//------------------------------// // How do I come up with this stuff? // Story: An Average Day in the Life of Pinkie // by Xartis //------------------------------// "Okay, it's time to finish this" said Xartis, fully prepared for the penultimate consequences of his actions. "I'm going to finish An Average Day in the Life of Pinkie, because it damn well has been more than a day!" The frustration in his voice was sharp enough cut glass, I mean shatter butter! I mean... Oh forget it, anyway, he's angry. Wait if he's me, and I'm him, then who are you? Me? Her? The real Slim Shady? I'm just going to write the story now, before I break something... Too much has happened since the previous chapter, so much that it couldn't possibly fit into one chapter, even though a chapter could grow to seemingly infinite proportions, although that would be impossible, because no computer (currently) on Earth would be able to memorize an infinite amount of text. Thankfully, I'm not on Earth right now, yes, I'm on Mars, only on Mars is it safe enough to finish this story. You see, the title suggests this story should have gone on for a day, which it hasn't, in fact the entire first chapter was a day, and there have been two more since then, three including this one... I need to stop sidetracking, before I build a wall of text, umm... Oh yeah, lots of stuff has happened, and Pinkie is now hurtling towards the Sun, the Space Lizard is heading for Canterlot, a potted plant fell off a window sill and Twilight has dyed her hair a slightly different shade of purple. Now, I know what you're all thinking: "What!? Twilight can't dye her hair, this is too much for me to handle!" Well, I'm sorry to say this, but things change and Twilight thought it was a really nice shade of pink, of course Rarity suggested it. Oh God, what if Twilight gave in to peer pressure!? What if she actually doesn't like that shade of pink!? Oh God, this is too much for me to handle! Oh yeah, Pinkie. *Ahem* So, Pinkie was hurtling towards the Sun at unexplainable speeds, nothing within the boundaries of time and space could stop her now, even light is struggling to keep up. Nothing could possibly happen to save Pinkie from her inevitable demise! This, of course, is where the potted plant comes in. As it was falling, the most unlikely thing that could ever happen, happened. The potted plant hit the floor, the china pot didn't break, the potted plant rolled down a small incline, it hit a metal pole which then sent a minuscule vibration up it and into the building it was connected to. This knocked a biscuit off a counter into the mouth of an awaiting dog, the dog then became very happy and therefore began wagging its tail. The dog's tail then knocked a phone of the table which landed in such a way that it hit the numbers 7546385882. This number would seem completely unrelated to the story to the naked eye, but if viewed at a certain angle on the top of a mountain while the person reading it is juggling chainsaws, they would see that this number was in fact Pinkie's phone number. After this staggeringly impossible series of events ended, Pinkie stopped in her journey and blinked out of existence *click* just like that! She then blinked into existence in exactly the same way, only in a small bakery in Canterlot that no-one had really heard of. "Well that's it isn't it? It's over?" That's what some of you may think, but in fact, as the ones of you that don't have the memory of a calculator will know, there is still the matter of the Space Lizard heading for Canterlot. Have I reminded you of it? Good, then let's continue. Pinkie ran out into the streets of Canterlot, the sight of posh ponies practically panicking everywhere met her. She had to find Twilight, she would know how to fix this, only she would know! Well, maybe Celestia and Luna would know, but they always get lost at the slightest hint of danger. Don't tell them I said that! Pinkie focused on a wall, she focused intensely on the fine brickwork of the wall, the slight cracks down the side, the fact that somebody had blatantly missed a brick when they were building so shoved it in afterwards and hoped nobody would notice. After a few minutes of focusing, an orange opening open up in the wall, Pinkie smiled and started focusing her 4th wall-breaking energy in the general direction of Ponyville. Twilight wanted an ordinary day, no puppies exploding, no small alarm clocks being found in every nook and cranny of her house, no annoying pink ponies piercing her eardrums with their consistent babbling. She sat down and levitated a book over to herself, it was a special book, one that read the words on the pages for you to listen to, I think they call them audio books. Twilight read the cover: "Munngojerrie Reads Fanfiction, Chapter 3" She smiled, she really liked these books, she was a particular fan of this 'Fanfiction' reader as well. Just as she was about to begin listening to it, a blue opening appeared in her wall, and a pink pony emerged from it. Twilight sighed heavily, knowing her goal of a normal day was just too unlikely. "Twilight, come quick! There's a giant Space Lizard steadily approaching Canterlot, we need to get rid of it, quick!" "How is there a giant Space Liz..." "Did you not read the second paragraph!? There's no time to explain!" "Second wha..?" "Just come with me!" Pinkie and Twilight emerged from the orange portal, they glanced up to the sky, the giant Space Lizard now the size of Canterlot itself, but still hundreds of miles above it. Twilight gasped, she didn't expect Pinkie to be telling the truth. Then, just like that *click* the Space Lizard was gone, everyone was surprised, even me! Twilight wasn't, actually, however, however actually, because she had just cast her prototype spell she never though she'd have to use, the 'Stop this God damn story now, I wanna have a normal day' spell. All it really did was launch the Space Lizard far, far away. Not to Far, far Away, that's too far, far away. Anyway, Twilight's a hero, Pinkie is neglected even though she brought Twilight there, Twilight becomes the Ultimate God Princess Alicorn of the World Universe, yada yada, letter to Princess Celestia. THE END What? Were you expecting a less anti-climactic ending? Look, I don't write history, I just document it. No, seriously, I can't change what happens in life... ...Except those times I did that... ...But this time is different! I can't, Okay? Look, I said earlier, THE END, now go away! ...Some people... Xartis stepped outside and let out a sigh of relief. "I did it, I finished the story!" He span around on the spot with his arms in the air, then got dizzy and fell over. He laughed and made an autumn leaf angel, even though it was Summer on Mars, and there were no leaves, or trees, or grass. He looked up into the infinite expanses of Space above him, but he saw something. Something small, however growing larger. He had studied basic physics, and this meant something was heading towards you. He tried to run away, but the entirety of a massive, unconscious Space Lizard landed on top of him. It then started heading towards Earth. This was the story of Jeff the friendly Space Lizard, caught in the unfortunate circumstance that giant Space Lizards are often assumed to be evil, maniacal creatures who want to destroy everything. This was an average day in his life, and average it was! It had a mediocre ending though, I think whoever wrote this should get some hate! Oh wait, he got flattened, and it's me. Okay don't send him hate, just... Could you get a broom? That flattened corpse is starting to smell...