//------------------------------// // 39 - Collecting Words // Story: The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper // by Techogre //------------------------------// Dash and I approached Fluttershy’s cottage. It always left me slightly confused, a strange fusion of the wild and perfectly manicured. We passed a clearing I was familiar with. At the far end was a circle of grass at a slight angle. This was the spot I landed in almost nine months ago. It was impressive how much it stood out from the surrounding landscape. Seems what I brought with me was a darker green and more coarse than the local stuff. Fluttershy said it tasted bitter but might make a nice accent in a salad. I felt a little sad and happy at the same time. So much has happened since I landed here, so many wonderful surprises. Compared to my other experiences, this has been just a fun ride. Unlike everywhere else, here I have friends, wealth, a lover, a child, a family. I envied no man, or stallion for that matter. But there was a little voice in the back of my head that asked if this was too much of a coincidence. Well, something to brood on another day. As we approach the backyard, I spot a bear waddling out of what appears to be an outhouse. He was also trailing some toilet paper under his paw. The absurdity of the sight, combined with the tension of the day, caused me to begin laughing out loud.  Dash started snickering with me and asked, “What’s so funny?” “Now, my dear Dash, the eternal question asked by man, and possibly pony, since the dawn of time. No, bears do not, in fact, shit in the woods.” Dash moaned, chuckled, shook her head, and then hovered ahead to find Fluttershy. I think she wanted to make sure there were not going to be any issues between me and her. Before I reached the clearing I heard a bit of a commotion. Fluttershy’s voice was a little louder than I expected, a tiny pause between each word, “Oh, goodness. Look at this wonderful,” she gagged a little, “yummy half raw ch-chicken, just for you.” A moment later, I heard a hiss and a tiny pop, quickly followed by Dash’s derisive snort and the most delicate little frustrated sigh. I had to assume that was from Fluttershy. I carefully approach the clearing, using all of my experience to keep as silent as possible. The little black creature quickly shifted its gaze from Fluttershy to Dash. It had not noticed me yet. Dash whispered to her friend, “Let me try, Flutters.” She takes the meat from her hoof. “Here, kitty, kitty.” When Dash tried to flutter closer, the little thing hissed and popped again. Dash groaned, “Alright, big guy, you’re up.” I spotted the small cardboard bucket with a label that said ‘Garbo Gryphon’s Grubb House Chicken - Home of the Equestria Famous -  Seared Spiced Chicken’. I slowly bent down and picked it up. I had never seen that restaurant in town before. I’ll have to remember to ask Fluttershy about it. I mused, ‘It would be nice to have access to a source of meat that’s not fish or pet food.’ Anyway, I guess it’s my turn. I crouch quietly and move slowly toward the girls. I make sure to turn my eyes away from the frightened little thing. I figured if domestic cats didn’t like to be stared at, why would a wild cat? Calm. This animal needs calm. I change from a  crouch to a cross-legged sit. I whisper, “Dash, Fluttershy? Can you back away, please?” Dash gave me a little nod and slowly, and without wasting any time, moved away. Fluttershy only stared at me in curiosity until Dash gently pulled her away, too. For a full ten minutes, all I did was sit, without a sound, holding a strip of meat loosely in my hand, low to the ground. I made sure to look away from the kitten, never to look at it directly, but also to make sure I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I soon felt the lightest touch on the meat. I risked taking a good look, minimizing my movements. It was sniffing the strip of meat, feeling it with its whiskers. I moved my hand a tiny bit, bringing it lower, so it could eat, and it popped away in fear. Obviously, kitten-popping cats could teleport more often than adults. My guess would be less mass in relation to the size of whatever organ they used to teleport. After another five minutes, it was, once again sniffing at the food. I dared look again more closely. There, just centimetres from my fingertips was a tiny, fragile little creature. It was obviously torn between fear and hunger. It slowly, carefully moved its tentacles, moving closer to the meat, until finally, the little clawed pads snatched the food out of my hand and it started to tear into it. It didn’t teleport away but looked at me for a long moment. Once it had devoured the strip, it then slowly, cautiously, moved forward and sniffed my fingers. I took a chance, and started to quietly sing a lullaby I had sung to my children. Well, not the exact song, but something like it. I realized the lines didn’t rhyme anymore, but it wasn’t like anyone would understand. Anyway, it made me smile to sing such a silly song. “Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet. ”  At first, the kitten looked like it was about to jump again, but then it slowly became curious. “Maman est en haut, Elle fait d’la tourtiere. Papa est en bas, Il fait du rôti.” It started to approach me, and I heard purring. I continued, softly, “Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet.” As I ended, he rubbed his head against my hand while eating the meat using his tentacles. I gingerly scratched the top of its head, and it didn’t seem to mind. I continued to rub the top of its head with my index finger. “I think, my little friend, that I shall call you Dino.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a smiling Fluttershy, glancing shyly at me. I heard Fluttershy whisper a few words to my rainbowed love, “...that way, he could bond with the darling little thing.” Dash’s voice followed, filled with admiration, “... a set-up?” My dearest’s eyes lingered on me, and on the edge of my hearing, I heard her say, “...really cool. Thanks, Fluttershy...” Dino curled up into my lap, wrapping his tentacles around himself and purring away. He seemed satiated for now and was perfectly content to be stroked. Fluttershy's soft voice was so hard to hear. Only the last few words were audible, “... for friends like you.” While I kept being affectionate with Dino, the two friends hugged. Dash then looked and smiled sweetly at me. I waved them over. I kept my voice soft, “Fluttershy, thank you for doing whatever you did to make Dino... calm, I guess. I appreciate it.” Again, the little pause between each word. “Oh, dear, Alex. I do not know what you mean?” I smirked. Fluttershy is such a bad liar. Dash touched my arm and gave me an annoyed look while gesturing at Fluttershy with her eyes. “It was all you, big guy.” Realizing it would be rude to call Fluttershy on her little ruse, I sighed happily. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I guess it was just lucky that I caught him in a good mood. Well, since Dino seems to have accepted me, I want to engage you in a little pet-sitting work, if that’s okay. Your usual fees?” Fluttershy seemed positively frantic, like she had been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, “But, I can’t possibly ask-” I pleaded, “Fluttershy, please. You should be compensated for all your hard work. And that take-out chicken can’t be cheap. Anyway, I’m an Apple, so you know how stubborn we are.” I smirked warmly at her. “I’ll have the bits transferred to your account in the morning unless you want me to pay you for the first week in full right now?” Dash fluttered up to me, “Pay her already. You know Dino’s gonna be in good hooves.” “You’re right. Quicker than the bank, anyway.” I took out the coin pouch and withdrew the required coins. Angel seemingly appeared out of nowhere wearing a little visor like an old-fashioned bank teller and carefully counted the coins. When he was satisfied the amount was correct, he placed the coins in a pouch he wore as a backpack and handed me a receipt. I examined it, noting the header said, ‘Fluttershy’s Animal Care Services - Care For All Creatures Great And Small’. I gave Dino a final scratch behind the ears, and l left him in Fluttershy’s tender care. I smiled when Dino tried to follow me, and Fluttershy gently held him back. A little sad, really. But he was obedient and didn’t teleport. I walked, and Dash hovered in silence. Once we reached the main path, Dash spoke, “You know, Fluttershy thinks you’ll be a great pet owner. That’s her way of saying she thinks you’re a good guy. So, why Dino? Does that name mean something special? You know, like yours means ‘bright defender’. Was that the name of a pet you had before?” “Honest truth? Dino is short for dinosaur.” I shifted my injured arm uncomfortably. It had been in the sling for far too long today. “There was a guy called Fred who named his pet that, and I thought it would make a good name.” Dash seemed to accept that, “So, this Fred guy, was he a friend of yours back where you came from?” I shrugged and shook my head, “Nah, just some stupid cartoon char-” I looked away from her, disappointed with myself. I spoke softly, voice filled with shame, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean... I wasn’t thinking. I...” “No, you weren't, were you?” I felt warm forelegs wrapping around me, “It’s okay.” I could hear the laughter in her voice, “As long as I’m your favourite creepy town pony show character.” I turned my body so I could hold on to her. “God. What did I do to deserve a wife as awesome as you?” “Hey, pal. I’m not your wife yet.” She snickered, “I still have my options open, ya know.” “Oh, I know. I’m not totally convinced Bea and Mac are for real. There’s your chance to get that big strong stallion of your dreams, or maybe there’s some mare you’ve had an eye on, or-” “Shut up, you goof. You are the stallion of my dreams.” She held me tight, “I just didn’t realize I was looking for you until I beat you up.” I chuckled at her wit. “Yes, dear.” Having finally come home from Fluttershy’s, Dash and I snuggled in front of the fireplace for a little while, lost in thought. Naturally, the adoption process loomed over us and made our minds uneasy, but I was happy to have such a wonderful person at my side for this. I leaned into Dash, her intoxicating scent giving me hope. “Dash, let's do something positive. She will be our daughter, and even Coins will give me a glowing review.” She turned her head and smirked at me, “What have you got in mind, big guy?” “You know all that stuff I got in Canterlot? I think now is the best time for us to put it to good use.” Dash drawled slowly as she seemed to mull the idea in her mind, “Yeah, I don’t know-” Then she suddenly kissed me and lept up, “RaceYouToHerBedroom!” Dash took off, giggling like a fiend. Dash is fast, tough, and easy on the eyes. Me? I’m slow, weak, and ugly as sin. She also has at least fifteen years on me physically, in addition to being a pegasus. My humble self? I’m just a tricky human. I quickly craned my neck to look behind Dash, who happened to be in the very empty living room, and faked my most sincere expression of shock and surprise, “Princess Celestia! What are you doing here?” Dash came to a sudden stop, looking around for her monarch,“Princess?” I bolted past her, “Oops! Saw her in Canterlot!” She chuckled warmly, “I’ll get you, Alex.” While Dash may be faster and stronger than me, I was bigger. I blocked the stairwell and had my back to her all while I taunted, “Oh, darn. What now, oh most beautiful of pegasi?” She smirked. “I might just have to do...” “Yikes!” The sudden strong and focused telekinetic pull on my butt almost made me lose my balance, but I felt a hoof firmly hold me in place, and her second hoof gently pushed me to the side and out of the way. I had felt something like it countless times, just not there or quite as focused. It was almost like she was trying to goose me.   I stood on the steps for a moment, stunned. A good stunned. A happy stunned. But before my laughing angel could flutter past me, I ran my hand along her tail, not grabbing too hard, but just enough to get her attention. She looked down at me, over her shoulder. Our eyes meet, and she turned around. Her smile was sad and hopeful and happy all at the same time. “I know you’re worried. I am too. But never forget that I will always-” Her hoof rested on my lips. She sighed happily and spoke softly, ”You will always be here for me. Just like I’ll always be here for you. Forever.” She closed the space between us, put her forelegs around my neck, and simply held me. Then, before she let me go, she whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to be a mom, I can’t wait to hug my daughter, and I can’t wait to be a wife to a good husband.” We kissed and wordlessly entered Scootaloo’s room together.   I had put the shopping bags in Scootaloo’s room, the one across the hall from us. As I started organizing the contents, Dash looked impressed, “You’ve got good taste. Then again, you are marrying me.” Her smile looked a little fake, and I knew she was worried about the adoption. “First things first. I’m taking my arm out of this damn sling for a bit. I need to stretch it out. The last thing I want is for it to scar up and reduce flexibility...” “Good idea. Be a shame if you were less... flexible.” “Yes, Miss Rainbow Dash, it would be a crying shame.” Dash and I worked together to quickly decorate her room. We put Wonderbolt posters on the walls. I made her bed with a Wonderbolt bedding set. Wonderbolt books were put on the little bookshelf. A Wonderbolt lamp and night light. And finally, the pièce de résistance, the authentic, one-of-a-kind set of goggles, autographed by Spitfire herself, mounted and covered in glass. There was a second pair of matching and equally authentic goggles for everyday use without the autograph. It was a Wonderbolt lovers’ paradise, and we couldn’t wait to present this to Scootaloo. When we were done, I stood in the doorway of my little girl’s room. I wiped my face with my hand, not looking at Dash. Then she said, "Wow, my room looks great. Where is Scoots room going to be?" Once again, her silly sense of humour made me laugh. That's another thing you never really got from that stupid show. Dash’s voice was strong, kind, and hopeful, “The adoption will go perfectly and...” she faltered, but only for a moment, “and... everything will go off without a hitch.” Dash leaned against me. I wrapped my good arm around her shoulder and spoke softly, “We,” I pulled her a little tighter, “are going to have a wonderful daughter.” We had gone to bed soon after decorating Scootaloo’s room. Dash sprawled and quickly went to sleep. I, however, simply lay in bed, getting a good look at my ceiling. The alarm clock on my dresser had a simple enchantment that made the clock face glow. I saw the minutes, then hours, crawl slowly by. At three in the morning, I felt Dash shifting. In a groggy voice, she spoke to me, “Hey Alex. What are you still doing up this late? Are you okay?” I smiled at her concern. “Just thinking about stuff that’s been rattling around my head since I got here since I realized where I was. Stupid stuff, really. It’s nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back to sleep.” “I’m not going to sleep while you’re sitting here worried. That’s not what I do. You,” she placed her hoof on my cheek, “are going to get it out. And make it snappy, I’m,” she yawned, “tired.” “Then you should go to sleep, beautiful.” I gave her a quick peck, and she looked at me with one raised eyebrow and that little smirk. I knew I was beaten. “Okay, fine, but it’s not that interesting. Anyway, I know that look, so I’ll get this off my chest as fast as I can.” “So, the big one. Why me? Not in that complaining, ‘Oh universe, why doth thou strike at me.’ kind of way. I mean, what’s so damn special about me in particular? Why would a wonderful, beautiful angel like you want anything to do with, well, me? I mean, the best I should have expected is a friendship, not a love affair. Heck, I even had the thought pass through my mind that you were originally sent to spy on me, and you’re still putting up with me just to keep closer tabs on me.” Dash looked shocked. I waved my hand dismissively. “I know you’re no spy. And if you are, you have me totally fooled.” She reacted by placing her head on my chest and placing her hoof in my left hand, gripping me tightly. “And that leads to another question, why do problems seem to melt away so easily? I drop out of the sky, and land in Fluttershy’s backyard. Just like that, I have a friend. On my way to Ponyville, I get beat up by the coolest mare in Equestria. How’s that for lucky?” Dash snickered and snuggled closer. I continued, “Then, I walk into town. Folks are, for a very good reason, kind of scared of me. Bang! Coins shows up just in time for me to save Scoots and win the respect of the town folk. Not just any filly, mind you, but the little filly I would fall in love with. My little girl. It could have been, I don’t know, Sweetie Belle or, or, what’s Derpy’s daughter’s name? God I cringe at that name.” Dash helped me out, “Dinky. And what’s wrong with Derpy’s name?” “The word ‘derpy’ has negative connotations where I come from; it basically means stupid, and I know Derpy isn’t that. Anyway, Dinky. So, it could have been any other kid, but it was Scoots. What are the odds?” “And, just in case that wasn’t enough, ladies and gentlemen, I save Tree Trimmer from a burning building in full view of the town. You know, just in case everyone doesn’t know, the new guy in town is on their side, despite being an apex predator. Something that should make every pony run away like maniacs.” “And as an added bonus, before I got here, I was really messed up. I would...” I lifted my arm, the multitude of scars visible in the moonlight, “...cut myself every time I killed something, I was deep in PTSD,” Dash gave me that little look that said she didn’t quite get it, “same thing as Induced Trauma Syndrome. I was damaged goods, Dash. I was a broken man. I slept with my knife, ready to attack. Heck, I almost stabbed Angel on my first morning. Part of me regrets that...” Dash snickers. “The point is, I should have needed years of therapy, maybe a lifetime, and I was basically fine after a few short months. What fixed me so fast?” Dash hummed, then spoke in silken tones, “A home you can feel safe in? Good friends?” She kissed my jaw, “The love of a good mare?” I sighed happily, “Definitely, the last one.” I paused my diatribe to enjoy her warmth. After that moment, I continued, “Speaking of good luck, isn’t it just peachy that I happen to have over two hundred kilos of the most valuable metal in this world? That I happen to have been carrying for,” I had to think about it for a moment, “five jumps because it was totally worthless everywhere else.” “And what about the Princesses? If I were in their shoes, the moment I knew an unknown alien popped into my turf, I would sic the Elements of Harmony on them or, at the very least, the Royal Guard. Why didn’t the Princesses throw me in a lab and study me?” Dash started laughing, and I couldn’t help but chuckle along with her. “Seriously, for all you know, I could be a spy or a scout for an invasion.” Dash snuggled closer, “Yeah, well, if you are, you’ve got me fooled.” With a terribly fake French accent, “Well, I am a very good spy.” Dash snickered, and I spoke normally, “Anyway, what’s so special about humans?” “Alex, I don’t know what’s special about humans, but I do know what’s special about you. You’re special enough to get me to realize I could never be a Wonderbolt.” “You see? You see! That’s what I mean. They were everything to you. I know you didn’t like the show, but you can’t tell me it was that far off, can you?” “Ugh, always with that stupid show. Look, it’s simple. You've been bucked in the flank for so long that now that you have a little good luck, you just don’t see it. Let me make it easy for you. I love you, Scoots loves you, your friends all love you, the Princesses trust you, you caught a lucky break with the aluminium, and you made me realize why I could never really join the Wonderbolts anyway.” “What? Why not? You've got the talent, the dedication, the work ethic, the-” She put a primary feather over my mouth, “I’m an Element of Harmony, Alex. It didn't matter how good I was. I could never be a Wonderbolt.” I tried to speak through her feather, "But-”. “Think about it. If there’s another Nightmare Moon or Discord, you need the Elements to stop them, right?” I nodded. “And the Elements only work if I’m with my friends, right?” I nodded again. “So, if I’m out on tour, I’m leaving my friends behind, right?” Once again, I nodded at what she said. “So, if there's trouble, I need to be close by. I need to be loyal to my friends.” She gave me a bittersweet smile, “And that’s why I can’t be a Wonderbolt.” She seemed thoughtful for a moment, then gave me a throaty chuckle, “Anyway, with all my friends and my new family here, why would I ever want to leave Ponyville?” She repositioned herself above me, one foreleg on either side of my head, “One more thing, Mr Alex Roberts. If you ever, ever, question my feelings for you again, I will buck you into next Tuesday.” Dash kissed me passionately, pulled back, and smiled angelically down at me, her messy mane cascading down over her shoulders and around her head, tickling my cheeks, “Do I make myself perfectly clear, you big lug?” I placed my hand on her cheek and lost myself in those perfect eyes, “Yes, dear. Perfectly.” With my beloved in my arms, I soon settled down to a troubled sleep.