Pinkie Pie vs: Inanimate Objects

by Elusive Phoenix


Pinkie Pie vs: The Library

Pinkie stomped through Ponyville, heading in one direction. Ponies left her path as she waltzed through. Her frown and narrowed eyes stood out like a flashlight at night. If Pinkie was angry, then it was probably best to stay out of her way.

In reality, all it did was anger her more. Literally nopony would believe her. True, inanimate objects were coming to life and attacking her sounded really weird, but it was true! She really had been attacked.

Pinkie reached her destination, sincerely hoping Twilight was home and not out with the princesses or any of her friends.

Pinkie knew that Twilight wouldn't believe her, but maybe she had a book or something. Spike would be much less likely to know if there was a book with such information.

Pinkie lifted her hoof to the door, simply neglecting that she should have knocked, and pushed the wooden wall open. "Twilight! Are you home!" Spike entered the room wearing an apron and wiping his claws with a cloth.

"Oh, hi Pinkie!" Spike threw the rag back into the kitchen. "Twilight's with the princess for lunch!" Really? Lunch? Come on! "Is there anything I can do for you?" He asked helpfully.

Pinkie's frown grew deeper, causing Spike to take a step back. "Would you happen to know about a book or something about inanimate objects coming to life?" she almost growled to the little dragon. Spike swallowed loudly.

"Uhm... let me check!" He rushed off to the bookshelves. If there isn't a book here...

Then Pinkie clearly saw the book that Spike pulled off the shelf and flipped through. Pinkie was so close to running through the wall screaming in anger. She held her composition though.

Spike had pulled out a psychology book.

"Spike?" Pinkie smiled fakely. The dragon glanced at her. "Would you mind putting that book away?" she ordered the question. Spike blushed and slowly slid the stack of paper into its place and searched around the library for anything that could help.

_________________

Pinkie admired Spike's devotion to do this. It had been fifteen minutes and he still searched.

She decided it would be best if she helped him out. It honestly seemed like a kind of un-polite thing to let him do it alone.

And she found it instantly.

Inanimate Objects Attacking You?

Well, this was the exact same situation Pinkie had with Twilight. It was under I. "It was under I!" Spike glanced at her and face-clawed. Why didn't he think of that?

Pinkie flipped open the book and began to read its pages.

"Well, I have to deliver a package to Cheerilee since the mail seems to be having issues today." Spike pulled a box from his back, seemingly out of nowhere. "Is it alright if I leave for a bit?" Pinkie nodded and waved a hoof at the door. Spike ran outside and closed the contraption behind him.

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The book was just asking her questions! If the object is large, go to page two-forty. If it is small, turn to page six-twenty. This was getting her nowhere! The objects weren't large or small? What did that even mean? Would large mean a chair or a boulder?

Pinkie tossed the book to the ground. "Why can't there just be an answer!" A massive pain slammed into the back of Pinkie's head. "Ow!" She turned to see. Nothing.

She looked at the ground. A book lay open.

Could it be? The universe loves me enough to assist me? She picked up the book and read a paragraph.

Pi to the power of twelve equals... Nope. Not the book. So... where did it come from?

Another wave of pain shot up her back. She spun around quickly. Well, crap.

Thousands of books floated before their shelves. They flapped their covers like birds to levitate.

Pinkie knew there was two ways to handle this situation.

"Can we talk this through?"

"....."

"Please?" The books gave no reply. They simply hovered like birds. Okay. Plan B. Pinkie dashed into the kitchen, the books flying in behind her.

Time slowed. Pinkie glanced around the room looking for anything to defend her from the oncoming barrage. Spatula...spoons...forks... aha! She sped to a frying pan, pulling it off of the counter and swinging it behind her.

The pan gave a pang as it collided with a book, knocking it through the doorway again. Books continued to flood into the room. Pinkie swung the pan randomly, the panging coming from every direction. Papers began to litter the floor. Pinkie had no idea how she was going to hold them off of her. There were too many, and she was getting tired fast. It took a lot of strength to repel things physically. Especially if they were flying toward you.

Pinkie had few chances to look for another way to dispose of her attackers. A toaster could only take down one at a time. The knives would be too hard to use properly, and she could end up hurting herself.

Then she saw it. The oven.

Pinkie slid toward it, hitting books left and right. Twilight's gonna kill me.

The books floated back for a second, allowing Pinkie to open the oven and stand in front of it. "Come on!"

The books agreed to her demand, and sped toward her as fast as Rainbow Dash. Dodging the barrage, Pinkie watched the flying literature flow into the box, not one of them realizing where they were going. The flow lasted for three whole seconds before it stopped, allowing Pinkie Pie to slam the door on them, trapping them inside.

How do they even fit in there? The door was being attacked as the books tried to escape. Pinkie slowly reached her hoof ever the counter as she pressed her body against the door to keep it closed.

A little bit further...

The door was pushed, almost launching her away. She held her ground.

Another inch...

Another push.

Pinkie felt the knob to the oven heat.

Crisis averted. Pinkie spun the dial, turning it to the maximum. The oven gave off a wave of intense heat. Pinkie pulled off of the contraption, staring at it as she backed away. It glowed almost red in heat, and it seemed to be... expanding...

"It's gonna blow!" Pinkie dove through the doorway and into the foyer, the oven blowing and sending a heat wave through the entire library, causing Pinkie to sweat intensely. Cake was plastered around the walls as well. That must have been what Spike was working on before she showed up.

Whoopsie...

The kitchen had patches of fire spread around the kitchen as Pinkie looked inside. Luckily the kitchen was made of glass tiles, which Pinkie found kind of odd that even the ceiling and walls were glass.

She dashed into the foyer. The book about inanimate objects was left untouched. Woo! Something worked out for once! She grabbed the book and sped for the door.

As she opened it, Spike stood outside. "Oh, hi Pinkie! Did you find what you needed?"

Pinkie smiled genuinely, "Yep!" Then she galloped out the door. "Thank you, I'm sorry!" She called over her shoulder as she sped away.

"What?" Spike questioned himself as he walked into the library and closed the door behind him.

Then he looked around the room.

"WHAT?!?!?"