//------------------------------// // The Five Day Prank War // Story: The Twilight Child // by Detectivefish //------------------------------// To Celestia Just so we are absolutely clear, I did start this whole mess. But I feel that Rainbow Dash provoked me. ... She decided that I was untrustworthy and needed watching after the whole 'dress up as a superhero' thing and, well... being Rainbow Dash she lacks the subtlety to really accomplish this. So she took to making what I think she though was veiled comments about me every time we were in the same place. That was not what set me off. It was more that she compared me to Twilight Sparkle. At which point, I vowed revenge. ~~~~~ Four days ago "What did you say?" Midday Eclipse said, her voice slowly and incredibly easy to pick out. The air in the room went cold. Everypony stopped what they were doing. "I said 'You'll never be as good at magic as Twilight Sparkle'." Rainbow Dash said, smugly. She seemed unaware of the intense look on the lilac unicorn's face. And the slight smell of something burning. Behind her, the Cakes hurriedly hid their stocks, lest a food fight break out. Rainbow Dash probably continued, saying something more and digging a small graveyard's worth of grave, explaining how Twilight Sparkle was better than her. Eventually she stopped, looking quite alarmed at what was happening with Midday's face. She was 'smiling'. It was the sort of smile that usually involved remorseless bits of metal and tears. Her horn glowed ever-so-slightly. There was a slight whistling noise, and a small splat. The previous silence was now outshone by its bigger, more pervasive brother, as bits of pie crust slowly fell off of Rainbow Dash's face. A look of concentrated fury was on her face. "That's it." She said. She took a deep breath, everypony in Sugarcube Corner braced themselves. "PINKIE!" "Yuh-huh?" "I'm declaring a prank war." At that, a mare sitting near the door (Daisy, or Lilly. Nopony was sure which) who had been trembling until then screamed out loud "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" and then immediately fled the room, and as it turned out the entirety of Ponyville. She wasn't seen for several weeks. Pinkie, and everypony else in the room, ignored her. "One, two, three, four. I declare a prank war!" Pinkie said, before blowing a whistle she hadn't been carrying a second before. Rainbow Dash laughed, and rushed out of the room. Midday stood there for a moment, as she tried to determine what exactly had just happened, before she walked over to Pinkie. "Pinkie, am I right in understanding that in this war, anything goes?" The pink mare looked uncertain, a truly rare event. "Almost anything. So long as it doesn't directly hurt anypony, you can do it." "Excellent" she smiled. ~~~~~ And that's pretty much how it began. Or how the Glorious Five Day Prank War of Righteousness, as Pinkie calls it, began. (She said it was something about 'market appeal'.) The first day the pranks were somewhat lowbrow, you know: tainting foodstuffs so they gave you bowel conditions or moving Rainbow Dash's nap clouds about so they were right over construction sites, that sort of thing. But I do not fight fair. The chime ringed, and Pinkie rushed to meet the customer. It was Midday, who looked tired, sticky, and alarmingly cheerful. "Pinkie" she said immediately, cutting off the pastry chef's introduction, "I require your help in acquiring certain items." "Okay." "I will require: A hot air balloon, hair dye, plumbers, with stealth training if possible, and plumbing equipment. Once you have acquired these items, meet me back here." Pinkie looked at the mare, and the syrupy clumps in her hair. "Okie-dokie-loky" she smiled, bouncing away. ***** The plumbers had been a bit uncertain about the whole venture, and had to be assured they wouldn't plummet to their deaths the minute they set hoof on the clouds that made up Rainbow Dash's home. Complications had arose when it turned out the speedsters' home didn't possess conventional plumbing equipment, but Pinkie Pie was a master of persuasion. The only true problem had been accomplishing their goal before Rainbow Dash returned, but the plumbers were highly skilled, and finished with hours to spare. Especially after persuasion from Pinkie. Midday went to sleep that night, assured that the next morning would be something to remember. ***** Twilight Sparkle regarded herself as a rational mare, who tried to do rational things, live a rational life and wherever possible wear rational clothing. This conflicted with the fact that she had woken up to find Midday smiling and being polite and helpful. "Good morning, Twilight. Hope you are well." She was smiling again. Twilight immediately checked the entire library. "What did you do?" She asked once she was done, still taking cautious glances around the room. "Do?" Midday said as innocently as she could manage. "I haven't done anything. It's only nine in the morning. How could I have done anything at nine in the morning?" She handed Twilight a fresh cup of coffee. Twilight took it, hestiantly, and drank. Then she noticed Midday was staring at the clock. "What did you do?" she asked once more. Midday said nothing, and simply walked over to the desk and starting writing something. After a while Twilight decided she probably hadn't done anything. Then, at half past ten there was a massive scream, that shattered the windows. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Twilight said. Midday made a strange expression that was half-frown, half-smirk. "That," she said, "was Rainbow Dash looking in the mirror." And at that Midday activated her invisibility spell. A few seconds afterward Rainbow Dash flew in through the window, displacing several shards of glass. "Where is SHE?!" Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash. She looked perfectly fine, except for one tiny difference. She was bright pink, from head to tail. For a moment, Twilight Sparkle's brain faltered, and a strange piece of music began to play in her mind. "What... happened?" she eventually managed to get out. "I don't know. I went to sleep, I woke up and when I went to check my awesomeness in the mirror... I was pink!" She made it sound like a death sentence. Twilight wondered if the Wonderbolts were about to get a mention. "I can't get rid of it" she said, "I'll be a laughing-stock!" She gasped in horror as something worse than that came to mind. "The Wonderbolts will never let me join them if I look like this!" She wailed and sobbed. After a few seconds she stood up, her eyes now set with a fierce determination. "When I find her, I will destroy her" she hissed. "Who?" "MIDDAY BUCKING ECLIPSE!" she roared. "Why exactly would she turn your hair pink?" "It's a prank-war." Now Twilight understood. Rainbow Dash sighed. "Well, I might as well try and look for her elsewhere. Pinkie Pie might know." She mused. Twilight watched as Rainbow Dash soared away into the sky, before focusing her magic, causing the shards of glass to return to the window and merge back to a single pane. She looked around the room. "How did you do that?" she asked. "Oh, well. It was quite easy really" came Midday's voice from the door to the kitchen. Twilight watched as she slowly appeared, looking somewhat nervous. "I got some plumbers to... alter her shower. Well, actually, I had Pinkie convince some plumbers to alter her shower." Twilight tried to process that. It made no sense, so she decided to leave it for later. "It's not permanent, is it?" "No. No, shouldn't think so. It'll wear off after a few days." She shrugged. There was a moment of silence. "So, prank war?" Twilight said. ~~~~~ Rainbow Dash did sort of lock herself indoors because of the whole 'dyed pink' thing. Probably not the best route to take, since I may possibly have asked the plumbers to set her toilet from 'flush' to 'stun'. All's fair in love and prank wars. So she managed to procure the services of the most dangerous disaster delivery vectors in Equestria. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PRANKSTERS!!! YAY!" ~~~~~ ... The less said of Day Two, the better. "How in Equestria did they get all this tree sap in here?" "Twilight, there is absolutely no point in asking that." "(Trixie thought she'd seen the last of tree sap)" ~~~~~ Day three was slightly different. The war quickly spread from the library. Midday found the plumbing had been filled with custard, much to Spike's horror when he attempted to take one of his truly ludicrously long bubble baths, though it did balance out the usual sulphuric smell he usually had. Twilight refused to get involved, despite the incident of the tree sap incident causing her to start muttering to herself for a while, though Midday brushed this off as Twilight's lack of inner monologue. As a result, Midday went on the offensive, sending Rainbow Dash a packet of sneezing powder disguised as an invitation to attend Wonderbolts Academy. Rainbow Dash responded by somehow managing to get Midday covered in fish-paste and letting cats into the library. And so it went. A few ponies wondered about taking sides, only for their friends to point out that Rainbow Dash was hardly the most sensible pony to prank. So they left it at that. ***** And then came day four. Where Rainbow Dash managed to acquire a paint-ball cannon. Although she didn't use it until Midday cautiously stepped foot outside. There was a strange noise, and Midday looked up to see a rapidly approaching (and alarmingly large) ball headed towards her, with no time to react. There was a large splash noise, followed by Rainbow Dash cackling from on high, interrupted only by a sneezing fit. A few minutes later, and a quick exchange of bits with a certain bright pink salespony, Midday had a paint-ball cannon of her own, and for the next several hours paint barrages flew through the skies of Ponyville. It had stopped being a prank war and just descended into out-right madness. ~~~~~ ... I think I might have gotten a bit caught up in all of it. The original aim of what we were doing had been forgotten, and it was just outright revenge that fueled our actions now. At least we weren't hurting anypony. Just making everything look like it had been attacked by a mad art student. As for how it ended... well... you know how Equestrian foreign policy revolves around benign intervention? Day five, and Rainbow Dash and Midday had managed to disable each other's paintball cannons with well-aimed shots. The two mares glared at each other. Rainbow Dash rushed Midday, a primal scream on her lips. Midday braced herself, ready to unleash whatever magic she had to. Then, there was a mighty shout, and both Rainbow Dash and Midday found their ears being grasped by somepony's magic. "NO! YOUR FIGHT IS OVER! FINISHED!" It was Rarity, and she looked furious. The two mares found themselves being dragged through the streets of Ponyville by the fashion designer like misbehaving foals (Which was more inaccurate than unfair), all the way to Rarity's store. She dragged the two paint-splattered mares to a room upstairs, which was surprisingly empty save for two tin tubs. "Now then" Rarity said, her voice utterly calm, "You two shall wash all that paint off of yourselves, then you will apologise to one another and act LIKE GROWN MARES!" they flinched as her voice got increasingly higher. "But..." Rainbow Dash said weakly, "It's not my bath-day." Rarity fixed a glare on Rainbow Dash that would have made a full-grown dragon feel nervous. "Wash." Rarity spat. "But..." Rainbow Dash repeated. Midday on the other hand had already grabbed a sponge and was scrubbing herself furiously. ~~~~~ I do actually wonder if this era's Rainbow Dash lacks survival instinct of some kind. Also, 'bath-day'? She doesn't wash regularly? Seriously? Does she have a list of 'tomcolt cliches' she has to get through each day? Anyhow, that's how it ended. Not pranks nor ingenuity, we lay defeated by that which we were unprepared to face, by the humblest thing the Creator placed upon this world. Rarity and her fondness for colour-coordination. (No, really, she explained that it was the paintballing that set her off. Apparently earth tones don't go with bright orange and blue.) And since I'm supposed to have learnt something about friendship, despite being over eighteen, I have learnt that while you are allowed to get upset over a remark, you shouldn't go completely overboard in your reaction. She who is sitting in a tin can, Midday Eclipse. "I thought I was never gonna get all that pink out" sighed Rainbow Dash, looking at the restored sky-blue of her coat, and the multicoloured hue of her tail, which she was stroking in a somewhat alarming fashion. "I dunno, it kinda suited you" Midday laughed, especially at the irritated look on Rainbow Dash's face. "Say that again" the pegasus hissed. Midday was about to say something when she realised something. Whatever was getting rid of the paint had gotten rid of the hair dye used on Rainbow Dash, which meant... She lifted a hoof. Sure enough, she could see the lilac beginning to almost melt away, faint tones of royal blue beginning to shine through. 'Darn', she said to herself. She'd started to like being lilac a bit. Now she was blue again, and there was nothing she could do, or felt like doing either, once she gave it some consideration. "I didn't know you used hair dye" Rarity said, casually, staring at the mare's hoof. "Why did you hide your natural colours? Was it to avoid being mistaken with your sister?" Midday took a second to realise Rarity was talking about her other-dimensional doppleganger from the other week. She started thinking about that other universe, and just as quickly supressed those feelings. "Sort of" she said. "But not really." "Kinda suits you" Rainbow Dash smirked, apparently trying to taunt her. "Alright Rainbow, there's only one way we can truly settle this once and for all." "There is?" Rainbow Dash said. "Yeah. We're gonna need Pinkie's help, though. And a massive table." Rarity and Spike sighed. "Not again"