//------------------------------// // Chapter 11 // Story: Restraint // by Habanc //------------------------------// Rarity shuffled uncomfortably, small splinters of the worn bench beneath her pricking her skin. The air was on the border between neutral and annoyingly chilly. Spring was officially a few days away, but the pegasi weather patrol seemed to have other plans. She was waiting for a certain lavender unicorn to show up. That is, if she even remembered. Twilight's presentation was in a lineup of other ponies all set to speak to “The School for Gifted Unicorns” for their Vernal Equinox Fair; except the Princess' protégé was the keynote speaker. Because of that, she had poured much of her time over the past week into study and practice. But, there was also the possibility that maybe Twilight just didn't want to meet her. -~- “No,” Rarity muttered weakly. “No?” Twilight pulled her head back from their embrace, staring her marefriend in the eyes. “What... What's wrong?” Her smile soured into a frown, her pupils widening slightly as she searched for a clue, a hint, anything. “I...” Rarity faltered. The words seemed to form a lump in her throat, threatening to choke her. “I...” She closed her eyes, her chin starting to tremble. “Oh...” Twilight brought a hoof up to Rarity's face gingerly, brushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes. “Hey honey, it's okay...” She placed a light peck on her forehead. “Just let it out.” As the bookish unicorn began rubbing her back tenderly, the first few droplets fell from Rarity's eyes. They eeked out from her eyelids, lazily rolling down her cheeks. Trailblazers, they were the first true tears she had cried in a while. She wasn't crying for who she thought she was, she was crying for who she felt she couldn't be: herself. A flash of white, and they were both in Twilight's house. Beside her bed in fact. With a whisper in her ear, the librarian led the fashionista over to her bed. Both sitting atop it, one cradled by the other, the tears began to fall with increasing speed. Soon enough, the purple pony shed a few tears of her own. Perhaps it was that she did not know why her love was in pain, and the frustration of being unable to help finally getting to her. Or maybe it was that she felt some empathy, deep down. Either way, even twenty minutes later, they remained in the same position. Sometime in the rising night, Twilight lifted her head. The dim glow of a candle nearby reflected off her damp cheeks. Sniffling, she asked weakly, “Do you want to talk about it?” Rarity sniffed, blinking her eyes a few times to rid them of their glaze, and looked up slowly. She must've looked like a mess, mascara running down her cheeks and mane in tatters. She was exhausted, spent, and felt burdened just lifting her chin. Her mind wasn't faring much better. A pounding headache had overtaken her, whether it be a side effect of teleportation or set on by the massive outpour of emotion, she did not know. Thinking coherently also took quite some effort; the drastic highs and lows of the night had taken their toll. But slowly, her tongue and jaw obeyed her commands. “I... Not now.” She managed to sigh, yet it was still broken and choppy. “I'm exhausted... I just want to sleep.” Twilight nodded understandingly, laying her down and wrapping a blanket over them both. Rarity did not even notice her marefriend settle down next to her, who stared at her for a moment before slowly shaking her head. The white unicorn was asleep. And even then, she did not sleep well. Nightmares tormented her throughout, whispers of abandonment and ostracization muttered by smoky figures with amber eyes, hidden under a shroud of darkness. To the often-awoken eye of Twilight, the unicorn shuddered and whimpered in her slumber. The lavender mare looked as if she wanted to help, but could not. It seemed as if she didn't know why, as if she couldn't comprehend what had turned her mare into a conglomerate of shaky nerves, wary eyes and lukewarm smiles. Wrapping her hooves tighter around the white unicorn, she sighed to herself, closing her eyes and tried to sleep. -~- The next morning, Rarity rubbed her eyes with her hooves. Somepony was calling her, but she was too drowsy to distinguish who. Fearing another dream, she simply grunted and pulled the blanket tighter around herself, burying her face into the pillow. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Rarity, wake up!” Using her magic, she pulled the blanket away from its occupant. “I got you some coffee and an alfalfa bagel, I figured you'd be hungry since you didn't really touch your food last night.” Slowly, Rarity rolled around to face Twilight. Blinking, she had trouble adjusting her eyes to the light, and her troubled night still left her feeling drained. But even then, she propped herself and managed a smile. “Thank you, dear. That was very thoughtful and nice of you.” Twilight returned the smile, sitting down next to her on the bed and levitating the tray just over the blankets. “So... How are you feeling?” she asked carefully. She rubbed a hoof along the mare's back. “Alright...” Rarity sipped at her coffee momentarily. “I'm still tired, but not nearly as bad as last night.” “Oh? Well that's good, I guess.” Twilight pecked her on the cheek. “Anyways, once you're done, there's someponies downstairs that you might want to say hi to.” Rarity perked up slightly at that. But, before she could ask any questions, Twilight promptly got up and left the room, leaving the tray to rest on the bed. Shrugging, the unicorn set down her coffee and nibbled her bagel anxiously. She really didn't feel like seeing anypony in her current state of... distress. ”But, I probably should freshen up and go down to say hello,” she mused. ”As uncomfortable and weary as I am now, it would be the right thing to do. I still care for Twilight, no matter how torn up I am on the inside. “Last night was... different,” she reflected, getting up from the bed and making her way over to the bathroom. ”I let my dark, paranoid side get a hold of me, and next thing I know, I'm puking over a couple of prejudiced stares. But I should be better than that! I am Rarity, a talented fashion designer and an embodiment of generosity: an element of harmony! “And yet I cannot bring myself to bear some stupid, ignorant ponies' judgments.” She sunk in front of the mirror. ”A cocktail of natural melodrama, accrued sense of faux-correctness, and deep insecurity, all shaken up by love. And now... I sip from it and smile, because I do not know how to stop myself. “Ironically, stopping myself seems all I have done.” -~- Rarity stepped down the stairs, hearing the soft murmurs of numerous ponies nearby. She cringed as she looked down, noticing it was none other than a few of her friends: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie. “Oh, and there she is now!” Twilight pointed out as she entered the main room from another entrance, presumably the kitchen on accord from the pitcher of lemonade she was carrying. “I told you she'd be down soon.” The mare in question managed a small smile as the others turned towards her. Applejack waved hello. Pinkie Pie smiled at her. Rainbow Dash put a hoof up to her mouth to suppress a giggle. Rarity twitched at that. “What is the matter, Rainbow dear?” Rarity asked, walking over beside her friends. “Did you notice something wrong with my mane?” Oddly enough, her eyes remained locked with the cyan pegasus'. “Nope!” she shook her head, making a herculean effort to smother her laughter. “It's just that I can't believe you and egghead are dating.” “Why is that so hard to believe?” Twilight asked, joining their little circle. “Well, I mean I did see you two kiss once, after coming home from the wonderbolts display.” Rarity felt her stomach plummet. “But, I just shrugged it off after seeing Rarity around town.” She looked over to the mare in question. “I mean, no offense, but you do like to show off. And even though we didn't say much the few times we ran into eachother, I was sure you'd have said something about it.” Rainbow shrugged. “So, when you said nothing, I just assumed it was a fluke incident.” “Why didn't you say anything?” Rarity asked, feeling challenged. “You like to tease and joke, so now I'm surprised you didn't harass me the first chance you got.” “Because I know what it's like?” Rainbow cast a sidelong glance at Pinkie Pie. “Sure, I know I can act impulsively and laugh and speak when I shouldn't... But I get it, sometimes you're just in the moment, y'know? And maybe you just didn't want everypony to know...” “Yeah!” Pinkie Pie piped up. “And why didn't you tell me sooner, Rarity?! My two bestest friends dating is a perfect reason for a party!” “Well, I haven't seen you all that much since we last chatted at the Sugarcube Corner, dear,” Rarity replied, biting down the frustration rising in her chest. ”What goes around, comes around,” she scolded herself. ”You're the one always having to be nosy, and now that your friends are doing it right back to you, you can't handle it...” “Well...” Pinkie tapped a hoof to her chin. “I did see you that one time, when you asked me if I had seen Fluttershy, and oooh you looked so pretty, and -” She stopped short. She eyeballed Rarity slowly, then suspiciously rolled her gaze over to Twilight. Pinkie Pie made a hiccup-like sound, and her face began to scrunch up. Twilight took a tentative step forward. “Pinkie, are you going to be sick-” Instead, the pink party pony let out another hiccup. Then a few more, and even more, until her lips suddenly formed a smile. Her chest began to shake as she hiccuped more and more. Then it hit Rarity. She wasn't going to be sick or having the hiccups. No, she was laughing. And at that exact moment, the giggles rushed out of Pinkie Pie like a gushing waterfall, as she simply gave up on her hooves and plopped on the floor. “Oh!...” She tried to catch her breath in between guffaws. “Oh, oh my gosh! This... This is too great! I definitely have to throw you two a party now!” “What?” Rarity asked, completely lost and confused. “I just remembered,” Pinkie explained, finally calming down a bit, “about how we had a discussion on my Pinkie Sense in front of your door. And then I had a twitch, and I knew exactly what it was about, but I didn't know exactly who... But now I do!” Rarity's eye twitched. Her blood ran cold, and all the pieces began to fit into place. ”Curse Pinkie and her damn prophetic seizures!” ”You don't want anypony to know what you've done behind closed doors with Twilight, huh?” she sneered at herself. ”Why not? It's just Pinkie Pie, she of all ponies would understand if you slept with another mare...” “What are you talking about?” Twilight asked curiously. Rarity wanted to tackle Pinkie Pie to the ground and prevent her from breathing another word. But the cold fear of the truth getting out had frozen her joints solid. Pinkie Pie reeled the words off in one short blast, declaring it all in less than a second, “My Pinkie Sense told me that Rarity was going to get lucky with Twilight!” Rarity turned just in time to see Twilight's jaw slack, and her magic as well, the pitcher of lemonade shattering on the floor. Legs trembling slightly, the librarian otherwise remained still in horror. Applejack pulled her hat down over her face, hiding a blush. “Pinkie, ah don't think it's the best idea to be announcin' that in front of all of us. That's privat-” “Oh, geez, this is great!” Rainbow collapsed into a heap of laughter next to the pink proclaimer. “I never expected this!” Holding a hoof over her stomach, she didn't even try to stem the tears starting to trickle from her eyes. Rarity felt like her insides were mutinying and tying themselves in a knot. While her sweat glands were bursting like pipes, her heart was threatening to pound her ribcage into dust. Rationality and sanity quickly spiraling down the drain, the once-proud mare snapped like a twig under a mountain. “OUT!” she screeched, so high it could break windows. “Everypony, get OUT!” She pointed her hoof towards the door, whipping it open with her magic. Time froze. Rainbow Dash stopped mid-guffaw. Pinkie Pie frowned. Applejack picked her hat up. Twilight turned her head slightly and gave her a glance. Rarity panted, her breathing raspy and weak as hot, angry tears rolled from her eyes. A few quickly dropped to the floor. And then, slowly, the world picked itself back up. Rainbow Dash got herself up off the floor. Pinkie Pie's eyes widened and her frown deepened. Applejack headed for the door. Within seconds, nopony was left in the main room save for Twilight and Rarity. The white unicorn seethed. She stared straightforward at the door, waiting a few moments to make sure nopony was coming back. With a slam, she turned to Twilight, sniffles breaking their silence. “Rarity...” Twilight started, giving her a confused look. However, the words failed to form in her mouth. Jaw slackened, she simply stared at her. Still exasperated, still sniffling, nevertheless Rarity replied, “I'm sorry...” Twilight moved closer to her, slowly giving her a hug. “I just don't understand,” she whispered. Rarity eventually pulled away, shuffling her hooves while the last tears squeezed out and rolled along her cheeks. But she remained silent. “Please, talk to me. Rarity, I care about you.” Twilight looked at her pleadingly, eyes searching for a clue. “You trust me, right?” The fashionista swallowed. ”You trust her, right? Come on then, Rarity, tell her. Tell her you're afraid of being judged for simply being with her. She'll definitely understand.” Closing her eyes, Rarity just wished for her fears to leave her alone. “Rarity, what is it?” Twilight asked, putting a hoof on her marefriend's shoulder. But, garnering nothing but silence, she tried again. “Rarity, please, talk to me.” The lavender mare began to sniffle and her chin trembled, feeling lost and helpless. ”Oh no, please don't cry..." Rarity felt like she was dying on the inside. Her soul threatened to rip itself apart, over whether to give in to her fears and remain silent, or to give in to Twilight and tell her everything. “Please... I can tell something isn't right with you, and I want to help.” Twilight was blinking, tears forming along her eyelids. “Please...” she begged. “Don't you trust me?” Rarity felt the last fiber in her soul snap, the hot tears eking out once more. It seemed so easy. ”Just open your damn mouth and say it. It can't be more than two sentences, Rarity, say it!” She mentally slapped herself. Yet, a cold paralysis overtook her, irrationality wreaking havoc on her mind. ”For all the love you have for this mare, just say it!” But she could not. Succumbed to the paralysis of fear, the fear of her feelings, herself, her justifications, how Twilight would act, and among the millions of other things to be afraid of, she feared the truth would only make things worse. "Is that a no?" Twilight whispered, her tears dropping to the floor with greater frequency. They lingered in silence for minutes, except for sniffling and quiet sobs from Twilight. Eventually, though, she wiped her eyes and looked straight at her. “Rarity...” Twilight took in a shaky, deep breath. Her whole body was quivering. “I think you should take some time for yourself.” She pointed towards the door, which was now opened, a purple glow around it. ”No...” “Once you decide you can tell me, you can come back.” Twilight then added in a whisper, “Once you can trust me.” ”No, no no no...” “But until then, I think we should spend some time apart.” -~- Hoofsteps sounded nearby her, as Rarity sat on the bench. She didn't turn around, her whole body feeling numb. “Hello, Rarity.” The voice seemed almost too formal, as if they were merely acquaintances. . Slowly, however, Rarity turned her head over, to see Twilight standing to her left. She looked utterly disheveled and worn-out, although whether from studying or... her, she did not know. “I don't know what's the matter with you. I waited a week for you. I thought that'd be enough for you to calm down and see me.” Twilight said quietly. “I don't know where my Rarity is.” The white unicorn closed her eyes at hearing that, bittersweet memories of happy, bygone days fluttering through her mind. Each flashback scorched and branded her broken soul, each one was agony. Opening her eyes, she noticed an envelope hovering before her. “It's a ticket to the Vernal Equinox Fair,” Twilight informed her. “Take it. If you manage to find Rarity, let her know that I still care for her... More than anypony I know. And if she still cares for me, if she still lo-..." She faltered. "I- I'll be expecting to see her in Canterlot.” She placed the envelope down on the bench beside Rarity. "If not..." Twilight blinked rapidly a few times, looking down sadly at her, before shaking her head and turning around, leaving her.