It was a foggy night in Equestria, and it was quiet as well. Well, a little quiet. One could easily hear the hoovesteps of what seemed to be two ponies trotting in the darkness towards the nearby castle. Once visible, though, the hoovesteps actually belonged to a pony and a dragon. The pony was purple sporting a crown, chain mail, and sheath of a sword on her side. The dragon was purple with green scales, carrying a large backpack with many random items in it. He seemed to be struggling a bit, but still looked optimistic. He was also banging two coconuts together to a beat that seemed like a ponies hoovesteps.
The two trotted (or skipped while banging coconuts) up to the castle, and another pony popped his head from the castle walls and shouted, "Halt! Who goes there?"
The pony replied, "It is I, Twilight Sparkle, student of Celestia, from Canterlot. Queen of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all of Equestria!"
"And the other?"
"He is my trusty dragon-servant Spike. We have traveled the length and width of the land in order to find knights to join me in my court of Canterlot. I need to speak to your lord and master at once!"
"And why does the dragon have coconuts?"
This time Spike spoke up. "It makes me sound like I am riding a horse."
The guard continued, "Why don't you ride on her?"
"Because that would be weird, and because I'm only with her to carry this stuff anyway."
"Fair enough, but where did you get the coconuts?"
"I don't know, found them on the ground."
"You what? You couldn't have!"
Twilight spoke up. "Why?"
"Because a coconut is tropical!"
"And that means..."
"This is a temperate zone! Coconuts don't grow here!"
Twilight continued on her side of the argument. "Phoenixes may fly south with the sun and the Pegasai may migrate to warmer climates in the winter, yet these are not strangers to your land?"
There was a brief pause, and the guards-pony spoke up again. "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
"No, but they could be carried."
"What? A phoenix carrying a coconut? Why that would be the most outrageous thing!"
"Maybe it got stuck on their claws when they were flying and it just so happened to fall off here?"
"Most of the time the phoenix would die on the way, burn up, and get reborn! It wouldn't be stuck then!"
"Well, it doesn't matter. May I speak to your master?"
Another guard came onto the wall. "Well, you have to remember that phoenixes don't have talons."
Twilight pleaded one last time. "Please?"
After thinking a little, the first guard spoke up. "Well, you are right, but what if the coconut got caught on his beak?"
The other guard replied, "Well then it wouldn't get to eat and would die on the migration."
At this, Twilight and Spike both trotted away while hearing the rest of their argument that they have started.
"Well, yeah, it would die. But what if two phoenixes carried one?"
"That's preposterous, two phoenixes would never do that."
"But what if they were tied together by a string, with the coconut in the middle?"
"Well, that is unlikely to happen, but if it did, it may work."
"Maybe some zebra tied them on there so a coconut could get here and we could see what they are?"
At that, Twilight and Spike were out of hearing distance.
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"Bring out your dead!"
In a small village, three ponies were moving a cart full of dead ponies. One was pushing it, one was helping load bodies other ponies brought out, and the other was hitting a bell between each time he calls "Bring out your dead!"
One elderly unicorn walked up to the person with the bell, floating a pony besides him. He said, "Here's one."
The floating pony pleaded a bit in a small voice, "But I'm not dead."
The pony with the bell said to him, "What was that?"
The unicorn quickly said, "Nothing."
The floating pony said again, "But I'm not dead!"
"He said he isn't dead, sir."
"I'm not!!"
"Well he will be soon enough. He is uhhh... sick. Yeah, he's sick."
"But I'm getting better,"
"No, you'll be stone dead very soon. Can you just stay here with the cart a bit?"
"I'm sorry sir, but it is against our regulations to take ponies who are not dead."
The 'dead' pony spoke up again, smiling. "Actually, I think I may go for a trot."
The unicorn gave up. "Well, when are you coming for your next visit?"
"We will be coming back on Thursday."
"OK, he'll be dead by then. See you Thursday."
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Twilight continued on her quest to find her Court of Canterlot, when she saw a nearby castle, and she and Spike decided to go to the castle in search of anyone worthy of the honor. The two were at a nearby settlement and they spotted an old mare bringing a cart towards the castle. Twilight spoke up. "Old Mare!"
"Stallion!"
"Old Stallion, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?"
"I'm 37!"
"What?"
"I'm 37, I'm not an old Stallion!"
"Well I can't just call you 'stallion.'"
"Well, you could call me Doctor Whooves!"
"Well didn't know you were called Whooves?"
"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?"
"I did say sorry about calling you an old mare, but from the behind you looked--"
"What I am objecting to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!"
"Well, I AM Queen..."
"Oh queen, eh, very nice. And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers -- by angering on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--"
An old mare approached the two arguing ponies and said, "Whooves, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how do you do, ma'am?
"How do you do, good mare. I am Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons. Who's castle is that?"
"Queen of the who?"
"The Britons."
"Who are the Britons?"
"Well, we all are. we're all Britons, and I am your queen."
"I didn't know we had a queen. I thought we were an autonomous collective."
Whooves spoke up again. "You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--"
The old mare rolled her eyes. "Oh there you go, bringing class into it again."
"That's what it's all about if only people would--"
Twilight interrupted him. "Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?"
The old mare replied, "No one live there."
"Then who is your lord?"
"We don't have a lord."
Twilight was astounded. "What?"
Whooves spoke up. "I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."
Twilight was baffled. "What?"
"But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting."
"...WHAT?"
"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--"
"Oh, shut up!"
"--but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--"
"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"
"Order, eh -- who does he think she is?"
"I am your queen!"
"Well, I didn't vote for you."
"You don't vote for queen."
The old mare, who gave up on understanding a while ago, suddenly spoke up. "Well, how did you become queen then?"
"The Mare of the Lake, her forelegs clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Twilight Sparkle, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your queen!"
Whooves laughed a bit and replied, "Listen -- strange mares lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened slut had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!"
Twilight, giving a sigh of defeat, began to trot away. "Come spike, let's leave this bloody peasant!" Spike quickly obeyed, having no clue what had just happened, and coconut-trotted away with her.
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In the woods, two knights were having a one on one battle. One was a unicorn with black knight armour, holding a great sword with his magic, playing it defensive, while blocking all the attacks from another knight, who was also a unicorn, but seemed to be younger, who had green knight armor and another great sword. He was incessantly bashing at the black knight, who was blocking all of his blows without any problem. The green knight brought his sword up high and brought it down with all his force, but the black knight blocked it with his own, while pulling of a 180, and bucked the other, who went flying. The black knight then got back in a good battle stance, and when he looked back at the other was charging him with his sword above his head. The black knight used his magic to launch his sword directly at the young knight's face, who fell to the ground, stone dead.
Twilight and Spike then came from out of the woods, where they eavesdropped on the fight that had just occurred. The black knight, after removing his sword from the other's head, was standing in a guard-like position in front of a bridge. Twilight trotted up to him and said, "You fight with the strength of many guards, sir knight." He didn't respond. "I am Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons." Still nothing. "I am searching for the bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Canterlot." Still quiet. "You have proven yourself worthy. Will you join me?" The knight didn't even move a muscle.
Twilight sported a face of disappointment. "You make me sad. Come, Spike." The two began to walk past the knight."
"None shall pass."
Twilight was caught off-guard by him speaking. "What?"
"None shall pass."
"I have no quarrel with you, Sir Knight, but I need to pass this bridge."
"Then you shall die."
"I command you as the Queen of the Britons to move aside!"
"I move for no pony."
"So be it!" Twilight unsheathed Excalibur from her side, and the black knight lifted his great sword in a defensive position. The black knight started things off by making an attack going straight down, which Twilight easily dodged by sidestepping. The knight quickly was ready again and made another attempt at hitting her by swinging his sword from left to right, which Twilight ducked under and the cut off the knight's horn. His horn fell to the ground, and his sword flew from the momentum it had before he lost grip of it, and it flew out of sight.
Twilight sheathed her sword, and said, "Now stand aside, worthy adversary."
"What? It's just a scratch!" His voice became significantly less deep for some reason.
"A scratch? I cut your horn off!"
"I've suffered worse."
"Liar!"
"Now bring it on, you pansy!"
Twilight wasn't ready for what came next. The knight came barreling at her, and she flew back a couple feet, but got up before he charged her again, and unsheathed Excalibur again, and when he came, she cut his left foreleg off. He fell to the ground, but when he got back up, which was not expected, he lashed at her with his remaining foreleg, and Twilight removed that from his body, too.
Twilight held a stance that made her look triumphant. "Victory is mine!" She then knelt to the ground and started praying. "We thank thee Celestia, for thy mercy--" Twilight was interrupted by the knight, who flung himself onto Twilight with his remaining two legs. he then got up and stood an those remaining legs.
"Come on, then! Give me your worst!"
"You don't have a horn or your forelegs!"
"Yes I do."
"Look! You do not!"
"It's only a flesh wound."
Twilight rolled her eyes, and when the knight charged him again, she cut his right hind-leg off, but he somehow continued to stay upright. He replied to this by jumping into Twilight for some reason.
"Will you cut that out?" Twilight yelled in annoyance.
"Never!"
The knight continued to jump on her.
"What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
"I'm invincible!"
"You're a loony!"
"The black knight always triumphs!"
Twilight, in an extremely pissed off mood, used her sword to remove his last limb, and he sat on the ground like a nugget.
"Alright, we'll call it a draw. Come, Spike!" Spike ran out from behind a tree, saluted in a way, and followed her with his coconut trot.
"No, come back here, you cowards! I'll bite your legs off, you fillies!"
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"It's a witch! A witch! We've got a witch!"
A huge crowd of ponies were all rioting, shouting things involving some kind of witch that they had captured. They were all rioting towards the knight Applejack the Honest, the knight of their castle. She was normally consulted to with any situation, and always gave fair (or at least, to them) judgements. When the crowd got near Applejack, she shushed them all by saying "Quiet down!" a couple times. Soon, they were all quiet, she spoke up again. "So, you say you found a witch?"
One of the members of the hoard piped up, "He's a witch!" After that, the crowd roared off again with cries about witches.
A unicorn stallion, with his hooves tied together around a pole, spoke up in whinny voice saying, "But I'm a stallion!"
Applejack continued on her questioning. "He has a point. Are there male witches?"
The stallion who was constantly rallying up the crowd spoke up. "Well, there must be, because he's a witch!" The crowd continued there signature screams about the witch when Applejack shushed them again. "Well, how do you know he is a witch?"
"Well, he can do magic!"
The unicorn being called a witch spoke up again. "Well, of coarse! All unicorns can perform magic!"
Applejack gave the leader of the crowd a questioning look. "He has a point."
"Well, he can do magic, yes. But he does more!"
"Like..."
"Like... he turned me into a parasprite!" Everypony stared at the stallion, who was clearly not a parasprite. "Well, I got better..."
"Well, I know a way we can settle this. What do we do with witches?"
The leaser of the crowd excitingly replied, "We BURN 'EM!" The crowd went wild.
Applejack quickly shut them up and asked another question. "Well, what do we burn apart from witches?"
The leader of the crowd screamed, "MORE WITCHES!" The crowd took the cue and shouted. Applejack, once again, shut their traps haltingly.
One pony in the crowd shouted, "Wood."
Applejack looked pleased. "Precisely! Then how can we tell if she is made out of wood?"
The whole crowd looked confused. One managed to guess an answer. "We build a bridge out of her?"
Applejack replied, "Well, can you not also build a bridge out of stone?" The crowd all nodded in agreement. Applejack continued, "Does wood not float?"
One of them replied, "Yeah, it does!"
"And what else floats?"
The crowd went crazy with answers. "Bread!"
"Apples!"
"Cherries!"
"Books!"
"The Elements of Harmony!"
"A duck!"
The crowd all stared towards the owner of the voice that said duck, and figured out that the owner was none other than Twilight herself.
Applejack said, "Yes! So logically, --"
A member of the crowd cut him off, "If he weighs the same as a duck, she is made of wood, so..."
"A WITCH!" The crowd went crazy.
Applejack clopped the ground in delight, and smiled. "Well then, we shall use my large scales!" The crowd followed Applejack to her scales, where they put a duck on one side and the 'witch' on the other. "Remove the supports!" The supports under each of the platforms were removed, and they were free, and they weighed equally. The crowd went into the craziest riot yet, and they rushed to pick up the witch and burn him, and he said before he was taken,
"That's a fair call."
The crowd took him away, and when they were gone, Applejack trotted up to Twilight and asked, "Who are you, being so smart in the way of science?"
"I am Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons."
Spike quietly murmured, "I think I've heard that a bit much today."
Applejack quickly knelt to the ground. "My Queen!"
"Would you come with me to join us at the round stable?"
"Yes, my queen!"
"What is your name?"
"Applejack the Honest."
"Then I dub thee Applejack, Knight of the Round Stable."
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The honest knight Applejack was the first to join Queen Twilight's knights, and more interesting ponies were to follow: Rainbowdash the Loyal; Rarity the Generous; and Fluttershy the Kind, Who nearly killed the Cockartice of Bristol, and personally wet herself at the battle of Stalliongrad; and the aptly named, Mare that broke the fourth wall. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries, the Knights of the Round Stable.