Rainbow Dash's POV
You were Rainbow Dash and to say that seeing that two-legged freak near Twilight's home/library/tree did not check out in your loyalty boxes. You were not going to let that monster molest one of your best friends, no, you weren't even going to let... 'it' touch the door knob. You had followed that hairless (and probably spineless) monkey around town, and also see Colgate (she will need some "enforced visitations" from you later), before finally resting on that tree near the schoolhouse. You would've beaten 'it' down right then and there, but all that recon work made you tired, and the cloud was soooo soft... Maybe you could sneak off for a quick nap...
No, I gotta focus. I have to protect Twilight before she gets hurt by that.... thing.
Regaining your focus, you had remembered that you had moved into higher cloud formations in order to avoid being seen, despite being the only airborne pony between you and that banana gobbler. You positioned yourself as you prepped yourself for a skydive before 'it' went and demolished Twilight. You jumped off, slowly gaining speed as you moved more into an aerodynamic form, pushing your arms to your sides and straightening your wings out wide as you edged in for the kill. Or at least a severe beating.
Phil's POV
Alright, you can do this... Just reach for the door knob and turn....
You were Phil and you were having the most difficult time in the world because of your recent discovery of your developed inability to turn a door knob in order to open the door. You temporarily gave up on the door knob in order to recompose yourself.
I.... I can do it.... No I can't do it man.
Dude, it's a door. It's not like it'll cause some hell portal to cast one of it's minions to fly up and dome your head a few inches in.
I... I know, I'm just nervous is all... Alright, I can do this man...Right hand moving towards the... Hey is my shoe lace untied?
Stand back up. You're wearing DRESS SHOES. They don't even have la-
Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of something crashing through a large wooden structure, or in other words, the door that no longer exists that was in front of you. Looking through the door you see none other than the multi-coloured mare that caused you painful discomforts during your arrival in Equestria. Then again you've yet to see another pony that's as vibrant as the rainbow here, albeit it wouldn't surprise you due to the vibrant, pastel colours of this world.
It is Equestria, right?
Dude, now is not the time to think about specifics. You gotta crank it into gear and leg it.
But Skittles might genuinely be injured. Can't hurt to look, can it?
"Hey, you alright in th..." You started to say before your slow mind began to kick into gear, despite already figuring it out. "Oh shit, it's the hell-portal, crazy demon.... bitch thingy that attacked me on the farm."
"It's Rainbow Dash, I'm a pony and I'm not letting you step another hoof near my friend." She retaliated.
"I wouldn't be too worried if you did lash out. Judging from our recent encounter, as in just before, your flight path is so inaccurate a Storm-Trooper could probably pull off a better shot. Not to mention that you said nothing about taking another foot closer to your friend."
"What did you say about me you ugly little mo-"
However, a voice emanating from a purple unicorn in the background interrupted Rainbow Dash's rant towards you. "Who's there? I heard my front door break down. If that's you Rainbow Dash I swear-"
"No time to talk Twilight." Rainbow Dash said abruptly. "I'll take care of the 'uninvited' guest for you."
Oh shit, she's gonna ice our asses! Quick, think of something!
I dunno man! You're putting me on the spot!
Think of any-THING!
I... I... Ummm... Uhhh.... I got it man, let ol' Blue Balls handle this.
B... Blue Balls?
Bad reference I know. Now, shut up.
"Look out behind you Rainbow Dash!" You shouted out. "There's an invisible distraction behind you sneaking closer towards Twilight Sparkle!"
"What? There's nothing th- Hang on, where did that... thing go?" She said before realization dawned upon her.
However, it was too late as the only trace of you being there would've been the dotted line of where you once were. Too bad that it wasn't a cartoon though, sadly. Using what little advantage you had from the surprisingly successful distraction, you ran as fast as your legs could carry you. You looked around for a possible hiding spot, even temporary ones, in a means to stop and regather your thoughts. You spot a home sporting the sign of some soft of wrapped confectionery delight and more or less welcome yourself inside. Well, at least you knocked first before barging in, you had civil manners to live up to despite your current circumstance. You looked around and, as the sign clearly stated, a place of confectionery delight/candy store. In the nick of time too, as you could hear in the proximity that rainbow demon break the sound barrier as she took to the skies to find and most likely roast your behind.
You better run for your life if you can little girl.
Hide your head in the sand little girl.
Catch you with another man, that's the end. Little girl.
That would've been a great song to sing while we were high tailing it. If we had changed up the lyrics a bit....
Your thoughts, however, were sadly interrupted by a mint green unicorn now standing at the end of the hallway, mouth slightly agape due to your presence. The air stood still as the level of awkwardness reached the metaphorical point of DEFCON 1.
Alright, you can do this. Break the tension in the air and start some sort of conversation. There is NO WAY you can fuck this one up.
"Uhhh....'Sup?" You start off as you scratch your head. "Name's Phil and-"
"You're a human." She finished for you.
"Yea.." You reply with genuine surprise. "How'd you guess?"
"Well for starters, you don't look like a pony."
"Sheesh, state the obvious will you?"
"A human."
"Yes, you said that before."
"In Equestria."
"What exactly are you getting at here?"
"I'm Lyra Heartstrings." The pony said with a toothy grin that'd probably make Colgate explode from such pearly whites as she extends her ha-hoof out to you. "A pleasure to meet you Mr...?"
"Phil." You finally get to finish as you take said hoof with your hand. "The name's Phil Warrell. The pleasure is all mine."
"Fascinating." She says as she then slides in closer to you while she cradles your hands. "I've never seen a hand so closely, especially one of a human."
"I... Uhhh... Thanks?" You say awkwardly as you pull one hand away to scratch the back of your head. It doesn't work though, sadly, so you're left with an itchy head and a curious George in pony form.
"Please." She says suddenly with a shifting tone of pleading noticeable in her voice. "Allow me to study your anatomy further."
"I'd love to take you up on that offer." You start to say. "But right now I'm being cha-"
"Lyra!" A voice emanating from the upper floor shouted. "Who's down there?"
"S... Should I go and say hello?"
"No! That's Bon-Bon!" She says in a harsh whisper.
"Why do we need to whisper?" You reply quietly. "Better yet, why am I meant to be scared?"
"Let's just say she doesn't share the same... appreciation to your race like I do."
"What on Earth's name are you t-"
But it was too late, for you heard a clip-clop descend further down the hallway and judging by the silhouette, it was a pony with some sort of... wooden baton/rolling pin as a makeshift weapon at hand. Luckily, you weren't able to see the beast at hand as you were suddenly and magically whisked outside of Lyra's home and back in the vast world. All alone. With some angry pegasus that probably wants to put your head on a plaque.
Great... I'm all alone outside without a blimmin' clue asto what should be done next.
Hey judging from that silhouette, I'll take my chances with an angry skittles dispenser.
No one will get that reference in this world sadly...
I feel you, man.
Wait, what did you mean that silhouette? It wasn't like it was going to instantly attack us by default.
Knowing you, it'd had happened sooner or later.
Hey!
Don't get distracted now sonny boy. We may be out of frying pan but now we're in the heating element. We ain't safe till we leave the kitchen.
And hopefully a chilli bin full of ice.
And that not-so sweet based alcoholic nectar.
Amen to that, brother. Alright, let's roll out.... Where do we go?
Back to the Library tree thing.
You nuts or something? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard! No way that'd work.
Exactly why it'd work. The plan is so terrible no one would think it'd be mentally possible to even be considered a plan, let alone enter the mind.
Touche Mr. Voice in my head.
And with that sudden epiphany or strike of stupidity, call it what you wish, you rush back the way you came before becoming a surprise guest for what you can confidently believe was 'Lyra's Scientific Investigation of Humanoids and Humanoid Life - The Game Show'. You check the skies every now and again in case you're encountered by Ponyville's local multi-coloured battering ram, can't hurt to be too safe, before finally reaching your designation once again. You walk through the door frame and take extra precaution not to tread the door below your feet, only for you to hit your head on top of the door frame. As you rub the sore spot on your forehead in a means to somewhat lessen the pain, you see a lavender unicorn standing in front of you and staring at you with the fervour that would easily rival your encounter with Lyra.
Alright, you can do this. Deep breaths in and break the ice.
"Hello citizen pony. My name is Phil Warrell and I cause havoc because I'm the only human in this universe."