“Look at them all, so small and insignificant.” With my hooves outstretched, I pretended to squish them like bugs. “Their acts, no matter how great, are a mere drop in the ocean.”
“The more you talk, the more you sound like me,” chuckled Nightmare Moon.
“We are not thou!” My voice dropped back down a whisper, “We are nothing like thou.”
“Not so according to Gilda, and face it, she probably knows more about you than anyone else, and guess what? She thinks I’m better than you. Ha! Me! How does it feel to be consi-”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!” High above in the sky, well beyond the reach of any mortal, my voice was swallowed up by the endless void.
“Typical Luna, throwing a tantrum when things don’t go your way.” Eyes wide, I took a step back as Nightmare Moon slipped out from the darkness. “Breaking your toys when they don’t do what you want, tossing their lives away for shits and giggles. Even war was a game for you.”
“Wha- How...”
“Silly Luna, the more you reject me, the more powerful I become.”
A quick shake of my head cleared away the emotions clouding my mind, allowing me to see clearly. Instead of the tall, deadly Nightmare Moon, all that was present a shadowy representation. No substance, no strength. Just a swirling mass of black that took her form and spoke with her voice.
Cruel laughter rang out over the endless space as Nightmare said, “We are thou and thou art I.”
“Silence!” A single blade cut the shade in half, but it merely reformed. “We are nothing like thou. Thou art a monster, a miscreant, a representation of everything wrong in this world! Thy words are twisted upon themselves, a truth so corrupted they are the vilest of lies designed to bring us low. Thou revel in pain, sadness, anger, hopelessness.”
I paused, my entire body shuddering with repressed hate as I spat out, “We. Art. Not. Thou!”
Wings spread, mad laughter came from Nightmare Moon, and before my eyes, her body solidified, taking shape and color. Though she remained translucent, a perfect copy of Nightmare Moon stood before me. Then her eyes opened, fixing me with a stare that struck fear into my very core; I didn’t show it though, to show fear was to show weakness.
“You hide behind excuses and warped truths. Gilda can see it as clear as I, but you’re so far in your own delusions that you cannot even comprehend reality anymore.” My sword sliced at neck, but it passed through harmlessly. “Even Celly sees it. Why else do you think she doesn’t let you rule alongside her?”
“Shut. Up!” I tore at the illusion with all my magical might, but it didn’t even waver for a second. “Thou are an illusion. Thou are nothing more than an illusion! Thy words are lies and nothing more.”
Her hoof slammed into my cheek, sending me across the sky. A quick flap of my wings followed by a twist and I managed to right myself. With slow wing beats, I touched my cheek, the pain of the blow numbed by my shock. There before me stood Nightmare Moon in all her glory.
“This is the truth. This is reality.” She dashed at me and my blade passed harmlessly through her as her buck caught me in the chest, shattering my ribs. Coughing up blood, my magic darted over the wound and began healing it.
“This is your reality, not mine. This is how you perceive the world, and your perception is wrong!” I yelled as magic burst forth in all directions, if any living being had been caught in the explosion, their organs would have been liquefied in an instant. “You look at the world through tainted glasses.”
“And you look at the world through glasses so broken it’d make Discord throw up in disgust.”
Again and again she darted at me, striking from all directions with magic and might in equal measure. No matter how I moved, no matter what spells or tactics I used, they passed through her harmlessly. Every strike shattered bones, punctured organs, and severed limbs. All I knew was pain, a world of endless pain, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid of dying.
Slamming into the ground, I coughed up blood and was forced to use magic to pull air into and out of my lungs. Before a single wound was repaired, Nightmare landed next to me and pressed her hoof against my throat. Windpipe crushed, all my magic was redirected to fixing it, even as she kept crushing it.
“Now, you’re gonna be a good girl and listen, won’t you? Yes you will, because if you don’t, I will inflict even more pain on you, and trust me, I have a lot of interesting torture ideas that I saved up for Celestia.” Though the blood made it impossible to see, her cold smile was clearly visible. “And I do need a test dummy in case some of them cause her to die. After all, an immortal like me needs a pastime, and what’s a better hobby than torture?”
She spat in my eye, but it barely registered with the rest of my injuries. “You’re truly pathetic, you know that? At least I have the ability to admit to myself and the world that I’m a monster, but you? You hide like the scared little filly that you are. You disgust me. Even now, the world around you is going to ruins and you’re sitting up here, not doing a single thing. Life is meaningless to you, whereas for me, the act of taking a life is pleasure. Their mortality is a pleasure. But you? You derive nothing from it.”
A scream was torn from my lips as she stabbed a white hot needle through my eye. If she said anything else, I did not hear it. All I knew was pain. All I understood was pain. A part of me, a small, insane part that was still somehow lucid wondered if this was what death felt like. If this was what all my toys experienced before they died.
Then, she slowly drew the needle out. All that could be heard were my pitiful sobs as I lay broken on the marble floor.
“Oh, and one more thing.” The world around me melted away and I found myself once more hovering in midair above the world. “It was all a nightmare.”
Her mad laughter echoed in my mind and a shudder passed through my body. Dream or not, I could still feel the pain she had inflicted on me. Each blow, each cut, was etched in my mind. When I closed my left eye, all I saw was a blur, just as though it had actually been injured, and when I glanced down at my body, I saw magic dancing over my fur as though it had just repaired something.
“We are one and the same little filly, and don’t you forget it.”
Temperature meant nothing to me, but a shiver passed through my body. I simply hung there, her words echoing in my mind as though she was whispering them in my ear. Eventually though, I closed my eyes and my wings, allowing myself to plummet back to earth.
She was wrong and I was right. We were different. We were completely different from one another and I was going to prove it. Far below me, I felt a warm presence, one that could only belong to a nightkin. With that as my beacon, I began my rapid descent, all too eager and willing to return to the fight. I was going to prove that life actually meant something to me.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I ignored the voice and instead focused on the target. If only I didn’t have a care in the world, this would have been perfect. I opened both eyes, watching as the ground gave way to cities then towns then little specs that could only have been gryphons. The sound barrier formed around me, but I merely shrugged it off. After all, now was not the time for grand entrances. And there, no brighter than the point of a needle, was a single campfire and two dots.
At the very last second, I flared my wings, throwing dust in all directions as I landed lightly on my hooves. I half expected a shout of rage, or perhaps an instant ill-advised attempt to claim my hide, but instead Gilda was asleep, and barely twitched as the gust I raised ruffled her feathers.
A bolt of magic slammed into my chest, causing me to grunt in pain. I followed the spell back to its source, and there stood Trixie, horn aglow with a scowl on her face.
“That was your one and only warning. Leave before the Great and Powerful Trixie decides to show you just how powerful she is.”
I glanced to the right as the gryphon shifted and mumbled in her sleep, but fortunately she did not rise. My gaze returned to the blue unicorn. “Do thou truly believe thou art able to battle an alicorn and win?”
“Trixie recalls kicking Nightmare’s flank once. A second time shall be simplicity itself.” She spread her legs to brace herself. “Now leave.”
“We are here to help,” I said calmly. “Surely thou do not believe thou can oppose the entire might of the gryphons unaided.”
“Trixie has Gilda with her. That is enough.” A bolt of magic slammed against my shield only to bounce off harmlessly. “Gilda does not want you here, she does not need you here!”
“What the fuck are you doing here‽”
Well, looks like Gilda was awake. Maybe we’ll have another sparring match, that’d be fun. Of course, saying that was just stupid, so instead I put on a smile and turned to face her, “We are here to help.”
“No, you were leaving,” snarled Trixie.
Gilda wasn’t shouting, she was growling levelly. “Unless you’re here to throw yourself on the fire- and goddesses damn it Trix, I said no fires- I don’t give a fuck why you’re here. Piss off.”
“That’s what Trixie was just saying,” replied the unicorn, completely ignoring the other point.
“Why the fuck would we want your help?” Gilda stalked forward angrily, and I readied my magic in case she attacked. “After every goddess damn thing you put us through, after this complete nightmare of a month, after everything you did, how the fuck could you possibly think that I wouldn’t just kill you?”
“Let us phrase this in a way thy single brain cell can understand, the entirety of the changeling army is within those city walls. Included in there are more gryphons than thou can count.” A low growl emitted from my throat as I stepped forward. “If thou care about Trixie’s wellbeing, thou will allow us to come with thee, otherwise both of you will die.”
“And how the fuck am I supposed to know that you won’t just kill the both of us anyway, or sacrifice us for some bullshit instant win ritual.” She jabbed her claw at me. “You’re a selfish fucking bitch who doesn’t care about us, so the only reason you’re here is because you want something. And the last time you wanted something,I got mutilated by your bitch of an alter ego.”
“Thank you.”
“If We did not care, then there would be nothing left. There would be a smoking crater where Aviana once stood, and thou wouldst have been caught in the blast. If We did not care, We would not have saved you from Nightmare Moon’s corrupt influence.” I stared her straight in the eyes and hissed, “Do not accuse us of not caring.”
“Even if it’s true,” smirked Nightmare in my mind. “The only reason you’re doing this is because you wish to prove me wrong. There’s not a fiber in your being that is actually doing this because it’s the right thing to do. And please, you don’t have the magic to blow up the place from the atmosphere.”
“Oh, geeze, you’re right.” Gilda snarled. “You put in the minimum fucking effort to stop me being a pet for the pony you hate most. I mean, I should just fall over and grovel for that shouldn’t I? Never mind the part where you let it happen, or where you were using me, or where Trixie almost died! Fuck you, Luna!” Now her knives were out, and I could feel her hold on the shadows around us tighten.
I simply examined my hoof. “Feel free to try, but thou cannot win.”
She just grinned at that, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed Trixie stiffen.
“Gilda...” whispered Trixie.
There was a slight change in Gilda’s posture at her one word, but a second later it was gone and she was on the verge of attack again. But still, she didn’t cross that line. She stood there for a few moments, half a second from motion.
“What do you want?” She spat out. “Why the fuck are you here?”
“We just told you,” I said.
“Bullshit!” She shrieked, and I had to block her first strike. “Bull, fucking, shit!” She screamed in my face as she tried to use her brute strength to push me off balance. “Why would you help us? Why the fuck would you ever help anyone?!”
“Maybe We are not the evil pony that thou thinks We are,” I replied calmly.
To my surprise, my hooves suddenly sank down and I found my front legs sinking into their own shadows. I barely blocked her next blow before I managed to pull myself out of the mire. Not before her paw slammed into my leg at the joint; if I was a normal pony it would have shattered. We traded blows until suddenly Gilda pulled away from me.
“You’re not evil. You’re fucking cold.” Gilda snarled. “Your only interest is yourself, and everyone else is just a sack of meat with a mouth. You don’t even care enough to be sadistic. Nightmare’s evil, I’m evil, but you’re just an alien. Some damned elder god returned to fuck with pony kind for no reason other than because you can.”
“We merely are,” I replied. “Does it matter what We are as long as We wish to help?”
“Because it’s a goddess damn whim! Because five minutes later you won’t give a shit and you’d kill both of us for an advantage. Or because you couldn’t trust us. Or because you had another fucking whim!”
“Please, when have We ever done that?” It took all my willpower not to smack that look off her face. “We are here to help.”
“How about the day after White Peak? Right after both of us nearly get killed in your fucking fight, you pawned both of us off for a recipe you didn’t even need! Why the fuck would you even need nightkin?”
“Thou wouldst not understand even if we explained it.”
“NO!” Gilda snarled. “Enough of your bullshit! Tell me what was so fucking important to you that it was worth both of us! No more of this it’s ‘over your head’ crap, I want to know damn it!”
“How about We deserve to know? How about, We want to share it with the world? How about, We miss nightkin. It had nothing to do with thee, so stop thinking it does. “
“And there it is!” Gilda shouted triumphantly and pulled away. “Because you wanted it, that’s it. Because you fucking wanted it for some petty bullshit loneliness that’s your own fucking fault. You don’t care at all, and you did the most evil fucking thing anyone ever did to me because you wanted to!”
“Does it matter? We are here to help.” Maybe if I said it enough times, it’d finally get through her thick skull.
“Yes it matters!” Her voice cracked as she screamed that at me. “It matters so fucking much that Celestia’s hiding the entire fucking world from you! Don’t you get it?! You destroy everything you touch! Since we’ve started, you’ve left nothing but a trail of corpses, and I’m the closest anyone’s gotten to you in a thousand years! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?! How don’t you get it yet?!”
We stood there, staring at each other in silence as Trixie glanced between us, no doubt wanting to say something, but unsure of what to say.
“At least Nightmare actually wanted me to love her, even if the way she did it was completely evil. Nightmare craved the entire world’s love because she lost the one mare who could really give it to her. And if you haven’t realized it yet, Nightmare is you, bitch. She’s all the emotional baggage you can’t deal with, and everything she did is what you wanted. All you are is yourself without anything that ever made you a pony.”
A bark of laughter escaped. “Please, we loved Aurora first, Nightmare only appeared after her death.”
“And?! Nightmare is you! You loved Aurora, and you needed her. When she was gone Nightmare stepped in to fill the void and get you the love you need like a fucking changeling. Why else would it mean anything to you if ponies played at day and slept at night?”
“We are not Nightmare!” The earth cracked beneath my hooves. “And if thou even thinks that again, thou will regret it.”
“Read my fucking mind bitch!” She squared her shoulders. “Take your filthy fucking mind magic and take a peek. Because I’m right, and you don’t want to admit it. You.Are. Nightmare.”
My entire body trembled with rage. I might have felt a bit of remorse, a bit of sadness over her condition once, but now? Now I couldn’t care less. If she wanted to rush off and die, then let her. I was done with her and this world. Flicking my wings open, I leapt up into the air before vanishing with the crack of thunder.
I stood there for a moment, staring at the space where Luna had just been. It took a while, but slowly I realized she was gone. She wasn’t coming back. Luna wasn’t going to kill me right then and there.
“Fucking bitch!” I cursed and paced back in forth. “Filthy fucking whore!” I clenched my knife handles as the adrenaline slowly leaked out of my system. In its place was disappointment. “She was trembling!” My head snapped towards Trixie. “She was fucking trembling with anger! She was so pissed that she could barely control herself!” Walking towards Trixie, I growled in disgust. “Why’d she pussy out? Why the fuck didn’t she do it?”
“Gilda...” Trixie looked at me sadly and stepped back. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
I froze and glanced at her. All the anger in me was gone in an instant, and the hate went with it. I just stared at her, trying to place her words. “What do you mean?”
“This. Us. I can’t... I can’t take you constantly throwing yourself in harm’s way just for cheap thrills. I thought I could, I thought that you might get over it, but...” She looked at me as tears leaked down her cheeks. “You could have gotten killed. You were provoking Luna on purpose.”
“I...I... I had a point...” Goddesses that wasn’t the point and I know it. She didn’t care about that. “I mean... I....” Words and me were never friends. I’m not surprised they’re not with me now.
“I- I’m sorry...” And with those words, she simply began walking away.
“So... we’re breaking up?” I stared at her retreating figure, and for once I wasn’t interested in how firm and rounded it was.
If she heard me, she didn’t show it.
“That’s... good.” Right? I mean, it’s what I wanted wasn’t it? Trixie to move on and find someone who could be there for her. “Bye.” I raised my voice so she’d hear it but it cracked and kind of sounded like a really loud sob.
After less than a dozen steps, Trixie collapsed on the ground and I took a hesitant step towards her. Was... she hurt? I took another step, but... she wasn’t mine anymore. If she was sad then she had a right to be. Me going after her wouldn’t help, it’d just make this that much harder for her. But if she was hurt then I had to help her. She wasn’t my Trixie, but I couldn’t not help her.
I stood there in indecision, listening carefully for any sound of pain or just her sobbing. My heart was... I dunno. There was this dull ache, and... all I could think about was how much I wanted to hold her right then. Whether it was good for her or not I just wanted to hug her and beg her to stay and swear that I wasn’t gonna rush off again. Goddesses, I can be selfish.
Was this one of those moments? I mean, you hear about them. One important decision that you make that’ll decide the rest of your life and the lives of everyone around you. I mean, the only one in my life right now was Trixie. Heck, my life practically was Trixie. Without her I’d have died days ago, and the only reason I hadn’t was to keep her alive. Could I really just... not do that anymore? Make the decision that separated me and her and... that’s it? Walk into Aviana and meet the changeling horde head on and die?
Yes I could. Quite easily.
I blinked at that thought. ‘Easily’? Was... that the truth? Was I taking the easy way out? The simplest solution to the problem with the least pain in it for everyone? Isn’t that the right answer? The one that causes the least pain?
I knew that wasn’t true. The best answer is the one that fixes the problem the most thoroughly. The one that helps, not the one that does the least damage.
But... Trixie didn’t need to be fixed. She was damaged, but... she wasn’t broken. I wasn’t the one to fix her, I knew that. I couldn’t help anyone. So, was the easy way out the right choice? Leaving Trixie so she couldn’t get damaged or broken any further...
But that wasn’t the answer. Trixie was going to be hurt, no matter which choice I made. If I let her break things off, then of course that would hurt her. I mean... duh? How wouldn’t that damage her? But if she stayed with me... she could get hurt. If I died doing something stupid, then yeah she’d get hurt, but would that make any difference? If I left now, she’d know that I left to just go and die anyway. It’d be out of sight, but not out of mind. If she stayed with me though... what if I didn’t die? I mean, what if I could be there for her? She didn’t have to get hurt.
I’m like Nightmare. I’m nothing but emotional baggage and bad habits, but can’t you change? Couldn’t I change? I’d do anything for Trixie. So why couldn’t I change for her? I could stop being bad news, couldn’t I? I could drop the alcohol, forget the knives and violence, and be there for her. I’m the only one saying that I’m gonna hurt her. I’ve been wrong before. Why can’t I be wrong now?
What if... the best solution isn’t the one that causes her the least pain, what if it’s the one that... fixes me?
I blinked at that.
Trixie wasn’t the one that needed help. She was fine before she met me, she’d be fine after. But even as far back as the bar fight that started it all, I was broken. Damaged goods trying to die. I was the puzzle piece that didn’t fit in this picture. The leg of the table that’s crooked.
For this picture to work, for Trixie to be happy, for me not to hurt her, I needed to be fixed. For Trixie to get out of this undamaged, I needed to change. I needed to let her fix me.
My choices were simple. Accept the situation, accept that I’m Nightmare and hurt Trixie as little as I could. Or I could do the selfless, and at the same time selfish, thing and stay with her. Really give myself the chance to change and undo the damage that was here, and be with her, for her. One way she was getting hurt, the other way she would get really hurt if I fucked up. Play it safe, or just go for it and risk both of us. Calisto always told me to hedge my bets. To be cautious and never get carried away with any one idea. If things could go wrong, they would, and I’d lose everything. If Ilistened to him, I’d do the smart thing and walk away.
Hope is not a plan.
But you know what? Fuck that prick. He’s dead anyway.
I walked the dozen paces to Trixie, and stood behind her. Now it was time for words. I opened my beak to speak, but couldn’t think of anything to say. She needed to know that I was gonna be there for her. That I would be what she needed me to be, even if it cost both of us everything. But words failed me. The bastards weren’t there when I needed them. Like always, my charisma and charm condemned me before it saved me.
Actions speak louder than words anyway.
I lay down next to Trixie, and draped a wing over her shoulder. I didn’t look at her face, because I wasn’t sure what I’d see.
“You’re right, Trixie... and I’m right too. I can’t be there for you like I am. There’s too much that’s wrong with me... but you’re right too. I need help... I always needed help... You deserve someone better than me, but that someone could be me. I can be better. You can fix me, and... could I be what you deserve? I don’t know, but... fuck it. I never had the answers anyway. I’ll be there for you, no matter what, and that means being better than I am. Maybe I’ll fuck up anyway, and you’ll be worse than ever for it, but maybe I’ll get it right... maybe I can change. So I’m gonna try. You deserve someone better than me, but you want me anyway. Fucking fine then. I’ll be that someone.”
We sat there silently for a long time before I got the nerve to look her in the eyes, and when I did, all I saw was joy. I’m not a sap and I’ve never ever read any romance novels, but her eyes were sparkling. Next thing I knew, I was on my back and her lips were pressed against my beak. It was passionate, there was tongue, and claws may have roamed. By the time she pulled back, we were both breathing heavily, but we stayed within each other’s arms.
“Thank you,” she whispered against my beak before moving in for another heated kiss.
I ripped the gryphon before me in half with my magic before crushing another’s skull under my hooves. Skipping back, one sword went for a low sweep and it didn’t matter if he blocked it or jumped over it, another three descended on his neck, chest and flank. With his dead body, I blocked the arrows aimed at me before I leapt forward. Three cuts, three dead soldiers.
“Come on!” I screamed as I took to the skies in search of more enemies.
Stupid gryphons. All of them were idiots! And how dare she. How dare she insult me. How dare she talk back to me. I wanted to rip her throat out and keep her alive with my magic as I tortured her, as I cut off her limbs and made her eat them raw.
I hit the ground at supersonic speeds, creating a crater the size of a building. Before the dust had even begun thinking of settling, the nearby soldiers were dead. Except one. Grabbing one of the broken metal pieces that laid about, I melted it down before forming it into a thin strand. With my hoof against his neck, I began pushing the white hot molten strand into his eye. His screams sent shivers through my entire body and a mad little giggle escaped.
“Do thou like that? Do thou enjoy that?” I made sure to pump magic into his frail body so that he’d stay conscious. “Are We enough of a monster for thee?”
I stepped off his body and black tentacles wrapped around his limbs, hoisting him up into the air before me. For a second, fear flickered behind those dead eyes and a smirk found its way onto my muzzle. The tentacles began pulling in opposite directions and hoarse screams were torn from his throat. Then came the popping as joints dislocated.
“Oh yes my little insect friends, I’m coming for you. I’m coming for each and every single last one of you. This is just a warm up, a test run of all the lovely things I’ll do to you.” My serpentine iris were reflected back to me in his remaining golden eye. “And we shall make thee pay of thy transgressions.”
Blood sprayed in all directions as he was torn apart just inches from my face.
“Do you hear that!?” I screamed into the night. “We shall make thee pay!”
More soldiers rushed at me, but what did I care? I cut them down, I cut them all down. Magic and might working together to obliterate armies just like in the past. Every cut, every wound, just bought more laughter from within me as I let my rage fuel my blows. Why kill when I could overkill? Why be merciful to the merciless?
Some were screaming, others were pleading, and all cried. How pathetic. How insignificant. This was the futility of mortal life. This was the power of a goddess. How dare they question me.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“Thou!” I spun around, my blade passing harmlessly through Nightmare Moon’s neck. “We are going to tear thou to shreds!”
“Why? Because you can’t face the truth?” A bolt of black magic shot out, consuming the flesh of the gryphon as she screamed in pain.
“We are nothing like thou,” I hissed as I bought a building down on top of her.
“You are exactly like me.” She vanished from sight and appeared right next to me. “You manipulate. You revel in pain. You delight in war. You are a monster, just like me.”
“No!” I reached out to the moon and brought a single pillar of moonlight on her. By the time the light had faded, there was nothing left except a bottomless hole the size of a city block. There was no rubble, no screams, and no gryphons. Sweat dripped from my brow as I panted like a dog. Even the swords in my grasp shook uncontrollably.
“Really? Then look behind you little Lulu. Look and see the destruction that you caused.” When I continued to stare at her, she growled and forced my head to turn. “Look!”
Death and destruction. The streets were painted red, body parts were strewn about, and skeletons littered the streets. No buildings were left standing, no gryphon was spared, not even the young.
“N-No...” I took a step back and collapsed in the river of blood I had created. “W-We... we did no-”
“Oh yes, yes you did,” chuckled Nightmare in my ear. “I particularly loved the bit where you castrated the poor guy and made him eat it; all while you were ranting and raving about Gilda. Loved it. Couldn’t have done it better myself.”
“Lies! We never did that!”
“Yes you did.” She licked my blood soaked cheek. “You will find you most certainly did.”
“N-No...” Even to my ears the word sounded weak.
“You are a monster.” Once more she forced me to look at the destruction I had caused. “Are you not? What other sort of being could do something like this?”
“We’re not... We’re...” Tears mingled with the blood. “We are a monster. We are no better than thou...”
“Bingo kiddo.” Nightmare wrapped a wing around my torso. “Why keep fighting? The world thinks you’re a monster, so you might as well be one. You might as well show them what a real monster can do. Gilda, Blueblood, they all toss the word around as though they know what it means. They insulted you, lied to you, spat in your face. Are you just going to let that slide?”
“No...” I whispered softly, before fixing Nightmare with a glare. “But that does not mean We should act upon our petty emotions. They insulted us,and lied to us, and they shall not be forgiven, but we shall not seek revenge. If we wish to reclaim the throne, we need to learn to let go.”
“But why share? Why change at all?” As soon as I pulled away from her seductive whisper, she hissed at me, “You are a foal! You could have everything you ever dreamed!”
“At the cost of everything We hold dear!” I yelled back and this time, I managed to rip her to shreds with my magic. I simply stood there in the blood soaked street, panting heavily even as more changelings and brain-deads emerged from the shadows.
“While this slaughter is fun, it shall get us nowhere.” It felt weird admitting my own perversions aloud, but also somehow liberating. I took to the air once more and began angling my way towards the castle. “It is time to end this.”
I expected there to be gryphons in the air harassing me, maybe even some changelings, but they all ignored me. Instead, the sky was completely clear except for some dark rain clouds, but that was of no concern to me. Soon it became apparent just why everything was so death still. Down below me, changelings fought gryphons in the very streets, and the closer I got to the castle, the denser the fighting became. Still, why was the air space so empty? That made no tactical sen-
My eyes widened as I focused on the gryphons. Then I let out a long string of oaths in three different languages that would have made Gilda blush and Trixie faint. They had bulging muscles, armored ridges on their shoulders, bone protrusions on their elbows and they had skeletal wings. Some idiot decided to give them the chemicals without the ritual.
Fortunately, they couldn’t take into the air to chase me so I simply flew over the courtyard. I charged up my horn and blasted a hole in the tower wall before landing lightly on my hooves. Six blades were immediately drawn as I began rushing through the halls, quickly making my way to the throne room. But there were no gryphons, no guards, no civilians. All that existed was the echoes of my hoofbeats and my heavy panting.
With a bone shattering buck, the heavy doors of the throne room were thrown open and I quickly made my way in. There before me was the king. His golden feathers were marred with blood, and his brown coat was covered with scratches and burns. His crown feathers were shredded and in tatters, and he seemed to be scratching the floor with broken and chipped claws.
“I’ll save them,” he mumbled, and I realized he wasn’t scratching, he was drawing. With his own claws and blood he was drawing something on the floor. “My gryphons. Mine. I’ll save them. The beasts will die, all of them. We’ll burn them and slash them and kill them, and we’ll protect the innocent. We’ll protect them till our death.”
I eased my way over, my eyes constantly darting around the room looking for any signs of ambush. He didn’t even seem to realize I was there as he kept mumbling jumbled phrases under his breath while he drew. Standing a few feet away, I looked over at the thing he was drawing and my mouth immediately dried up. Those were the runes to the ritual, surely he wasn’t so insane as to perform it with his own blood.
“Grace.” He chuckled. “Loyal, strong. Shame he looks like a girl. He’ll prove them wrong. The weather factory. He’ll make it. No one can stop him. He’ll do what he has to, and the beasts will die.”
“The weather factory? What is so important about the weather fac-” My eyes widened in realization. “Thou art a foal! A useless foal!” I screamed at the monarch and he turned to face me, but my sword was already descending. Beheading someone never felt more satisfying in my life.
Blasting a hole in the room, I immediately raced out, running straight into a thick layer of rainclouds. I forced my way through and when I burst through the other side, the cloud factory was nowhere in sight. Dropping back under, I scanned the area and still nothing.
Damn it!
Gilda, I needed Gilda. She would know where the factory was. That is... if she’d even talk to me. No, she will listen, and if she won’t, I’ll just force her to listen. After all, this was bigger than any petty grudge.
I frowned at the sky as we walked along. “Why are there rain clouds in late autumn? Shit. It’s only a few days till winter starts. Are they trying to freeze the non-gryphons to death?”
“You don’t hear Trixie complaining,” said Trixie from beneath my wing.
Smirking at her, I folded my wing in and let her spend a moment in her own skin. Our breath was frosting as it came out, and the small breeze only brought chilled air from the mountains to the east. Winter was coming, and it was gonna be a bloody cold one.
“Complaining yet?”
“Sh-Shut up.” I blinked and all of a sudden she was under my wing again, snuggled up against my side.
I looked up again and frowned at the sky again. “Seriously, why would they do that? Those are rain clouds.”
“Does it matter?” asked Trixie. “Come on, we have to get to the palace and find Grace.”
“Not to us... but...” After a moment I shrugged. “Whatever. You’re right, we need to keep going.”
We’d been flying earlier that morning, but the air got too cold after a while, and I’m not risking Trixie to hypothermia just ‘cause she likes flying. She offered to cast that insulation spell, but saving her magic for the inevitable upcoming fight seemed more important.
I had other things on my mind too. “Seriously. Why didn’t Luna try to kill me?” I caught her look and hastily continued. “I mean, not like that. I mean, what reason would she have not to?”
“How is Trixie supposed to know?”
“Fair enough,” I replied and we kept walking in silence for a while. Things had quieted down between us since Luna had left and I’d agreed to try and stay with Trixie. It wasn’t uncomfortable silence either, just that both of us didn’t really need to say anything.
The sky was bugging me though. I couldn’t tell you why for the life of me, but my gut just wouldn’t let me forget the rolling grey mass of precipitation overhead.
“Maybe I should fly up there and check it out.” I continued to stare. “Maybe it’s a rogue storm or something.”
“Just hurry back, Trixie will miss her blanket if you’re gone for too long.”
“Alright, thanks.” I told her and spread my wings. “I’ll be back real quick.”
After a quick peck on the cheek from her, I was in the air and making my way to the rolling mass of grey. As I got closer, I noticed that there weren’t any gryphons working this weather. The fuck? This was a wild storm. Why the heck were they letting a wild storm roll on over Aviana? I rose above it after a while, and started searching for any sign of gryphon intervention.
Nope. None.
“The fuck?” I frowned and started to feel up some of the clouds. Not that they could tell me much. I didn’t work in weather.
After a second I flew back down and found myself drawing to halt as I found myself seeing... a pegasus?
“The fuck?”
As the pegasus drew closer to me, I noticed the horn on its head, and found myself touching my knives.
“What are you doing here?” I shouted as she drew to a halt not too far from me.
“No time to talk, Grace is dumping the chemicals in the cloud factory. Thou needs to show us where the factory is so we can stop him,” she said between pants.
I stared at her for a second before I glanced back down and saw the blue shape of Trixie. Remember her, remember her. Forget that Luna just tried to get your help in killing your brother, just turn around and fly away.
With some effort I did, though in the back of my head I could hear Hate and Anger begging me to turn around cut the bitch’s wings off. I steadily made my way back to Trix, and prayed that Luna wasn’t going to follow me.
“Are thou deaf! If Grace succeeds, the rain would render the entire area contaminated! All sentient beings will become monsters!”
I grit my beak as I heard that voice. Shut up, go away. Shut up, go away. Remember Trixie, remember Trixie.
I started to flap my wings harder and pick up speed as I flew back to Trixie. With a firm grip on my magic, drag reduced and I was moving really fast. Fast enough that all I could hear was the sound of wind whistling.
Too soon I had to slow down and draw to halt, as I landed in front of a surprised Trixie. Please tell me she didn’t follow me here.
To my disappointment I heard Luna called out to me again. “This is no time to let grudges dominate thy thinking. This is vital for the survival of a nation!”
I cringed and my talons drew gouges in the soil. “G-g-go away.” Hate was reaching for the control panel. Anger was egging him on. I might have been trembling. “Find someone else,” I spat over my shoulder, and looked back at Trixie.
“As soon as thou point us in the right direction!”
“That way!” I pointed in some random direction, praying she’d leave.
“That’s the opposite direction of Aviana... Art thou certain?”
“NO!” I snarled at her, and realized I was no longer staring at the blue of Trixie, but the blue of Luna. “Are you fucking retarded? Of course it’s not that way!”
“Then which way is it?” she asked completely straight faced.
“The upper end you fuck wit! Just go! Get out of here!” I was dimly aware I was moving closer to her, and I had my knives out, and that I was pulling all the shadows I could towards me.
“Gilda!” snapped Trixie
It was like a lifeline. Her voice slapped Hate and Anger away for a moment, and I came to a halt. Slowly I took a step backwards, though I was aware I was close enough to Luna to pounce and just start ripping in.
“P-p-please just go.” I was begging. Holy shit I was begging. But I needed Luna to go. She needed to leave. I needed to be there for Trixie, and if Luna kept talking I’d lose myself. “Go!” I spat out when I realized I just couldn't bring myself to take another step back.
“Um...” Luna glanced over at Trixie for help. “Just tell us where the-”
I roared and dived at her, both knives out and aiming for her throat. Trixie was screaming my name, and Luna was drawing her six swords as she parried my attack. Her hoof collided with my gut, and I was flung back, though I breathed out to help keep myself from being winded.
Slowly, I pushed myself up, and the hurt I felt spurred me onwards as Trixie’s voice was drowned out by the roaring in my ears and the laughter crawling out of my throat. Oh goddesses, was it great. Luna had been holding back on me. Now she was using her magic and all her swords and... She was so much better here than she was when sparring! I didn’t stand a fucking chance!
Hate and Anger danced in my eyes as Luna slapped me with the blunt of her sword and shouted something at me. I drank whatever it was in and only tried that much harder! It was so, fucking, great. The pain just made it better.
I found myself collapsed on the ground when she swept my legs out from under me. Then I realized something. She was still holding back on me. I was on my back, and sucking air into my lungs as she shouted something at me, and she wasn’t killing me.
I clenched my beak as I rose to my feet. She wasn’t doing it. She wasn’t gonna do it. That. Fucking. Bitch!
“Fucking do it!” I shrieked as I closed with her again.
“Do what?!” She shouted back in confusion. “What are thou talking about?”
I didn’t answer her, as I found my way past her guard. I have no fucking clue how, but somehow between her magic, her swords and my battered and bruised body I cut her. Not deep, not even crippling. Just a stinging bloody line down her cheek.
I have no idea why, but that’s what got me. That. I’d... scratched her. That was it. With everything I had, and even with her holding back that was all I could do. I could... scratch her.
My momentary distraction had me pinned and on my back with her swords at my neck.
“Stop this madness!” She ordered.
To me she may as well have said ‘mwah mwah ma mwah maw’.
My grip on my knife tightened, and my mind darted to her spine. Even then... the other part of me went to... the one thing that actually mattered anymore. I tilted my head so I was staring at Trixie, and I watched the tears rolling down her face. The absolute heartbreak in her face as she watched me end myself.
Luna said something but... I didn’t care. All I felt was this... disgust. This realization of... what the fuck am I doing?
With a kick of my legs, I threw Luna off me and stood up. Slowly, on bruised and hurt legs I trudged back to Trixie. My knives dropped to the ground and I didn’t pick them up as I boxed away Hate and Anger. It wasn’t easy. There was a struggle in my head as they tried to take over again, to push me in the other direction, back towards my painful death. It was what I deserved, yeah. It was fair. Me dying. But... who the fuck said this was about me?
I drew to a halt in front of Trixie. Just staring at her as she stared up at me with tears in her eyes.
“I... made a promise.” I swallowed as I tried to find the words. “I said I was going to protect you, take you back to Equestria and keep you safe.” There was a pause and I lay down in front of her. “I can’t do that if I’m dead.”
She knelt down before me and cradled my head against her chest. “No... no you can’t...”
“There’s something I need to tell you.” I looked up into her eyes.
“Wha-what?”
It took me a moment, to realize what she thought I was about to say. “No, I wasn’t gonna say I love you or some cheesy shit like that.” I caught the look she was giving me and rapidly continued. “Not that I don’t, but... that wasn’t what I was gonna tell you. I mean... uh... Since that night at mom’s house, I’ve been having nightmares. Every single night since then, I’ve been dreaming that Nightmare possessed me, and I was her pet, and that she was making me torture you each and every night. That’s why I’ve been having such a hard time sleeping lately. It doesn’t really matter now... but I can’t keep secrets from you anymore. If we’re gonna fix me, I need to stop hiding what’s wrong with me.”
“You silly gryphon.” She smacked me across the head then proceeded to kiss me senseless. “You stupid, sexy, silly gryphon.”
“Ever since White Peak, I’ve... Nightmare... she told me to tap into my emotions and... I did. I don’t know why, but since then I’ve just... completely fucking lost it. I... can’t control myself. Every time Luna speaks, or I see something dangerous, or... shit a lot of things, I just go berserk. This is the first time since then that I’ve been able to stop myself, and that was only after... You saw. I’m sorry Trix. I’m really fucking sorry. I promised to stop, and I’m trying. I really am.”
“You did stop though.” She hauled me onto my feet and embraced me. “You stopped and that’s all that matters.”
I hugged her back, and wrapped my wings around her. “I’m so sorry. Oh goddesses I’m sorry.”
“Shhhh...” She rubbed my neck lovingly. “It’s alright. It’s fine.”
“W-w-we need to go.” I hugged her tighter. “I can’t stay in Aviana any longer. After we’ve found Grace we’re going home no matter what happens. I don’t give a fuck what it is that drags us back in, we’re leaving,”
“Trixie understands.” With her hooves around me, I felt safer and calmer than I had in a long time.
Slowly I turned around to face Luna, my mind still clouded with anger, but... it was controllable. I wasn’t gonna lose it again.
“Why do you need to go to the weather factory? Why should I help you?” After a second I added, “And what was that about Grace?”
“Grace is putting the chemicals into the rainclouds. It will turn every living thing in the immediate vicinity into monsters,” said Luna.
It took a moment for all of that to sink in. “What?” I asked dumbly and looked back up at the clouds. “What?! Why the fuck would he do that?!”
“We do not know, perhaps he knows not what he is doing. Regardless, we need to stop him before it’s too late.”
I frowned at her, “How do you know that? I’m not helping you kill Grace!”
“Well then thou better hope thou can talk him down,” snapped Luna. “We have no time for arguments! We need to move, now!”
“What about survivors?” asked Trixie. “We cannot leave them to die!”
“Trixie’s right. This shit is fucked. We need to do more than just stop Grace, he could have already mixed it in with the clouds, and it just hasn’t started raining yet.”
“Very well, We shall stop Grace while you two find survivors and lead them away,” said Luna.
“Fuck that!” I spat. “Grace is my brother, I’m not letting you kill him.”
Luna opened her mouth to say something, only for her to close it after a second. “Very well, as long as thou believe thou art capable of defeating thy brother in armed combat.”
I hesitated for a second. Actually, I really wasn’t sure if I could. Grace was a fully trained Wide Eyes and the king’s hand. You don’t get that rank without experience on the field.
“It won’t come to that.” I said firmly. “I’ll talk him out of it, and if it’s too late then it’s too late.”
Luna scrutinized me before sighing. “Come here. We shall transfer some rudimentary knowledge of your new powers to you so you can at least put up a decent fight if it comes to that.”
“Fuck that,” I spat. “You’re not getting in my head ever again.”
“Then we cannot let thou go alone. We shall accompany thou,” she said.
“No! Goddesses damnit, Luna. We can’t rely on us stopping him. What if it’s already in the clouds? Having both of us there won’t change anything. If that happens you need to save as many gryphons as you can.”
“What if it’s not in the clouds already?” asked Luna.
“Shut up!” We both stared at Trixie in surprise. “Trixie is going with Gilda. As a last ditch, we can at least blow up the cloud generator. Luna, you go and save as many as possible. Happy?”
After a few moments I shook my head, “No Trix, Grace is a trained killer. I don’t want you coming if there’s the chance he might attack. You still have the powders from Ashguard, right? Give me those and I can destroy the cloud generators myself.”
“Thou hath zeb powders? Very well, thou hast the duty of taking care of Grace. Trixie, with me.” Luna flared her wings and immediately began searching from above. “There seems to be some survivors this way! At least they don’t look like monsters.”
“Pass them over, Trix,” I held out my arm to her. “I swear I’m not trying to run myself down again.”
“You better not be.” She shoved the bags into my chest before giving me a lingering kiss. “A little something so you’ll come back to me.”
“It’ll be fine,” I promised her. “It’s Grace we’re talking about. He’s not gonna try and kill me.”
“Well then you just got a free kiss,” she smirked at me and turned around, giving me a perfect view of her assets before her tail smacked in the face. “Mind on the job.”
“Right sorry,” I mumbled as I belted on her saddlebags. It was tight and an awkward fit, but whatever. After another second’s hesitation I said, “Bye,” before I spread my wings and took to the air.