//------------------------------// // Between a Rock and a Hard Place // Story: The God Squad // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "Rare, when I told ya I'd help ya get them bolts of fabric you wanted from Canterlot, I thought you would, ya know, help!" Rarity glanced back at Applejack, who was straining under the weight of the fabric that was piled up on her back. The farmer's brow was beaded with sweat and her legs were wobbling like jelly as she tried her hardest to take another step. "Nonsense, darling... I can't risk injuring my hooves carting around such heavy burdens<” the white unicorn said, twirling her parasol as she cantered down the street. "Rarity, I swear to the big flaming apple in the sky-" "Once again, that is the sun, Applejack." "-that if you do not help me I will buck you so hard Sweetie Belle will be an orphan." "Why would she be an orphan?" "Because I killed ya." Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Do... do you think I am Sweetie Belle's mother?!?" "... ya ain't?" Applejack asked as they turned a corner. "I will have you know that I am as pure as fresh fallen snow." "Right," a pony called out, flipping the feather bow she wore around her neck. "Honey, if you're pure than I am a mare." "You are a mare," Applejack stated. "You'd think so, wouldn't ya?" the 'mare' said, her voice dropping several octaves. “Honey, I have more ‘apples’ than you do.” Rarity's eyes widened. "My word... what are... oh, by Celestia, I think we accidently stumbled into Canterlot's Gay District!" "Ssssstumbled?" another pony called out, this one wearing fishnet stockings and a holey tank top. "Baby, from the lookssss of you tto, ya boths ssssstomped in here wearing your ssssteel toed bootsssss!" "I ain't wearing boots," Applejack commented. “And it sounds like some steam is a’escapin’…” "He is saying we are together... sexually," Rarity commented. Applejack frowned. "Dagnabit, I thought we got Mrs. Cake to stop spreading those rumors about us!" "Apparently not," Rarity said with a sniff. "Come now, let us-FLUTTERSHY!?!" The meek butter cream pegasus let out an 'eep' when she realized she had been spotted. She looked ready to bolt back into the restaurant she had just exited, but one look at the girls told her that such a plan would fail. "Uh... hello girls." "What... what are you doing here?" Rarity stammered. Fluttershy scuffed her hoof against the ground. "Well, I'm kinda... you see..." The cross-dressing pony threw a foreleg around her. "Flutters here is the fetish queen of the Canterlot Gay District!" "...can ya repeat that, I think I had some crazy in my ear." "Sssshe issss the kinkesssst mare in all of Canterlot, now that Princess Cadensssss is back on her medssss," the fishnet wearing stallion added. "Hail the Queen of Sssssssleeze!" "Hail hail!" several gay ponies called out. Rarity frowned. "Fluttershy, why didn't you ever-" "Fluttershy, look at these cute mugs I got from the gift shop..." Twilight blinked as she emerged from the restaurant. "Oh... hi girls!" "Uh... hi Twi," Applejack said weakly. "What are ya doin' in Canterlot's Gay District... with Fluttershy?" "Having fun!" Twilight said with a grin. "That's why they call it the Gay District, right? Because it is the most fun? Everypony here is so happy and gay!"' Fluttershy nodded quickly. "Oh yes, now we really must be going." "Do you girls want to join us? Fluttershy is taking me to club where all the stallions dress like Princess Celestia! It sounds so funny! Then we are going to go to her place and… what did you call it?" “Um… scissor.” Twilight nodded. “I’ve always wanted to try scrapbooking!” Rarity and Applejack quickly shook their heads. "No no... you two, er, have fun..." They watched as Fluttershy and Twilight trotted away. "We never speak of this again?" "Just like that incident with the thong." The God Squad Episode 39: Between a Rock and a Hard Place "Oh... it's you." Luna smiled weakly, shifting from hoof to hoof. She had been praying since sighting Tydal's Keep that any capricorn OTHER than Princess Misty would be on watch. She could handle Coral or any of Tydal's elite guard... she could have even handled those two humans-turned-ponies that Tydal had promoted to join his guard, even though she knew he would never assign them guard duty. But Misty? Misty was the worse. Not because of anything she had done, of course. Luna normally got along just fine with Misty, seeing the stern daughter of Tydal and Merida as just another big sister. The lunar goddess had come to Tydal's Keep as a foal and Misty (and her giggly twin Coral) had reached what was basically adulthood for the immortals; while Coral was basically a filly at heart, Misty was another authority figure that would give little Luna a flick on the flank when she was naughty then rock her and coo when the little dark alicorn began to cry. No, what made Misty the worse was how one felt when they were around her. Misty and Coral were the goddesses of ocean life and their personalities reflected this. Coral held domain over the dolphins and the clown fish and all the cute, squishy things. Misty's menagerie was filled with sharks and giant squids and beasts that dwelled in the depths. She was stern and dangerous... especially when somepony had dared to hurt her father. Like Luna had accidently done. "Hello Misty," Luna said, managing a smile. "The only reason I will let you pass through this door is because father would have my tail if I didn't." That wasn't entirely true... Tydal might yell or scream but he would never physically hurt one of his little ones; the concept of corporal punishment was simply too foreign to him. "I am going to try and set things right," Luna said gently. "We shall see," Misty has darkly, her golden armor gleaming in the sunlight as she shifted to allow Luna to pass. The alicorn of the night knew the Keep well and was able to find her way to Tydal's throneroom easy enough. She slipped into line behind several other capricorns, waiting her turn as Tydal, quite wearily, handled the matters concerning his kingdom. "Next!" Tydal called out, chin resting on one of his hooves as he reclined on the bland looking stone throne his subjects had gifted him. They had demanded he have a throne and after several years of complaining Tydal had agreed, though he had picked something plain and durable… much like himself. He wore his battle helm/crown as well as his breastplate (featuring his sigil, a jeweled tidal wave; yet another demand the capricorns had forced on him) and looked so utterly miserable Luna felt her heart break a little. He must have really been in the dumps if he couldn't think of an excuse to get out of court. Two ponies that were clearly husband and wife stepped forward. "My lord, we live upon the shores of your sea and beg you for aid. Normally we would go to Princess Celestia but since our lives are tied to your sea, we felt it best to see you." Tydal made a 'yes, yes, get on with it' motion with his hoof. "You see, your Grace, my wife and I... we have 5 fillies and 4 colts... I make my living diving for pearls but I have been unable to find enough. The missus and I want to have a few more foals but what I make is not enough to support us. I beg for your aid." Tydal nodded. "Very well... guards, castrate him." "WHAT?!?" "The problem is you keep having children you can’t afford to you," Tydal said simply. "That creates a burden on society. A little snip snip and problem solved." "You can't do this!" the pearl-diver's wife screamed. "Oh, and do whatever is the snip snip equivalent to mares to her." Tydal rolled his eyes in disgust before locking his gaze onto Luna. "Not a word... I am actually doing your kingdom a favor... they are clearly stupid and now there will be less of their genetics to be passed along to future generations." He tapped his chin. "Hmmmm... I wonder if I could castrate colts and fillies..." "Let's not and say you did," Luna replied with a smirk, ignoring the panicked cries of the ponies. She had grown up with Tydal and was use to his brand of justice. He did not tolerate stupidity nor handouts... those two ponies should have known better than to come asking for a hoof-out from a capricorn. "I haven't seen you in a couple months." "I have been running my kingdom, same as you. Now that Celestia's 'good will' tour is over with I can get back to business. The Mareatine has been without my guidance for 1,500 years and there are a lot of things I wish to correct." Tydal nodded to Misty, who, with a sigh, took over for her father so he could walk and talk with Luna. None in line would dare complain, knowing that Coral and Misty were Tydal’s heirs and thus their word held as much weight as his. "Besides, I have been in mourning." "I am sorry about your dog," Luna said as Tydal leapt off his throne like it was made of fire. "Better to have loved and lost. Misty and Coral got me a new pet." He clicked his hoof and a golden lobster happily scampered over. It was easily half the size of a full crown pony and wagged its tail in delight as Tydal reached down to pet it. "Luna, met Mr. Snippy." "Why do you call him-" SNIP! Luna looked over at where her tail used to be, then down at Mr. Snippy who was happily waving the ethereal tail about. "Nevermind." She plugged her nose and tried to blow out, forcing her tail to regrow. "I hate doing that." "And I hate shedding scales but we do what we must." Tydal made his way out of the throne room. "Let us talk someplace more private." "OH CELESTIA, IT SNIPPED MY GENITALS OFF!" "Good job, Mr. Snippy!" Tydal called out. "By the Creator, I love that lobster." Luna nodded as they trotted down towards Tydal's meditation room. Located at the base of his Keep, the room was a place of absolute silence and peace. It was one of the few places capricorns felt no rage and where they could go to relax. It was also the true resting place Discord's statue; Celestia had agreed that it was unwise to keep the statue in a garden where fieldtrips were held and thus asked Tydal upon his reawakening from his own stone sleep to safeguard it. "I am so sorry about what I said," Luna said softly. "It is fine, my dear," Tydal said gently, though she could tell he wasn't really feeling his acceptance. "No, it isn't... I was in a bad mood but I never should have snapped at you." "Luna, it is fine." Tydal began to descend down to the lower levels, Luna's hooves clicking on the stone steps. "What took you so long?" Luna sighed. "Celestia. She kept telling me everything was fine and to give you some space, but then out of the blue she told me to go see you today." "That's weird." The moon goddess nodded. "Yeah... she said the two of us should go walk along the shore... was real insistent about that." "I wonder-" "No, no, no, it needs to be more to the left." Tydal raised an eyebrow, wondering why anyone was talking in his meditation chamber... especially since speaking was forbidden. Hurrying through the door, Luna and he stopped short when they saw Celestia and her guards attempting to take Discord's statue and replace it with a duplicate. "Uh... hello?" Celestia said weakly. ~MC~MC~MC~ "YOU DARE!?!" The throne room had been emptied of all save a few capricorns: Misty and Coral, serving as Tydal's guard, the door wardens Surf and Spray, and Merida. Tydal stood near his throne, his horns crackling with nearly uncontrollable fury, his eyes shining like black diamonds. In his armor and battle helm he looked like a conqueror from a long lost time and even Merida, who was use to seeing him prepare for battle, was taken aback by the sight of him. Celestia, through sheer force of will, kept her head up high and her body rigid as her big brother raved. Luna stood off to the side, wishing she could have left with Tydal's subjects. "I understand you are upset, but when you hear-" "Upset?" Merida said icily. It was easy to forget that the queen was just as much of a warrior as her husband. "You want to free the monster that stole my husband from me?" "I feel Discord can be redeemed." Misty snorted but wisely did not say a word. Even Coral was managing to bite back the retorts that danced on the tip of her tongue; both girls knew that now was not the time to draw their father's attention towards them. "You want to redeem the mad god that tried to kill us all?" Tydal's tail thrashed in agitation. "I want a snowball to survive the heat of a volcano so I plan to put a little hat on it... which of our pipe dreams do you think might come true first?" Celestia narrowed her eyes, growing frustrated. "Discord WILL be redeemed. Twilight Sparkle and her friends-" "The same ponies that were corrupted by Discord, correct?" Merida questioned. "...they will not be affected again; we have prepared." "Oh, of course," Tydal said glibly. "Discord is merely the god of chaos... he will choose to perform the same tricks again, of course!" "Discord is needed! I have uses for him!" "I have uses for him too!" Tydal shot back. "He makes a lovely paper weight! Now all my important scrolls will flutter away." "Do not address me as if I were some foal," Celestia snapped. "I will when you are acting like a foal!" Tydal snapped his teeth, barely managing to control himself. “I take that back… a foal would be smarter than this!” "Discord is the property of Equestria," Celestia stated. "I allowed you to guard him but never to keep him as your own. Your services are no longer required and I will be taking him back now... to serve whatever purpose I wish for him." "And I have no say in the matter?" "Not really, no," Celestia said, her anger that Tydal was continually questioning her judgment causing her to speak that which her heart begged her not too. She had gone thousands of years without being pressed and she now bristled at the way Tydal treated her like a filly. "You are not the lord of Equestria." "You would not have Equestria if it were not for me," Tydal reminded her. "Have you forgotten so quickly that I sheltered you, protected you, fed your and provided a roof over your head?" "I have not," Celestia snapped. "But that does not mean you get to decide what I can and cannot do! You have been gone for 1,500 years, Tydal, and in that time I have ruled quite well on my own. I am grateful for all you have done but you are not my father and my time under your roof has ended." Silence reigned through the throne room. Luna’s stomach dropped and it took all of her control to keep from making a puddle on the floor. She stared at her sister, wondering what madness had caused her to be so utterly cruel. "Very well," Tydal said, though his pause told more than his words did. "Take him and go." "Thank you, Tydal," Celestia said graciously, turning and trotting away. "Lord," Tydal stated. Celestia looked over her shoulder at him. "Pardon?" "You will address me properly, Princess Celestia," Tydal said sternly. “As one ruler to another, you will show me respect and address me with full honors.” Luna took a step forward. "Please, don't-" "Think very carefully about your next statement, Princess Luna," Tydal told her coldly. “You have already played me for a fool once today.” Realizing that it would do no good to talk to him when he was in such a mood, Luna merely bowed her head and mumbled a quick goodbye before hurrying to catch up with a clearly flustered Celestia. "He will calm down soon enough," Celestia finally said once their hooves had touched the sands. "He was always stubborn... but Discord will be-" Luna whipped around, her eyes shifting to dragon slits for the briefest of moments. "You used me." "Sister?" Celestia said in surprise. "You used my guilt about how I talked to Tydal. You made me into a distraction and now our brother hates us!" "He is upset... old wounds and all that. I am sure-" There was a great rumble behind them and the sisters turned in time to watch as Tydal’s Keep sunk beneath the waves. "Do you know the problem with playing chess, sister?" Celestia blinked, trying to figure out what Luna was getting act. "I don't-" "You need pieces to do so... but when you play chess with ponies, they remember when they were sacrificed for a grand plan." Luna spread her wings, a look of disgust gracing her features. "It is hard to play chess when the pieces hate you. Enjoy your time with Discord… he just cost us both our brother… again." And with that, Luna took to the sky, leaving the sun goddess behind.