Celestia tried to hold on to her sleep. She didn’t need to open her eyes yet. Perhaps she could fall back into the dream. Maybe dreaming a little longer would allow her to see Luna. She had to be there, somewhere in the asylum in her nightmare she had to be there. Perhaps if Celestia had just screamed louder...
As Celestia shifted in her semi-consciousness, something resisted conforming to the bend of the fabric in the front of her shirt. Her eye that was not covered by her pillow opened. She lifted her blanket to look down and reached into the pocket. Within a minute a new letter was unfolded in her hands:
Dear Princess Celestia,
The delegates of Germane would like to have a word with you. Apparently, there was a misunderstanding concerning their lodgings while over here. I’ve penned them in to your free hour during 1 o’clock. The Saddle Arabian Ambassador reported you did not show up for your scheduled meeting. I will pencil him in for your free hour tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Note Quill
P.S. I could not find you this morning when you were needed to raise the sun. Luna had to perform the task.
Did nopony noticed that she had disappeared? Celestia ripped up the note from her secretary. How had Luna not tried to contact her? She leaned forward over the table and massaged her forehead. Her pocket crinkled.
Celestia sat up and looked back to the bed. Hadn’t she just been there? The fragments of note littered her sheets. But, she was sitting at the table. While she took the note out she puzzled over how she was transported across the tiny room in less than a second. Perhaps Discord was playing with her even more. She should not be surprised. Her eyes glanced at the signature.
She fervently read the whole note:
My dear sister,
Where have you gone? As soon as I had a few moments I penned this. Please, tell me you are safe. Twilight doesn’t know yet but, as you have requested in the past for emergencies such as these, she will be the first called if you don’t reply or return soon. Please let me know if I’m being hasty or not.
Your sister,
Luna
She barely had any time to smile with relief before the door opened. She shoved the letter into the waist of her pants, hoping they wouldn’t notice.
The girl peeked in with a tray.
“Hello. How are you feeling?”
“Um... fine.” Celestia reached for the tray. Sarah reluctantly moved it out of her grasp.
“I’m sorry. I can’t let you handle it yourself after the incident yesterday,” she said, stepping around Celestia apologetically and placing the tray on the table. “However, I thought you might like some company.” She took the cover of the tray off to reveal enough food for two.
As Celestia sat down, Sarah handed her a wrapped set of plastic eating utensils with a napkin, salt, and pepper shoved in. Celestia took it and glanced at the covered plate warily as Sarah opened hers. The meal was spaghetti with a sauce that just didn’t look quite right. The way the pasta twirled around her fork suggested that it hadn’t been given enough time to lose all of its starch. After twirling a forkful, Celestia glanced at Sarah. She was so different from the other woman... Alice wasn’t it? How can two people under the influence of Discord have such dissonance in their personalities? was there any chance Sarah knew that she was being influenced?
“So, do you remember how long you’ve been here?” Celestia asked.
“Since January. I’m here for my residency.”
“Residency?”
“For medical school. I want to work full-time in this hospital or one like it.”
“I see. What was your life like before you came here?”
“I don’t talk about that, actually.”
“Why not?” Celestia frowned, giving her spaghetti a sniff before reluctantly shoving it into her mouth. She was too hungry to care anymore.
“It’s still... personal.” she said, giving Celestia a long look.
“How did you meet...” What did this girl call Discord?
“Dr. Cruebel?”
“Um... him.”
“He’s my dad.” Celestia adjusted her facial expression to remain casual despite her deep desire to cry. There was no way this girl was Discord’s daughter. Whatever he was doing to her was cruel. There was no reason for him to “adopt” someone, even temporarily. This girl would probably go crazy as soon as she was allowed to go back home and had her memories returned. If she was allowed to go home. Celestia couldn’t help but glance into the curious ice blue eyes watching her. They sat there, for a full minute, staring directly at each other.
“What is it?” Sarah asked.
“Nothing,” said Celestia, taking another bite of spaghetti. She wanted to get as much of this consumed as possible while the hunger still made it delicious. Her stomach began to protest.
“Can you tell me about Equestria?”
Celestia finished her mouthful staring at Sarah, confused.
“Why would you want me to talk about it? Isn’t... he trying to make me forget it?” she stabbed her spaghetti at the word forget. The fork bent and she got sauce on her hand. Sarah handed her a napkin before taking a bite of her own meal.
“He wants you to get better. He does care about you.” Celestia scoffed. "And, I'm curious. I would like to hear you tell me about it."
“You’ll just laugh,” she said, pulling back the foil lid on her apple juice. She blinked her cloudy eyes and looked towards the window.
“No, I won’t. I promise,” she said with earnest enthusiasm. She doesn’t know the illusion that holds her.
Did she perhaps come from Equestria too?
Celestia looked back to her and allowed a half smile to push into one of her cheeks. She blinked again as she took a sip of pathetic apple juice.
“Well, to wax poetical, Equestria is like a delicate glass sphere. When you’re not scared of it breaking at each casual breath, it can leave you enthralled with it's beauty as the light plays with it. There is so much magic hiding in everything there. Each flower holds a drop of magic all its own. They’re alive. They grow, they climb, they achieve and you almost wonder if they feel all that. Then they die and come back again. But there are so many wild patterns and colors. The scents are amazing. Of course you have flowers here, right?”
“Yep. I love Stargazer lilies.”
“You have those here? Good. I love them, even when their pollen gets everywhere and refuses to make your coat stop smelling.” Celestia closed her eyes for a while as the drop in her eyes crawled onto her eyelashes. She took another gulp of apple juice.
“Are you ok? You don’t have to tell me.”
“I just... I miss it.” She subtly licked the sweetness from her lips. “I just miss it. It’s my home. I don’t care what form I am in or where I am. Equestria is my home...”
Celestia closed her eyes and looked away again, calming the tears back inside. She felt warm fingers wrap around her own and slide underneath her hand to press her palm in a comforting squeeze.
“It will be ok.”
Celestia hesitated, letting her hand sit limply.
“My sister used to wake me up,” Celestia said.
“You remember your sister?”
“Wait. I have a sister here too?”
Sarah’s eyes refused to meet Celestia’s.
“Tell me more about your sister from Equestria. What was she like?”
Shoving the unease in her chest aside, Celestia continued, “Luna and I...”
Sarah watched her as for almost a full minute Celestia couldn’t speak.
“Go on. You can tell me.”
“Years ago, she and I ruled together. She controlled the moon and the night. I controlled the day and the sun. For a while we got along...” Celestia gave a bitter laugh. “At least I assumed we got along just fine. What I didn’t realize is that Luna had become overwhelmingly jealous. She was tired of seeing ponies ignore her night and her moonrise to sleep. I kept assuring her it was nothing important.”
Celestia closed her eyes for a moment to let her last words echo in her mind. Nothing important. She had told her sister that it wasn’t important that ponies see her nighttime sky. How could she have said it like that?
“What happened?” Sarah asked.
“She... turned... She turned into a monster. She tried to kill me. I could not recognize her. She was so different. I had to banish her. For 1,000 years I sent her to the moon and refused to see her. I was so angry. I hated her.” Celestia wasn’t even talking to Sarah anymore. The words just came out. “So many times I wanted to blast the moon out of the sky. I wanted to destroy her completely. So many times I began the spell that would kill her and destroy the moon she loved.”
“What stopped you?” Celestia sighed, locking her tears into her eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“What happened to your sister?”
And that is when it seemed silly all of a sudden. Celestia was a human, sitting in a mental hospital, telling a nurse about how she was a pony who banished her sister to the moon. How could it seem silly? It was real. She had done all those things. She was there. But now, she was here. She was a woman sitting in a metal chair bolted to the floor. She couldn’t be trusted to leave her room or ever handle a tray. Which was more ridiculous? Her being an alicorn princess... or her being crazy?
Sarah waited for the answer.
“She came back, banished me to the moon and the Elements of Harmony had to save me.”
There was enough silence for Sarah to look confused before Celestia burst into laughter.
“I’m sorry it...” Celestia tried to compose herself and laughed as tears sneaked out of her eyes. “It just never seemed silly before. I don’t know why it is. It hurt. It hurt like crazy. It nearly killed me. The guilt nearly killed me. I wanted to kill her and take away the guilt but I couldn’t because it was my fault in the first place! I turned her into Nightmare Moon! It was my fault!”
Each sob was a burst of hysterical laughter cut short.
That was the worst guilt of all: her sister’s transformation. Celestia had been the one to turn Luna into Nightmare Moon. Celestia hadn't cast the spell herself, she had just allowed somepony else to. Her advisors had told her to create an enemy to fight against; to reinforce her rule.
“I wanted to be the Queen of Equestria! That is what I wanted!” Her hand pulled the letter from her waistband crushing and crumpling it in her shaking fist. How could Luna have forgiven her? How could Luna still love her after knowing what she had done?
A strong arm reached around from behind and a hand grasped the corner of the letter. Discord had entered without her noticing. She pulled on the letter but his grip was firm.
“Give it to me.” She still resisted. “Don’t keep doing this to yourself. Just let it go.” She pulled it even closer to her and he pulled it back towards him. “You can’t hold on like this; it won’t help you get better.”
“It’s my letter.”
“Let go of it. Stop torturing yourself.” He placed his open hand on Celestia’s shoulder and she shrugged it off. Sarah watched Celestia with eyes brimming in pity.
“I promised her I would never do it again. I promised her we would stay together.”
“Let it go, Celeste. Let me have the letter.”
“It’s mine.” She pulled harder and began to twist the paper.
“You wrote it to yourself. Give it to me.”
“Let go of it!” She pulled.
The letter ripped in half. Celestia stared at the half clutched in her hand, horrified. What had she just done? She grabbed for the other half but couldn’t reach and fell out of her chair, landing on all fours. Her right hand knuckles smashed against the floor and she felt her nerves scream. She sat back on her heels, holding her injured hand, with the letter, over her heart to shield it from Discord.
“Sarah, get Alice. I think Miss Marlowe needs some persuasion.”
“Don’t you dare touch me!” Celestia snarled, “Give the rest of my letter back!”
His arms were around her, grasping her wrists and forcing her arms to strech out before her.
“Sarah, grab the letter!”
The girl knelt in front of them. Celestia looked her in the eye.
“Please, let me keep it,” she begged.
With strength that surprised Celestia, Sarah’s thin fingers twisted in between Celestia's and forced her hand open. The letter dropped to the floor where Sarah retrieved it. Discord did not release her until the door closed behind them.
“I’m sorry I had to do that,” he said, rising while Celestia curled up on herself. “You need to learn to trust us. Writing letters to yourself will not help you get better. I know you must be terrified but I want to help you.” He rested his hand on her shoulder again.
Her shoulders hardened, repulsed by his touch. She could feel her face twisting with revulsion. She turned her stiff neck and felt the muscles strain from the tension. Every muscle in her back pulled as she sat up and glanced towards Discord out of the corner of her eye.
“You want to help me?” she said in a low, seething voice.
Celestia heard his neck crack as she whipped the back of her hand across his face. He barely hesitated before his elbow pushed into her shoulder as he tackled her to the floor. Celestia coughed in the dust and from the pressure he put on her. Her eyes glared towards the figure above her.
“Do I need to put you in the bad room again? You don’t like it in there, do you?”
“I’ll do worse than turn you into stone aga—“ her own gasp cut her off as he twisted his elbow into the muscles of her back. Her eyes watered and she felt the floor press against her neck and windpipe.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Celestia sobbed.
“You attacked me. I’m merely subduing you. I will only let you go when I’m convinced you’ve calmed down.” Celestia let out a pathetic, choking gasp. “You know that tears don’t work here. Now calm down or I’ll call for Alice to help me put you in the quiet place. Do you understand?”
Celestia’s jaw trembled. She nodded as much as she could with her face shoved into the floor.
“I’m going to let you sit up again. If you try to attack me I will have to subdue you a second time. Do you understand?”
She nodded.
The pressure in her shoulder eased as she sensed him rising. She continued to lie on the ground, feeling crushed like an insect. His footstep advanced towards the door.
“I’ve beaten you before, Discord.” His footsteps paused. “Once I’m free, I’ll make sure this can never happen again.”
The door clanged shut.