The Wacky Wonderful Revolving Door:
Down At The Bureau
By
Krass McWriter
Jack stood at the bottom of the conversion bureau's steps and sighed deeply. He was going to convert, he needed to. It was the only way to escape the roulette of horrors that was day to day life in the slums. He never knew if he was going to wake up with a knife in his throat or just find one there in the course of the day.
Such was his life, but not anymore. Today, he set out to begin his new life in equestria. Jack took a deep breath, mustered as much courage as he could, and climbed the steps. Seeing as how it was a small, one floor bureau, they would be the last stairs he ever walked on two legs. Each step felt like it weighed a ton as he climbed the stairs. Although they were only two flights tall, it felt like stairs to one of the mountain bases of the old religions.
Jack finally reached the door, a simple double wide glass door. One marked entrance printed facing him, the other marked exit, and was on the other side of its door. He opened the door and stepped inside.
The moment he stepped inside, he was greeted by an overly excited pink pony with a neon green mane. The lack of wings or horns made her an earth pony Jack noted. "Hiya!" She beamed, perking up in her stool. "Looking for information or conversion?"
"C-conversion..." He stammered, nervously.
"Okey dokey!" Her smile grew impossibly larger as she ducked underneath the desk and retrieved an application form. "Here, fill this out! Seats're thata way!" She pointed a hoof at a door, the first in the hallway.
Jack walked over and opened the door, revealing a doctor office like waiting room with plenty of couches, seats and an area for children. There were about seven other humans wearing varied facial expressions. One was smiling ear to ear as she diligently filled out the paperwork. most wore a stoic, bored expression as if it was nothing more than some street survey. Two men sitting on the same bench in a corner with one seat in between them looked positively disgruntled, as though someone had pissed in their Wheaties.
Jack decided to ignore them and sat on an empty bench and looked at the questionaire. It was fairly regular stuff for the most part, your name, when you were born and what kind of work history have. The rest of it however were questions about his favorite color, what kind of pony he'd like to turn out as, his friendship history, and other various questions of the like.
Jack filled them out as quickly and as honestly as he felt like, most of the people who were in ahead of him had left and turned in their packet and few more had come in. He took his application up to the desk and turned it in after making sure everything was correct.
Bubblegum quickly read through the paper and gave one of her smiles, "Your room is 23, thats to the right, on the right!" She pointed down the hall opposite from the waiting room. "Here, this is the schedule for the next two weeks, any changes will be announced over the intercom." She also put a single token and a folded piece of paper of paper on top of the pamphlet, making Jack smile.
"Thank you." He turned towards the hallway and after short walk, he was outside the room. Instinctively, he reached for the doorknob only the find it wasn't there Strange. Jack shrugged it off and pushed the door open. The room was empty, but there were signs of recent activity. Jack lazily wondered who his roommate was and frowned when he saw that his roommate he had left his tokens and the paper out.
The door opened not too long after Jack had set down his pack for the two weeks. An older man, maybe in his mid 40's stepped in. "Ah, I didn't think you'd be here until later." He picked up his tokens and sheet sheepishly.
"Just don't let it happen again brother." Jack grunted. "So anyways, what brings you here?" He asked as he unpacked what he needed.
"Uhhh, I came here because my wife converted a while back and I finally caved." The man awnsered.
"Say, I don't think I caught your name." Jack finished unpacking and stretched.
"Its uh," The man pulled a large piece of paper out of his back pocket. Amatuer. Jack scowled. "Tim. My name is Tim."
"Well Tim, it's almost time for lunch. How about we head down there, eh?" Jack offered.
"Uh, yeah. Sure." Tim shrugged.
"Alright then," Jack got up and lead out towards the cafeteria. "Let's go." The walk was brief, as they were pretty close to the cafeteria already. What Jack saw horrified him. He pointed at a man wearing liveart t-shirt. "Thats not period!"
"I don't have any poly cotton blends!" He protested.
"They aren't that much! Look, just find someone with some extra, If you can't find any, come see me at room 23." Jack offered.
The man just grumbled and turned back to eating his lunch meat sandwhich. Wait a minute... "Is that... meat?"
"Uhhh, yeah." The man looked at his sandwhich confused.
"Did you even READ the newsletter and rules? Ther is to be no meat in Bureau." Jack asked skeptically. I am surronded by casuals.
"Uhhh..."
"I'll take that as a no. Look, just don't let it happen again and get some period clothing." Jack shook his head exasperated.
"Alright, sorry. I'll see what I can do." The man grumbled, turning once more towards the sandwhich.
Jack turned away, giving it up as a lost cause. He was just about to make his way to the line when the two men from earlier burst into the room, firing fully automatic weapons into the crowded kitchen. Holy shit already?! It was at this Jack had enough. He formed a "T" with his arms and belted "Halt!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Jack. "Okay, you two, what are your names?"
"Uhhh..." The paused, lowering their weapons.
"Real names please." Jack demanded. This is the last time I ever let people in without at least some kind of quiz on the material.
"Sugar Blossom." The taller and more rugged looking man awnsered.
"My names Oasis Rose." They were obviously playing brothers, as they had similar looks.
"Okay, Sugar and Oasis? I'm going to assume your nat form is mares correct?" Jack asked.
They both nodded.
"Did either of you two lovely mares decide to read the rules and guidelines?" Jack's eye twitched as he barely refrained from yelling. The Conversion Bureau Roleplay Society was a new game after all and most of the people attending were first time larpers.
Both hesitated before sheepishly shaking their heads.
"Well, if you had even bothered to open the documents," Jack scolded as he pulled out a small book. "You would see that all attacks by the HLF members must first be cleared, and take place within three days prior of the conversion of said member. There is an execption to the three day rule if a designated high priority target is found here." Jack explained as he opened up the book to the appropiate page an
One of the HLF members raised their hand. You have to be freakin' kidding me. "Yes?" Jack asked, slightly exasperated.
"Didn't the real HLF attack bureaus all the time?" Oasis asked.
"Yes, but if we had HLF attacking all the time, it'd get tiresome. " Jack sighed. "While we're at it. I'll just take any and all questions about setting and rules now." Jack jumped up on a table and clapped his hands together.
"So just how bad are we assuming the outside world was during the bureau age?" Someone asked.
"Well, although very little documentation of the era survived, mostly due to the fact that it seemed the world was ending, there is very little known about the state of things. We are currently operating with AI's have killed the job market and Red Plague is running rampant as the most urgent incentives." Jack replied, his mood having calmed down substantially.
"What's the policy on technology?" An unicorn asked.
"Well, back before they stopped trying to proctect technology from magic and started using magic as the power source, magic sometimes shorted out complex machinery. Since this is a period setting, we just use a no electronics outside of personal areas policy. The exception is implants for the humans as conversion would remove those anyways." He sighed. Some people.
"What potions will we be using?"
"We will be using the standard r-64 potion, you drink it, you come out as one of the three major types of ponies. If you are playing a transgendered character, you must have an in-character discussion with the conversion head pertaining to this." Jack waited, and sure enough, there was one more question.
"What are the tokens for?" A bright yellow pegasus asked.
"Those are relationship tokens. You are given one if someone considers you a freind in character." Jack paused and looked around, and when no more questions were presented, he jumped down. "Alright everyone, take a moment to get back into character, we resume in five."