I stared up at the stars and sighed deeply. This is all I had to do to sum up such a perfect night. It almost seems a pity that there was no one to share it with, although I don't really care for company. The scene was serene, with not a soul in sight. The shimmering sands almost seemed to glow under the full moon Luna provided to illuminate such a wondrous sight. I was just outside Saddle Arabia, walking in a direction I still wasn't sure about. It had been many years since I had been to Ponyville, and I wasn't sure I could handle the sight of my childhood once again. I had tried to forget what had happened, but it didn't solve anything. It didn't change the past. And it definitely didn't bring my family back.
After that night back in Ponyville, I have been wandering Equestria searching for something I truly care about. But everything I see gives me no meaning, nothing I do makes me feel any different. So, I decided maybe if I faced what has caused my life so much pain I might feel better, or at least have some closure. Even though a feeling of dread has fallen over me, at least it's some emotion. Not that one should be joyful over the feeling of dread, don't get me wrong, but at least it was something different.
I sighed again, reluctant to leave the peacefulness. I know I have to leave eventually, but I might as well stay a few more minutes. I have been all over Equestria and have seen many sights. But I think the lonely, calm nights of Saddle Arabia are my favorites. I didn't care much for the big cities with all the ponies rushing about and noise everywhere, no that wasn't a sight I liked to see. Which may be one of the reasons I wanted to avoid going back to Ponyville, apart from my painful memories.
I arose and started the journey, my hooves feeling like blocks of lead.
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The road I took outside Saddle Arabia was sandy and dry. Celestia's sun overhead beat down on me. Heat waves warped the horizon. I covered my head with my cloak to protect myself from the sun, still making sure that my rump was covered. There was no one in sight, but it still made me feel better to know that my secret was hidden. Yes, I have a blank flank.
When I was young I used to fantasize what my cutie mark might look like. It seemed to me that a blank flank was an opportunity, something great just waiting to happen. That's not how everyone else saw it though. Everyone in my class ridiculed me for it. But it wasn't your every day bullying that took place. While most joined in their chants of "Blank flank! Blank flank!" they usually just tried to ignore me, as if I didn't exist. All except for one person. His name was Goldon. He became obsessed with tormenting me. It was as if he lived to see me suffer. He always made sure to go out of his way to make me feel worthless. And now I actually believe I am.
I had thought about it, and what difference did I make? I wasn't someone important, I didn't make anyone else's life more enjoyable, I didn't matter at all. There was nothing I could contribute to, nothing that made me unique, nothing that set me apart from the next pony. Maybe that's why my cutie mark never came, because I will never be good at anything no matter how small.
I even tried changing my name to Fang. It sounded cool and tough. I thought maybe then people would leave me alone, and it kind of worked too. Except for Golden, of course. So it didn't really make a difference.
But I didn't like my old name, I never did. I used Fang for everything, even though I never legally changed my name. But Fang is who I am, and Fang is who I'll be.
Besides, it sort of fits my appearance. Well I think it does anyway. I have dark purple hair with a white mane and tail. My eyes are rose red. Being a unicorn, I have a horn coming out of my forehead, although my magic had stopped working years ago. And, of course, I sported my brown cloak.
I had been walking most of the night and part of the next day, and from where the sun was in the sky I guessed it was about noon. My hooves were aching and my stomach growled ferociously. As I walked farther away from Saddle Arabia trees started appearing here and there. I walked over to one and sat in the shade while I rested. I reached into my small pack and brought out the grass sandwich I had wrapped earlier. I used some cloth as a napkin to set my sandwich on, and then I started to dig in. While eating, a few small crumbs fell off the bread of my sandwich and onto the napkin. I stopped chewing to stare at them.
Those small crumbs, how much did they matter? They seemed so insignificant, easily brushed aside and forgotten about. That's what anyone would do though, wouldn't they? But, as I thought about it, an idea started to develop inside my head. A single crumb eaten alone didn't matter much. Two crumbs, your stomach isn't going to be filled. But my sandwich, essentially, was made of hundreds of crumbs. How then, after eating my sandwich, was my stomach filled? All I was eating was multiple insignificant crumbs. But maybe I'm just not thinking about it the right away. Alone a single crumb provided no taste, no sustenance, it didn't really appear to make a difference. But together with other crumbs, it actually provided a flavor. Something with no flavor put together with other things of no flavor seemed to create a taste. But maybe, just maybe, a single crumb does have taste, no matter how small, and a multitude of them magnify the taste. Without the crumbs, the sandwich is nothing. Then that would make a single crumb pretty significant wouldn't it?
And maybe, just maybe, it was the same with ponies. No matter how miniscule I might be, I still matter. No matter how little I affect other ponie's lives, I still matter. However, while this is true, it occurred to me that I could never actually make a noticeable difference by myself. Just like no one pays a second thought to a single crumb, no one will pay attention to me as long as I don't have anything or anyone to make me whole. A crumb combined with other crumbs will make something good. So then, what was there for me to contribute to?
And then ,I realized, I did have someone that made me feel whole in the past. But that was a long time ago. And now I'm alone.
Forever alone.
Everything matters in the world, no matter how seemingly miniscule or insignificant.