//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 
// Story: Discorded Humanity 
// by The Drifting Bard 
//------------------------------//

Enter the human




The day had begun like every other.
Waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon, taking a shower, eating something and then looking for work… so in a sense, a boring repetitious life, decorated with bad jokes and idiotic siblings.
After having carried out this routine, I had given up for the day. My hopes of finding that perfect job smashed. 
Giving a deep sigh and a break into my trail of thought, made another coffee. It was at this point the house got cold
Colder than usual. I grabbed a black hoodie with a broken zip, I was still cold. 
Taking my long coat off the hook, I put it on and fastened the buttons.
It had begun to snow outside, Unusual for England in December. Putting the pilot goggles on my head, I peeked out the windows, giving off another sigh out of boredom. 
After the last of the coffee had been drunk, I went to ‘drain the lizard’.
As I did this, on the other side of the door, an eerie light had begun to erupt out of a crack in the walls. 
Unwittingly falling through the crack as I walked out the bathroom, I looked around to view my surroundings. I was in a freefall. I did what any other person would do. I panicked, but being known to improvise, I grabbed the lower corners of my coat in an attempt to slow myself down.

Landing in a tree, I had caught my arm on a branch and had broken it. 
I had screamed for help in the hope that anyone would hear. To my dismay, I assumed the worst. 
Using my good arm, I manoeuvred myself to a position where I could land on my feet. 
After landing I took a few steps. But then I stopped, my eyes darting around looking for apparent danger. Hearing a cockatrice clucking away, I attempted to sneak past, but alas, a twig snapped under foot. 
My first thoughts were “fuck” 

I had to act quickly, so I went for the beast’s eyes… the beast had fled almost instantaneously, I collapsed on the ground, and stayed put for almost an hour, slowly recovering from the shock of coming face to face with a cockatrice. 
I could feel my hair getting wet, but no rain was pouring that day. Running my fingers through my hair, my eyes widened at the sight of blood. I stood up, looking around for a place to go. I had spotted a small glimmer of hope in the form of a hut. I hoped to hell that I would make it.

I was too tired to run, but I did so anyway. Frantically knocking on the door, I had hoped there was someone who could help me. The door was opened, by what I assumed to be a hallucination. Too injured to formulate a sentence, I struggled to get out the only two words which could work. 

“Help me”

The hallucination was stunned upon hearing my voice.
It quickly dragged me in by the hood, and laid me on the floor to take a good look at my injuries. After a few minutes of the hallucination poking and prodding me, I had come to realize that this was no hallucination. Gently placing my hand over the being’s appendage, I smiled “excuse me,” I said with a hoarse voice, “do you have some water, or some form of painkiller?” the being nodded, passing a glass of water to me. 
I used my good arm to lift the glass, taking a few swigs, I noticed the strange being drawing closer with a lit candle, looking the being up and down for a few moments and I could make out the stripes of a zebra. 
“This day just gets weirder and weirder, first a one-sided squabble with a cockatrice, and now a zebra giving me a medical, what next?” the Zebra chuckled at my remark. 
“Strange days are ahead for you, you may even make new friends too” she spoke with an African accent, Zimbabwean maybe? It was hard to tell. “But first I must ask, your arm, fixing it, an easy task?” I looked at the zebra for a moment, a smile creeping across my face, I nodded happily “yes it is, I just need a plaster cast and a sling” the zebra looked worried a this answer “I gather I wont be going anywhere looking like this” I continued “not to worry though, I can wait” there was a knock at the door, a child’s voice was heard “Zecora, I got them herbs you asked for” 
The zebra opened the door for the Child, who took one look at me, as I waved 
“hi there little one” I cheerily smiled, my eyes scanning the little filly, noting the element of fear on her face. 
“Relax little one, I’m a friend, strange as it seems” the little being walked up over to me, “and besides,” I used my good arm to pat her on the head “I need to know things, like who’s in charge and how I can get there without being seen, which by the looks of things is going to be impossible” I said with a glum look.

Looking out of the window, I could see a green flame bolt across the sky. “What was that?” I asked inquisitively 
“That’s a message from princess celestia” the little yellow-furred red-maned filly answered with a southern twang. “Hmm sounds like a god of some sorts” I mused to myself as the filly looked at me with confusion 
“y’all aint from around here are ya?” 
I glanced down at her “what was your first clue, the opposable thumbs?” I wiggled the aforementioned appendages “or the lack of fur?” I finished sarcastically with a genuine smile. 
She looked up at me in a huff.

The door was suddenly burst open. I shielded my eyes from the dust being kicked up, the scuffle of hooves, and then I was suddenly pinned against the wall of the hut, as if by magic, which strangely enough… it was. 

The Six ponies standing there, of different status and 2 of each type, were glaring at me. The orange and blond one took one look at the young filly.
“Applebloom get yerself back home, now” the mare spoke with an equally southern twang to the young filly, now known to me as Applebloom. It was apparent that the six new ponies on the scene were afraid of me. 
“I see,” the six looked up at me in shock “that’s what that green flame was… it was a warning” I looked down, seemingly upset by the ordeal. I winced in pain as the purple mare increased her magical grip on my arms. “It’s hurt, twilight” a shy voice chimed. 
“That it is, my young fluttershy, tell me now why?” Zecora spoke with such honour, indicating the magic currently surrounding my limbs. “I received a message from princess celestia about a threat to all of Equestria wandering the everfree forest” I looked up as she mentioned the word human. 
“I’m perceived as a threat?” they all look at me. “I can currently use one arm, I don’t know where in the universe I am, and you’re telling me I’m a threat?” the pain in my arm was more than enough to give me a much needed adrenaline rush without getting frustrated. “Look, just let me go, and I’ll leave” I said, looking them straight in the eye
“We can’t let you leave, princess’s orders” the cyan Pegasus spoke. 
“Well, what do you suppose we do with the ghastly clothed thing?” the white furred mare asked before finishing with a “no offence”. 
I spotted a pink blur darting around the room “I know, I know… lets have a party!”

I rolled my eyes. I noticed the purple pony was starting to run out of steam. 
“You do realize I have no intention of hurting anyone, right?” I solemnly said to the six colourful ponies in front of me. I looked at the orange and blonde pony. “I see that your related to the young filly,” she nodded “she’s a good kid” I smiled. The magic that was surrounding me suddenly dissipated. I watched as the purple one collapsed.

“Where’s big Mac when you need him” I heard the orange one curse under her breath.
i had landed on the floor with an audible flump. They watched as I stood up, with a cheeky grin plastered on my face. “Tell ya what,” I chuckled, they gave me a look which could be described as evil “if I crouch down, you can prop her up and put her front hooves over my shoulders” they gawped at my proposal “I’ll be glad to carry her to wherever it is she’s needed to go” the white maned mare used her magic, lifting the purple pony onto my back, I grasped her forelegs in my good hand. “I’ll follow, you know where we are going” they watched as I got up from my current position. 

I walked beside the yellow Pegasus and the orange pony. “You got a name?” the orange pony asked. “Yup” I grunted, having miscalculated the purple pony’s weight.

“The name's Dave” I said with a smile.
“well, im Applejack, the shy one on your left is Fluttershy and in front of you is Rarity and Pinkie pie” Applejack cheerily answered.
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance but… who’s the rainbow blur?” I asked
“I’m Rainbow dash, fastest flyer in Equestria,” the Cyan Pegasus boasted. “And the pony on your back? That’s Twilight Sparkle” 

I took a glance out into the clearing, in the distance I could see a small town, but more importantly… a faint blip flying towards us.
For the first time since I got here in this crazy land of ponies and mythological creatures… I felt genuine fear.

A storm was coming.


Standing at the clearing, I watched the blip draw closer.
The 5 ponies watched as I crouched down to lift the sleeping Twilight off my back.
“Hey, wake up sleepy” I said, gently poking her. Watching her eyes drift open.
“Do you have a piece of parchment handy?” I asked. They all looked at me. 
“Now is hardly the time to write a letter Dave” Dash chuckled, but then her face fell as she saw the seriousness in my eyes. Pinkie pie, known for her reality bending abilities pulls a piece out of no-where, “what do you need it for?” Fluttershy asked, as the blip now seen to be a chariot pulled by armoured pegasi landed. “You’re about to find out” I said with vindication, the glint in my eye had suggested I had an idea.

The 6ft tall Alicorn stepped off the chariot, glared at me for a moment, and then asked the question “Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student…why isn’t the Human dead?” I watched as Twilight looked down, despondent because she felt as though she had let the princess down. “You have no right,” I looked at the white alicorn dead straight in the eyes “absolutely no right to demand that of your student, however much of a threat you think I pose” the others could only watch as I defended my right to live. “I am not your enemy, but I am humbled that you came all this way” I kneeled before the Princess, who looked increasingly less hateful and more intrigued by me. 
“May I say that, seeing as this is first impressions, you don’t seem to be very trusting… but I understand, if a human had appeared here before and attempted to taint your home... I’d be wary too” I smiled, but then got serious again. Standing up for myself against royalty was no easy task. “I have here a blank piece of parchment, and I wish to make an agreement, you want me dead, but I want to live, so how about this,” I spoke with conviction, the ponies could only watch as a game of verbal tennis was played between me and their princess.

I rolled out the parchment “I need your horn tip,” I watched as the white deity lowered her head “I shall cut my finger open and sign a blood contract, thus swearing an oath to both you and your sister… and all ponies of Equestria” I smiled. 
“What will contract be about?” Twilight asked, worried that it might be a trick. 
“Relax Ms Sparkle,” I flashed her a cheeky grin “I’m not Q, a sneaky manipulative omni-potent being, as for the contract?” my gaze met with the alicorn’s again.
“The contract will state, that Ponyville will be under my protection, and that I will aid the Bearers of harmony with what ever dangers they face, even if it means death”
The princess looked at me in awe “I never thought that humans had a sense of honour, if that is the case,” she looked at me, her eyes staring into me “you really mean it”
I nodded and saluted. I pricked my finger on the tip of her horn. I wrote my name in my own blood, thus sealing the contract. “Princess Celestia,” I looked her in the eye as she raised her head once more “thank you for providing me with this opportunity” 
“I suggest you find yourself a place to stay,” she glared at me “I wouldn’t want ponyville’s newest defender to catch something”, she cackled.

As the chariot took off, I was lost in thought. Where could I stay…?
Twilight looked at me for a moment; I sense she wanted to learn about humans. “Why don’t you stay with me? I could use the help, plus I might learn a thing or two about humans and vice versa” I raised an eyebrow, and then nodded in agreement.




As we walked through the town, I got the feeling I was being watched, but there was no real change in the atmosphere, as long as the six ponies were with me, the ponies of ponyville knew I was no threat. I waved hello to some of them, and a turquoise lyre playing pony’s eyes widened then shouted “I KNEW IT!” as loud as she could.

We arrived at the library which was, safe to say, a mess. I looked around to see a dragon picking up the books, and shelving them. “Hey spike,” spike turned but soon hid “don’t worry spike, he’s here to help” Twilight said with a smile, coxing the small dragon out of his hiding place. “My name is Dave, little dude” I said with a smile. 
The dragon looked me up and down, shrugged his shoulders and grunted “whatever, just don’t let me catch you eating my gems” 
“dude, Humans don’t eat gems… we eats other stuff like vegetables…and um…well, I’ll stick with vegetables and other sources of protein which don’t come from an animal” six pony mouths dropped. It was safe to say that it was the only real reason they had to fear “don’t worry about it,” I said as I looked out of the window “as long as I can find some peanuts, I can become a vegetarian quite easily” they didn’t know what to say “and besides, it wasn’t exactly like I had a choice, most humans do eat a varied diet of meat and vegetables, however there are now vegans, who wont eat anything with a shadow” they laughed. The tension in the room had been broken,

It had been several hours since the others had left, the books all having been re-shelved “hey, Twi? What’s this book about?” 
She took one look “it’s the book on legends of Equestria” she said as I opened the book. As I read the book, I noticed the image of a sole human fighting against the deities of the sun and moon. I then noticed the moon siding with the human and the sun killing the human. I frowned, so that’s what happened… a human comes to Equestria, causes a conflict between the two deities and is executed for it. 

It made me stop to think. I continued my reading. Taking note of the different legends, but the one that caught my eye was the strange deity known as Discord. I was all too familiar with this being for a number of reasons. 

“Twilight, you’ve defeated Discord haven’t you?” I asked, knowing full well the answer would be yes. I was right. “Is there a chance he could come back?” 
“I don’t know, but I hope not” she answered. “Why?” she asked.
“You remember when I said that I wasn’t Q?” 
“Yes” I looked at her; I could see she was worried.
“What if I told you that Q and Discord were one in the same, an agent of chaos…”
I continued my explanation. Her eyes widened as the explanation and the stories I told her about Q and how he affected the human race’s desire for knowledge. I dare not tell her about the other things on my world.

“…that’s why when I read this part I asked if he could escape his imprisonment”
She looked worried, “ah forget it, if he does escape again, I’ll put him down, it is my job after all” I smiled reassuring her. I put my hand on her head and ruffled her mane, hearing a little giggle. “Told you I was friendly” I grinned. I took off my long coat. The pain in my arm was still there. “Is the hospice open? I need a plaster cast on my arm” I chuckled at my own stupidity. 


I put the hood up and the coat back on, zipping it up high enough to perch my hand in between the two halves.