//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: The Previous Chapter Was Indeed Correct // Story: Seriously? // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// Dave was feeling funny, and not that haha type of funny. Not even that drunk/high/stoned/highly induced with Viagra type of funny he was also used to. No, this was an ‘Oh shit what did I do last night?’ kind of funny. Not that he thought back on it, maybe touching the mysterious swirling rainbow coming out of that fossil was a bad idea, though he was partially high from that fatty he smoked out back, although he didn’t remember doping on acid anytime then. It was a work week afterall. Anyways, acid was the most likely answer to what happened to him, because he was definitely tripping balls at what he was seeing. Colorful ponies. That’s right, colorful, cute as a sugar induced puppy/kitten hybrid, ponies, and seeing how he already thought he was high, he might as well have enjoyed this drug related state of being as much as he could. And then he fell like a tree. Well, maybe not like a tree, but more like a log. A very large log that caused the earth to shake when it landed with the ground. He could’ve sworn the ponies actually hopped in the air when he smacked down. “... Ow,” Dave muttered, his chest and neck aching. Weird thing is that much more of his neck was aching than what was supposed to, like it was really stretched out. And his stomach, which felt kind of like a flotation device surrounding his belly, made him feel Like he suddenly put on an extra half-ton of weight. Did he suddenly gain a beer belly? He tried rolling over, only to be unsuccessful when he realized his arms were too short and weak to support himself. They were like really stubby limbs you’d have seen on a midget, Though he obviously wasn’t that short at that moment.. “Agh... holy hell, what dope was I smoking last night?” Dave muttered, noticing his words were coming out all wrong.They were grislier and raspier than they usually were. He tried licking his lips, only to cut his long reptilian tongue at his razor sharp molars. “Ah god, my tongue!” “Please stop yelling,” Fluttershy begged quietly, sulking to the ground, covered in the bits and pieces of her fish friends. Rarity seemed to be in a perpetual state of shock, the double whammy of being covered in fish guts and a monstrous being suddenly appearing out of nowhere frying her brain. A fly comically flew into her open jaw. It was only Applejack–-who was currently squeezing out the extra moisture from her hat–-who was in the clearest mind set to handle the situation, and she started it off by grilling the new guy. “Just what in tarnation is yer problem? Splashing us with water like that and scaring poor ol’ Fluttershy too! And that’s not even mentionin’ what yer mud-headed friend did to Fluttershy’s fish!” Applejack yelled, the earth pony mare pointing a hoof at Dave to add emphasis to her words. “Now what do ya got to say for yourself?” “... Hey, you guys can talk!” Dave shouted, a wide grin appearing on his reptilian face. Or as best a grin a sharp toothed dinosaur could manage. “Far out! Must’ve gotten the real good stuff for something like this to happen!” It was at this moment that Rarity’s brain finally lifted up from relapse, and she announced her presence with an ear splitting shriek. If Dave could move his arms to cover his ears he would have, but the best he could manage was to shove his head in the dirt like an ostrich to protect his ear drums. “Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! My coat, my mane, my everything!” Rarity screamed, pacing in a close knit circle of panic. “Covered in itchy fishy bits and mud! Oh dear Celestia, somepony get me a shower! A bucket! A sponge! Just anything!” “Dangit Rarity, calm down already,” Applejack muttered under her breath, already dragging Fluttershy to the shore of the pond. The worse of the blood and guts had settled to the floor of the pond, so it was relatively clean. She quickly splashed water on herself and Fluttershy, helping scrub herself and the pegasus of the worst of the stains they received from Dave’s arrival. “Calm down? CALM DOWN! There’s a fin in my mane!” she whined, shaking her wet mane to dislodge the disgusting fish appendage.It was then that a splash of water hit her dead on, cleaning her of the worst bits of fish parts and mud. Moving her soaking wet mane from her eyes, she glared at a sheepishly smiling Dave with his short tail wagging in the water of the lake. “What, you said you were dirty. Just cleaned you up a bit was all,” he hastily explained, having used his new tail seconds before to soak her in water. Truthfully he just did it to finally shut her up, but lying was much more convenient at the moment. “Why, how dare you!” Rarity yelled, glaring twin points of icy blue eyes of hatred at the downed Dave. “First you make a mess of me and then you have the gall to soak me in dirty pond water! That’s no way to treat a lady!” If Dave could shrug he would. “Well, technically, you’re a pony. Not a lady.” Rarity’s right eye twitched, her face held together in an almost blank expression. This majorly creeped Dave out. And his feeling was right, because in the next moment she came at him like a bullet, striking down upon him a flurry of white hooves. “No–-ow, not the face! Oh god, not the face!” Dave begged, but his words fell on deaf ears. Rarity was properly beating on his face and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. “Ow, my eyes! My eyes!” “Rarity, stop this right now!” Applejack ordered her, tugging at the tail of her friend with her teeth and pulling the furious unicorn back, much to the relief of Dave. “Let me at that ruffian! No one insults a lady like that!” Rarity said, struggling in Applejack’s strong grip to get right back into the Dave face hitting action. “Can we please stop fighting?” Fluttershy faintly spoke up, everyone turning an eye toward her. She instantly sheepishly hid her face behind her long, pink mane, her eyes peeking out through the wet strands. “I-if that’s okay with you all.” “Yeah, what the wing pony said. Truce?” Dave asked, his face still sore from Rarity’s unforgiving hooves. Rarity huffed, not bothering to look over at Dave. “Fine. But insult me again and we’ll have trouble.” “Same goes double from my end, partner,” Applejack warned, giving a stony look at Dave. Dave just simply flopped his head on the ground, no longer thinking these were colorful plushy ponies of softness and sweets. More like female furies of hormonal rage. Not that different from women back home, actually. “Okay, not that that’s outta the way, would someone mind explaining where I am?” Dave asked, still trying to push himself to a standing position, but getting so where. It felt like he was trying to push himself up with a ton of bricks on his back, and his shorts legs were better used as tree stumps than actual support. “And why I can’t even control my frickin’ body?” “Mike had the same questions as you,” Fluttershy said, shivering from having been soaked to the bone twice in one day. She was going to get a nasty cold by this rate. “Wait, did you say Mike?” Dave asked, finally succeeding in getting to his back and looking very much like a dog with his arms hanging over his chest. If a dog was a multi-ton creature of unspeakable horror. But still, pretty darn adorable. “Y-yes, Mike.” FLuttershy winced, and shiver passing down her spine. “He was mean when he arrived out of nowhere. I was just trying to be nice. And when I left to get some help, I came back to–-” Her voice shook, a small shudder in her throat that made her swallow hard. “To all my fishes being dead.” “... Yep, that sounds like Mike alright,” Dave concluded. “Guy has more anger management problems than people over twice his age.” He attempted to lift his neck to see why his body was so unresponsive. And now he wished he hadn’t. His belly was a dark blue, having a texture similar to short hair, along with speckles of black dots on his sides. His arms were huge and lanky, and his hands resembled the feet of a chicken–-red and covered in ridges, but what scared him the most was the claws, which were over three feet long and razor sharp. He had large hind legs–-about eight feet in length–-ending in four-toed feet that ended in claws. His protruding potbelly made it hard to make out, but he was pretty sure he could make out a short tail at the end of his body with a large plume of orange feathers. “Oh God... what the hell happened to me?” Dave whispered, his tongue traveling over his new canine teeth–-or rather, reptilian teeth–-that scratched him before. “I’m a freak!” “What do ya mean?” Applejack asked, squeezing out some extra water from her blonde mane. “Sure, ya look weird, but nothin’ worse than a manticore or hydra.” “I’m supposed to be a human! Not some... some...” It finally hit him. That fossil with the weird glowing rainbow appearing from it. “Therizinosaurus.” “Theri-what now?” Applejack said. “Therizinosaurus. That fossil I touched back at the museum. The one with the huge ass claws.” Dave arched his neck, which was much longer than he was used to, and managed to stare at his newfound claws more closely, clicking them together. “The King of Mongolia are what they are called.” “Oh please don’t tell me you’re royalty,” Rarity said with a roll of her eyes. Evidently his new body was still able to get itself on its legs, because after much struggling and flailing of his arms, he finally managed to get on his feet. That, and because his tail made a good leveraging device. Dave remained upright, his legs wobbling and shaking slightly as he adjusted to his new weight. His body was now built like a barrel, his potbelly and wide sides held by his ridiculously strong legs and balanced with his long neck and short tail. Taking a hesitant step forward, like a more monstrous version of a baby deer taking its first steps. “Nah, just a regular guy, now turned into one of the most fucked up looking dinosaurs ever,” Dave answered back, edging closer to the water and waving his arms desperately to stay upright. Once he was closer, he first noticed his reflection in the water. And boy was it a strange one. For one thing, that long neck did not mean a big head for it to support. Really, it was quite pathetically small compared to the rest of his body. While those ponies had heads that were bigger than their bodies–-which really shouldn’t be physically possible–-his was was a much smaller entity that rested on his lengthy neck. The snout part of his face was red, resembling the skin of his claws, and ended in a sharp beak with a pointy row of teeth clearly seen. He still had the same green eyes as from his old body, with a tuft of orange hair resting atop his head and an orange coat conflicting with his blue one residing on his underside running down his back. Evolution was truly colorblind, it seemed. “Ah shit, now how am I gonna pick up chicks looking like a cross between a chicken and raptor?” Dave complained, spreading his arms apart and testing out the new joints in his limbs. If he wasn’t careful, those three foot claws of his were going gut himself. “You mean you didn’t always look like this?” Rarity asked, arching an eyebrow at him. Dave shook his head. “No. I was a human. Much shorter, less ugly, had opposable thumbs. And a good sack in the bed, if I do say so myself.” “That’s disgusting!” Rarity bemoaned, grimacing at his improper manners. “That’s Dave for ya. Which is me, by the way.” He turned to the three ponies, towering over them like a skyscraper. A really colorful, yet terrifying, skyscraper. His foot would’ve been able to crush any of them in an instant. And no one wanted to guess what his exceptionally large claws could do. “So, who are you all? Gumdrops, Sugarpiss and Heartswirl.” “Actually, it’s Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy,” Applejack answered him, pointing to each pony in turn. Dave shrugged, or tried his best to–-with the different alignment of his shoulders and all. “I was close. So, any of you know how I ended up here?” “We were just itchin’ to know ourselves,” Applejack said, casting a wary glance at Dave. He was much more intimidating standing up than when he was defenseless on the ground. She gulped. “Mike was wondering the same thing. Which is why I brought my friends over,” Fluttershy said, still curled up into a ball. But at least she wasn’t crying anymore. “To try and help him.” “Knowing Mike, he would’ve told you to take that help and shove it someplace deep,” Dave chuckled, surprised at how quickly he adjusted to speaking with a new mouth. And the fact he had vocal cords. Neat. “I must say, this Mike fellow sound positively dreadful,” Rarity said, having spruced herself up as best as she could manage with a wet mane and coat. “Do you really associate yourself with such a person?” “Yeah, we’re the best of friends!” Dave said cheerfully, reminiscing on all the good times they’ve had. It may have taken him two minutes, but he was sure he’d remember something. After the long drawn out silence, Applejack coughed awkwardly. “So yeah, ya were sayin’ you weren’t always... this thing?” “I am most certain I’ve never been a Therizinosaurus. They only lived in the late Cretaceous Period, ‘bout 70 million years ago. Pretty hard to be an extinct animal.” Dave took several steps forward, getting used to his unusual walking gait. It was a difficult effort, moving one foot in front of the other while keeping his arms balanced at his side while he swung his tail in the movement of each of his strides so he didn’t tip over. How did animals do this? “Yer sayin’ you are an extinct animal? But you seem awfully alive,” Applejack said, scratching her mane in wonder. “Yeah, baffles even my large intelligence as well,” Dave said, turning his neck around and getting a good look at his backside. “Just goes to show I get the weirdest group member of the Therizinosauridae family.” “Okay, now ya just makin’ up names!” Applejack complained. Dave chuckled. “Ain’t my fault you never bothered to learn up ‘bout dinosaurs. Being a paleontologist has benefits after all, other than the crazy amount of sex and groupies you get from the geology department.” Rarity shuddered. “Can you please stop mentioning such unappealing acts? There are ladies here, you know?” Dave was about to make another crack at that, but thought better of it. His face was still feeling quite sore from her painful hoofwork. “Meh. I’m still sexy as hell, dino or no dino.” He was making quick walks around the pair of mares in small circles, his at first awkward footsteps replaced with much more confident footfalls. “Heh heh, gettin’ the hang of this now!” Dave shouted out, laughing as he pretended to prance like a horse–-which, given the circumstances and his new company, was either demeaning or silly. Fluttershy had to back up to avoid being trampled by one of Dave’s feet, wincing as the ground shook from his massive weight. “You guys, um, we still have to find Mike.” She scooted away even more, cowering slightly. “If that’s okay with you.” “Oh yeah, Mike! Where is he anyhow?” Dave asked her, stopping before the pegasus and bending his neck down to be eye to eye with her. Fluttershy nearly jumped with fright, Dave’s unappealing appearance terrifying her to no end. “H-he was in the pond w-when I left. He must’ve gotten in t-the river if he isn’t here.” “River? Why not dry land? Why the hell would Mike swim?” Dave asked her. “Cause he’s a shark,” she answered back, backing away slowly from Dave. “Or at least, something like a shark. With a chainsaw pair of teeth that curled up into his mouth.” Suddenly faint screams could be heard far off, girlish and piercing in a way that only a young girl could make. Applejack shielded her eyes from the sun with her hoof over her head and stared off into the distance, near the small lake near the town. “Trouble seems to be comin’ from the lake.” Rarity joined her, squinting to get a better view. “It looks like... Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom. And they’re screaming and running away from something.” “And I’m guessing that something is Mike,” Dave said, worried now. If Mike was really pissed off, there’s no telling what he would do, especially now that he was a shark. If Mike could sock a guy in the eye for putting the wrong type of condiment on his hotdog, Dave didn’t want to see what he’d do if his body transformed. “Never fear! Dave is here!” Dave shouted, intent on running down there and stopping his friend from killing everyone himself. Wouldn’t be the first time, and most likely no the last. Except that one step forward brought him crashing down to the ground again, his face implanting itself deep in the earth. “... Ow.”