~New York City... the world of Humans~
Detective Kate Beckett tapped her pencil against her desk. To her right her partner, crime author Richard Castle, was playing with a GI Joe figure he’d found in the Lost and Found box. Their latest case had been wrapped up two days ago when, in a rare twist, the fingerprints on the gun matched their suspect and he confessed. No wild goose chases, no long hours spent examining clues that didn't make sense, no family members who would appear sad at the beginning of the case then turn out to be the killer... nothing.
In other words, utter boredom.
"Remember when we were the focus of defender2222's fics," Castle said.
"Huh?" Kate said.
"You know... when we turned into ponies... back then Tydal was just a supporting character and not the author's favorite go to."
"I think Faith is his favorite... wait, what are you talking about? Who is defender2222?"
"The writer of this fic... I'm breaking the fourth wall, Pinkie Pie style."
"Castle, you might not want to do that... I think the fourth wall is barely holding together as is."
"Come on, it can survi-"
CRACK!
Kate looked at the computer on her desk, those screen had shattered."Nice going, Castle!"
The writer grimaced. "Hey, this would have never happened if people had read our story and ignored that Scootaloo fic!"
The God Squad
Episode 40: The Breaking of the Squad
"Hello there, gentleponies and mares! Joke Rivers here, dishing the dirt, insulting the stars, and greeting all the stars and sluts as they turn out to this major event: The Coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle." The pale white unicorn with a face so tight it looked like a ghost mask glanced towards her camera man and smiled (or maybe she was trying to lick her lips but all the surgery she had gone through had killed her ability to do so). "The biggest news is of course the no-show of Lord Tydal and the Capricorn Nation. Rumors have been swirling that the sea god has broken all peace treaties with Equestria and is now looking to become a trading partner with- Oh, it is Fany Pants! Fancy, Fancy!"
The suave pony trotted over to Joke Rivers and smiled politely. "Hello my dear."
"Hello yourself. Tell us, who are you wearing?"
"Oh, this is from the Rarity line... a rather exclusive piece, I might add."
"And it shows!" Joke Rivers waved her hoof. "Oh, Princess Luna, Princess Luna, can I have a word?"
"DEMON PONY!" Luna screamed in fear, grabbing the TV camera and bludgeoning Joke into a bloody mess. "Don't worry, loyal subjects, I have beaten it.”
"Princess, that was just a reporter," Logic Point said. “You can’t just violently beat ponies up, it is horrible and wrong!”
"...I miss Tydal," Luna whimpered.
~MC~MC~MC~
Shining Armor was a silent as a tomb as the carriage rumbled towards Canterlot Castle. Cadence shifted uneasily next to him, playing with her bejeweled shoes. All around them ponies were cheering the coming of Princess Twilight (well, except for the communist ponies, but who cares about them?) but inside the carriage there was no joy or mirth.
"You... you look very nice, Shining."
"Thank you," the unicorn said quietly. "You as well."
"Thank you... my new maid is quite wonderful. She tends to smell like waffles, but that is ok because I like waffles." Shining nodded, feeling no need to add anything. "Did your mother help-"
"Yes," Shining said, cutting her off.
"Oh... how is Velvet?"
"Fine."
"Good."
The two of them lapsed into silence, only the cheers of the crowd outside filling the silence that hung between them like a bloody knife waiting to fall.
"You... you could have stayed at the palace," Cadence finally said. All of this felt so awkward and horrible and even through the fog her medication put her in she could sense that things were spiraling out of control. "It is big enough-"
"You know I couldn't do that." Shining rubbed his forehead. "This isn't easy for me either... but the sooner this is done the sooner we can announce it and move on with our lives."
"Yes... announce our divorce," Cadence said, her eyes going fuzzy and hollow.
"Yes."
"What... what happened to us Shining?" Cadence asked. "How could this have happened? I love-"
"Don't," Shining said gently. "Please... don't." He sighed. "I will always love you, Cadence, but I am not happy." He shook his head, eyes shut. "I wish I could say that we could be together but... but I look at you and I don't see the Cadence I love." He looked up at the roof of the carriage and sighed. "It's funny... all those weeks worried about you and your PTSD and your using sex as a weapon... and it turns out that I loved that aspect of you more than... this."
"This is the real me, Shining," Cadence said gently. Her brain felt so muddled, like it was full of cotton candy; she had taken a triple dose for the event, knowing that the craziness of the coronation would only aggravate her condition. Now she wished she had just flushed the pills away.
"No it isn't. This is just a product of drugs. The real Cadence is free and fun... even before our wedding you were so willing to just live life. But now you are just so mellow and subdued... I look at you and it is like the Cadence I knew and loved is dead. All that is left is this strange shell that stares blankly at times and will randomly do that Ladybug song."
"Shining, I-"
The unicorn shook his head. "No... we can appear together here to keep up appearances, but this is the end." The carriage stopped and Shining sighed. "Forget about me Cadence. Find someone that can love this... side of you. I wish you all the best and all the happiness you deserve."
“You tell her, Shining Armor!” the evil muffin said, its wrapper now designed to look like Cadence’s dress. It floated around the unicorns head and giggled. “Come on, let’s get jiggy with it!”
And with that he stepped out, forcing a smile on his face.
Cadence took out more of her medicine. “Everypony’s going to say that muffin wore the dress best…”
~MC~MC~MC~
"Things have gone quite well," Celestia said, taking a sip of champagne.
"Yes," Luna said simply, watching as Twilight giggled with her friends. “I could do without wearing this getup, though… I feel like the centerpiece at a wedding.”
“Oh, don’t be so-“
“Excuse me, Princess?” Granny Smith said, heading over to her. “Ya mind if I take home that dark blue centerpiece after the party?”
“I… am not… a centerpiece,” Luna ground out.
“Lordy lord it talks!” Granny screamed. “Evil centerpiece, evil centerpiece! Big Macintosh, git the holy water!”
Luna watched her run away and rolled her eyes. “See?”
Celestia glanced down at her sister and smiled slightly. "Little sister, do try and be happy. This is a wonderful event."
"Is it?" Luna said softly, resisting the urge to scream. She wanted to shout and holler and stomp her hooves but she didn't want to ruin the great time Twilight was having.
"Of course... Twilight has achieved her destiny."
"Yes... and what a destiny," Luna said dryly, magically grabbing another bottle of wine and deciding to forgo the glass and just drink it straight. “What a destiny indeed.”
"You are upset," Celestia stated. Luna gave her the driest of looks and Celestia cringed, realizing just how stupid that sounded.
"No no... I agree that Twilight has quite a destiny. Let us ignore the fact that to reach it she was lied to, forced to face terrors without the proper aid, and made to feel so inadequate that it is a wonder she is not curled up in a corner. Pressure builds pearls, right? The ends justify the means."
"Correct," Celestia said softly, agreeing even as she sensed that things were not going to take a turn to her liking.
"But she survived and now she has her destiny... a destiny where she will have two choices. She could end up like you, a princess who uses ponies for her own twisted games. An utterly noble destiny, if one is to believe the songs and poems that are written about you and your glorious reign."
"I-"
"Let... me... finish," Luna ground out. "Oh yes, Twilight will play such wonderful tricks on her friends and her future students. She will lie to their faces and hold their dreams in her hoof then stomp them flat. She will choose the course of their lives and never let them have a say. Never mind if they don’t want to do the things she desires… she will just guilt them into doing it. She learned from you, didn’t she?” Luna took another long swig of wine. “She will teach them that destiny should be fought and you should follow your heart... then demand that those under her do what SHE wants, no matter what THEIR hearts say! Fight destiny… until a princess tells you not to fight it."
"Luna-"
"It won't matter who she hurts. So what if she drives two ponies far from their home and sends them to some faraway empire? Yes, their marriage might crumble but at least the Crystal Heart was protected!” Luna glanced at Shining Armor, who was putting on a brave face as he talked to Twilight. Cadence, when no one noticed, was popping more pills. “Or maybe she will choose to focus on the mission rather than the feelings of the capricorn she sees as her fa....fa..." Luna blinked away tears, knocking Celestia's hoof aside when she tried to comfort her. "Don't touch me. Don’t you dare touch me."
"Luna, you must see-"
"Yes, I do see. I see all too well Twilight's destiny. Of course, there is another choice... the one you gave me." Luna turned her eyes towards Celestia and for a moment they were like dragon-slits. “To have power and still be treated like a child, to be coddled and babied. What a wonderful destiny that is.” Luna threw the wine bottle away, smirking as it shattered. “I’m moving out.”
“What?” Celestia said in shock, her knees going weak.
“I am moving out.” Luna sighed, forcing herself to smile, even if it was the slightest of smiles. "After all, I am a big pony and can not be forever living under your shadow, big sister. As you were so kind to remind Tydal-" Celestia grimaced, "-we are all grown up now."
"Of... of course... but..."
Luna let out a long, heavy sigh. "Goodbye, Celestia."
"Good... goodbye, Luna," Celestia whispered, watching as her little sister disappeared into the crowd. She trotted over to Cadence, who was blankly watching Shining and Twilight talk. "My dear... sometimes I wonder if all of this is worth the pain.... Cadence, why aren't you breathing?"
Cadence toppled over, foam pouring out of her mouth.
"She's over dosed!" Twilight cried in a panic.
“Maybe it is just foamy pride!” Shining called out.
“That doesn’t exist!” Twilight snapped.
“She’s right, Shining,” the evil muffin said
“Shut up, evil muffin!”
"Quick, let's leave her in front of a nightclub!" Vinyl Scratch (who was not DJing the event but instead had come for the free food) called out. When every stared at her she merely shrugged. "Well, that is what they did for River Phoenix and he turned out ok... right?"
~MC~MC~MC~
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
In his Keep, Tydal looked at a series of enchanted paintings he had gotten done of him and the alicorn sisters when they were just fillies. He stared at them, his hoof gently running along the frame, his eyes locked on his sisters' giggling faces, before he broke down, crying so hard that the seas churned and the sky went dark. Rain pelted the coast and Merida hurried in, hugging her husband as he sobbed. Even Mr. Snippy scuttled over and laid down at his master's hooves (and held up the genitals he had snipped off some pony a few hours ago... Tydal would enjoy playing with them more than he would).
And still he cried.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
~MC~MC~MC~
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Shining sighed as he laid on his childhood bed. He'd moved back into his parents' house and he honestly didn't know what he was going to do with his life. He had no wife, no job (he'd quit the guard when he moved to the Crystal Empire) and he was filled with so much anger it had consolidated into a small flying muffin.
There was only one thing left to do... embrace being a loser.
Shining Armor trotted over to his shelf and grabbed some Batstallion comic books... it was time to read them, become mad, and bitch about them to anyone that would listen.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
~MC~MC~MC~
Maybe I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Luna sighed as she signed her renter's agreement. It wasn't quite the castle, but she was truly on her own... no Celestia looking over her shoulder... no Celestia complaining when she didn't behave like a proper princess... no Celestia to talk to when she got lonely... no Celestia to play cards with (they had a weekly poker night)... no Celestia...
Luna lowered her head, trotting into her little apartment and shutting the door.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
~MC~MC~MC~
There was a time
You let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving to
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Cadence laid in the hospital bed, her body in a full cast. She hadn't needed one, but the doctors had found out that she had a GREAT HMO and decided to take her to the cleaners.
She stared at the ceiling... the ticking of a clock her only company.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
~MC~MC~MC~
Maybe there's a god above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Celestia listened as another pony outlined their petition to the crown. She said... something, she wasn't for sure what... and then nodded towards her guards, who informed her subjects that it was time for the princess to take her nap (naps being VERY important to Equestrian royalty). She looked at the new stain glass window she had commissioned, which depicted her, Luna, Shining Armor, Cadence and Tydal walking towards the Changeling hive, and let out a depressed sigh.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
"I don't know why you are so glum!" Discord said, popping up next to her. "defender2222 already said he is doing a season 2... this is obviously the Mood Whiplash chapter that leaves everything as a cliffhanger so the readers will go read the new fic in hopes of learning how you and the rest of the squad get back together!"
"...what?"
"I mean, he even has the poster made, see!"
Celestia frowned. "Discord, I have no idea what you are talking about. What poster, what cliffhanger..."
Discord grinned. "This one!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Dr. Whooves, Dinky, and Mary the red maned, black coated alicorn stood on the bridge of the Tardis, their jaws hanging low as they stared at the command screen. There was Derpy... only half of her body had been replaced with machinery.
"I am Derputus of the Borg..." Derpy intoned. "All your muffins will be assimilated."
"...Doctor..." Dinky said calmly. "Fire."
END OF SEASON 1