Sadly, despite what I had told Brian earlier to his advice, I was, apparently, not on it like ugly on an orc...
“I mean, seriously, what the hell?!” the Glaceon was yelling at me, still fuming. “How do you not notice when someone puts another body right next to you?!”
“I was blacked out!” Seriously, what was her problem?! I wasn’t just asleep, I was freaking unconscious! She acts like I should have been aware of everything!
“So?! You still should have known!”
“Yeah, because I know everything! I know how we got here, and why I’m a stupid Flareon!”
Before you ask, no, Sweetie Belle wasn’t around to yell at us. Not that I knew where she was, but I knew where she wasn’t! Yelling at me for yelling at a girl. Well, okay, I shouldn’t say it like that. I mean, I could tell she was at least a teenager, but when Glaceon are already on the small side compared to Flareon, it was hard to tell how old she was. Her voice was light, clearly feminine, if what curves she had weren’t an indication, but dang was she aggressive! I mean, call me racist, but I kinda figured that a Glaceon should be, you know, cold, kinda stand-offish... You know, the original ‘Ice Queen’ kinda thing? Yea-NO. I wanna meet whoever made us what we were, because they messed up big time. If anyone should have been a Flareon, it should have been her. Ironically enough...
“Oh, I know you did not just call Flareon stupid! Flareon are brave, strong, handsome, valiant! You’re just a creepy, self-righteous, rude male!
Now, I’ll admit, name-calling in general? Doesn’t really phase me anymore. After over 16 years of being called insulting, derogatory words, you start to grow somewhat numb to them as the years pass. Not necessarily immune, mind, but certainly weathered. When a complete stranger insults me? Call me crazy, but I just start to laugh. Uproariously.
What? I mean, come on. A perfect stranger coming along and telling me something about myself that I don’t know? Yeah, that’s about as likely as winning a world-wide lottery. I’ve been me for almost twenty-two years now, so I highly doubt a stranger who’s known me for all of five minutes knows something about me that I don’t.
The conflict came in though, that I have this sort of personal... thing. I don’t laugh at women if I can help it. Call me old-fashioned, call me stupid, whatever. Just don’t call me late to dinner! (Or any of the other five meals of the day, for that matter.) I mean, it’s one thing to laugh at someone online, where you can’t see them, but to laugh at a woman in their face? It just didn’t... feel right, you know?
So anyway, all of that to say, I didn’t laugh at her outrageous claims. I smirked, but I didn’t out and out laugh. “Yeah, well, it’s not like I was consulted on what I wanted to be, alright? Trust me, if I had the choice, I would have chosen an Espeon or a Glaceon, not this furry mutt.”
“How dare you call Flareon, a truly majestic creature, a mutt!” she yelled, butting heads against me. Wow, she was really serious about this, wasn’t she?
Of course, being the guy that everyone made fun of, I’ve uh, never done well with people being right in my face, right? So, naturally, I backed up, hoping she’d calm down if she felt like she was winning the argument. Of course, since she was butting heads with me so strongly, she uh, kinda fell over onto her face when I backed up...
Yeah, next time I say I’m on it like ugly on an orc, somebody slap me, would you? Because, apparently, I can’t do that worth crap. Either that, or not say I can do something impossible, like making women mad. I mean, geez, what’s her problem?! Oh, right... Me.
She was pissed, her eyes blazing, and I found myself highly grateful that I had the type advantage if she decided to attack me. “Oh that is it! I have had it with you stupid jocks picking on me and making fun of me! I might have been helpless before, but now I’m going to kick your ass to the moon!”
Shit! Somebody get me out of this!
.o.O.o.
“You found this one doing what?!” Princess Celestia gasped, gaping at the small creature the two unicorn guards were retaining.
“We, that is to say, a nurse found it rooting around in the medical supplies, specifically the plants,” the first guard replied stoically.
“So you’re telling me that this creature,” Twilight asked, pointing to the strange, small creature before them, “headed straight for the medicine? Is it sick or something?”
The creature was four-legged, had a black tail with a yellow star at the end, and fairly large, mostly blue ears. Its lower half was covered in black fur, and the front half, as well as its head, was covered in cyan fur. With small yellow rings of fur above its front paws, it almost looked like it was wearing jewelry from a distance. Almost. The dazed, spacey gaze of the creature was slightly unsettling, but its smile was certainly genuine.
Celestia sighed, shaking her head. “No it was not, Twilight. At least, not in the way you’re thinking. I had thought after all these years ponies would have forgotten about the other uses for those plants, but apparently, these creatures still remember the more... recreational uses for them.”
“Oh cool, he found some marijuana?! Woohoo!” Pinkie Pie clapped, picking up the creature and tossing it into the air. “Come on, buddy, you know the rules! Either you bring enough for everypony to share, or you don’t bring any at all! That’s just being a Rudy McSelfish Pants! Now come on, tell Aunt Pinkie where you found it!”
Celestia’s eye twitched for just a second, before she face-hooved. Somehow... that just makes so much sense now... Drugs are the key to her Pinkie Sense. How I never saw that sooner, I don’t know...
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
The Shinx blinked, grinning as he was held up by a pink pony. Woah, I knew that was some good stuff, but I didn’t realize it was that good! I should go back and get some more later, if I can’t find my house.
“Hey, uh, listen, bro, you wouldn’t happen to have stashed an extra one, would you?”
The Shinx opened his eyes to see a Totodile next to him on the floor, looking up. “Like, of course, man. Always be prepared, you know?”
“Awesome, thanks!” the Totodile beamed, accepting the smoke. He blinked, then started looking around, sheepish. “Wait a sec... Um, dude, you got a light? I don’t...”
“Of course, man. The light is, like, all around us. You just have to look carefully, and then you’ll be like, ‘Woah, this was here the whole time?’ And then the light will be like, ‘Yeah, man, I was just waiting for you to notice me...’ “
The Totodile blinked, before murmuring, “Woah... That’s deep... But seriously, I need a light. Kind of hard to smoke without lighting it first.”
The Shinx looked back and forth calmly, before his eyes widened. “Like, bro, there’s a sun right there... That should be hot enough to lite it...”
All of a sudden, the pink pony snatched the smoke from the alligator, and poked the edge of it against the tall, winged, horned white one’s flank.
The tip of the roll immediately started to smoke, so the pink pony handed it back to the eager alligator. “There you go, Gummy 2.0!”
The two Pokemon stared at the now-lit drug, stunned for different reasons. When the room flashed, however, the smoke laying on the floor was the least of anyone’s worries.
.o.O.o.
Everyone in the throne room looked at the throne, which was glowing brightly. When the light dissipated, there was a glowing, purple cat sitting on the throne, a two-pronged tail wrapped around her front legs. A bright, shining red jewel rested upon her forehead, her eyes a bright, glowing teal. I’m impressed... I thought for sure that every Pokemon would have gone mad by now... Perhaps something can be done after all.
“Who are you, and how can we understand you and not the others?” Princess Celestia asked quickly, giving the new creature her full attention, preparing herself to shield her beloved ponies should the creature decide to attack.
“Indeed, and why art thou seated upon our throne?” Luna asked sharply, preparing to attack at the first sign of provocation.
My name, Princess Luna, is Garnet, and I’m here to give a warning to you. To all of you, she added, gazing at the rest of the room, allowing her gaze to linger on the Flareon and Glaceon. Someone has dared to perform the forgotten ritual, but the sacrifices offered were, shall we say, damaged... Instead of opening the link back to the Pokemon world, a link was opened to another world, where the beings of that world were then brought over, and turned into Pokemon.
“Wait, okay, okay, wait just a second, that- there’s too many questions!” Twilight exclaimed, clutching her head. “What do you mean, they’re another species? What are Pokemon? How-”
Are you going to keep interrupting me, youngling? I came to explain things out of my own amusement, but if you wish to bring about your own doom, then by all means, keep speaking. It would amuse me greatly to see you try to figure this all out on your own, since you just rendered the only other Psychic Pokemon on this planet incapable of communicating directly with you.
The cat looked back and forth for a moment, before continuing, satisfied with the respectful silence. Very well. as I was-
The room flashed again, three more creatures appearing from nowhere to land on the ground, unconscious. Enough!
Garnet’s eyes glowed brightly, as did her jewel, as she channeled her psychic powers. There! The rift has been closed! No more humans will be showing up! None! Of course, there’s more problems on the way, but that’s some time away...
Garnet started to shimmer, causing her to gasp, before grinning. Well, my time draws short, but I would hardly be a good oracle without giving some direction to your quest... Seek out the winged lighting, and she will guide your path. Beware the heat, for that day will determine the future... With that, good luck, and happy training, Garnet giggled, grinning cheekily as she disappeared. Friendship may be magic, but fighting is far from tragic! Good luck trying to understand each other!
“... So, does anyone want to address the Latias, Mew, and Tailow that just appeared out of nowhere, or do we want to keep ignoring them?” Fluffy asked, looking around.
As Rarity deposited a sleeping Sweetie Belle next to him, Fluffy sighed, deadpanning, “Oh joy. Super special awesome Pokemon pony babysitters, yay!”