//------------------------------//
// In Which Luna is Forbidden from Comedy 
// Story: Whispering Stars 
// by Causal Quill 
//------------------------------//

	“Twilight?  I promise nopony is going to mock you.  We understand this is all very new to you.  Please, please come out?”

This was the second time Cadence had come back apologizing for the events in the shake shoppe.  Twilight groaned and stuffed her head under her pillow.  Apparently, Celestia’s ability to match Pinkie Pie at a cake-eating contest was not a “Celestia thing” it was an “alicorn thing”.  The shake shoppe had suffered a bit of a scene with Equestria’s newest Princess... and Cadence had bankrolled the binge, seeming to find it in good fun!

As such, a certain suite at the castle (in which a certain alicorn was this week residing) had been turned into a fortress of solitude and stomachaches.  There was a private bathroom attached to it.  That had fortunately not been needed, but Twilight couldn’t help but be aware of it.

“At least tell me you’re okay?”

Last time Cadence had come by to check on her, Twilight had been somewhere between too ill to speak and too embarrassed.  Some time had passed since then.  “At least tell me you've found a stomach settling draught,” Twilight tried to say, but a new voice spoke over her.

“Has Twilight Sparkle caught ill?”

Twilight perked up.  That was an unexpected addition to the conversation.

“Yeah, she’s—” said Cadence, before lowering her voice to continue.  Twilight didn't hear the rest.  She got down from her bed and walked over to the doorway.

“Oh, fortune has caught us ill then,” said Luna.  The Princess stopped when the door suddenly opened, revealing Twilight.

“Luna!  One moment please,” said Twilight, then turned to Cadence and continued, “Cadence...  I know Shiny’ll be nice about this, and you don’t need to apologize.  Just... promise me next time one of these ‘alicorn things’ seems to be sneaking up on me, you’ll pull me aside and tell me.  And get me something to settle my stomach.”

Cadence sat back and fished a small glass flask full of clear liquid out of her saddlebags.  She hooved it over to Twilight, who took it and looked at it.  “Canterlot’s Own Alicorn Stomach Renovator, One Dose” appeared on its pale yellow label.  The list of symptoms that it claimed to be able to cure was quite implausibly long, although the dire ‘for alicorns only’ warnings were reassuring.  Twilight drank it immediately.  The liquid inside tasted of green peppers, which was interesting, until the flavor abruptly changed into chalk.  There was no immediate effect beyond a sudden desire for a not-forthcoming glass of water.  “Egh, I hope this works,” said Twilight, scrunching up her nose at the flavor as she offered the flask back to Cadence.

Luna leaned in curiously to look at the label as the container passed from one hoof to another.  She returned to her impassive stance as Cadence put the emptied flask back in her saddlebags.

Cadence hung her head, abashed.  “It should, and I still can’t make that promise,” she said.  “I grew up an alicorn.  It all seems natural to me.  And in this case, I was sure you already knew; you did nothing Celestia hasn’t done many times when she thought she could get away with it.”

At this point, Luna chimed in with, “The alicorn appetite.  It is a problem for us all.”  Cadence and Twilight looked at Luna, startled.  Then they both started laughing.

“What?  From whence comes your mirth?  Cease!  Stop laughing!” said Luna, her wings flaring as she shied back, right front hoof rising.  Her voice tried to project authority, but it was marred by her fearful stance.  The laughter still stopped immediately.  A silence descended, broken when Cadence coughed awkwardly and Luna set her raised hoof down.

Twilight was the first one to speak.  “I’m sorry, Princess,” she said, bowing.  Cadence mimicked the gesture.

“Do not bow, I mean, do not...  stand, stand, merely explain,” said Luna.  The two smaller alicorns stood.  After a moment of them both hesitantly trying not to be the first one to speak up, Twilight nudged Cadence.

Cadence frowned for a moment and then said, “Well...  It’s just that you had such a deadpan delivery on that and you were exactly right.  The problem is esoteric, but you made it seem so normal.  Which I guess it is, if only to us.”

Twilight brushed a bit of imaginary sweat off of her brow in an exaggerated gesture of relief.  She nodded and said to Cadence, “I was worried we were laughing at different things.”  She looked to Luna with a smile.  “I’m sorry if it seemed we were laughing at you.  It’s called bathos.  It’s good comedy!  Not many ponies pull it off well.”

“It was not intentional,” said Luna, still sounding hurt.  She folded up her wings at her sides again.

Another awkward silence stretched between them.  Cadence was the one to break it this time.  “I’m sorry.  I should have known it wasn't intentional.  I didn't mean to laugh at you, Luna.  I apologize.”

This earned an emphatic nod from Twilight, who opened her mouth to add her own apologies only to be interrupted first.  Luna shook her head and struck a pose, pointing with one hoof down the hallway at nothing in particular.  A dramatic wind spited the closed windows as it sprang from nowhere.  “Nay!  I shall learn this ‘bathos’ and master it, becoming a force for amusement and good cheer in this world!  No more shall I be feared, but rather my appearances shall be greeted by gales of laughter!”

With the grand pronouncement over, Cadence and Twilight relaxed their deafened grimaces.  Twilight then hurried over to Luna and gently, gently pushed Luna’s hoof down towards the floor.  “That is... also bathos,” said Twilight delicately.  “Saying a mundane thing grandly like that...  Yes.  It’s not as funny at close range.  Audiences like their ears where they are.”

“Their ears?  What is this about—” Luna started to say, and was abruptly cut off when Celestia teleported messily into the hallway.

There are neat, clean teleports.  It is possible to teleport so neatly that it barely seems like moving at all.  There is hardly a whisper of wind or a glimmer of light to a perfect teleportation.  It is as natural and fluid as taking a step.  This was not one of those teleports.

Normal students making their first teleports produce a grand lightshow and a small clap of thunder on both sides of the motion, and they will often scorch themselves in the process.  This is especially likely if the energy drain gets away from them and they pass out mid-transit.  An unstable, clumsy teleport costs a vast amount of energy.  Although alarming, painful, and subject to many urban legends, the effect is not dangerous.  This was not one of those teleports.

Celestia is famed for her elegance in teleportation.  Being neither the pure efficiency of a mortal master nor the sound and fury of a clumsy young talent, she has often been seen to ‘step out of sunlight’ when teleporting.  When the sun is not present, her glowing and soundless appearances have been poetically compared to second sunrises.  This was not one of those teleports.

Sunfire exploded in the hallway in a burst of light and noise.  The nearest window broke.  The carpet caught fire.  Two more windows cracked spontaneously from the heat.  The wallpaper caught fire.  A nearby vase detonated.  The alicorn of the sun stepped out of the conflagration unsinged and untouched, her mane afire and her eyes aglow.  Cadence looked terrified.  Celestia spoke, and she spoke in the Royal Canterlot Voice.  “Sister!  I forbid that you—”

Celestia looked around her.  She looked at Cadence.  She looked at the burning wallpaper.  The glow faded from her eyes.  Her mane settled into its normal waving pattern.  “I forbid that you ever cast a spell of teleportation while holding onto that much fire mana,” she finished lamely.  “I think I hurried the spell slightly too much.”

Luna looked at her sister and deadpanned, “Slightly.”

Twilight Sparkle snrked as she looked between the completely unruffled Princess Luna, the abashed Princess Celestia, and the dying glare of the thaumic fires around Celestia.  It was too much.  She fell over laughing.

Luna’s serious expression dissolved in an instant when Twilight laughed.  She stood up straighter and flared her wings again as she said, “Huzzah!  I hath delivered my first intentional batho joke!”

The eldest Princess frowned as she looked around herself at the hallway, bits of flaming carpet and wall lighting up with brief glows as she deliberately snuffed the flames.  Twilight’s own snickers died down pretty soon, and she immediately moved to nuzzle Cadence, who didn't seem to find the situation as amusing.  Royal guards had appeared in the hallway to either side of the four princesses, but when things seemed peaceful, they kept their distance and focused on holding back the distraught palace cleaning staff who arrived shortly thereafter.

“Bathos, sister.  It’s bathos, and I’m not sure that was an example of it,” Celestia said, once she was certain that her magical mishap couldn't cook her castle.  “Regardless, that’s what I came down here for.  I forbid you to become a comedienne.”

“But... why?  Is not laughter one of the elements of harmony?” asked Luna, sounding hurt again.  Her wings once more folded.

“I did it.  I spent thirty years on it.  I had a tremendous amount of fun.  Re-enactments of my prop comedy sketches have been used to haze guard recruits ever since.”

“Thou didst comedy?” asked all three princesses in unison.  Well, at least one of them said that.  The contributions of the other two were rather drowned out by far grander lungs.  Their expressions ranged from horror on Twilight to interest and curiosity on Luna.  Cadence, still shaking off the aftermath of fright, managed only to look confused.

Celestia shuffled her wings awkwardly, looking out the broken window into the Canterlot night.  “I don’t talk about it.  And by royal decree, neither does anypony else.  Now if only that had stopped the re-enactments.”

By now, the hallway was crowded with castle staff that had appeared to gawk at the gathered Princesses standing in the fire-damaged bit of hallway.  The royal guards had taken on a very businesslike air as they held back the crowd.  They projected the stoic air of guards standing exactly where they are needed.  Having managed to respond and get themselves in order before even a single member of the staff showed up, it lended the encounter an oddly premeditated appearance.

Luna looked out at the gathered staff of the palace, then down at Twilight, then back to Celestia.  She said, “Your intervention was... is... timely.  It is true.  Our position is such that we couldn't know if we were being amusing.  Everypony would laugh and tell us we were great even if we were not.  They would mimic us at best, and at worst, mock us.”

Twilight looked up at Luna thoughtfully.  There had been something different about the emphasis with which the words were spoken.  “You meant those plurals, didn't you?  Referring to all of us?”

Luna nodded and said, “Princesses need not be dour at jest, but to be a comic is too much.”

Celestia smiled.  “That is a weight off my shoulders,” she said, then turned to the hallway to address the crowd.  “I am certain that, much as I did, you all heard and responded to Luna’s declaration of comedic intention.  You will all be relieved to hear that you will not be forced to laugh at anypony’s bad jokes.  So relieved, I trust, that nopony will feel the need to speak of this event in the future,” she said, her tone serious.  Then she added more lightly, “If anypony is not feeling sufficiently relieved, please consult section 877 of the Royal Canterlot Library for the relevant records.”

“877?  Old Equish Humor?” Twilight asked Luna, quietly.

“The—err, the records of her comedic efforts, We are guessing,” said Luna, in a husky and not very quiet approximation of a whisper.

Once the crowd had begun dispersing, Celestia turned to the other three.  “I am sorry for that amateurish display.  Overhearing that Luna was about to repeat an old mistake of mine triggered my protective instincts.”

“Alicorn appetites shouldn't be encouraged.  Friends shouldn't be laughed at.  Alicorn comedians are such a terrible idea that talking about them too loudly makes things catch on fire.  Tonight is full of lessons!”  Cadence walked over and scuffed at the scorched carpet with a hoof.

Twilight gave her old foalsitter a funny look and fluffed her own wings.  “Why are you the one acting so inexperienced?  You always seemed so confident about being an alicorn before.”

Cadence looked back at Twilight, and took a step closer, looking specifically at her wings.  “This is harder to adjust to than it seemed at first.  I just keep being reminded of all the things I've never seen from an outside perspective.  There’s a lot of things that were never odd or unusual because I grew up with them.  Look, that promise you asked for, to watch out for ‘alicorn things’ and warn you about them?  I promise I’ll do my best.”

Twilight smiled and gave Cadence a quick hug, then stepped back again.  “Thanks.  And thanks for bringing me that ‘stomach renovator’.  I, uh, needed it.”  It had set in subtly enough that Twilight hadn't noticed exactly when her stomach stopped hurting, but she felt fine now.

“I’m just glad it kicked in before Celestia made her appearance,” said Cadence, looking at Celestia, who was gathering the fragments of the vase that had broken during her entrance.  Surrounded by a golden glow, they began assembling themselves on their pedestal, which was fortunately undamaged.

While Cadence was looking at Celestia, Luna stepped forward and put a hoof on Cadence’s shoulder.  “Never fear to sleep,” she said solemnly.  “Your dreams are protected.”

Cadence took a moment to absorb that, then frowned at Luna.  “Thank you?”

“Well, that didn't sound ominous at all,” said Twilight sarcastically.  “Look, don’t we all have better things to do right now?  I appreciate everypony’s company, but I doubt any of us really meant to spend all this long hanging out in a random hallway.”

“My dearest Twilight,” said Celestia, whereupon she glanced at each end of the hallway to confirm that it had by now emptied.  “Speak for yourself,” she finished with a laugh.  “My schedule says I’m asleep right now, but I need less sleep than I am allotted.  I’d rather not consign myself to the morrow just yet.  My sister, on the other hand...”

Luna said, “We came seeking—”

“Luna!  Singular self.  And quieter,” scolded Celestia.

Luna sighed and started over, the wind out of her wings at the interruption.  “I came seeking relief for a personal matter of which I have not yet spoken.”

Cadence stepped back from the group.  “Well, I think I do need to depart.  Shiny will rest easier knowing that his two favorite princesses don’t have a rift between them, and I think I need to destress.”  She glanced quickly back and forth along the hallway to confirm that none of the guards or staffers had snuck back into sight, and let out a relieved sigh when the way was still clear.  “You know, there’s a long formal farewell that I don’t have to use.  Regal etiquette is all well and good, but privacy with trusted friends is nicer.  Can you imagine government with leaders chosen without regard for their trustworthiness?”

The four shared a brief laugh, then Cadence headed off to her own suite elsewhere in the castle.  Twilight looked to Luna.  “So... what was that personal matter you wanted to discuss?”

Luna looked at her and, with a perfectly neutral expression and tone, said, “I want you to sleep with me, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight gaped up at Luna.  After a moment, the gears in her head finally started turning again.  “Oh, haha, you’re practicing the deadpan comedy again, I get it,” said Twilight, laughing nervously.

“Yes!” said Luna, eager for approval.  “We expressed—” Celestia managed to interrupt Luna’s exuberant spike in volume with a mere disapproving glance.  Luna took a breath and then continued, still eager but with a moderated tone.  “I expressed literally something that was not intended literally, in a manner likely to be misunderstood.  Is that also bathos?”

“Uh...  No.  I don’t think ponies do that kind of thing intentionally very often.  And just what kind of ‘literal’ sleeping together do you want us to do?”

Celestia said, “I am also interested in the answer to that.”

“There is a serious matter involved.  We wish to show you the secrets of dreamwalking.  There are certain oft-concealed elements of history that are not safely studied without it, lest the study draw... attention.  To teach you dreamwalking, we will literally need to sleep in the same place.”

“Dreamwalking!  Is that possible for me?  Isn't that special to you?  That’s... that’s amazingly personal,” said Twilight, wide-eyed.  “People claim it occasionally, but nothing more serious than ‘lucid dreaming’ has ever been proved.  Can I really do it?”

“Yes, Twilight Sparkle.  Your efforts in saving me demand the greatest reward I can give!” said Luna, confident but not exuberant.  “I will teach you forbidden secrets you have only dreamed about before.”

“Forbidden?” asked Twilight.

Celestia spoke up again, “Luna has never taught anypony to dreamwalk.  It is her most closely guarded secret, right after—”

Luna cleared her throat loudly and gave her sister a funny look.  “I hath—ehem have tried to teach somepony to dreamwalk on no fewer than seventeen occasions, two of which occurred since my return.”

Celestia smiled impishly and amended herself, “Luna has never successfully taught anypony to dreamwalk.  It is her most unwanted secret, right after—”  Celestia was cut off by a snort and a brief but vicious GLARE from her sister.

“Do you think I can actually do it?” asked Twilight, oblivious.

Luna stepped nearer to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder, although her gaze was still on Celestia, alert to any more attempts at spilling forbidden secrets.  “We should retire to my chambers, Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna, her gaze dropping to Twilight.  “My sister is clearly suffering from reduced faculties due to sleep deprivation.”

Celestia laughed lightly and shook her head.  “Yes, go with her, and good luck.  This truly is important knowledge.  For my own part...  I think I need to write a letter of apology to the castle steward.”  She spared a regretful look at a scorched spot on the wallpaper, touching it with one of her gold-shod hooves.  “Perhaps a few other forms also.  Just as well.  I don’t particularly feel sleepy.”  She walked off down the hallway, on foot this time.





Luna’s chambers, as it turned out, did not refer to her bed chambers.  The path to Princess Luna’s private ritual chamber was so very nearly the same as the path to Princess Luna’s bedroom that Twilight Sparkle had door to Luna’s room open before Luna (who had walked past it) noticed the error.

Not that she ever got a chance to see the interior, as she was abruptly snatched away and the door slammed shut again.  Only the briefest glimmer of a room kept dark was available first, along with a gust of musty air that struck Twilight as the scent of an old, poorly maintained library. “We are seeking the next door,” said Luna, blushing.  Miraculously, her embarrassment didn't result in a spike of volume.  “I did not expect you to open doors ahead of us.”

“Uh, sorry about that.  You know, Princess Celestia isn't that protective of her bedroom.”

“Princess Celestia’s bedroom is not such a... sanctum.  I am embarrassed of my collection of... ancient literature,” said Luna, haltingly.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her cheeks returning to a normal color.  After a moment, she opened her eyes again and said, “My ritual chambers are down the hall.  Please follow me.  Open no more doors.”

The next door was opened by Princess Luna.  It revealed a room the floor of which was apparently a mosaic of tiny stones formed to represent a labyrinth.  Some of the larger patterns of the labyrinth appeared to be made out of glowing moonstone.  A few of them were made of gems, but compared to seeing moonstone up close, a line of gems seemed cheap and chintzy.

Luna walked right in as if this was entirely normal.

“Wow,” murmured Twilight, stopped in the doorway, head lowered to study a bit of moonstone in the mosaic.

“Ah, we think you have the right idea,” said Luna.  She coughed into a hoof and continued in a quieter tone.  “There is a single spherical sapphire embedded in the moonstone.  We need it for the ritual.  Please trace the moonstone paths of the labyrinth until you find it.”

“Okay!  Can you have a glass of water ready for when I do?  My mouth still kinda tastes chalky from that medicine earlier.”  Twilight started walking across the room, following the path of glowing moonstone from the door.  Every so often she got to junctures and cast her gaze along them to find which one was right.  “This pattern is big enough to get lost in,” she said sotto voce.

Whatever Luna was doing was completely distant and quiet to Twilight as she tracked the pattern.  The moonstone path got larger and larger with every step she took along it until she was walking at the center of a wide glowing hallway, the walls of which came up to her hocks.  The room was something she was only dimly aware of.

Finally, just when she was feeling too dizzy and disoriented to keep going, she found a tiny little gemstone in the middle of the hallway.  It was a beautiful sapphire sphere, although it was marred by a black inclusion in the middle of it.  “Luna!  I found the gem!” called Twilight, lowering her muzzle to look at it.

Luna looked over from her ritual preparations, bemused.  “Truly?  Thou found it?” she asked, then smiled to see Twilight passed out on her nose in the middle of the room.  “Silly pony.  There never was a gemstone.”





Twilight awoke in a field of bluish grass at the base of the Canterhorn.  Looking around herself, she didn't recognize the landmarks; in particular, there was an odd ocean to the west of her which certainly should not have been there.  It was striped pale blue and black.  Only the shape of the mountain on which Canterlot was situated stood out as familiar, but even that wasn't normal.  The city was in its proper place partway up, but the mountain itself faded from sane and familiar terrain at the base into a checkerboard pattern at its summit.  It reminded Twilight unfortunately of what Discord had done to Ponyville, and she got a sinking feeling in her gut from the thought.

She felt something cold on her left front hoof and looked down at it.  She was wearing a miniature version of Celestia’s peytral as an ill-fitted bracelet.  There was a tiny note attached to it.  She picked up the note with her magic and held it right in front of her eye to read it.  “I give you this in recompense for a stressful night.  Please forgive me my amusements.  You have my blessing to copy the enchantment if you are able.”

That was odd.  She sniffed at the ‘bracelet’.  It didn't smell magical.

“Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna, from right behind her.  “Art thou sniffing that bracelet for magic?”

For some reason, Luna’s voice failed to startle Twilight at all.  The sound of it seemed perfectly normal.  Indeed, it seemed perfectly normal to have Luna be randomly looming behind her as she sat baffled at the base of the Canterhorn with a piece of supposedly-magical jewelry in hoof.  “Yes, but it doesn't smell magical.”

“Art thou accustomed to scenting magic?”

“No, magic is...  scentless?  Or very nearly scentless.  Wait, why was I sniffing at the bracelet?” asked Twilight, suddenly confused.  Then she focused her magic for a moment... not to do anything, but to test the air.  Her aura bubbled around her for a moment, then faded away.  Twilight took a deep breath.  “I’m asleep, aren’t I?”

“Yes.  Thy corporeal form doth lay at the very centermost piece of my ritual chamber, next to my own, and I hope thou dost not mind that I arranged your body somewhat more comfortably than how you fell asleep,” said Luna, stepping around in front of Twilight and gesturing at the peytral bracelet.  “That object is not literally involved, nor literally present.”

Twilight doffed the bracelet and then tapped her chin with that hoof.  “The path and gem...  you tricked me into activating some kind of embedded sleeping charm.”  The patterns of the moonstone path flared brightly through the grass when Twilight said that.  The grass began to wither.

Luna waggled her hooves panickedly at the arising patterns.  “NAY!  Be grass!  Be dark!  Twilight Sparkle, cease thinking of magic lest you wake us both!”  Luna’s horn flared and her expression took on a look of strain that Twilight recognized as similar to her own while casting a difficult spell.

Panicked and unsure how to take this advice, Twilight said, “Uhh!  This was very nice blue grass!  Please stop withering and come back?  That’s not working, oh!  That striped ocean!  Why is the water like that?  It looks like the gemstone I found!”  She gestured out at the ‘water’.  Princess Luna’s expression fell to relief instantly and the grass surged back into existence over the glowing moonstone underhoof.

“That is interesting.  The landscape here changes often, and that is not normally present.  There was not truly a gemstone.  You found a shard of the ocean’s thought.  It... reminds me of something, but I am not sure what,” said Luna.  She turned to face the ocean, her expression uneasy.

“So it was a conceptual gem?  And this is dreaming?  It doesn't feel like any dream I've had before.  It must be the influence of your spell.”  The moonstone path flared into existence again and the grass once more started dying.  Luna gave Twilight a dirty look.  Twilight frantically backpedaled, struggling not to think of magic.  “Oops!  Sorry!  I mean, I bet everything here is made of concepts!  So how about that Canterhorn?!”

Luna vanished and Twilight found herself sitting on a rounded, checkerboarded version of the Canterhorn’s peak.  She could see Manehattan from up here!  Looking to the north, she couldn't see the Crystal Mountains.  There was a strange wall up there blocking them from view.  It looked like it was made of red-brown stone, but it almost seemed to be moving.  Twilight’s eyes burned when she tried to look closely.  She looked away to focus on other landmarks.

It was only a moment later when Luna arrived up the side of the mountain, flapping hard for altitude.  “What... didst... thou... do?” she asked, out of breath as if she’d traveled much longer than just a moment’s flight.  She landed and walked over to Twilight.

“Well...  I guess I teleported?”  Twilight looked at the checkerboard underhoof confusedly.  The black square she was on turned to dark chocolate in response to her gaze.  Twilight shied to another tile, wings flaring in alarm.  When the new tile didn't turn into anything strange, she settled her wings and waited for Luna to catch her breath before speaking again.  “Speaking of which, are we in danger of encountering Discord’s dreams up here?  This place certainly feels like him.”

“Discord is not asleep right now, but there are some souls as need not sleep to impact this place.  This may be his fastness as the moon is mine.”

“Really?  He used to be King of Equestria.  I would expect there to be some kind of palace, or at least a throne,” said Twilight, looking around the featureless, rounded mountaintop.

“Doubtless there is, but it would take a strange mind to find.  That is why it is a fastness at all, why it is a secure place.  Only to his mind does the geography around here become useful,” said Luna, and then stepped over to touch Twilight’s shoulder again.  Luna pointed up into the sky.  “Twilight, look up!  Tell me what you see.”

Twilight looked up.  There were no stars in this sky.  There was only one object in it at all... the moon.  “I see the moon, which appears to be gibbous.”  She thought about that for a moment, and then added, “in contrast to the waking moon, which is a waning crescent tonight.”

Luna stomped her hooves once in delight.  The white stone underhoof grumbled and crawled away on a dozen (very) odd legs, revealing a downwards staircase that the two ponies completely ignored.  “Haha!  Somepony pays attention to the night skies!  I expected to have to explain that,” she said, ears up and a smile on her face.  “Can you guess what it means?”

“Well, it might mean that the moon moves in opposite phases between the waking world and dreams.  Though I don’t see the relevance, and...  Princess, I’m sure I’ve seen stars in my dreams before.”

Luna was unperturbed by the objection.  “Dreams are as they are expected to be.  This is the true sky of the Dreamlands, barren of stars.  You are correct about the moon.”  She looked about herself, then said, “We are not where we are needed to be.  Please follow where I walk, and if you find yourself in an odd role, please play along.”

“Play along?  How will I know what to do?”

Luna swept a hoof through the air grandly.  “How do you know your role in a normal dream?  Just travel with me, and all will be made clear.”  Luna put her hooves under her, stepped forward, and fell down the staircase into the Canterhorn with a sharp cry.

“Princess!” cried Twilight, rushing over to the top of the stairway.  A series of crashes and grunts resounded from inside, culminating in the sound of a swatch of fabric being flapped against the air, and then an inexplicable meow.

“We are fine!” cried Luna.  “We hath found Discord’s palace!”  There was a splashing noise and another cry of alarm from the princess, then a hollow thump.  “Ewww.”

“Should I...  um...  travel with you?  Please don’t tell me I need to fall down the stairs,” Twilight said, cringing.

Luna mounted the stairs, shaking fish and water off of herself once she was out in the open air.  “Nay, Twilight Sparkle.  That was naught but a Discordant pratfall,” she said, kicking away a herring.  “Let us not be distracted by such idle japes, but let us take wing towards the n—”  Luna halted as she looked at the north.  This was the first time that she had noticed the wall to the north.

“Luna?”

“That building should not be in the north.  It should be in the south along the badlands.”

Twilight picked up on concern in her voice.  “What does it mean when, um, ‘conceptual geography’ changes?”

“Usually, nothing.  In the case of that wall, it has a meaning similar to if Discord’s home had ceased to be placed upon the peak of the Canterhorn.  One of the Spirits of this world has... moved, and is plotting something new.  Hm.  That is... not somewhere I wish to go towards.  I will need another entrance into the story I wish to re-enact,” said Luna.  She sat down quietly and spread her wings wide, eyes closed.  The darker alicorn glowed faintly as a warm wind blew across the area.  Grass sprouted between the tiles of the checkerboard where the wind touched them.  Twilight had the vague sense that whatever Luna was doing was very contrary to Discord’s nature... and then she realized not only was she looking down instead of at Luna, she couldn't look at Luna at all.

It wasn't that Luna was glowing too brightly or anything.  Luna wasn't glowing at all.  It was just impossible.  Twilight found it was a struggle to move her gaze at all.  The air felt as thick as treacle.  The wind grew stronger and hotter even as the world grew rigid.  Twilight closed her eyes against the invading sense of a nightmare... and then it was over.  There was no wind, and the world flowed again.  It flowed too much.  Every motion of the world about her brought a strange babble of incomprehensible voices.

Twilight opened her eyes to find that she was standing alone on a silty ground underwater.  A forest of white paper weeds surrounded her and shifted in the regular waves.  Meaningless but harshly precise symbols were inked all over the weeds.  There were no sounds but the babble of voices that moved by with every wave.  Twilight looked down to see chains wrapped around her, and her shadow cast out in front of her.  There was a light behind her.

She turned to look, and she gasped at the sight of the moon, vast and bright.  Defying logic, the gasp did not result in water invading her lungs.  The impossible bulk of the moon fascinated Twilight.  She wasn't sure how long she stared before it suddenly, impossibly, shivered and pulled away from her.

Immediately the feel of the area changed.  The pressure dropped and something sweet leaked into the water.  Twilight could taste...  could taste...  something undefinable.  She needed more of it.  She rushed up to the moon and set her forehooves on it, shoving it to try to make it move.  After a few moments of pointless grunting, it shifted again, and the sense of something impossibly desirable became even stronger.  A dim, distant roar started to fill Twilight’s ears.

She shoved harder, and this time it responded to her shoves instead of to whatever was pulling it from the other side.  There was a nauseating moment of discontinuity, and then the distant roar became a thunderous crashing as an ocean’s worth of water that had been stopped up by the moon was suddenly let free, carrying Twilight with them to—  The waves were evaporating as soon as they traveled across the discontinuity, but they carried enough force to send Twilight sliding some distance across silvery grass.  It was at this moment that Twilight gasped at her first(?) breath of air, a shudder of relief passing through her as she did, for that sweet thing she had briefly tasted had suddenly become her reality.  It was everything around her.

She hopped to her feet giddy with joy, her ethereal mane and tail(?) snapping behind her as she started running about on the silver grass.  Belatedly she realized she was dancing with somepony who looked quite similar to her(?) and who was just as giddy.  Then she saw the glowing moonmark on the other pony’s flanks, and pointed at it suddenly.  “You’re the one who moved the moon!” said Twilight.  “You’re the one who freed me!”

The other pony looked at her hip and gasped.  “My cutie mark!  My talent!” she said.  Then she looked up at the sky and pointed with a hoof.  “Look!  I raised the moon for the first time!  I've freed the world from the stars!”

Twilight looked up at the sky.  The moon stood full and huge overhead.  Even though a broad skyspanning aurora partially obscured it, it was as bright as it’d been alone in the ocean.  The stars seemed dim indeed against such competing lights.  “From the... stars?  You brought me here?” she said, her tone utterly as confused as her feelings.  The sky was surely beautiful, but the confusion was harshing the joy of existing that she’d felt moments earlier.

“I brought you here?  Were you living in that ocean on the dark side of the moon?” asked the small, blue-maned alicorn.  She scuffed a hoof contritely.  It was adorable.  “I’m sorry I... um... destroyed your home.”

Twilight shook her head.  “Oh, no.  It was not a good place.  I can tell already I am going to have much more fun here without my chains,” she said with a smile.  (‘When did the chains go away?’ thought Twilight, confused.)  It was a vicious smile, but the other pony looked up happily, and didn't seem to see anything wrong with it at all.

“I’m Tyranny, but maybe not for long,” said the other alicorn.  “Hey!  Your cutie mark is just like mine.  What’s your name?”

“Nightmare!” said Twilight(!?), and she fell to a ready stance, evaporating into smoke(?) and then reforming with a crash to the ground.  The smoke reformed a few feet to her left into a much larger black alicorn.  The blue foal before her blurred and was replaced by a much older Luna.  Twilight struggled to her feet, shaking off disorientation.

Luna lifted a hoof and grasped at her mane, looking at the starstuff it had turned back into.  She didn't seem to have noticed the third pony now standing on the silver grass.  “The dream broke,” Luna said distractedly.  “I am sorry about that.  I do not know what happened.”  Luna’s appearance blurred again oddly, but she reformed as she was this time.

“Blame my sense of dramatic timing,” said Nightmare with another vicious smile.  Twilight moved quickly to take up a defensive stance near Luna, and the smile faded.  “Hmf. Admirable, but foalish in every sense.  Your wings are weeks old.  You would not win the fight, and I would not enjoy crushing you.”

Luna was the one moving in treacle now as she slowly brought her gaze back to Nightmare.  “You... still exist?  How are you here?” she asked.  Luna’s voice was quieted and weak.

“Luna!  Are you okay?  Something is very wrong here!” said Twilight, sparing a quick glance at Luna before restoring her glare at Nightmare.

“She is... sapping me,” said Luna, but the Night Princess forced herself to stand up straighter.  “I will not fall for any tricks this time.”

“Amusing.  You will be spared.  I will only be borrowing your student.  Go rest, ‘sister’.”  Nightmare flicked a hoof dismissively and Luna blurred again, then vanished from the dreamscape.  She looked to Twilight.  “Tell me, my little pony, have you ever heard the term ‘Lunacy’?”