The Secret of Smarty Pants

by Rough_Draft


The Crystal Empire Express

Three – The Crystal Empire Express

“Now leaving for the Crystal Empire!” the conductor announced.

Twilight looked out the window from her private car as the train lurched forward. The air was abuzz with excitement. Her friends were taking their seats and discussing their trip. But all Twilight could think about was Cadance and Smarty Pants.

She remembered…


“Happy birthday, Twily!”

“Thanks, everypony!” Twilight blew out the candles on her cake. She was so excited she could barely stay in her seat. Her mother had to keep using magic to hold the filly on her chair.

There weren’t many ponies at her house that evening. Besides her parents and her brother, the only other guest was her new foalsitter Cadance. Twilight was glad to have her there. She always knew the best games to play and it was fun watching her make Shining Armor blush. But Twilight didn’t understand why her parents always looked at each other and smiled when that happened.

After cake and punch, everyone gave Twilight her presents. Her mother and father had bought her a biography on Star-Swirl the Bearded; she knew she’d finish it before the week was over. Shining Armor had gotten her a kite, which he promised to teach her how to fly.

When Cadance came up, she dropped a green-and-red box in front of Twilight. “Here you go, Twilight. Hope you like it.”

The filly’s horn glowed as she eagerly used her magic to rip the wrapping paper open. She looked inside the box and gasped.

“Her name is Smarty Pants,” said Cadance. “I thought you could use somepony to study with.” She pointed her hoof at the box. “Look, she even has her own notepad and quill. You girls can do homework together!”

“I love it!” Twilight leapt from her chair, bouncing up and down around her foalsitter with her new doll on her back. Then she hugged Cadance. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart…!”


“Um, are you feeling okay?”

Fluttershy’s gentle voice snapped Twilight out of her flashback. She smiled when she saw the yellow pegasus sitting next to her. “I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking about my fillyhood.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Fluttershy picked up the doll that had been resting in Twilight’s lap. “But if it’s all right to ask, why do you think Cadance left this watch inside? I mean, wouldn’t she have noticed it?”

“I’ve been wondering that myself, but I don’t think we’ll get any answers until we see her and Shining Armor.”

“Oh, okay.” Fluttershy blushed. “I suppose I shouldn’t worry about it then.”

Her concern was touching, but that was one of the many things Twilight loved about her. She’d said so last Hearts and Hooves Day, at a picnic in White Tail Woods. Very gently, the alicorn leaned over and nuzzled her friend.

“Well, I’m still glad you’re here,” said Twilight. “We’ll face whatever comes together, okay?”

Fluttershy’s eyes lit up. “Okay!”


In the train’s caboose, Lady Garnet and Sir Emerald, a pair of well-dressed unicorns, were taking their afternoon tea. Sir Emerald thanked the earth pony porter and offered him a pair of bits.

“Much obliged, sir,” said the porter, whose nametag read Can-Do Spirit. He tipped his hat at the gentleman as he left the car.

“Really, Emerald!” said Lady Garnet. Her white horn glowed as she raised a teacup to her lips. “I don’t see why you should be so generous with the help. I should think we’ll need every bit when we get to the Crystal Empire.”

“On the contrary, my dear,” Emerald replied while Garnet drank her tea, “it’s a sign of good breeding. Everypony expects Canterlot mares and colts to be well-to-do and generous. Our dear Princesses are themselves incredibly kindhearted to their inferiors. How can we not live up to those standards, high as they might be?”

“I suppose—” Garnet began. But she was interrupted when somepony knocked on the door.

Emerald gave her an apologetic shrug and turned to the door. “Do come in!” he called out.

The door opened as the porter Can-Do Spirit walked back inside. But Emerald thought there was something strange about the pony’s eyes.

They were green. And glowing.

“My dear fellow,” he said, “whatever is the matter—?”

“Whatever is the matter?” said the porter in a flawless impersonation of Emerald’s voice. The unicorns turned to one another, utterly shocked.

“Now, see here!” Garnet declared. “We will not stand for this mockery!”

“No,” a voice behind the porter hissed. “We believe you won’t.”

Two pairs of green and glowing eyes stared out from the shadows of the train corridor. Emerald clutched at his wife, terrified beyond rational thought. His horror only grew as he saw a sickly light rippling over Can-Do Spirit.

He now looked like Sir Emerald himself. Except for the green in his eyes and the sinister grin he wore.

“So hungry…” he growled in Emerald’s voice. “So much love here…”

“What in the wide world of Equestria are you?!” Emerald demanded. He shuddered as several insect-like hooves and legs stretched out from the corridor and into the train car. And the hissing was getting louder.

“Take their form,” said the creature that wore Emerald’s face and spoke with his voice. “Steal their love. Feed and grow. Now and forever. So says our queen…”

Sir Emerald and Lady Garnet cried out only once before they were consumed in a flash of green.


“All right, that should do it!” Rarity’s horn glowed as she lifted Smarty Pants up from the bench. “In spite of this train’s motion, I’ve got her all patched up.”

“She looks great, Rarity!” said Twilight. “Just the way I remember her!”

The white unicorn smiled and bowed. “Thank you, darling. It means so much to hear you so that!”

“Ooh, ooh! Lemme see that watch!” Pinkie Pie bounced up and down, trying to grab at it with her hooves.

Twilight used her magic to play keep-away from her pink and bubbly friend. “Not now, Pinkie. We need to wait until we take this to Shining Armor.” She used her magic to hover the watch in front at eye-level and examined it closely. “Hmm. I can’t seem to get it open. Is it supposed to open? But how would you fit an Element of Harmony in there?”

“Who cares?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “We’ll find out when we get there! Won’t we, Smarty Pants?” She picked up the doll and moved its head up and down, giving it a falsetto voice. “‘Golly gosh, yes, Pinkie! We sure will!’”

Applejack grit her teeth. “Pinkie Pie, don’t break her! Big Macintosh would be mighty upset if somethin’ happened ta her!”

“I don’t get that at all,” said Rainbow Dash, spreading her hooves in confusion. “Why would a big stallion need a filly’s doll anyway?”

“Everypony needs something to snuggle with, Dash,” Fluttershy answered sweetly. She even gave a rare smirk. “Didn’t you have a safety cloud at Flight Camp—?”

“Shh!” The blue pegasus stuck her hoof into Fluttershy’s mouth. “Not. A word. Fluttershy.”

Twilight watched her friends having a good laugh and smiled quietly. She frowned when the lights in the train car suddenly flickered on and off.

“What’s goin’ on?” asked Applejack.

Fluttershy huddled close to Twilight. “Oh, dear.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Twilight said reassuringly. But she didn’t feel convinced herself.

Ever since they’d left Canterlot, she’d felt uneasy about this journey. Like something was quietly following them…