//------------------------------//
// What's In A Name? 
// Story: Captain Kirk, Equestrian! 
// by Phoenix Quill 
//------------------------------//

Harcourt Fenton Mudd, Alias Harry Mudd sat in the brig as he ate the rather large three course meal. "This is preposterous, how am I supposed to survive off of such, meager rations!"

The two security guards that were watching over the brig glanced up from their game of rummy at the disgruntled prisoner. "What do you expect? You're in the brig, not the Andorian Hilton."

"And besides," the other guard piped in, "you have just eaten two meals worth of food, since you got here that food replicator has had to work overtime."

Mudd spooned up another slice of meat and chewed on it for a few moments. "You know," he paused to swallow down the food. "that's part of your problem. Replicated food never is quite as satisfying to a man, especially one who enjoys the finer things in life."

The two guards rolled their eyes as one lay a two down on the table. "Bill, let me just knock him out. One quick phaser shot and POW sleeping till we can unload the layabout."

Bill shook his head as he picked up the card. "Nah, you gotta let it go kid. Not everything is worth getting in a fight over."

Suddenly the sound of choking came from the cell caught Bill and Ted's attention. The pair of guards quickly stood from their seats and saw Mudd desperately grasping at his throat."Lower the force field, I'll perform the Heimlich maneuver!" Ted ran off to the cell as Bill lowered the field to let him in, where Mudd's face was contorted with so much fear that his eyes were bulging. The security guard quickly got behind Mudd to perform the maneuver, when suddenly the prisoner's hand swept down and grabbed Ted's phaser, before the guard could react he received a stun shot to the face.

Bill reacted as quickly as he could, and reached down for his own phaser, but it was too late as the second guard was mercilessly knocked out with a second blast.

Mudd smiled to himself as he walked out of the holding cell. "Ahhh! Once again, Harcourt Fenton Mudd is free! Free to roam about the ship in any way he sees fit! And how I see fit is to get off of it." He looked down at the sleeping guards and made a deep frown as he shook his head. "Well it's such a shame you had to learn the hard way, you should never trust me."  Mudd burst out in laughter and quickly grabbed Bill and dragged him into the holding cell, and looked the two over. In a surprisingly swift move, Mudd swooped down and grabbed Ted's Starfleet card, and tossed the pilfered phaser to the table as he walked over to the wall console. 

The scoundrel twirled his mustache as he searched the console for a few moments, and finally found a place to swipe the security card. Moments passed before a drawer slid open reveling his confiscated belongings. He looked at the jewels and other small trinkets that were taken from him with greedy eyes, but quickly shook his head away from them before grabbing what he was after, a small wand like device with a scanner on one end, and what looked like a set of lights on the other. Mudd looked to Bill and pointed the device at him with a grin. "Now don't worry, this won't hurt at all..."

Before he could use the device, the door leading out of the brig slid open suddenly. "Hey guys end of the shift, head on over to," he stopped mid sentence and viewed the scene before him. Mudd was frozen, unsure of what to do he reached down with his hand only to find nothing there. He then saw the phaser he had left on the small table was several feet away, too far. The red shirt quickly pulled his own phaser off of his belt and shouted, "what's going on here!"

Mudd gave a cautious grin and lowered the device back into the drawer. Slowly he turned around with his hands over his head to look at the lone security officer. "Now now, let's not be too hasty good sir."

The guard was clearly in no mood to talk as he pointed the phaser directly at Mudd. "Keep your hands where I can see them! Now tell me, what did you do with Bill and Ted?"

Harry kept his usual smile as he carefully watched the guard. "Sir, you cut me to the quick! Why how do you know I did anything at all? They might simply be in the bathroom or perhaps Ted got a case of food poisoning, god knows this ships food might cause a case of indigestion or two."

The guard came closer to Mudd and kept his phaser aimed dead on target. Carefully, he pressed a button on the intercom on the wall and spoke calmly into it. "This is Joe Uribe in security, send more guards for our guest in the brig. I've got a phaser on him, and need help apprehending the prisoner."

The speaker remained silent for a few moments before a voice called out, "Confirmed, maintain location lieutenant." 

Joe smiled wide at Mudd as he held up the phaser, being sure to keep his distance. "Not one move from you, or I'll shoot." Mudd raised his hands even higher at this statement before stepping back slightly, only for Joe to raise the phaser even higher. "I said not one move! I don't use warning shots or stun settings. Last chance, don't move."

The air seemed to thicken up with the tension, on one end a fat, balding, mustached man stood with both hands over his head with an uneasy smile being given to the balding man across the room from him. "So, you must be what? Pushing seventy?" Mudd asked out of jest. "A bit old to be security."

Joe shook his head at him and nearly pulled the trigger then and there. "As if you have room to talk, I'm only thirty five. You must be pushing fifty?"

"Terrible thing, losing your locks at such a young age," Mudd commented with a slight frown before smiling wide again. "I mean, I have my excuse, I'm getting on in years. But it must be hard for you to find the right woman, losing your hair so young."

"I have a wife and two kids. Now quit talking." 

Instead of silencing himself Mudd smiled even wider as he slowly began to lower his hands. "Ah I see. Already married with two children, how nice. But what if daddy could have a full head of hair?" As Mudd spoke his right hand slowly lowered into his jacket, reaching for one of the secret pockets that security managed to miss in their search. "I have here some Xellian hair tonic, very rare, costs a fortune if I might say so myself. I'll gladly sell you this bottle for only, oh how about fifty credits?"

Joe lowered his phaser slightly and stepped forward, images of him standing with his wife and kids on a grass hill with long hair billowing in the wind filling his mind. That's when three more security officers came in. "Good work Uribe, get him in a cell."

Quickly, the three guards grabbed Mudd and goose stepped him into a cell, activated the force field and walked away to help out Bill and Ted. As all this happened, Joe continued to stand stock still by the doorway. The hand holding the phaser continued to slowly lower to the ground as he realized that it was over.

Sulu smiled as he made his way back to the door. "Good work Lieutenant, keep an eye on him with these two while I help escort Bill and Ted to sick bay." Joe nodded numbly and mumbled something as the trio left the brig, leaving him with two other members of security to guard Mudd. Images of himself with a full head of hair running through his mind.





Back on  Equestria, the quartet of ponies continued their forest trek through the Everfree. Twilight Sparkle and Captain Kirk lead the group while Kirk talked in vague details about his ship. Behind them, Fluttershy was keeping a steady pace and listening politely to the rambling stallion, but kept turning around to keep an eye on Ensign Ricky.

Ricky couldn't help but curse his luck as he wondered how he became stuck with not only all of his supplies, but Kirk's supplies, and Twilight's cart of equipment in tow behind him. "As soon as I get to where we are going, I don't care who sees me, I'm going to dump this stuff off, run to a bath house, spa, hot spring or whatever they have here, and relax until this is all over. No, better still, I'll punch Kirk in the face and throw him in a lake. How did I wind up pulling all this any how?" As Ricky continued to curse his current situation in his mind, he suddenly realized that the rest of the ponies seemed to have forgotten about him and continued to pull away ahead of him. "Hey, can we stop for a minute, I need to catch up to you!"

Twilight turned around and looked back at him and smiled at him kindly. "No it's fine, we should rest here for a moment anyways." Ensign Ricky ran as quickly as he could in his new body, and as soon as he caught up to the group Ricky dropped the harness for the cart and sat down to relax. As he did, Twilight cleared her throat to speak. "So, listen, we're nearly there, but before we go any further, I think we need to get your stories straight."

Kirk nodded slightly as he put on his serious face. "I agree. We, need to know more about your culture, if we are going to blend in properly."

"That's right, now the first thing we need to do is come up with good names for you both."

"Names?" Ricky asked as he sat down by the rest of the group. "I'm sorry, but what's wrong with Rick, or James?"

Kirk narrowed his eyes at his ensign before giving a heavy sigh. "Forgive him, he's never been planet side before. What kind of names are common on your planet?"

Twilight couldn't help but laugh as she was reminded once again that she was speaking with aliens. She quickly coughed into a hoof before putting her serious face back on and continuing. "There's nothing much wrong with those names if you are a gryphon, or were raised in a gryphon country like Gryphonia. But around here, ponies usually have more descriptive names. You both speak regular Equestrian, but do either of you know other languages?"

Ricky shook his head vigorously to answer no, while Kirk raised a hoof. "I speak Esperanto."

The other three ponies looked at him cautiously for a few moments before Ricky responded. "SIr, isn't that a made up language?"

"Tio ne konsistas! Ĝi simple neniam populariĝis en la galaksio."

Twilight nodded rather impressed at the phrase. "That's very close to Gryphish, I suppose you get to keep your name." Kirk grinned wide at his luck, as Twilight turned to look at Ricky with a frown. "Unless you can speak that language, I'm going to call you, Sitting Target."

"What? Why sitting target? Twilight gave a deadpan look as she pointed at his flank, showing the red and yellow striped target with multiple arrows lodged in it. "That? What? No, there's no way I'm going to be going around as a walking bulls eye! That's exactly why I wanted to transfer to a different ship!"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion at what Ricky had said for a moment before it all came together in her mind. "Wait, is it dangerous for you on your ship?"

"Well, not so much on the ship, but when the Captain orders us to go on a mission, things tend to get a little-"

"WAIT!" Twilight interrupted as she zoomed past Fluttershy to get to Kirk and Ricky. "Did you just say another ship? How many more ships are there? How much have you explored?"

The two stallions looked into the eyes of the excited mare with confusion and shrugged a bit as Ricky stepped aside to let Kirk do the talking. "There's roughly two thousand ships in all of Starfleet, but only a dozen in our fleet are constitution class like the Enterprise."

Twilight sat wide eyed with stars sparkling in her pupils. "You don't say? And, you have seen everything in your universe?"

"No, we are still exploring. We haven't even finished mapping out the Alpha Quadrant, but I think that within the century, we might-"

"Sir, I think you might be telling too much."

Kirk thought about it for a few seconds before nodding. "Sorry, you're right. Prime directive stands clear, I shouldn't talk too much Miss Sparkle." He looked to his right, and noticed that the shadows were beginning to stretch thinner as the sun set. "I think we need to move on, come along ensign!"

As they began to stand, Fluttershy suddenly got everypony's attention. "Wait, what about his name? We can't have Ricky going around with an alien name."

Twilight and Kirk looked at him for a few moments, before finally the answer came to her. "I've got it, we'll call you Redshirt! You're wearing one, it sounds Equestrian, and it's a nice name. Now come on, we're nearly there!"

A few moments later, and the four ponies reached Fluttershy's cottage. Kirk and Redshirt looked at the structure for a few moments without moving before Twilight tried to get their attention. "Hello? Equestria to space federation, are you receiving me?"

"Sorry," Kirk said as he shook his head slightly. "I knew that the structures would be primitive. I just wasn't prepared for a cottage that's so... natural looking."

Twilight smiled as she lead them to Fluttershy by the front door. "Yes, well not all our buildings are like this. But Fluttershy takes care of a lot of animals, and this place is perfect for somepony like her."





Back on the Enterprise bridge, things were no picnic under Spock's watchful eyes. With only another hour to star base K-4, and little to do for the entire crew, some took the time to enjoy themselves. So long as they were off duty, and happened to be wearing red. 

"I can't believe that he's finally gone," someone said before gulping back his drink. "I mean, I don't hate the guy, but Kirk is... well,"

"Kirk is a jerk," someone said to a roar of laughter. "No really, he is! Do you know how many violations against the prime directive he has under his belt?" There was a slight murmur of agreement as the red shirts kept the party going. "Look, all I am saying is that so long as he's outta the picture, we're not going to be used as meat shields to protect the officers from now on!"

Another cheer of agreement swam through the air, only to die suddenly when the doors to the room slid open.  Everyone turned to see the chief of engeneering walk in and place his hands on his hips. "Well now, ain't that a fine lookin' party you've got here," Scotty said with a slight smile. "I see you're celebratin' the fact that your beloved captain is safe and sound."

Silence rang in the air of the recreation room before a few fake coughs and sniffles broke out as they tried to play it cool in agreeing with Mister Scott. "Yes, clearly ye be happy that he's alrigh' and not a thing else is goin' on here." He then picked up a glass of brandy and gave it a sniff. "Otherwise ye'd be breakin' out the good stuff." He then suddenly broke out into laughter as he threw the glass down to the floor. "Ye' should be ashamed to be in that uniform. The whole lot of ya!" How dare ye' call yerselves red shirts! Why, if I were a red shirt, and I suddenly was to find that my captain was somewhere that he couldn't send me to commit suicide, and was still perfectly safe 'im self, I'd have got the good stuff." He then looked down at his uniform and pulled his shirt away, and acted as if he was just now noticing the color of his shirt. "Oh would ye' look at that. I am a red shirt." A round of nervous laughter broke out as the doors slid open to show the ships doctor, and two other red shirts walking in with a case of alcohol each. "And I did bring the good stuff!"

A shout of hurrah echoed through the small chamber as the sea of red moved on to get a glassful of scotch from Scotty. The only one in the room that wasn't in red was Doctor McCoy himself, nursing a bottle of Romulan Ale to himself. Finally, a chance to get hammered. God knows you don't need many excuses when you're the ships surgeon of Enterprise.





It didn't take too long for Twilight to find Spike and bring him back to Fluttershy's. It did however take slightly longer to find the right words to send to Princess Celestia. By the time Twilight had come up with the right words that, at least to her didn't sound crazy, it took her even longer to convince herself that she wasn't crazy. By the time she finally got Spike to send the letter, he was only convinced that she was crazy. Not for what the letter said, she didn't tell him about where Kirk and Redshirt came from, other than that she found them in the forest. No, what convinced him that she was crazy was the fact that Twilight had spent the last hour talking in fragmented sentences to herself while mussing her mane with her hooves. So, he knew that it must have been Tuesday.

Ensign Ricky, or Redshirt as he was supposed to be called now, was keeping himself busy with trying to hide away the supplies that he'd brought with him in a shed as Kirk continued to stare off absently to the horizon. The sound of animals filled the air as the sun slowly sank over the horizon, casting the land in a sate of limbo. A chill ran up Redshirt's back and he shuddered slightly. Unsure of what it all meant, he ignored the feeling and successfully closed the door to the shed. "Sir, all items are secured."

Kirk nodded slightly, but didn't say anything for a while. Redshirt slowly cantered up beside his captain and sat down. Kirk however continued to stare off into the nothingness, as if he were looking for something that wasn't there, or never would be. Finally a sigh escaped from his muzzle and Kirk laid down on the grass. "I do remember."

The ensign looked to his left  and saw Kirk was poking at the grass with his hoof. Unsure of what he meant, Ricky took the bait to continue the conversation. "I don't follow, what do you remember?"

"All those names you mentioned," Kirk said with a frown. "I do remember them all. Maybe not immediately when asked, not even all the time." He gave off a sigh as he lay his head on his forehooves. "But I do remember them all. In my quarters, I keep a list of everyone that's died under my captaincy. Because I do blame myself." He then looked Ricky dead in the eyes, and the ensign jumped back slightly as he took in the grave features. "Is that what you wanted from me? To know that I do know these things?" He then looked back at the horizon as the sun finally slipped away entirely, then began searching upwards for the stars to come out. "But before you begin to gloat, and continue to judge me harshly, think of all the lives that were saved. All those times I've cheated death, saved my own skin for the price of another so I could save the ship."

Redshirt thought it over for a moment before he gave a solemn nod. "The needs of the many, outweigh the-"

"Shut up I was talking," Kirk said with a slight snap. He then quickly stood back up and stretched out his back before trotting back to the cottage. "Well, great talking with you Redshirt, but I think it's time for me to do something."

"Let me guess, either fight or make love to the locals so you have an excuse to rip your shirt?" Redshirt deadpanned.

"Why should I choose between one or the other?" He then gave the ensign a wink before trotting away. "I'm headed to where those lights are in the distance, this town's gotta have some sort of watering hole."

Redshirt got up on his hooves and followed after his captain with a fast trot. "I don't think that's a good idea captain, we're supposed to stay inconspicuous."

"You're right, it's not a good idea ensign. It's a great idea!" He then took off at a gallop, leaving Redshirt behind to wonder if he should follow him to keep the captain out of trouble, or stay behind to keep his own skin. It didn't take him too long to suddenly find himself galloping after Kirk, shouting after him to wait up.