"How in Equestria is that even possible?" Shining Armor exclaimed with an agitated voice, "A whole week we're unable to move the bloody thing even an inch and then the gnoll simply lifts it? Is it just randomly changing its weight?"
"If I may be so bold as to interrupt you, dear sir. I am merely capable of becoming unmovable or movable." Scar whirled around in surprise, the voice had come directly from behind his back. Princess Luna was barely able to dodge in time as the hammer on his shoulder came around in a wide arc. "Haha, good swing Sir! Next time swing a bit lower, it seems she dodged this one, old fellow!"
Scar whirled around again, "Scar is hearing voices!" he said nervously as he looked around himself wildly.
"You're not the only one." Purple Haze said as she searched for the source of the voice, "We're hearing it too!"
"Where are you?" Shining Armor took a defensive stance as he searched the site, "Identify yourself!"
"Why I am straight in front of you of course. Scar, be a chap and hold me up a bit higher, would you." The gnoll looked at his hammer with a huge eye as he held it in front of himself with both hands. Was this some kind of joke or had he finally gone insane? "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Sir Tag, the maul."
"Tag can talk?" Scar asked with a shaky voice.
"Well not always you see, but isn't it just beautiful that I can now? Think of all the stories we can tell! Oh you simply cannot imagine the horrors I bore witness to in your absence! All those dirty hoofs trying to lift me as if they had a right to do so. And to deepen my indignity they even tried to move me with cranes and magic no less, oh the terror! But now that you have returned we can finally continue in our just voyage to smash everything!" the voice echoed from the maul happily, "I already started with this treacherous wall. Isn't it lovely how evenly the stone was crushed?"
Scar gave the hammer another look before turning to a speechless Shining Armor, "Where is lake?"
"I... what?"
"Lake. Scar remembers seeing lake. Where?" the gnoll asked with a steady voice.
Shining Armor pointed down one of the roads, "It's that way... why do you want to know?"
A grim look crossed Scar's features, "Tag can talk. Must be magic, Scar doesn't trust magic. So Scar goes and throws Tag in lake."
"WAIT!" the hammer suddenly became incredibly heavy and the head fell onto the ground with a loud thud, "You can't seriously be considering to drown me!"
The gnoll started to pull on the hilt with all of his strength but the hammer barely budged, "Tag can't drown, is hammer." he mumbled in between pulls.
"I can assure you I hold no ill content towards you! You are my wielder and only you decide who shall feel my wrath! Please! I only live to aid your beautiful work of destruction!"
"Maybe we should let it explain itself?" Luna offered as she watched the gnoll pull. "This certainly is an unusual event."
"Thank you, dear princess. May I add, you look stunning as always my lady."
The princess chuckled lightly, she had always had a soft spot for compliments. "It seems genuinely friendly."
The gnoll gave a sigh, the hammer seemed unmovable at the moment, "Scar isn't sure if it can trust talking Tag."
"But remember all the good times we had together, old chump! How we crashed all those little pesky shard ponies. How we hunted those recruits through the halls of the castle." the gnoll couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. "That priceless look on the face of princess Luna as I crashed through the door and straight into her face! HAHA! What glory to feel the splinters burst around me! By the way, that was a brilliant idea to throw me! They never expected that! You should have seen her expression! Hilarious, I tell you!"
Luna's face dropped considerably, "I'm with the gnoll, throw it into the lake."
"Actually..." Scar patted the heft of the maul with his hand, emitting giggles of delight from it. "Scar thinks it can work with talking Tag." He gave the hammer a warning glare, "As long as Tag doesn't talk too much."
"Don't worry old chap! You'll barely know I'm there! Now what are we going to crush next? Some watermelons? A little house perhaps? Or should we go marvel at the beauties in the hardware store? I heard the new hammers they have in store are some real beauties!"
Scar raised an eyebrow, "Scar actually only has plans to crush rat heads..."
"A game hunt? Splendid!" the hammer suddenly returned to its normal weight, the gnoll picking it up with ease as he inspected it from all sides. "Off we go then. Let us carve a path through rats and architecture alike. They shall pay dearly for challenging us for thinking themselves above us with their static calculations when they come crashing down. HAHAHA! The world shall tremble before Sir Tag and Scar! Onwards we go!"
"Sir Tag and Scar?" Purple Haze asked with amusement in her voice.
"Granted, the title may need some work but our actions will speak for themselves. Onwards we go!"
There was a moment of silence, "Where should Scar go?" the gnoll asked clearly confused.
"I thought you wanted to crush some rats?"
"Scar has to find them first."
"Well, on with us then! Let us find them quickly! I am eager to crush something already! But in the meantime... a visit to the hardware store, perhaps?"
---
The three ponies watched as the gnoll departed while the hammer explained him the different methods for driving nails into wood. Shining Armor seemed to regain his senses, "What do you make of this princess?"
"As early as it may be to make a conclusion it has been known that strong bursts of uncontrolled magic can lead to interesting results. I can only assume that the magical surge escaping Sombras horn brought the hammer to life... and gave it some... rather peculiar tendencies along the way."
Purple Haze watched with a small smile as the gnoll argued vividly with the hammer, "At least it seems that they get along nicely... Twilight is going to go nuts when we get back to Ponyville."