SMP-5N

by Okhlahoma Beat-Down


Limited Shelter Detected. No Rooms Available. No Space Available. Dejection.

After a discussion over sleeping/power down arrangements, we exchanged words and parted ways. The hall didn't seem that long, especially now that we knew we'd have to stay here for 3 weeks. Inbetween JET and BUL, I spoke my circuits.
"I am displeased by these 'ponies' and their want for domination." I said. "We are simply being handed over as collateral items without any intervention or argument from us."
"Thoughts acknowledged." JET groaned. "I do not feel comfortable being used as a simple thing to be passed around. I was a human once."
"Acknowledged." BUL added. "That same life applied to me. We are sentient: not simply machines."
"Acknowledged." I replied, turning my body 91.34° clockwise towards him. "Do you believe we will receive hostile treatment?"
"Unsure." JET replied. I saw him reach down, activate the Digistruct module, and suddenly his right hand filled with a blue glow. After a moment, I saw a Vladof 'Rabid Spinigun' set into his grip. "Let us be prepared, however. The Digistructors we have equipped should supply us with ammunition and grenades: thus defeating the requirement to reload."
"Crowd control." I nodded mentally.
"Exactly. Loaders do not receive as much credit for what we are: effecient, ruthlessly effective killing machines. Unlike humans, our guilt was destroyed the moment we were made into A.I cores."
"Acknowledged." WAR cut in. "I feel no guilt in eliminating hordes of Bandits. If anything, I find it utterly hilarious to watch their low-level intelligence being wasted by trying to raid Hyperion bases. I myself have participated in holding off Bandits. The fat ones are most humourous when angry."
"Acknowledged." I replied. "I have seen Raging Goliaths before. Funny sight. Midgets are humourous to watch when they are backhanded across a room by raging Goliaths."
"Confirmed."
"Where did those Princesses state we were to be accomodated?" JET asked.
"Upper floor." WAR answered back. "They did claim they would meet us there. Unsure if that was some joke: scans indicate suggested rooms are across this palace. The Princesses have not gone past us."
"True." I replied. "Unless they have teleported. Ha. Ha. Ha."
"Impossible. Those odds are 1 : 395,946,104.99 against them. We will more than likely beat them there."
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"Impossibility detected." I said in a monotone voice. The Princesses had, as we had thought impossible, teleported here. My A.I core began to rapidly whir over other possibilities, yet none were likely. "Teleportation detected. Pre-Space Faring races graded as unable to perform such acts."
"Yes, yes. Unicorns, and alicorns, have teleportation capabilities." Celestia sighed, looking at me as though I were some idiot. Right then I was looking at her with my reticle on her face. "Lesser unicorns may be able to teleport from, say, their house to the shed. Advanced unicorns, like my student, may cover distances as vast as entire villages without breaking a sweat."
"Unable to acknowledge." I muttered.
"Very well." Celestia groaned, rolling her eyes and whispering something to her sister, who promptly nodded. "Care to see your accomodation?"
"Affirmative." JET replied. The two rulers nodded to each other, set their horns aglow, and the doors behind them pushed open to reveal...
"A storeroom." I said, voice betraying the fact I felt quite unloved. It was a dark, musty room, barrels lay on the floor or in stacks, crates reached high up to the roof, and on the floor lay small pieces of scrap metal that seemed conveniently shaped to fit a loader. I looked to both Princesses, confused, and several more whirring noises signalled that my squad did too.
"Yes, the storeroom." Princess Luna sighed. "It's the only place machines such as yourself might rest without catching paparazzi attention. They have been swarming the streets all day, asking ponies about last night's...escapade."
"Apologies for my behaviour." I added. "The lack of entrances for my approach of stealth encouraged me to craft my own."
"Hmmm..." the blue alicorn narrowed her eyes. "Your apology is unrequired, Loader. Nor is it appreciated: several thousand bits were spent to ensure that portcullis remained strong: you ripped it apart in mere seconds."
"Titanium-A blades on PWR Loaders were designed for mining Eridium crystals. Usually, Eridium is found in tough rock faces, thus the requirement for strengthened mining tools is not merely a want, it is a need." I explained. "Eridium is purple. Purple is a favoured colour of mine."
"Your favourite colour is purple?" Celestia asked.
"Affirmative."
"Why didn't you ask to be painted purple?"
"Against regulations. Only a select few Loaders are permitted to customize themselves. Such loaders include: Mal, a malfunctioning GUN Loader on the Eridium Blight who is obsessed with becoming Human, H3RL-3, a trebuchet wielding machine designed specifically to combat Sand Pirates, and JNK Loaders, the forgotten Loaders left to die for no reason."
"Why do you not become a JNK Loader?"
"Impossible. I am here. JNK Loaders exist on Pandora. Here is not Pandora."
"Very well: such logic is not arguable with, after all." Celestia pointed a hoof into the store-room. "Make yourselves at home. I shall send a letter to my student so that she might prepare for your arrival."
"Acknowledged. Many thanks for this settlement zone. It will do nicely." JET courteously stated. "Enjoy your evening." As the Princesses trotted off down the corridor, I cast a glance to JET. BUL, PAY-N3, WAR, and I were also staring. He turned. "What? I was a Brony before I was a Loader."
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"Insufficient space." BUL sighed. Even after we had moved some barrels and crates, there was nowhere near enough room for us to power down and fold into our box like positions. "Eventually, I will blow this [REDACTED] to bits. Why can boxes not be smaller?"
"Question acknowledged, answer unavailable." WAR mutters as he sat uselessly in the corner. Without arms, WAR couldn't be of much help. Instead, he elected to sit in the corner and look sad. PAY-N3 was sat beside him. Neither had arms. I cast a glance over to them, before grabbing another box and carrying it to the stack I'd been making.
"What's in the booooooox?" I asked rhetorically. With hands, JET, BUL and I were quite easily picking the crates up, restacking them, and trying to find a way we could all sit and do sod all.
"Not weapons." JET quickly replied.
"Acknowledged." I muttered, jumping up slightly as I dumped the box on the top of the pile. So far, we had created a large cube of 25X25 in the corner of the room, giving more space for us to sit. Just then, the door opened.
"Good morning!" Celestia called through the gap. "How to did you machines...erm, 'power down'?"
"We didn't." I replied. The white muzzle poking through the crack in the door put on a straight expression and more of the princess appeared. She glanced around the room, before smiling.
"Did you spend the whole night re-arranging these crates and barrels?" she asked, sounding quite amused.
"Affirmative." JET replied, holding a barrel in each hand. "Are you impressed?"
"Yes, very." Celestia beamed. "Usually, it takes weeks to clear this all up. You did it with the space of 13 hours."
"13 hours, 29 minutes, and 47.9 seconds, to be precise." I corrected.
"Yes, well." the princess laughed. "Would you care for some breakfast?"
"Offer appreciated, but denied. Mechanical entities cannot eat food or drink. We simply stomp around, move things, break things, and shoot things, before breaking ourselves. We are then promptly reconstructed and it happens again. Breakfast is no longer part of our lives." BUL stated matter-of-factly. He had begun to wipe dust off his shield, the chipped paint on the loader's body clearly betraying his newness.
"Well, it is common courtesy to invite guests to meals." Celestia added.
"We are not guests. We are collaterals." I corrected.
"Very well, if you insist." Celestia muttered. "Enjoy your day." she finished as the door closed. WAR was still sat down.
"I can't stand up." he said firmly. "I feel dejected."
"Dejection acknowledged." I replied in a monotone voice. "I find your dejection amusing. Ha. Ha. Ha."
WAR simply made a sad noise as I 'ha'd' for a good minute.