It was time for muffins.
Every day before sundown, Derpy always made a stop at Sugarcube Corner for her favorite baked treat. She landed in front of the door and pushed on it but didn’t budge an inch. Derpy made another effort but entry to the bakery was again denied. She took a step back, ready to charge in when she finally noticed the letter on the door written in pink marker.
***
To our customers,
Sorry! Had to close early! We’ll be open tomorrow, promise!
- Pinkie Pie, on behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Cake
***
“No muffins” Derpy moaned. She turned around and saw a light brown stallion wearing a blue suit.
“Well, hi there, Derpy!”
The mare recognized the mail carrier and jerked his hoof around. “Post Haste! I’m so happy to see you!”
He favored his appendage, and then tipped his hat. “Same to you too! How’s that weather job going?”
Derpy’s ears flattened, and she poked his mail bag. “I had more fun when I was doing the mail.”
Post Haste flattened his smile. “Ah, I know. Don’t worry. I’m sure the bosses will forget about your little Spreading the Mail incident…someday. Listen, I got a letter for you.”
“I do?” She grabbed onto a plain white envelope. “Thanks Post Haste!”
“Not a problem. Well, I hope to see you again soon!” He gave a nod to Derpy and began to walk down the road, raising his head high for a job well done.
Derpy’s mind smacked her in action and followed the skinny stallion. “Wait. Why are you delivering mail now?”
He slammed the brakes and tapped his hoof. “It was…special delivery! That’s what it was!”
She lowered her brow, sensing deception.
“In fact, I have another one to make…right now!” The mail pony galloped away and entered an alleyway to the left.
“Not this time!” Derpy flew into action and made the blind turn, crashing into a hanging sign, and slid off to the dirt below. When she got up, Post Haste had escape her sights, and she kicked up some dust.
“I just want to know what’s going on” she moaned. With nothing else to do, she opened up her mail.
***
Derpy,
Your recent actions have attracted the attention of the officials from Cloudsdale and Ponyville. You are to report immediately to the Ponyville Town Hall for a special meeting.
- Mayor
***
The blonde Pegasus read the letter a few more times before the words found meaning, and her heart sank.
“I’m in big trouble” Derpy mumbled.
Rather than go toward the large structure in the center of town, she made a lonely flight all the way back to the inn, bumping into the side of the building before going through the window and inside her temporary residence. Derpy dumped her saddlebag on the floor and collapsed on the cloud mattress, opened up the faucet in her eyes, allowing a few drips to leave her eyes. She believed that severe punishment awaited her at Town Hall, likely to be sent off to the Everfree Forest, some island in the middle of nowhere, or even all the way to the moon. Whatever stood in front of her, Derpy didn’t want to face it but even if she wasn’t the brightest pony in the sky, she knew that any wrongs meant consequences and had to face up to them. With a sigh, she floated up and aimed for the open air, finally making a smooth exit.
Below her, Ponyville’s lights illuminated the landscape but the residents usually wandering the streets running errands, exercising, or enjoying the rise of the moon were nowhere to be seen. When she approached Town Hall, the scene was the same, nothing but the glow of the village keeping her company. Derpy landed in front of the door to the large structure and went inside, immediately noticing a path of miniature baked treats down the circular corridor heading left.
Derpy’s jaw hung open and drool dripped out. “Mini-Muffins.”
She gobbled up each piece, and the trail led her down the passageway and up the stairs to the second level where it continued to a pair of double doors, one of them left partially open. Without looking, she went inside to pitch darkness and brought her hooves out, feeling out her surroundings. All of a sudden, the lights came on.
“SUR-PRISEEEEEE!”
Derpy staggered back and crashed through the double doors, knocking it off its hinges. She picked herself up and then gazed at the throng of ponies within the large assembly room, all with smiles on their faces. Streamers hung on the pillars of the room, balloons floated around the hall, and the floor had tables upon tables of cakes, sandwiches, punch, fruit, and her beloved muffins. Derpy took a step forward when Pinkie Pie materialized, added a hat to her head and broke into song:
***
Thank you, Derpy, for saving our town
Even though your actions, at first, made us frown
Who would have thunk it, Derpy saved the day
And so we give praise with a party and some cake!
Yay!
***
Everypony in the hall stomped her hooves in approval and all leaned forwards, waiting for the guest of honor to say some words.
Derpy moved her hoof back and forth, as the corners of her mouth moved up and down, unsure where to station them. “So I’m not in trouble?”
The Mayor of Ponyville stepped forwards and gave a nod. “On the contrary, Derpy, you did very well but I’ll leave it to Twilight to explain.”
A purple unicorn emerged from the crowd and for a moment, she shoved her face right into Derpy with an “I know what you did” look, and the gray Pegasus gulped. Twilight then backed off and composed herself. “You see, when your house got stuck in the Cloudiseum, the building had to be checked for any structural damage and surprisingly, there was a lot more than what the Pegasus crew had expected so there had to be something more going on. They found out yesterday that it was because of a design defect, and it was a good thing it was caught on time because the building was on the verge of breaking apart. According to the calculations I provided, the Cloudiseum would have bumped into the Cloud Factory and most of it would have drifted off and crashed into Ponyville, spewing toxic waste all over. Do you realize what your little accident did?”
Derpy scratched her head for a few seconds before shrugging.
“She doesn’t get it!” Rainbow yelled from above. She hovered down and used her hooves to illustrate. “If you didn’t have an oopsie, we wouldn’t catch somepony else’s big oopsie. Cloud Factory crashes into Ponyville. Yucky stuff all around. You saved all of us!”
A light bulb came on, and the blonde mare raised her hooves in triumph. “Yay! I’m a hero!”
“That’s right, Derpy” said a pristine voice from above. In front of the cross-eyed mare landed a white alicorn with a multi-colored mane.
The crowds knelt at her presence, whispering the name of Princess Celestia.
Derpy bent her front hooves and collapsed forwards, earning a chuckle from the Princess.
“There’s no need for that. Derpy, I know your actions, even if they’re not always…agreeable…can often lead to good surprises, and your home crashing into the Cloudiseum is certainly no exception. For that, on behalf of Ponyville and Cloudsdale, I present to you our highest honor.”
She took out a round medal and placed it around the neck of Derpy, making the auditorium’s crowd cheer and chant the name of the recipient. Derpy put up the gold award and after a few seconds, pawed at it and then tried to bite it.
Princess Celestia whispered, “Um, Derpy, that’s not chocolate.”
“My bad” she hushed back.
“Don’t worry about it.” The empress turned her attention toward the assembled. “Everypony. The ceremony will now commence!”
A gaggle of ponies picked Derpy up and carried her away to the largest table where stacks of gifts awaited her. She ripped up the wrappings, and some of the items came with an explanation.
Rarity pointed out an alarm clock encased in carved wood. “My apologies for the deception earlier but I thought that would be the perfect gift for you. I know that Rainbow goes off every day about your tardiness and wanted to provide you something durable, yet elegant.”
Derpy banged the clock onto the table but even she couldn’t make a dent. “Fancy! Thanks Rarity!”
Fluttershy then carefully sprayed a few bottles of perfume on the grey mare. “I’m sure ponies would like to be with you more if you smell really nice. Oh, and I didn’t mean to spray you and lie to you earlier. I’m really sorry.”
“Derpy forgives you!” She tightly grasped the yellow Pegasus, making her squeak.
After the last of the gifts, Derpy munched on some muffins while some ponies got up to a podium, eager to say a few words.
First was Rainbow Dash. “The Wonderbolts just happened to fly by and my crazy do grabbed their attention. I actually got to talk them!” She squealed into the microphone, forcing everypony to cover their ears.
Applejack limped up to the stage. “When I went to see the doc, I ran into a long lost friend of mine. Couldn’t believe my luck, after all these years of searchin’ ‘round, she was right there.” She raised her front hooves up for a yee-haw but immediately wriggled in pain and came back down.
Horte was up next. “When I told ze manager about what I did, I got a promotion! Oh, the years of superior service finally paying off.” He took off a handkerchief and wiped off the stream of joy running down his face.
Tick Tock came up to the podium and banged on it. “Forgeries, all those cups and clocks!”
The crowd of ponies gasped and one of them fainted.
She postured with confidence. “Do not worry. I will replace all those fabrications free of charge.”
A raucous cheer echoed through the chamber.
Twilight then stormed up and grumbled, “She destroyed my basement.”
“And?” Spike yelled from the table.
The unicorn switched to a more pleasing tone. “Well, she did prove that my machine works so I know I wasn’t pursuing a worthless endeavor but…” She became crabby, and a hair strand stood up. “…my basement…”
The small dragon ran up and pushed her away. “Okay, that’s enough Twilight.”
Then, it was Filthy Rich, who fixed his mane before speaking. “My generosity happened to impress the customers so much, guess who’s finally going to be voted #1 in Customer Service this year in retail? That’s right, Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. If it ain't from the barnyard, it ain’t a bargain.”
Pinkie pushed the stallion aside and tapped the microphone. “Wakey, wakey, Derpy.”
All turned their attention to the blonde mare who was slumped on top of the table.
“We silly ponies bored her so let’s get this party going!” She blew a kazoo right into the mike.
Derpy rose up and heard the blaring of the music. “Yay! Party!” She went up in the air and jigged all across the room, banging into the pillars and onto fellow Pegasus.
Below, Twilight squirmed and writhed. “Um, guys? Don’t you think we’re asking for trouble with—”
“Oh, don’t worry” replied Rainbow, waving her hoof. “After the last time, Town Hall was fixed up to withstand anything, right Mayor?”
The khaki colored mare writhed and took time to respond. “Well, actually, we couldn’t exactly afford the best out there but…” She watched Derpy, now with a punch bowl on her head, bump into a wall. “…it should hold, I think.”
“Good enough for me!” Pinkie wheeled in and fired her party cannon, spitting out confetti, balloons, and streamers.
Fluttershy dove under the table and grabbed the legs. “Pinkie and Derpy in the same room? Is that safe?”
Princess Celestia paused from sipping punch and watched Derpy climb into the mortar’s barrel. She maintained her radiant smile. “Oh, don’t worry. Let them have their fun.”
Pinkie struck the pink cannon and it exploded, sending a tremor throughout the assembly room. Yet, when the smoke cleared, the only consequence was two toasted ponies, both wiggling on the ground, cracking up. Any concerns about a grand catastrophe happening tonight evaporated, and the party went on.
The once barren room at the Inn was now filled with all of Derpy’s gifts and some pink boxes crammed with muffins. After waving at some ponies through the window, Derpy hit the light switch which broke off, but she was too much in a good mood to care. In her mind, today was a great day. Wake up, cause chaos, and find out you saved Ponyvillle by mistake. She stumbled and fell onto the cloud mattress, only to land a few inches short, crashing into the empty room below. Still, she kept smiling as she finally got on top the fluffy white and closed her crossed eyes, ready to start all over again tomorrow morning at 9 am.
Unfortunately, the alarm was set to 9 pm instead but it didn’t matter. Just after 6 am the next day, the raucous sound of tumbling wood woke her from her slumber. She rushed to the window and saw a big plume of smoke where Town Hall used to be. When it cleared, it looked as though some large hoof rose up and slammed down on it, crushing half of it. The nearby residents came out and gazed at the remains before speaking out.
“Oh no! Not again!”
“Was anypony there?”
“Nah. The sun just came up!”
“Why can’t we just build a smaller one this time?”
“How in Equestria did this happen?”
They all stopped and turned to the inn, focusing on Derpy on the second story window. It didn't take the mob long to figure it what happened: Derpy, plus pillars, plus Party Cannon, equals collapsed Town Hall. The residents put on their peevish faces, not helped by being up so early.
All she could do is rub her mane and give them a small smile in appeasement. “Oops. My bad.”
Derpy didn’t have to worry because the town forgave her.
Eventually.