Now, as per my usual way, I believe that to avoid conflict one must not jump to conclusion. However, in this specific case, I was willing to make an exception.
“YOU VILE BEAST!”
‘Brain, I believe Rarity is not very happy.’ I thought, looking away, filled with melancholy.
‘Gee, you don’t say?’
‘Well…’
“YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR EVERY DROP OF BLOOD OPAL LOST!”
I mean, for freak’s sake, she sounded scarier than me and I sound like a creepy demon in need of some cough medicine.
The only reason I wasn’t running away screaming was the fact that my legs were barely supporting me anymore. That and the fact that maybe, just maybe, I had an ace up my sleeves.
“Rarity!” The white filly cheered, dropping her mic on the stage without a second thought, and tackled her big sister’s leg to hug her.
Rarity, meet my trump card.
“Oh Sweetie Belle!” The mare’s voice boomed with relief. Without losing a second, she returned her kid sister’s hug, and broke it off. “You’re not hurt, are you?”
“Nu-uh.” Sweetie shook her head quickly, wishing to bring her sister’s attention to much more important matters.
“Thank Celestia,” she said with a smile. “Now be a dear and get behind me so I can deal properly with this ruffian.”
Aw crap, I was hoping she wouldn’t be up to it after a little exchange with Sweetie Belle.
“Wait, Rarity! Look, look! I’ve finally gotten my Cutie Mark!”
Even with my mind as hazy as it was, I instinctively covered my ears. A smart move.
Rarity’s squeal nearly got supersonic. The high pitch noise sent a muted vibration through my bones, which, for the record, is about as fun as listening to obnoxious rabid protesters.
The fashionista danced on her hooves with excitement, lifting her sister with her magic. The filly floated to eye levels, her mark of destiny raised for the world to see.
“Would you look at that?” She put a hoof over her heart, grinning from ears to ears. “My sweet little sister is growing up!”
Sweetie Belle only squealed with delight as well.
“Oh, Sweetie Belle, that’s just wonderful.” Another mare joined us on the stage, this one yellow with a pink mane. “Congratulations.”
“Wow, you were right, Fluttershy! It really was Sweetie Belle’s voice.” And a third one just popped out of nowhere, holding some cotton candy in her hooves.
“It was her beautiful singing voice!” Rarity insisted on the terminology, bringing her sister into yet another hug. “Oh, can you imagine it, Sweetie Belle? You’ll be a star!”
“That sounds nice, yes.” The filly nodded.
“Leave everything to me, Sweetie. I’ll use all of my connections to make sure you become the big talk of Canterlot! Oh, the lights will shine on you like a thousand sta-”
“APPLEBLOOM!” An equally accented voice cut her off, though this one was filled with relief.
“Sis?” The grey filly raised her head a little.
Something like an orange blur passed right in front of me, nearly barreling into me. I barely managed to remain standing after that. Perhaps a b-bit more… Nope. The ponies in front of me blurred.
My legs gave out under me. With a pained grunt, I fell right on my side, mute pain spreading from the wing that had the misfortune of ending underneath the rest of my body.
Things were a bit fuzzy. My mind was almost washed away by a tempting and peaceful darkness. It was edging around at the very limits of my vision. They were slowly gaining on me.
“Thank Celestia, you’re okay, lil’ sis.” Applejack’s voice cut through the silence that plagued me. “You have no idea how worried I was… a-after Big Mac had…”
“Meh.”
Very briefly, I felt warmth spread from the side of my head, right where my injury was. It broke through to me, reaching and pulling me out.
Everything was suddenly clear again. Weirder still, the weight on my body, the weakness in my legs… they were both gone.
W-what?
Though my eyes were transfixed on the Apple sisters, I almost missed their exchange, for my attention was inward.
My thought process had almost gone awry, I knew that. For a split second, I just felt a rush of more chaotic emotions push at the back of my head, wishing to be freed. It had been luck that the strange phenomenon had not made me go all the way back to that strange insane state of being…
“Applebloom? W-what are you saying?”
“I just dun’t wanna leave, s’all.” The filly replied, lying flatly on the stage, chin against the chocolaty thing.
The mare stared, her expression frozen with horror.
“Girls! We already said we shouldn’t run off that quickly!”
I lifted my head a bit, some of my previous fatigue gone. Up in the sky, Rainbow Dash was carrying her friend over the crowd, both of them looking considerably pissed.
“Twice, girls! Twice!” The cyan pegasus shrieked as soon as she had dropped Twilight onto the stage. “What part of sticking together do you not understand?!”
“Oh forget about that for a moment, would you, darling?” Rarity brushed her off, still nuzzling her little sister. “There are much more pressing matters at hooves. Sweetie Belle just got her Cutie Mark! Isn’t she amazing?!”
Rainbow Dash looked slightly taken aback by the tirade and nodded, muttering a “congrats, kid” toward the filly.
“It’s all radical and all, but we’ve got a mis- wait, is Scoots around?”
“Yup, here she is.” Pinkie snickered while holding out the dull-colored filly.
“Meh.”
It was almost comical to see the mare faceplant. Almost.
“Whoa, back up here…” Rainbow raised her hooves in front of her face, blinking in an exaggerated manner. “Did you just ‘meh’ me, Scoots?”
“I guess…” The filly shrugged.
Crunching her face angrily, the mare stared intensively at her number one fan. She already knew something was terribly wrong, of course, but my guess was that she was not thinking of another Mare-do-well situation.
“What gives?” She asked quietly, much more than how I expected her to react. “You love it when I make a dramatic entrance, showing off my moves.”
Scootaloo just sighed and looked away. “I just don’t see the appeal.”
A wave of sympathy ran through all of us, even Pinkie, if the collective wince we shared was any indication.
Ouch.
Now Rainbow Dash was definitely pissed. Rattling the ground with one hoof, exhaling a small cloud of smoke from her nostrils and flapping her wings slowly, she was the image of a bull about to charge.
Discreetly, I tried to scoot a few inches away.
“Okay, something’s seriously wrong with you. If you don’t see the appeal, it obviously has been too long since you last saw me fly,” Rainbow declared, snatching the filly away from the pink pony and securing her in her hooves. “Give me ten seconds.”
Oh dear…
Even if Twilight had lunged forward the moment she had heard her friend’s plan, the lavender unicorn only went through a blue and multicolored shadow.
“Rainbow Dash! Wait!” She screamed after her already airborne friend.
Awed, I looked up, eyes wide and following the rainbow trail the mare left behind her. Though what captured my attention was a white distortion just in front of her.
“I-is she…?” I muttered, even as my mind started going into overdrive. ‘Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!’
Nopony had the chance to answer.
We were blinded by an explosion of light. It seemed as if the light had literally shattered into fragments, pink and yellow shining especially strongly on us.
Then, before I could recover, a ripple of air washed over my fur, gently for the first fraction of second. The very next, a noise of thousand thunder rang to my ears, sending a spike of pain right through my brain.
With a cry, I rolled on the ground, hoof and paw covering my ears.
But, as much as I wanted to writhe in agony, my mind kept refocusing on a single thing. ‘OHMYGOD! I JUST WITNESSED A LIVE SONIC RAINBOOM! I CAN TASTE THE RAINBOW!’
No kidding. A light seasoned and complex flavor was filling my mouth at this very moment. One less thing on my to-do list, one more step toward a chance at dying a fulfilled life.
“Ah! Ten. Seconds. Flat.” Oh you lovable braggart that actually back your claims. Why do you torment me so by being that awesome?
“THAT WAS AWESOME!” A shrilled cry of pure ecstasy pierced through the startled atmosphere.
I smiled. ‘Scootaloo…’
“Ohmygosh, Rainbow Dash! You did a Sonic Rainboom with me!” The orange hyperactive filly looked like she could die happy now. That was a good thing as her heart seemed just about ready to explode, or give up, depending on how fast it was beating.
“Anytime, Scoots.” The filly’s idol ruffled her mane, a small smile gracing her lips.
“T-that was incredibly reckless!” Twilight finally found her voice back.
“Indeed. Isn’t that manoeuver incredibly difficult to perform, yet alone with passengers?” Rarity pointed out, letting go of her sister, who immediately ran to her now normal friend.
“Eh, it’s not that big of a deal. I can easily carry a pony with me when doing a Sonic Rainboom.” The pegasus shrugged, then grinned. “I thought you of all pony would know.”
That brought a blush to the unicorn’s cheeks.
“W-well, that is…” She stammered.
“Hum… not that I want to be rude, but that was a little risky.” Fluttershy surprisingly jumped in, saving one of her friend from a potential embarrassment.
Perhaps it was the fact that her oldest friend had called her out on it, but the cyan pegasus shot a conflicted look at Scootaloo, who was discussing what marvelous events had just happened for her and Sweetie Belle.
“W-well, I couldn’t just let Scootaloo hanging, right? I had to do something to bring her back!”
I heard a muffled sob, I was probably the only one that did. The others kept arguing about their latest scuffle, Twilight being probably the most adamant, appearing terribly tired. This was getting a bit nerve racking for me, so I kind of jumped at a legitimate distraction.
I wished I hadn’t.
Applejack was hugging her sister’s life out. Her face was distorted with pure sorrow, tears running down her cheeks.
The filly stayed unresponsive to her sister’s pain, nothing more than a rag doll to get wet with another’s sadness.
“A-Applebloom…” She whispered breathlessly.
“Meh.”
The sight made my insides churn.
Pressure started to crush my ribcage, my chest, with enough strength to paralyze me. I knew that feeling, it was no stranger.
Guilt.
I was fucking guilty of this crap. Them? They’d be fine, doing Apple stuff, being happy, if not for my intervention. Heck, there was no need to look very far. Just a while ago, I distracted them and allowed Discord to run free.
I could only think of one thing: ‘My fault.’
“I…” I retched, nausea stopping the words from coming out of my throat.
It was enough though.
She heard me.
Applejack’s head turned slowly toward me. She did not seem angry, not even sad anymore… just… surprised.
Her eyes fell on me. The green of her iris contrasted with the red lines in her cornea. The trails of wet fur on her face were ugly. She just stared.
I-I… I couldn’t look at her in the eyes. I couldn’t.
With a solemn whispered, I averted my gaze.
“Sorry…”
She roared in rage.
I barely had the time to glance that a pair of orange hooves filled my field of vision. With yet another explosion of pain in my head, I reeled back, lifted from the ground with stars dancing in front of my eyes.
My front legs harshly made contact with the stage again, they slipped a bit.
“YOU! It’s yer fault! This is yer doing!”
Another hit, right into my right shoulder. That limb gave away with the sheer brute strength mustered into that single impact.
That grinding feeling in my shoulder… that was probably the bone being crushed.
“Applejack!” Panicked shrieks echoed on the stage, though they were soon drowned out by Applejack’s accusations.
“CHANGE HER BACK!” Pain. “GET HER BACK TO NORMAL!” More pain. “GIVE MAH LIL’ SISTER BACK!”
I could honestly say I was not able to move when the blows stopped. Things were just a blur of colors; words were nothing more than echoed muffled sounds.
There was some orange, flanked by blue and yellow. White and lavender weren’t far, but there was a touch of a subtle light on top of their silhouettes. Pink was bouncing a bit, and, if I were to guess, it was talking a lot. Orange slowed down to a halt.
Something hot and liquid slid off my shoulder. Was I going to bleed out…?
T-that was probably for the best.
That brought on a mental snicker. Sad, isn’t it? It would do a lot of good for this world if I just stopped breathing. I could not honestly deny I deserved it.
I took a bit of comfort in the knowledge that at least a little bit of justice had been served. The liquid falling off my side was just proof of that.
“Hummmm… caramel!” Someone cheerfully proclaimed, right into my ears.
The interruption was so bizarre I blinked in surprise.
“W-whu-” I rasped, before breaking into a coughing fit.
“Ooooooh, that sounds like you’ve got a bad cold. But worry not, I’ve got the solution to your troubles.” Okay, only one pony could be that ridiculously peppy. “Caramel! And lucky you, you’re covered in the stuff!”
T-that’s when something even weirder happened.
Reality snapped back into place.
NOT. KIDDING!
Like elastic stretched too far apart, every single one of my senses snapped back into their full capacity, while my suffering quietly died out.
“Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…?” The sound just escaped my lips. It would not stop.
“Yeah, Applejack crashed you into a column and it oozed all over you.”
“…uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut?”
Oh dear, it was true. My coat was sticking to my skin tightly, with my wings not faring much better. It was as if I was stuck in a suit much too small for my size.
“You’re covered in all this sugary goodness! Look at you, it’s perfect! Mrs. Cake tried to get the perfect caramel before, but it came just an itty bitty inch away from perfection and we were so disappointed and it was sooooo gooooooooooood before and this looks even better and…”
Something wet and red hit me in the face.
Yeah, I had an idea of what it was. That just couldn’t be possible. That little squeal of delight I could hear was a hallucination.
“So good!” Pinkie trembled with ecstasy.
Brain broke.
Please wait a second for a reboot.
“P-Pinkie, dear, what are you doing?” Rarity stared, blushing.
“Licking the goodies on him!”
‘Is this actually happening?’ I thought, staring into the pink fur inches away from me.
At this distance, I could easily dissect her scent. Cotton candy and cinnamon, mostly.
Blood rushed to my face.
“I think he’d appreciated if your tongue stayed in your mouth, Pinkie.” Twilight deadpanned, her cheeks colored a nice dark purple.
“Oh. No licking?” The pink mare looked taken aback for a second. She leaned closer to me, wearing the same expression she had when resolving that mystery with the cake and the three bakers. Namely, she was observing me from every angle.
‘Well, this is uncomfortable…’
“There!” Pinkie pointed, before engulfing my horn in her mouth. And sucking the caramel lingering on it.
...
Oh dear, would you look at that? The sun has been moved closer to Equestria because it’s HOT AS HELL HERE!
And it kept getting hotter with every single stunned look I was receiving from Pinkie’s friends.
In order, Fluttershy was hiding her face away behind her hooves, Applejack’s jaw was hanging, Twilight looked about ready to pass out, knees wobbling, Rarity was covering her sister’s eyes, but stared at us almost hungrily.
Oh, and Rainbow Dash had a smug grin to end all smug grins.
Heat. So much heat. Breathing was getting harder again.
‘So that’s what it’s like to die of embarrassment…’ I thought toward the fuzziness in my brain. ‘Come and take me, sweet sweet DARKNESS!’
“Oooooh, that is so good!” Pinkie moaned breathlessly, before getting another taste of the caramel.
My eyes widened, and my mind as strangely as it was, made the association immediately. My whole body felt like it was on fire.
In my upper back, I felt a strange stiffness. Right on the level of my shoulders, where my wings were attached, uncomfortably rigid…
“You have got to be kidding me,” I groaned, seeing Rainbow Dash start laughing.
“Oh my,” came the soft voice of a certain yellow pegasus. W-was she peeking behind her hooves?
“He’s got a…” She said between two intakes of air, pointing at me.
“Rainbow Dash, my dear.” Rarity talked clearly, even if her voice hitched up when Pinkie moaned. “If you finish that sentence within earing range of my sister, you might end up with a very unfashionable haircut tomorrow morning.”
“But he…” She tried again, this time stopping because a lavender hoof had been put into her mouth.
“Forget Rarity. If you make this more awkward than it already is, I’m finding a way to dye your coat pink. Permanently.”
Twilight was pointedly ignoring me. Celestia bless her! You know, more than she already did.
“Oooooh, that hit the spot.” Pinkie finally stopped putting me through all sorts of heavenly and hellish places and bounced back to her friends.
We aimed a diverse plethora of glares at her.
“What? I’ve been hungry since we visited Mr. and Mrs. Cake.”
“There is a time for everything, Pinkie.” Twilight gritted her teeth, waving a hoof in front of her face, as if to refresh the air around her face.
Now, since I had obviously pissed off more than one force of natures by being me in a previous life, things went downhill. Even more.
“Hey, dude, you wouldn’t happen to have a cigarette?” I heard a male voice from my right. “After this kind of show, I need a smoke.”
My eye twitch.
I glanced to my right, at the crowd. The crowd of ponies. The crowd of ponies all staring at me. The crowd of ponies all staring at me with varying expressions of smugness and lewdness.
Thirty-seven percent of me died on the spot. The rest started to experience a slow agony.
“Huuuuh… O-okay… hah…” I exhaled too strongly, trying to kill off the laugh bubbling up in my throat. “I… I… just give me a second…”
Brain unraveling into a broken mess, I did the only thing I could think of.
I screamed!
The following scene was extracted from the official Royal Canterlot records, cannot be distributed outside of the library and its content must not be divulged to outsiders. Offenders will be prosecuted and risk facing punishments reserved for traitors against the crown.
This scene was reconstructed from the memories of Prince Polaris Leon Blueblood, nephew of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, third in line for the throne of Canterlot.
The unicorn stallion’s gaze left the written orders he was about to give for the defense of the city, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
No pony shared the air of his office at the moment, none that could be seen at least. But then…
“My goodness, what is this ghastly noise?”
I ran out of breath.
“T-there… better… much better…” I panted.
Blocking the memory of this had been immensely satisfying. For me. The Mane Six were all very tense, their posture changed for battle. Well, except Applejack, she was being held by her tail by Rainbow Dash (oh the irony…), snarling at me.
“Lemme go at him!” Applejack yelled.
Annnnnd my humiliation was placed into the background again, to be replaced by that same freaking overwhelming guilt. Even then though, I was pretty sure I was still red in the face… beneath my fur I mean.
“S-sorry!” I practically shouted again. “I-I just had to do something to let out the te-…”
“Tension?” Rarity suggested with an unimpressed glare.
Oh dear, my face just exploded with heat…
“I was going to say something else that could not be interpreted as an innuendo…” I cringed, looking away, into the crowd of zombies watching with dull interest.
“Sorry, darling, try again.” The white unicorn frowned, still covering Sweetie Belle’s ears and eyes. The poor thing was blind and deaf.
“I’d rather not…” I took a few steps back, in the hopes of putting some distance between myself and the mares.
When more than half of them look very pissed off with you, it was more than time to try a peaceful tactical retreat.
“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Applejack screamed, almost escaping Rainbow’s grip.
I was crouched low on the ground, making myself as small as possible. I really didn’t want to come in conflict with the girls anymore.
“I-I don’t want… I never wished for…” I opened my mouth and closed it, not a sound escaping. “I just want him g-gone… I hate him.”
Twilight stepped forward. “Then help us. Or at least, stop interfering!”
“I didn’t do that on purpose…” I gave a weak laugh, but it clearly did not win them over.
“Well, here’s the time you make a choice,” she argued. “You can show who you wish to side with now.”
A bubble of relief burst through my worries. T-they were going to give me a chance. It was like eating a cupcake all over again. It made my lips twitched.
I gave her a completely honest and probably the brightest smile she could have seen all day. “I want to help you.”
“Yeeepeee!” Pinkie jumped in the air, confetti flying around her. “Havoc joined the party! And I do mean party!”
“Yes, Pinkie.” Her unicorn friend rolled her eyes. “But let’s focus on what he can do for us. Havoc!” She called, her voice clashing like a whip.
My attention was instantly fully focused on her. “Yes?”
“Do you know where we can find your father?”
My eye twitched. Oooooh, that was a tough and bitter pill to swallow.
“I… think I do.” I looked away.
All six mares immediately leaned forward, eagerly waiting for me to elaborate.
“It’s huh…” I stopped, my ears twirling around, to my right. “Is that… screaming?”
“Don’t try to weasel yer way outta…” The cowpony started snarling, but stopped too.
Soon, every pony on the stage was looking around, trying to find the source of the noise, all the while we were slowly growing more afraid of what it might turn out to be.
As it turned out, it was Twilight who spotted the threat first.
“LOOK OUT!”
The impact blew me away, literally.
I saw the sky, the ground, various ponies, the sky again, in various successions, for a few very disorienting seconds, before a line tugged at my chest. With a push, everything came together, except for this incredible vertigo making my eyes spin in a cartoony manner.
“Buddy, you have got to stop flying like this!” I heard a familiar voice inches away from me. “You just knocked somepony! You could have injured him or yourself!”
Oh, Thunderlane. C-cool… now if you’ll excuse me – you and Rumble who I see has nice swirly eyes – pal, I was in the middle of a reveal there.
I turned my head toward what I thought were the girls, when I realized the wind brushing my coat was not just a random chaotic special effect. We were flying away or, more accurately, I was being carried away by a golden, flashing, music emitting pegasus colt.
Crap, crap, crap, crap! Their figures were shrinking away and fast! I had to tell them.
“REMEMBER! TWISTS AND TURNS ARE HIS MASTER PLAN, FIN-”
An abrupt turbulence made me jolt upward, a knot in the rope driving itself further into my stomach. Needless to say, my scream was cut short.
Before I could recover, we were already out of their range.
But hey, my screaming got the black pegasus’ attention, even if he was doing his best to stop his out-of-control bro, so I guess that was something.
“…What was that all about?” Thunderlane asked, still desperately fighting back his overpowered kid brother and failing.
“Oh, I just said the first thing that crossed my mind.” I shrugged, keeping a firm grasp on the rope pulling at my midsection. “I’m trying to get into Discord’s head, you see.”
“First pony I meet that would want that,” he deadpanned.
“Eh, I’m a mostly superficial pony. It’s kind of skin deep.”
“I seriously have no idea what you’re saying.” He grunted, his face crunched up by the effort.
“Me neither. Story of my life. Most of it, anyway.” I shrugged, deciding to go with a zen attitude.
Rumble, ever the hyperactive superpowered glowing pegasus colt, took a sharp turn, the backlash of which cut my breath for a second.
“W-where are we going anyway?” I asked, after a moment’s contemplation.
“I have no idea.”