Rainbow Dash growled as she was escorted back into the main hall. The last half hour had been one of the most horrible in her life. First, Twilight was missing from her brother's wedding after that spaz attack last night, then suddenly she burst in with a clone of the bride, then the bride turned out to be a mad tyrant bug thing that mopped the floor with Celestia, and of course they were unable to get to the Elements because the bug swarm outmaneuvered and captured them. But the worst thing, the absolute worst thing of all...
"You do realize the reception's been cancelled, don't you?"
Her wings would NOT stop TWITCHING!
"Go! Feed!" The black bug creature laughed as her drones buzzed into the city, strolling up to the bearers with a sultry smirk and stroking Twilight Sparkle's cheek. "It's funny, really. Twilight here was suspicious of my behavior all along. Too bad the rest of you were too caught up in your wedding planning to realize those suspicions were correct." She giggled as she practically bounced away to the balcony.
Dash managed to tear her eyes away from her flanks with a blush. Why the hay were her wings twitching?! The bug had holes all in her legs, her long... graceful... curvacious legs that were not hot at all dang it hormones!
It had to be some sort of bug magic. That was it. Everypony was magically attracted to the bug and they were all hiding it out of embarrassment. Yeah, that's how the bug ate love, by using magic to make ponies think she had that lovely, soft neck that was so huggable and this line of thought was caused by magic REMEMBER THAT RAINBOW!
"It's not your fault," Twilight reassured her friends. "She fooled everypony."
"Hmm, I did, didn't I?" The bug mare chuckled, her wings fluttering and setting Dash's heart aflutter. Even knowing that it was magic, the pegasus had to admit those were awfully pretty wings.
And then she began to sing.
"This day has been just perfect... The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small; Everypony I'll soon control, Every stallion, mare and foal--Who says a girl can't really have it all?"
That voice sounded so... glorious and--
Rainbow Dash shook her head, focusing and taking deep breaths. The bug mare was the enemy. She was not a sexy beast. She was a magical love-eating mind-twisting thing. She was not attractive. All it was was a spell.
The pegasus swore, once all this was over, she'd get some serious therapy. And pray to Celestia she didn't develop a chitin fetish.
While she had been distracted by the spell, Twilight had managed to free herself and the (real) princess. "Quick! Go to him while you still have the chance!" The alicorn nodded in thanks, rushing over to the hypnotized stallion at the altar and wrapping her wings around him and giving him a sad kiss.
Apparently that was enough to shake off whatever spell the guy was under. Hooray true love!
"Wha- whe- huh?" Shining Armor looked around the room in confusion. "Is...is the wedding over?"
"Oh, It's all over!" proclaimed the totally not smoking hot it's just a spell bug mare triumphantly.
"Your spell!" Twilight shouted. "Perform your spell!"
The bug mare chortled. "What good would that do? My changelings already roam free."
The captain of the guard tried to summon his reserves, but his horn fizzled out. "No! My power is useless now..." He let his head droop. "I don't have the strength to repel them."
For half a second Dash considered surrendering just so the bug could jump on her and--nononononono stupid brain stupid magic she's not sexy stopitstopit!
"My love will give you strength," the real princess proclaimed, channeling her energy into the captain's horn.
"Ahaha. What a lovely but absolutely ridiculous sentiment...." The bug mare turned around and all too late caught sight of the two rising off the ground. "Stop! What are you--no, no! Noooooo!"
Rainbow Dash smirked as the bug mare was sent flying by the captain's spell. Ha! Equestria was safe once again--
The wave of energy hit her like a train. She spun through the open double doors, spiraling through the air until she slammed high against the far wall of the hallway.
"...ooooooooooow..."
Her last thought, before she blacked out, was to wonder if Shining Armor had decided to do that because he'd seen her checking out what he had, at the time, thought was his bride-to-be.
***
"....uuuuugh."
Ah, pain. An old friend.
Rainbow Dash greeted her companion blearily as she opened her eyes, flicking a hoof in the air to try to ward him off. She decided to listen to his ramblings for a moment, to better determine which parts of her were injured.
Apparently, every part of her was injured. Pain needed to learn to be more specific.
Bruised and battered, but very definitely still alive, Dash lifted her head to take stock of her surroundings. An odd clinking sound caught her attention, and she turned to the source; apparently there was a chain on the wall. Weird. The wall itself seemed to be made of stone bricks, stacked tightly together.
"Wow. Weird hospital."
She turned her gaze around, examining her surroundings with a bit more interest. The iron door across from the chain made her gulp in fear.
"...okay, not a hospital."
Soooo she was in a cell. Great. Dash rolled her eyes as she brought a hoof to her neck and discovered a metal collar around it. Well at least she knew what the chain was for.
"Oh look. Hoofcuffs too." She brought the restraints before her eyes. "Nothing too good for... the..."
...last time she checked, her hooves weren't black. And they didn't have holes in them.
Experimentally, she twitched the right hoof. Sure enough, the holey appendage rotated back and forth. She did the same thing with her left hoof and received a similar result.
With bated breath, Dash poked one of the holes. She shivered when she realized she could feel what it was feeling.
Her hooves lowered to the ground again. A deep, shuddering breath was taken.
"...okay. Okay, so... okay..."
Slowly, she twisted her neck and looked at her back. Instead of the familiar feathery wings that were her pride and joy, she saw a pair of translucent, hole-patched flaps that would befit a housefly. The carapace underneath was the same cyan shade as her fur. She let her eyes trail out to her tail, a raggedy spectral blue bundle of silk vaguely in the same shape as she recalled her own rainbow flag to be.
"...riiiiight. So... this is a coma dream. I'm in a coma, and this is my mind dealing with... the aftereffects of that bug mare's magic." Rainbow Dash nodded to herself. "See? Cool. Keep your cool, and don't panic. Yep."
She smiled, giggling a bit. It was really kind of funny... knowing that you were asleep. Hey, maybe she could do the lucid dreaming thing Twilight talked about sometimes! "Alright, subconscious, I want a huge barrel of cider!"
"Quiet in there!" shouted a voice outside the door. "You, go tell the captain the prisoner is awake."
"Wow, my subconscious hates me. Hey subconscious, where am I supposed to be?"
"You will speak when spoken to, changeling."
Rainbow scoffed. "Yeah sure, whatever. I gotta admit, I didn't expect my mind to put me in a cell. Hey, if any of this is reaching the real world, could you doctors tell my friends I'm trying my hardest to wake up?"
There was no reply. Rainbow sat down, rocking back and forth as she waited for something to happen. It made sense, she couldn't just wake up because she was in a coma. It wouldn't be that easy, right? Otherwise all the coma patients would wake up quickly. So, she'd take it as it came.
Shortly thereafter, the door opened. A stoic Shining Armor marched in, glowering at the changeling before him.
"Well hey there!" Rainbow greeted brightly. "My subconscious doesn't hate me completely after all. Nonono, wait, let me guess: You represent my guilt at finding my friend's brother hot? Actually, wait, that doesn't make sense, that would make you Big Macintosh--"
"Changeling, do you know why you are here?"
"Yep! Coma dream." She tapped her forehead, then began feeling it more carefully. "Oh wow, I have a horn! How cool is that? I guess that's a side effect of being a changeling. I wonder why I'm a changeling?"
Confusion appeared on the unicorn's face for a fleeting moment, but he managed to repress it before the prisoner noticed. "I can assure you that you are completely awake."
"Yeah, that's what you psyche fragments would say. Oh no wait, I got it! You're the captain of the guard, so you represent my sense of duty, and you're angry that I didn't back Twilight up!" Rainbow nodded at her brilliant deduction. "Well, yeah, okay, I'm guilty of that. I am so ashamed. Can I wake up now?"
Shining Armor narrowed his eyes. "Changeling, you are being accused of replacing, or at the least assisting in the capture of the pegasus known as Rainbow Dash."
"Of course! That makes total sense!" She facehooved. "I should have seen it, that's how the coma dream justifies itself. I mean, it wouldn't be a coma dream if it didn't convince me it was real, right?"
And then the captain of the guard slapped her.
She stared at him in shock.
"Next time I come by, I suggest you take this situation seriously." The unicorn marched out of the cell. "Otherwise your stay will be very long."
The changeling shakily raised a hoof to her cheek as the door creaked shut. "That.... that hurt..."
"Watch her, make sure she's fed at regular intervals."
She heard his hooves clipclop away, but that didn't... didn't seem important anymore. She rubbed the spot where his hoof had connected; it hadn't hurt as much as it should, but there seemed to be a bit of a crack in her chitin.
And she could feel it.
"But... coma... sleep... not pain..."
The hoof was brought before her eyes again, quivering in doubt and terror.
"...Oh Celestia. I... I'm awake.... this is real."
Her tongue ran across her teeth, finding a pair of fangs; she brushed her hoof through her mane, feeling how silky and thin it was compared to the coarse rainbow she remembered.
"This... this is really happening..."
For a moment, she was silent.
Then the corners of her lips twitched upward. "Heh...heh, aheh... hehahaha... hahahehhahaheeheehehhaHAhahaHAHAHAHEEHEEHEHHAha, ahahahahHEHHEEHEEHA haha!" Tears began streaming down her face as she curled up, laughing and stroking her tail. "I, I, I, hahah, I'm not real! Haha, oh Celestia, I'm not real! Heeheeheh hahaha! This is happening, and, and I'm not real oh Celestia I'm not real! I want to be real! I want to be... I, I'm not real, hahahahaHAHAhahahaheeheeheh! I'm the New Rainbow Dash! Oh Celestia, I'm not reheheheal!"
She sobbed and sobbed until she couldn't breathe, and her tears never stopped flowing.