//------------------------------// // I See Introductions are in Order // Story: Blind Luck // by DarkZonker //------------------------------//         James felt the tip of the spear return to the center of his chest along with four other pointy tips. James sat up as he raised his hands in surrender, “Listen guys, I didn’t do anything. I fell into a portal and it spit me out here. Right above your princess or whatever,” James waved his hand flippantly. “Well mister alien man, since the hay doesn’t match the moon; you should start flying away!” The regal voice spoke up, and James heard something stumbling around. “Princess, you really shouldn’t be moving around, I think you have a concussion,” the gruff voice reasoned. “Someone get Shining Armor!” Gruff yelled. James heard him running around trying to keep the concussed princess still. A spear point left James’ body and he thought he heard the clippity-clop of hooves run off. That’s crazy, why didn’t I hear horses earlier? And why did that princess call me an alien? Why did they use shining armor as a kind of name? James thought.         James heard the horses come back and the spears prodded him into standing. This time even more spears poked him, and even more horses joined them. James still didn’t hear the horses, only whispers about him; mostly about how ugly he looked. James turned his head to where he heard the whispers, James hated the whispers.  “Hey, I can hear you assholes. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk shit about me, thanks,” he said venomously. A voice James could only describe as a surfer who enlisted in the army spoke up, “Don’t you dare swear around my wife! You don’t want me to beat some manners into you, do you?” a blunt object prodded James in the kneecap. “Whoa! Slow your roll bud. You wouldn’t beat up a blind guy, would you?” James indicated to his eyes and took a step back... into a spear, “ouch!” “We’ll see about that,” Surfer voice said menacingly. A rush of air hit James’ face which made him blink. He probably swung something at me, James thought. “So what’d you swing at me?” He asked. “A hoof. I guess you are blind, but I’m no doctor,” Surfer voice said. The guards moved their spears away from James. “Damn straight I’m blind. By the way, has anyone seen my cane?” “Here,” Gruff voice hit him with his cane. James snatched his cane and started touching around him. There was an ornate metal railing behind him that flowed; it made a semicircle as far as James could tell, so it was probably a balcony. He ended up hitting six people, but every time James hit someone they would say something like “my hoof” or “my legs” and “watch where you’re sticking that thing,” which was kind of weird. “No, I’m fine... It’s gone, you of all ponies should know how fast I heal... stop babying me honey, I can look after myself,” Regal voice spoke up but the other voice was talking to quiet for James to make out, probably Surfer voice, he did say Regal voice was his wi- Whoa whoa whoa, did she say ponies! She said ponies. Where the hell did I end up where animals can talk? I’m probably dreaming, James thought. James sat down and leaned against the railing. He tried to digest the information and questions that filled his head. I guess that explains the hooves, James concluded. A more gentle clippity-clop reached his ears than the ones the guards make. “So you’re the alien who fell on me. Care to tell me why I have to hold an ice pack to my head now?” Regal voice asked, James could tell she was annoyed. “Hey, if I could see you, I’d be calling you names too,” James said snidely, “as for the ice pack, well I’m very sorry that you’re hurt. I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that you make a great cushion.” “I’m afraid that I cannot take comfort in that,” Regal voice replied, sounding even more annoyed, “I would find comfort in you telling me how you got here!” She yelled. “Well I got pulled out of my world and then it dropped me here. You happy now?” James pointed his cane in the direction he thought Regal voice was. “Maybe. Also I’m over here,” James felt his cane move a little to his left, “How did you get pulled out of your world?” Regal voice asked again, this time a little calmer. “Some rip in the fabric of time! I don’t know,” said James frustratedly. He stood up threateningly and stared where Regal voice indicated.. “Just calm down, okay?” Surfer voice broke in, “nopony needs to do anything hasty.” “I. Am not. A fucking. PONY!” James screamed, the ridiculousness of the situation catching up to him. “I am a human and my name is James,” He said through clenched teeth, “I’m calm, you’re calm, we’re all calm, see?”James finished. Exhausted, James sat back down and leant his head back against the railing. “Hello James. I am Princess Cadance of the Crystal Ponies, and the stallion next to me is Captain Shining Armor of the Equestrian Royal Guard, my husband,” Regal voice aid professionally.. “Nice to meet you,” James said disinterestedly, as he held out his hand for them to shake. James didn’t feel anything touch his hand for a while. Oh yeah, hooves, James thought James could feel soft hairs feathering just outside of his grip. His hand shot out and grabbed what he figured was their hooves, then shook up, then down. The hoof was soft, yet hard at the same time. There were fine hairs that covered the base of the hoof, and got gradually coarser as James went up the leg. The bottom was hard yet flat, which didn’t match up to what James saw of hooves when he was younger. The whole leg is just one long cylinder. Where the hell am I? James thought. “Come on James, you must be tired,” Cadance said with motherly affection. James heard a scoff behind him and figured it was Shining Armor. “Of course i'm tired, and it would be great and all if I, uh, knew where the hell i’m going,” James said impatiently. “First we’re going to the kitchen to get some food in you, then it’s off to the guest chambers,” Cadance said happily. “Oh that just sounds peachy keen,” James said with fake enthusiasm, “and I would love to go with you except for the itty bitty little fact that, you know, I’m blind,” James finished exasperatedly. James heard hooves storm up behind him, then something spun him around without touching him. “You watch your tone when speaking to my wife,” Shining Armor said angrily. James heard Cadance walk in between them, and James got pulled back by the mysterious force yet again. “Oh calm down Shiny, He’s only afraid,” Cadance said calmly, “hold onto my mane James, I’ll guide you.” “If you say so,” James replied warily. James reached out to where Cadance was but instead of hair, he found well toned muscle. “Ahem, James? It would be, oh, much appreciated if you stopped, ah, grabbing my flank,” Cadance’s voice broke on the last word. James felt his face burn with embarrassment, and immediately let go. “I am so sorry.”         James put his hands back on the Princess but his time higher up. James felt some rather large wings, then up Cadance’s back. He found the lustrous mane but moved past it and straight to her face.         “Uh, James? What are you doing now?” She sounded extremely confused as James gingerly ran his hands all over her face.         “I’m looking at you,” James said, as he focused on his hands. Her face was unblemished, as far as James could tell, but there were no scars. Her facial fur was very soft just like the rest of her. There was a long, spiraling horn that extended out of her forehead. Her ears were tall and moved around when James touched them. She had extremely large eyes, at least a little bigger than James’ fist. She had long eyelashes as well, some as long as James’ little finger. She had a short, squared muzzle that was maybe half as long as a dog's muzzle. She was smiling, and it seemed that the mouth had as expressive as a person’s. The whole face is geared for showing emotion, just where the hell did I end up?  “Thank you,” James said quietly as he tried to sort all of the new information. “My pleasure, it was a very interesting experience,” Cadance said kindly. They stood in silence for minutes until James brought his hand back down Cadance’s neck and intertwined his fingers with her mane. “So you said something about food?” “Of course,” Cadance started walking and pulled James with her. “Ouch, try to keep up James,” she said jokingly as James pulled her mane from not going fast enough. James pulled out his cane and rapidly touched the ground in front of him. Shining Armor sighed as he saw his wife and the newcomer rush down the hallway. “Investigate how he got here, and report back to me as soon as possible,” the three other guards saluted as Shining Armor walked away after his wife.