"Hey Vinyl." Dash sat down next to the dj at the only bar in Ponyville.
"Hey Dash, how—" Vinyl scrunched up her nose and tried to hide it. "Ah, so it's that time of year again? Did you come here so I could give you a hoof?"
"Harty har Vinyl. You know I can't talk to anypony else about—" Dash glanced around the empty bar. "Being in heat."
"So what'll it be this time? I'm DJ'ing at a rave in two days, could hook you up with a stallion and fix you right up."
"Thanks, but I've been thinking. . ."
"Uh oh, Dash thinking. This can't be good."
Dash shot an unamused look at her. "I uh. . . I'd like to try something more than a quick fix this time."
"Hey now, nothing wrong with a one night romp." Vinyl threw back a shot of vodka.
"You ever get the feeling it's time to settle down?" Dash looked around to make sure nopony had snuck up to eavesdrop.
"That's just the hormones talking."
"Yeah, well, I've been thinking about it for a while. If you tell anypony this there won't be a club far enough away for you to hide in. I've had my eye on Big Mac. . . but I don't know a thing about him."
"Hmm." Vinyl tapped the bar twice, and the bartender brought over the bottle of vodka and left it. "I can see the problem. He's not talkative, and the day you ask Applejack for dating advice about her brother will be the day Twilight becomes a princess."
Dash chuckled softly. "Very observant, so who else in town might know what Big Mac's story is? If I'm going to ask him out on a date, especially right now, I want to know what I'm getting into."
Vinyl drank some vodka straight from the bottle, eliciting a surprised gasp from Dash. "Well, Octy mentioned she met Big Mac at university, maybe she knows."
"Thanks, maybe when I'm carrying you home I'll ask her. How on Equestria can you drink like that and stay upright?"
"Same way I learned to DJ. I practice every night." Vinyl finished off the bottle. "When I die, I want to look dead, and like I was just at the most kick-flank party in Equestria."
"Well, let's get going then and get this over with. If I have any luck left, I can get a date before my friends find out or I'll never live it down."
"Sheesh, you always act like they won't be your friends anymore if you fail to impress them. Remember how we met? You worry too much. Now let's go, Octavia might still be up."
The two walked out of the bar into the cold night. Aside from the nights DJ-Pon3 played at the bar, it was deserted. Not many ponies in Ponyville liked to enjoy the nightlife. That's exactly why Dash confided in Vinyl, and it didn't hurt they were the only two in Ponyville who knew how to properly enjoy a night out at a party.
The two reached Vinyl's house, and she threw her door open with magic. "Octy! Octy! We have company!"
A light turned on at the top of the stairs and a disgruntled voice shouted back down. "Really Vinyl? Who is it this—" Octavia trod down the stairs and saw her with Dash. "Oh, well I'll leave you two alone."
"Octy she's here to talk to you!" Vinyl went over to the nearby couch and fell onto it. She levitated a blanket over herself. "Hey there beautiful," she whispered into the cushion. Seconds later light snoring could be heard.
"Well, now that she's taken care of, what can I do for you Dash?"
"I heard you might know about Big Mac, where he's from, why he never talks." Dash put on an innocent smile. "Just curious."
"I see, well you two certainly would make a cute couple." Octavia grinned at her, seeing right through Dash's facade. "Well, make yourself comfortable."
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Octavia began to recount her story. "I was a young mare in my first year of college at Manehatten University. I had only recently met Vinyl at the beginning of our university days, but that's another story. My math teacher, professor Quadratic—and if you think that's a lame name, his cutie mark was literally the quadratic formula—challenged us with a math problem.
" ' This math problem,' he told us, 'is one that took me and my colleagues two years to solve. If any of you can solve it, you will get an A in the class.' Well naturally I took a crack at it, but it was too advanced for me. Then, one day after class, I saw the janitor walking up to clean the chalk board. I started to go over to stop him. He was a large red stallion, with thick muscles, the kind of body any mare would die to be. . . ahem, anyway.
"I get over to the chalk board, but this janitor wasn't erasing it. He was solving it. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen, and when I asked him his name, he replied. 'Big Mac.' I asked him if he could teach me how he did that. 'Nope,' he replied."
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Dash had nearly fallen asleep. She had paid attention for a little bit as Octavia described his body, then phased out again. "Ahuh, ahuh, so Big Mac is a janitor from Manehatten who is part of a family that farms apples, and he never talks. You could have at least tried to be a little more convincing."
"Really now, Dash. It's the truth! Big Mac was sent to college, he worked part time as a janitor. It turns out he was so shy, he failed out of his speech class and had to go back home to the farm. He's a mathematical genius! The next Albert Einstallion." Octavia glanced over to make sure Vinyl was asleep. "And don't tell Vinyl, but there's a reason they call him 'Big Mac.' His real name is just Macintosh, he's hung like a stallion."
Dash tried her best to hide her face as she blushed, and she felt warmth spread to body parts best not described in polite company. "Well I can't really go making assumptions, I doubt Applejack would take kindly to a fling. I think I'm going to find somepony a bit more reliable."
"Fine, but when you find out I'm right I expect an apology. And then you have to tell me all the details."
Dash was already halfway to the door and she snorted. "You wish. You stick to Vinyl, I'll stick to stallions." She didn't need to turn around as she closed to door to imagine the beet red blush that must be on Octavia's face.
"Great, now I've got to find somepony else that won't tell the whole town my secret. I've also got to avoid all the stallions in town, figure out how to ask Big Mac out on a date, and somehow find time to teach Scootaloo to fly." Dash was about to fly home when a pink head popped out of a barrel in Vinyl's yard.
"Oh! I know just the thing. I have birth records and detailed histories of everypony in Ponyville in case of changeling emergencies!" Pinkie Pie bounced out of the barrel and walked alongside Dash.
Dash sighed and look at the moon. "Luna, smite me now."