//------------------------------// // 7. Dress critic // Story: Kill Me Now // by Golden Script //------------------------------// I felt the early morning walk was peaceful. I’ve never had a walk where a car hasn’t honked their horn, or a construction site didn’t have a jackhammer running. Today I couldn’t hear anything, being used to the city, or at least Maine. But I felt at peace none the less. I was half way to my destination when I realized something: I had no clue what-so-ever where the boutique was. ‘shit’ was the only thing I could think as I started to panic, not like ‘oh my god I'm gonna die!’ panic but I guess more like ‘well, what the fuck do I do now’ panic. I looked around; nopony was awake yet, let alone out and about. That’s when a grey mare without any wings or a horn caught my eye. She was rushing between buildings with a roll of tape and what looked to be flyers for something. “Hey, miss.” I yelled at her. She turned her head panting and jumped a little to see what had just called her but she had calmed down when she seemed to realize that that might be insulting to me, whatever I might be. “Can I have some help?” I called to her again and at this she trotted over and proceeded to introduce herself. “Salutations, my name is Octavia. What is yours?” I noted that she was similar to rarity in many ways. I.e. ‘salutations’, her accent, and her refined manner. Though the later seemed to come more naturally to her than Rarity. “I am Dillon, as you can plainly tell I'm not a pony, I am human, I mean you no harm, I just wish to know which way to the boutique run by a mare named Rarity.” I said this using the English accent I had used on rarity. “Oh, well the boutique is just around that corner there,” she pointed in the direction I was originally heading “and down a few blocks. Say you seem to be quite a high placed being yourself, if you know anything that could help with our particular predicament, please give us a call.” She handed me a flyer, “that has all of the things one would need to know to be able to respond. Goodbye” and she galloped off taping the flyers onto buildings again. I read the flyer until I got to Rarity’s house. I opened the door and a bell rang out. I then heard a voice from back in a room I couldn’t see yell “be there in a second, just wait a minute.” I recognized it immediately as rarity, only about 10 seconds later did she come out and greet me “oh, Dillon, good to see you, I didn’t think that you would be coming so soon.” “Yes well I would have probably come later if I hadn’t run into… issues at the home. You see, I'm residing in twilight’s tree house. And this morning I woke up in her bed, with her, and I decided to play a harmless prank.” She gave me a suspicious look “don’t misunderstand, we never did anything uncouth, to my knowledge, but she didn’t know that. As you could imagine, she was not happy about my little prank. I apologized and came straight here, for I have nowhere else to be.” The entire time keeping up the act that I had an English accent the whole time, I wonder when I’ll give it up. “mhmm.” She said in a disbelieving voice and an eyebrow much higher than it should be. “Anyway do you want to come back and take a look?” I jumped at the chance to see these ponies fashion preferences “Oh I would be delighted.” And to that we went back and I found that she probably had more clothes than the stereotyped teenage girl, and where I come from that’s something. My mouth gaped a little. “Are we going to look through all of this?” I asked in disbelief. “Yes, is that a problem?” “No, no, I just didn’t know you had so much. That’s all. How much is there anyway?” “Hmm, about 2000 dresses, 300 capes, and I’d say around 1500 suits.” My mouth only gaped a little wider. I had never known anyone to own so much clothing. “Well we better get started, shall we?” “We shall.” She said with a smirk. God knows how much later we were on the last piece of clothing “this is the dress that you saw me in yesterday; it’s also the last one I have.” “Great! Ok, let’s take a look.” I gently took the dress out of the unicorns’ magical grip and started inspecting it, feeling the fabric, studying the seams, the cuts, and the folds. Immediately there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with it, but as I looked closer I noticed there was a piece of fabric folded under a seam, ‘there you are ya little bugger!’ I thought and pointed it out to rarity. “See, this is what felt off.” I quickly took a small blade and cut the seams and unfolded the cloth, then gave it to rarity to sew back. She came back with the finished product. “Ah, perfect.” “Yes, I would like to thank you for all of your help.” She floated a small brown bag over to me, I took it and opened it to see it was full of small gold coins. “Um, rarity? What’s the exchange rate here?” “The what?” “Sorry, how much is… a 5x5 piece of fabric?” “What’s the quality?” “Decent” “Hmm, about 5 bits.” “And a 10x10, same quality?” “10 bits, why?” I handed her the bag “I can't take this.” “Why?” “It’s just too much” “Oh no, I insist, you really helped me out today, this is the least I can do for you.” I did the numbers in my head and came out with 1 US dollar coming out at 1 bit as she gave the bag back. How weird is that? “Fine I’ll take… half of this.” “No, take it all. Please!” “One third.” “Two thirds.” We were now practically touching nose to muzzle, staring intently into each other’s eyes. “One… fourth. Final offer!” “fine.” And with that she split the coins and put one fourth into the bag, I took the bag, and thanked her on the way out.