Under the same night -- 10:30PM it was -- I was lying down on my bed, exhausted from the excessive weeping I had been doing for a long period of time. I think my fluffed up pillow was completely drenched by my lamenting tears. I held on to the blanket -- the object which started it all -- as I tried to sleep, but every damn time I do I always woke up after having that recurring dream of her, Fluttershy, sitting underneath the cooling shades of the humongous maple tree, staring up at the clouds while the sun was out.
She would then see me and say, "Come on, Daddy, let's play 'name the clouds' together!"
"Hm, hm," I hummed chuckling, waving to her as I climbed over the slope. "Be right there!" I hollered.
It all felt so real, so real that I wished it were, and every time I realized it wasn't, the sky would turn black and a storm would suddenly brew with brutal winds strong enough to lift the maple tree off of its roots. I'd idly stand there traumatized by the nightmarish cause, and Fluttershy would also stand there where the tree used to be, crying.
"Daddy...?" was what Fluttershy always uttered before she vanished in to the darkness.
My eyes leaked a waterfall of tears as I so desperately cried out to her, "Nooo!"
And that's when I woke up, each and every time.
I would sit up from my beds' sheets and smoke my electronic cigarette each time that happened. It was so painful to see her cry, it reminded me the time when I had told her of Angel's death. My god that was horrible. The sheer pain she felt, the agony she endured, it was too heart-wrenching that not even smoking would make the memories go away. But that's all I can practically do at this type of point was smoke.... Smoking had been my answer to my stress since then, but lately its not doing much good anymore.
I found the device meaningless as I ended up throwing it aside out of swift anger mixed with pure misery. I was breathing eccentrically, so hard my chest was heavily pushing in and out at a rapid rate. I then used my hands and rubbed against my face with them, trying to ease my lament, anguish, and sorrow. I took my hands off my face and glanced around the quiet and emptiness of my bedroom before I went and tried falling back asleep.
Many hours later, I was still sleeping while the sun rose from Earth's unreachable boundary. I heard birds chirping outside the window, which indicated me it was the time to wake up. I sat up and threw my silky sheets off my body as my tired eyes winced from the glaring rays of warm sunlight brimming past my window's glass down on to my being.
I briefly took a gander at my alarm clock and it showed the time was 6:00AM on the dot. This was a first that I woke up two hours before my alarm setting. Still, I begun the day with the typical routine of brushing my teeth, taking a shower, and eating cereal for breakfast, although I skipped getting dressed. There was no point since I wasn't particularly keen on going to work this today. I guess Tina will just have to deal with it.
Something did occur to me earlier that night; the night I mentioned about watching Fluttershy going on her adventures with her friends. I suppose for the first time in my life I'll take a seat and watch the darned show... but I won't be enjoying it in particular to how other people do. I will watch it because I want to see how my dear Shy is living her life without any remembrance of me.
I turned the television on, and my hands were slightly shaking from anxiety. Am I really going to do something I swore I would never do again? I am, but this is served as a matter of principle - a principle of an ex-father. I pressed the following numbers on my comcast remote and, as expected, 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' was currently playing on the 'Hub' channel.
First I was introduced to an opening scene where Fluttershy was standing atop of a bridge with an iron bucket full of what appear to be fish and she had a mouthful of two and hopped off the side of the bridge and went underneath it and gave each a fish to a pair of ferrets. She then perked up a motherly smile.
"That's it!" I bursted out shouting as I couldn't take the stress, so I killed the television by the press of a power button on the remote.
What was I thinking? All that did was make my heart ache even more, knowing that that episode was the one I showed to my dear Shy.... I can remember that uneventful moment. She looked confused, bewildered, and above all... hurt. I could not imagine such torture that may have went through her mind. I wasn't sure if I had forgiven myself for doing a horrible thing, but I did it because I cared about her, and it could have gone worse if she discovered her origin if I hadn't told her.
After I had shut off the television, I hung and shook my head in regret with an entire left palm covering my eyes.
"I'm sorry...." I murmured with a sorrowful tone.