My dearest Rainbow,
Please don’t be angry with me, I know what my choice means, I know the implications. I’ve made my decision and that is that. I love you too much to just let you go. Everything you were and still are to me. All of that is easily worth it, if I lost everything about you then I would truly lose everything about me. I never knew what it meant to live before I knew you, so forgetting you would be a fate worse than death.
I talked to the doctors. They tried their best to convince me otherwise, but it was pointless. Once I set my mind to something then that’s that. A little trait I picked up from you I guess. They told me that to not accept the procedure was to forfeit life, I told them that I understood that perfectly, and that I was making this choice in clear conscious and full comprehension of my situation.
They said that this is crazy, and I know. Finally they relinquished, and did a few final tests. From what they can tell I have about six months left to live, six months to remember you. Six months until I join you. I feel excited and terrified, relieved and scared, hopeful and anxious. I feel everything. It hurts, it all hurts.
I’m back home now, in the library. The girls are worried about me, I’ve told them nothing of any of this, only that I was at the hospital for headaches and that they’ve released me. I’m glad to be out of there. I don’t know how to tell any of this to any of them.
On the train yesterday I had another weird hallucination, I could’ve sworn I saw a lightning fast, cyan pegasus with a multi-colored mane flying back and forth outside of my compartment. I thought I saw you, but of course it wasn’t, it was just my mind playing tricks, that’s all. But then I got another headache, a migraine that made me curl up and clamp my eyes shut.
I wish you were here, just so I could curl up under your wing and forget my cares. So we could go on a picnic and waste the day away. I guess now is the time to accept it, I’m going to die, not as in someday or eventually, I’m going to die in six months.
I need time to think, I’ll write you again later.
Love,
Twilight