it is roughly about the same size as the army helmet you found earlier. 2.) There is nothing in this treehouse that even remotely resembles a lamp shade. There's a light on the ceiling, but that's just a dangling lightbulb. Upon reflection of that though, you think how that just seems like an accident waiting to happen. 3.) You really have no idea how to "grabe" a lampshade. You're not even remotely sure what it means to grabe something. Also as has been established, you are dealing with Solid Snake, not Mario, so there are no tanuki costumes around for you to grab. Even if there was you're pretty sure it won't work. Hahaha! Lawl, well played with the whole Big Mac scene. Most amusing. Alright, I think I've got a good one this time: "Only one thing to do! BARRICADE THE ENTRANCE! You quickly run over to the door and slam it closed, pressing your body weight against it. Moments later, you hear hoofsteps just outside. A force begins to exert itself against the door, but you are a bawler bawss and easily hold it back. "Hey! What gives?" a rather brash young voice calls out. "The door's stuck!" Suddenly, you get an idea. A wonderful idea. "Whooooo~" you begin to moan softly. "I am a ghoooost! WHOOOOO~ I have taken over your clubhooouse ooooooooo!!" You chuckle to yourself at the terrified screams from the other side of the door. "Iiif you eeever want your cluuubhouse baaack," you continue, "youuuu must briiiing meeee the smelliest thiiiings you can fiiind!" After all, you still have a scent problem to deal with. Might as well kill two birds with one stone! "Oh, and a shrubbery," you suddenly feel the need to add." Only one thing comes to your mind. You quickly slam the door and press your back up against it to barricade the entrance. Moments later, you feel a force attempt to exert itself against the door, but you're much to strong for whoever it is outside and your bawller boss strength holds it back, at least for now. "Hey! What gives?" You hear the tomboyish voice ask from outside. "What's wrong, Scootaloo?" You hear another voice ask, this one with the same southern style accent as Applejack. Crap, another relative of Applejack's! At least that's the first conclusion your brain draws (which turns out to be completely right). "The door's stuck!" The voice of who you assume is Scootaloo. Suddenly, you get a brilliant, and yet at the same time insanely stupid idea. "Whoooo~," you moan softly in your creepiest ghost voice possible. "I am a ghooost! Whoooo~ I have taken over your clubhouse oooooo!" "What the hay!" you hear the southern voice ask from outside. "What's goin on here?" "Yeah, we know there's no such thing as ghosts," Scootaloo adds. "If you ever want your clubhouse back..." you attempt to continue the act. "You must bring me..." "Diamond Tiara, is that you in there?" You hear Scootaloo ask. "Yeah, just come on out," you hear another, squeaky voice said. "This isn't funny." Crap! They aren't buying it. You need another plan. Cut of your genitalia, CANT RAPE YOU NOW ... ... ... ... ... That is BY FAR THE STUPIDEST IDEA YOU'VE HAD ALL DAY! AND YOU'VE HAD SOME PRETTY DAMN STUPID IDEAS TODAY!!! No, you need another plan. Preferably one that doesn't involve severing your genitalia. You're a bawller boss after all you aren't about to go through life without those. 1. Dive out the window. 2. Run away. Jump out the window and run If all else fails throw a grenade before you jump out the nearest window. Jump out the window like a BOWSS! Or better yet, a SOUCE BOWSS! Remenber your agent 47 skills! -Take something that breaks easy or made of metal. -Toss it out of a window, the sound will distract the CMC. -Once they go see what it was, sneak out 47 style. -Head to the forest and do the moonwalk! -Profit. Try and jump out of the window, only to get stuck mid-way. The CMC arrive and find your ass hanging there with squirming legs. "What's that, Scootaloo?" »Mike Quickly Dive out the window! Then realize diving out a tree-house window was probably a bad idea. Fortunately the window was too small for you to fit through so no headfirst plunge to the ground, unfortunately you are now stuck in the window frame. Dive out the treehouse's window, then run like a deathclaw is after your ass. Better gone then captured. Solid Snake out of the window as they enter! Then run off screaming "Can't catch me now, suckers!!!!!!!!" You glance over at the open window only a few feet away from you. Suddenly, you can feet your inner Solid Snake returning. You put on a determined face as you know what you must do. Without even a moment's hesitation you take yourself off the door and do a running jump towards the window. You then leap out of it like Solid Snake would and fly out towards freedom. Unfortunately, you plummet towards the ground face first. Your original plan was to do an awesome action roll as you hit the ground, but you suppose you aren't that badass enough yet... Fortunately, the distance from the window to the ground wasn't that much so you aren't hurt. Not badly at least. You slowly get back up and look over towards the treehouse to see the faces of three very confused looking little ponies looking right at you. "Can't catch me now, suckers!!!!!" You yell at them as you get back up on your feet and take off into the forest again. The three little fillies don't say a word as they just watch you go. Great, now you're back in the orchard again right where you started. Where are you gonna do now? Wait, wait wait wait. Clearly you're in a badly written fanfic. You need to break the fourth wall and beat up the author. So your current goal? Pinkimena. Diane. Pie. Get her help. At all costs. <--- I second this guy's idea. Okay that is an odd idea. You're not quite sure what to think of that. Even if you were in some sort of badly written fanfic, you're not about to go beating up the author of it. Surely he's a pretty awesome guy. Either way though, you for whatever reason feel compelled to find someone named "Pinkamena Diane Pie," whoever that is. Luckily when you jumped out of the treehouse and ran back into the orchard, the direction you happened to run in turned out to be Northeast and you end up back in town. "Oh thank god!" you say to yourself as you see the town. Thankful to be back in somewhat familiar territory at least you run back into town. For some reason -and you have no idea why- you make your way towards the center of town where you find a building that for all intents and purposes looks like a gingerbread house. Without thinking and without stopping, you run up to it, run through the doors into the establishment... And then everything suddenly goes black..... -Meanwhile back at the ranch- That's not just a backrub. That's a POST COITAL BACK RUB :D "So Twilight..." Applejack began to ask. "You didn't.... you didn't do.... with mah brother... did...?" "What!" Twilight exclaimed as she suddenly realized what Applejack was talking about. "No! Oh Celestia no I didn't do anything like that!" At that, Applejack just looked over at Big Macintosh. "Nope..." was all he said. At that, Applejack let out a breath that she didn't even realize that she'd been holding in. "Thank Celestia," she said as she wiped the sweat from her brow with a hoof. "For a moment there I thought you..." "I'm saving myself for that human so I can give birth to a Centaur and stop Nyarlathotep," Twilight said before Applejack could finish what she was about to say. At that moment, all eyes were on Twilight. If it was possible for a pony's pupils to get so wide that they would burst out of their heads, they would have certainly done that now. Even Big Macintosh was staring at Twilight with the same look of "what is this I don't even..." that his sister had. "So..." said Rainbow Dash, who was still in the doorway. "That human wasn't lying when you said you tried to rape him?" If it were possible for blushes to ignite farmhouses, then at that moment the blush that appeared on Twilight's face would have done just that. -Meanwhile, back with you the human- You awake once again to find yourself in a dark room! That's the second time since you got there that this has happened. Except this time, it feels like you can't move, like your arms and legs are once again bound by something. Oddly enough though you still have your clothes on this time. 'Crap!' you think to yourself as you take in the situation. What do you... "*ahem hey..." ... ... ... ... ... ... What do y... "HEY!" What is it Pinkie Pie!? "Oh nothing. I just wanted to thank all the commenters for bringing the human to me. I've been waiting for my turn with him and now I finally got it. Thank you commenters!" PINKIE PIE STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!!! "Aww.... but why?" Because this isn't that kind of story. "Why can't it be that kind of story?" Because it can't all right. This is my story and this is how I choose to write it. "Aww.... All right fine. But at least can I...?" Yes, you can still do that Pinkie. "YAY!!!!" Why are you even talking to the commenters anyway, you know they can't talk back to you right? "Well, yeah but that doesn't mean I can't do it right?" You never talk to the audience during the show. "Yeah, but that's cause I'm contractually obligated not to. They don't like me talking to the audience for some reason. I'm not sure why." I can only imagine. "What's that supposed to mean!?" Oh, nothing. Anyway Pinkie, you think you could go back to what you were doing so I can start the next chapter? "Okie dokie loki. '*giggles' I'm really looking forward to it." Yes, I know you are. "Anyway. Thank you commenters!!!" *waves hoof. Okay, see you tomorrow Pinkie. "Bye Razor. Remind me to bake you that extra super duper looper souper cinnamon roll when we're done!" Okay I will. But for now, we got a fanfic to move forward with. "You're right. Give me some REALLY REALLY REALLY good ones commenters. I'm really looking forward to what you come up with. Bye bye!" *waves hoof again. Bye Pinkie. "Bye Razor." *Hops away... Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen. Anyway... What do you do?