CHAPTER 16
No, Pinkie, get back in the computer!
But I don't wanna!
DANGIT PINKIE! YOU'RE TEARING THE FOURTH WALL APART BEING HERE!
So? Who needs that silly wall anyways?
You're going back in there, and there's nothing you can do about it!
That is, IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!
No! Pinkie! GET BACK HERE YOU!
CRASH. SLAM. SMASH.
Ugh... Oh. Uh... You're all here... Well... BACK TO THE STORY!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Sugarcube Corner. SANCTUARY."
GRUMBLE.
I grabbed my stomach. I hadn't eaten all day, and Sugarcube Corner was the only place I knew with those awesome banana nut muffins. "Forget healthy eating, I'm hungry." I walked inside, and was met with the rushing pink blur that is Pinkie Pie.
"Hi Kyle! I haven't seen you in a while! How've you been? Oh, wait, don't tell me! Lemme guess-"
"Hi Pinkie. I've been good. Sorry I haven't hung out with you girls lately, I've just been hanging out, getting reacquainted with everything. A lot has changed in..." I looked behind her, and saw two young foals, probably around five years old. "Oh my goodness... THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP!" I walked over to them, and without a doubt, it was Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake. "Pumpkin! Pound! YOU'RE BOTH SO CUTE!" I picked them up and gave them a big hug. I'd met them a few weeks before my wedding.
"Uncle Kyle?" Pound tilted his head.
"Yep! I'm back, kids! I haven't seen you two in a while. Sheesh, you're both getting so big! I can hardly recognize you both! I remember when you were in diapers..." Then, a magic zipper showed up on my mouth.
"Don't talk about that! We're big ponies now!" Pumpkin was getting even better at magic. I still have no idea how they got their talents so young. The zipper disappeared, and I grinned like an idiot.
"Alright, alright. You kids go off and play. Pinkie? Can I get a couple banana nut muffins?"
"Okie-Dokie-Lokie!"
"Speaking of muffins, where the heck has Derpy been? I haven't seen her in my entire time back."
"She's off with that Doctor Whooves guy! He's kinda weird, but she really likes him."
"Yeah, that would make sense. I just hope she doesn't get hurt. Who KNOWS where they're going." I could think of a few things, but I knew that I could only think of a microscopic portion of where The Doctor would take her.
"Here're you're muffins! Don't worry, they're on the house. Or, on me. Why would muffins be on the house anyways? They wouldn't be very yummy like that..." I had to resist the urge to facepalm.
"Alright, Pinkie, I'll see you later." She waved to me as I walked away. I decided it would be nice to eat in the park, which was thankfully nearby. That's how it is with Ponyville, everything seems so close together.
I sat down on my favorite bench, and took a minute to look at the scenery. "So peaceful..." I started munching on a muffin, when all of a sudden, a familiar yellow filly was standing in front of me.
"Oh, hey Divine."
"Hi Kyle!" she hopped up onto the bench next to me. I reached into my baggie and pulled out the other muffin.
"Want it?" She nodded, and I tossed it to her. She practically inhaled the thing. "What're you doing here all by yourself, anyways?"
"Daddy's over there, talking with Mommy."
"Ah. That makes more sense. I thought I'd have to drag you home! Heh." Then, I felt a sharp blow to the side of my head. "ACK!" A bunny was latched onto my head, and was kicking me.
"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!"
"Pavlov! No! Bad bunny!" Divine pulled him off of me. It was her insane pet again.
"That thing wants me dead! Why can't he be more like Angel?"
"He'll stop attacking you if you talk to him, you know." I turned around to locate the pony who said that, and it was Zeph, and he had Spits with him.
"... Really? OK. Pavlov, I'd really like it if you'd stop attacking me. If it's about Divine, I'm not going to hurt her." He stared at me for a second, but then nodded. Divine giggled and started rubbing the brown patch of fur on his stomach, which he seemed to love.
"So, what're you doing here today, Kyle?" Zeph took a seat next to me. The bench was getting full, so Spits just leaned up against a tree.
"I was eating my breakfast... Lunch... I don't know. I was eating my food. Then Divine came along, and then I was assaulted by a bunny. What an interesting day." I shrugged. I've had weirder things happen.
"So, I see Divine found you. Reminds me of when I was younger and I worshiped the captain of the Wonderbolts from then." Spits smiled a bit, and I decided that it was time for me to go, before we get into the whole "reminisce with the past" thing.
"Alright, well, I'm just gonna go. See you guys later." I hopped back up, and gave everypony a wave... And Divine almost lost her arm waving back. Fans...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"... So, Pumpkin, Pound, I'm assuming you're both in school now." I'd gone back to Sugarcube Corner. The cute was too strong to withstand, I HAD to see those two again.
"Yeah! We're having a show and tell tomorrow, but we don't have anything to show." Pound hung his head dejectedly.
"We were thinking of showing Auntie Pinkie, but Mrs. Cherilee said she isn't allowed on school property anymore." I could imagine why... "Wait... What if we show you?" They both beamed at me, but then they looked at each other. "Wait... We need something for each of us..." Pumpkin grabbed my hand. "I'M SHOWING HIM!"
Pound grabbed my other hand. "NO! I AM!"
"NO! I AM!" Ow.
"I AM!" My arm...
"NO! HE'S MINE!" This is really starting to hurt...
"GIMME!" PAIN.
I yanked myself away from both of them. "HOLD IT!" They both fell flat on their flanks. "I have a human friend, you can show him AND me." They smiled like maniacs.
"What have I gotten myself into..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(THE NEXT DAY)
"Kyle, where are these kids taking us?" Vince was following us to the school.
"Show and tell. We're more or less going to tell the class about human life and culture and stuff like that." I shrugged.
"Ah. I see... Well, this ought to be interesting." We stopped outside of the school, and Mrs. Cherilee came out, and she smiled when she saw me and Vince.
"Oh! Pumpkin and Pound brought you two for show and tell! This will be very educational for the kids. I've actually been meaning to ask you, Kyle, to come in, but I can never find you."
I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I'm sorta like a wild card. I never do the same thing every day. I'm just all over the place." She nodded, understanding what I meant.
"I was like that in college. Well! Come in, please." We walked in, and I looked over the class. I didn't recognize any of the kids, but they all smiled when they saw me. One of them was wearing a hat that looked a lot like mine. "Oh no. I think they may recognize me. Oh well, who cares. I'm gonna get the pony who made my outfit into a fashion line..." I immediately thought of Rarity. "Oh, she's in for it..."
"Children! I have two special guest speakers today, thanks to Pumpkin and Pound Cake. We have Kyle, and..." She rubbed her head trying to think of Vince's name.
"My name's Dr. Owen Vincent Brahms. Just call me Vince. So, you kids want to know about humans, right?" They all nodded. They actually seemed interested in learning. I felt like I was going to fall asleep just from being in the school building... "Well, as you can probably tell, we're bipedal, and we don't have a coat, mane, or tail."
"That's because we evolved from apes. At least, that's the theory. Nobody knows, really." I shrugged. "But, that's just how we look. When it comes to the way we live... It's completely different from here. First off, we don't have magic." The entire class gasped. "Yeah, I know, crazy, huh? We use technology to get by. We use machines to farm, to make food, and do practically anything, even predict the weather." A kid raised his hand. "Yeah?"
"What do you mean, 'predict?' Don't you mean to control it?" I laughed and shook my head.
"Nope! The weather works on its own where we're from. And different human societies don't just help each other all the time either. We have wars a LOT." Another gasp from the class. "Why, there was a war going on when I ended up here." Vince nudged me in the side, and gave me a look that said I should change the subject. "Heh... B-But enough about that. Any other questions?" Another kid raised her hand. "You?"
"Do humans have Cutie Marks?"
"No, we don't. We actually develop our talents over time, we aren't born with them. And most humans have more than one talent. However, we can get something similar to a Cutie Mark put on us by another person. They're called 'Tattoos.' it's like writing or drawing, but on skin. There's all sorts of them, too. There are just the regular ones, like skulls or flowers, and then there are ones of faces of people you love, and then there are tramp stamps-" OH CRUD.
"What's a 'tramp stamp?'" The kid looked so innocent as he said that... I almost slapped myself.
"Er... Well... You see... Uh..." I spoke out of the corner of my mouth. "Vincehelpmeouthere." He facepalmed.
"It's nothing important, lets change the subject."
I smiled, and muttered under my breath. "Bullet dodged." A kid heard me.
"What's a bullet?" D'OH!
"Ugh, it's nothing. Vince?"
"Alright, now I'm going to tell you all a wonderful tale of something I like to call, nanotechnology." Oh no...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the kids were asleep. No, seriously. Two of them were drooling. I almost fell asleep too. Vince would NOT SHUT UP.
"... And that's how nanotechnology works. Any questio- You're all asleep. Great."
"You should have seen that coming. Mrs. Cherilee, I think we'll just- She's asleep too. Wow. Bravo, Vince. Bonne passe." Heh, I remembered a little French.
"What?"
"Vous voulez dire que vous ne parlez pas français?"
"Ugh..." I laughed a little bit.
"I'm messing with you. Ne vous inquiétez pas." Trollface.jpg. "Hey, I'm gonna head home... That was... Interesting. See you later Vince."
"Seeya man." I flew off.
Interesting day, no?