//------------------------------// // Determination and Deception // Story: Wild Card // by Barrel-of-fun //------------------------------// By the time my companions began to stir I had already finished off my ill-gotten dessert and collected the various cards that were scattered around the room. I had spent my time shuffling through the mysterious magical deck, occasionally having to stop to deliver a swift kick to one of the pirates who tried to shake off their unconsciousness early. I wasn’t sure if these multiple blows to the head were good for them but, practically, I didn’t care. If they hadn’t wanted brain damage then they wouldn’t have attacked my friends. Simple logic really. Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, Iron groaned and began to rise, or at least attempted to. His efforts to get up began with him planting a hand on the floor and trying to raise his upper body. However, this was slightly interrupted when his hand slipped and he slammed back into the floor, letting out another groan as he did so. Seeing the rather pathetic attempt of my companion to get up, I allowed myself the time to facepalm before going over to help him. “Hey there buddy,” I began, offering my hand to him, “How you feelin’?” Iron, to his credit, managed to raise his head off the floor and stare up at me. His gaze, initially quite blurry from his recent unconsciousness, slowly focused upon me. The moment he recognized me, his eyes went wide in shock and he began to hyperventilate. “Z-zombie...” He whispered before lapsing back into unconsciousness. Awkwardly, I withdrew my offered hand and looked at it in confusion. “Good talk Iron, real enlightening.” I muttered before going back to waiting. Thankfully, the next being in the room to wake was Summer. After managing to get all her hooves under her, she looked around the room, drinking in my presence and that of all the unconscious enemies. “Ace?” She said, sounding strangely calm. “What, by the holy power of Celestia’s phallically long horn, happened here?” “I have no idea.” I lied casually. “It was like this when I got here.” There was an awkward pause as we both assessed the damage to the room. “So...what was that about Celestia’s horn?” “Unicorn joke.” She explained glibly, “You wouldn’t get it.” Her piece said, she walked over and began to inspect Iron, looking carefully over his head, presumably for any signs of a concussion. “I think I do.” I said before hopping up off my unconscious throne. “How is he? He woke up earlier muttering something about zombies. I’ll admit, I’m a bit worried.” “He looks fine, though I’m wondering why I have to be the one examining him. We’re in a hospital, you shouldn’t be able to spit without hitting a doctor.” “Yeah but they all seem a little incompetent, especially when it comes to the safety of their patients. Exhibit A.” I said, throwing one hand out to indicate the unconscious attackers that continued to rudely litter the room with their bodies. “That’s...actually a very good point. Nopony in this city seems to care. Where are the doctors? Where are the guards? They should be out there arrest scum like this.” She kicked one of the downed unicorn pirates. “The Manehattan Guard I remember would never have allowed things to get this bad. What in Tartarus happened here?” I kneeled down next to her, placing one hand upon her shoulders. “I’m not certain, but I’m sure we can find out.” “How?” She demanded, looking up at me with a challenging gaze. I pretended to give it some thought before replying. “Simple, we lie, we threaten, we lean on all the right people and some of the wrong ones. If necessary we might even have to, gods forbid, ask politely.” This got a smile out of her, something she desperately seemed to need at the moment. I couldn’t really imagine what she must be going through right now. To come back to the city you consider to be your home to find it completely changed, with your loved ones threatened by its very nature. The confusion she must be feeling right now... “Right,” Summer started, steel suddenly filling her voice, “First order of business, we need to get Iron and my dad up and out of here. Ace, do you think you can secure us some lodgings, preferably somewhere where we don’t have to worry about being knifed?” I nodded, rather dumbfounded. “Good, whilst you do that, I’m going to find whoever’s the captain of the Guard around here. They have a lot to answer for.” Okay, I take it back. Summer doesn’t get confused, she just gets scary. A glass of water poured on his face was all it took to wake Iron, who spluttered with indignation before wiping his eyes and looking at Summer with relief. He then noticed me standing nearby and his look of relief turned to one of terror. “How?” He whispered darkly. “How are you alive? I saw you die, I’m sure of it. You fell and there was blood everywhere. You should be dead.” Rather than being happy that his friend was still alive, he seemed suspicious. “Are you sure that’s what you saw?” I replied calmly, trying not to let any nervousness pierce the mask that I wore. “I mean, you did take a lot of blows to the head. The confusion of the battle may have simply got to you.” He glared at me once more before huffing and apparently giving up, though I could see from the look in his eyes that it wasn’t over. Looks like I’d have to be a bit more careful around Iron in future. “Iron, pick up my dad and grab whatever meds they have him on. We need to get out of here now. Go with Ace, he says he can find some safe lodgings, hopefully he isn't boasting.” Summer ordered. I was slightly offended by what she was implying. I never boasted, I was just that good. Iron moved over to Swift and began to gently unhook him from the various bits and pieces of medical equipment. “What about you?” He asked, sending a questioning glance over at Summer. “I have had enough of being chased around my own city without any help from the Guard.” She replied with a stomp of her hoof. “I’m getting to the bottom of this.” “Want me to come with you?” Iron offered, “I’m sure I could streamline the process of talking to snotty bureaucrats.” He added with a crack of his huge knuckles, and all that implied. “No, but thanks for offering.” Summer replied with a sweet smile. “No offense but your method tends to be ‘punch first, ask questions whilst punching.’” She then looked over to me. “And I don’t think any of them have pockets worth picking.” “My dear Summer!” I exclaimed with a haughty air, “I am shocked by your implications! Do you mean to say that you consider me naught but a lowly thief?” “Of course not.” She replied before slipping on a smug smile. “You also happen to make a great distraction, on top of being a lowly thief.” This got a hearty guffaw from Iron Will and even brought a chuckle to my lips. After all, she had me bang to rights there. With what little humor we could find in the situation already extracted, we decided to set off. Iron gently lifted Swift Storm into his arms whilst Summer and I began to stride forward, quickly checking the lobby for signs of any hostility before exiting the building. Of course the sheer damn nobility that infused my soul compelled me to leave a message at the front desk informing the staff about the unconscious and injured pirates in the room we had just left. Although my roguish side decided to write the message in a language I had just made up called ‘Aceian.’ It’s a language that employs a combination of braille, French, what little Welsh I could remember and thirty one different swear words that wouldn’t be recognized by anyone who wasn’t frequented a London bar on a Friday evening. Linguistics professors would be confounded, amazed and strangely aroused upon being confronted by any text written in such a language. I’m pretty sure I’d got the room number wrong anyway, regardless of the language it was written in. Soon after we left the hospital, Summer split off from us to head towards the barracks and, hopefully, some answers. She gave us a quick farewell before trotting off, a mare on a mission. Of course, I had some questions of my own. “Iron, is it just me or have we been staying in some really crappy places recently?” I asked, looking over at the minotaur, who still had Swift Storm slung over one shoulder. “I guess so,” He replied, “Though, to be fair, our finances aren't exactly great. It’s not like we can afford the nicest hotel in the city.” I raised an eyebrow at this, “Oh, and what exactly is the nicest hotel in the city?” His brow furrowed for a moment before he clicked his fingers in comprehension. “I believe it is the Far From Raggedy. Big modern place in the Upper District, you can see it from here.” He pointed towards a large shape in the distance. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a giant skyscraper style building, all shining glass and steel. It looked like a piece of modern day architecture had been transported to Equestria. “Sparkling thing ain’t it? The new range of modern buildings they’re calling it. Personally, I don’t like all that glass. A decent punch could go right through a wall, not to mention the tedious amount of cleaning to keep it so shiny.” He let out a short harumph, “No, give me a strong stone building any day.” “Alrighty then, remind me, how many drinks do I owe you?” I asked, a plan beginning to form in my mind. “Three I believe, and I’m expecting them some day.” He grumbled. “How about this? I dare you that I can get us the penthouse suite to the Far From Raggedy for as long as we need it.” He opened his mouth to protest and i held up a hand to stop him. “Wait for it...without paying!” I finished triumphantly. The large minotaur looked at me, seemingly weighing up the chances. “Alright then, but if you fail, you owe me six drinks.” “Alright and when I succeed, you have to declare me the most cunning and devilishly handsome being to ever walk this green earth, and that you spend each day restraining your rampant homoerotic desire for me.” “I change my mind. When you fail, I want ten drinks. That should be enough to help me forget what you just said.” “Very well.” I replied. I’ll just make sure that Summer is there when he loses. We trudged along in silence for a bit towards the Upper District, ignoring the ponies who gawked at us as we passed. I couldn’t help but notice that the further we travelled, the chubbier the ponies got. Signs of a luxurious life began to show on the populace, making it rather difficult for me to concentrate. My fingers itched when I saw an overly dressed peacock of a mare flashing a necklace made of pearls. I almost had to bodily restrain myself when a fatcat pony walked by with a big bag of bits loosely hanging from his pocket. That’s not to say I was a completely divine soul. I believe that my current finances increased tenfold after a few minutes of walking, accidently bumping into the arrogant fools who let their money show. What can I say? I needed some petty cash. Upon reaching the hotel of our choice I took a seat at a café opposite, indicating for Iron to join me. Curious, the large minotaur sat down, propping the still unconscious Swift Storm up in another chair. A snooty waiter swiftly appeared and I ordered us some drinks, as well as a bit of overpriced haute food and a pencil. After the confused pony had departed with our order Iron looked at me with amusement. “How exactly does this get us into the hotel?” He asked, raising one eyebrow, “Because right now I can almost taste all those drinks you’re going to owe me.” I grinned at him in return, “This? This doesn’t get us anywhere, I was just quite hungry.It’s the next part that will really help us.” Upon saying this, I began to search the street, looking for the perfect pony for the job. It didn’t take me long, what with the amount of ponies on the street. A young colt, not finely dressed enough to be upper class but not dirty enough to look out of place. If I had to guess, I’d say he was an upper middle class brat, just high enough in the food chain to have the honour of being sneered at by his noble born superiors. “Hey kid,” I called out to him, his head snapping round at the cry, “Yes you! How would you like to earn fifty bits for a minutes work?” Hesitantly he walked over to us, “This isn’t some kind of trick is it?” He asked warily. “Of course not,” I replied, “Just give me a second.” The waiter had returned and placed our order on the table, along with the writing implement I had requested. Grabbing it, I began to quickly scrawl on a napkin, reading the message once back to myself before folding it up and handing it to the colt along with a handful of bits. “Here, deliver that message to the receptionist at the Far From Raggedy. You can do that right?” The colt stared in awe at the coins in his hoof before swiftly pocketing them inside his own bit pouch. “Can do sir!” He said cheerfully before trotting off and into the hotel. Iron and I watched him go before turning back to our fancy meal. “Care to explain what that was all about?” The minotaur asked as he sampled what looked like the world’s shiniest salad. “Not really, just give it a minute. Are you going to eat that?” I asked, pointing to his bread, which he was quick to snatch out of my reach. “Fine, suit yourself.” I grumbled. A quick glance over at the glass doors of the Far From Raggedy revealed the chaos and drama that I had caused with a few words scribbled on a napkin. There was a self-important looking stallion, presumably the manager, shouting at a mare behind a desk, in all likelihood the receptionist. After wiping some sweat from his brow, the manager left through the front doors and walked down the street for a bit. His head flew from left to right as he attempted to see if anyone was watching in what is possibly the least inconspicuous manner I have ever seen. Finally he decided to duck into an alleyway and apparently stay there. “I’ll be right back.” I told Iron, standing up and quickly throwing my coat off, much to the shock of the fancy cafés clientele. Apparently being naked is fine to them but when you start taking clothes off you’ve gone too far. Ignoring the stuck up ponies I turned the coat inside out and slipped it back on, enchanted side facing outwards, before stepping into the crowd of moving ponies, shifting seamlessly into the crowded space. After flowing gracefully through the crowd, I reached the alleyway where the nervous manager was waiting. I approached him whilst sticking to the shadows, finally speaking to announce my presence. “You got my message then?” I said in an overly gruff voice. “Y-yes.” He stammered in reply, “If I m-may ask, what does Captain Gang Plank want with me? I’ve paid everything he’s asked, we all have.” “Aye, and a very good thing you have done so as well,” I wasn’t overly surprised that the rich were paying protection money to the scary pirate. They didn’t care who suffered, so long as they were protected. “Though now the good Captain has some information that you may be interested in hearing...for a price.” “What sort of information?” The stallion asked hesitantly, still peering into the shadows to try and make out who he was talking to. I let out a harsh laugh “Well if I went and just told you, what would be the point in asking for payment. Bits first, then you get to hear the big scoop. Nothing in life is free after all.” The stallion reached inside his suit with a shaking hoof and pulled out a small bag of bits, tossing it to the floor in front of him with a small jingle. “There, now tell me.” He demanded. Apparently being forced to part with his money had given him a bit of backbone. “The good Captain has caught wind of a certain traveler that will be arriving in the city soon. He and his companions serve as the journalists and inspectors for an elite Canterlot travel agency, though we don’t know which one.” I could see the effect my words were having on the manager. A sheen of sweat had appeared across his brow and his legs were shaking in their hooves. “He should be arriving later today and, if our sources are correct, he will be staying at your hotel. I’m sure you know that to do with this information.” “But...but who is he? What does he look like?” The manager demanded, looking almost ready to leap forward. “He’s quite easy to recognize really. The agency have decided to hire a foreigner, to throw off any suspicions on the part of hotel managers like yourself. Apparently, he looks like nothing you’ve ever seen before and is travelling with a minotaur and two ponies, one of them quite injured. Now then, good luck to you. I shall take my leave.” I fell silent for a bit, watching from the shadows as the manager scurried off and back to his hotel. Once he had gone I chuckled slightly and reached down to pick up the bit pouch he had left behind. “That was way too easy.” I muttered to myself, not overly satisfied with the simplicity of my little trick. “Ponies are far too stupid for their own good.” I put the pouch inside my jacket and returned to Iron, whistling a tune to myself as I went. “Okay, I think we’re all ready now.” I announced upon my return, getting another confused look from Iron. He sure had been looking confused a lot today, I wonder if I had something to do with that. Regardless, he picked up Swift Storm again whilst I flipped my coat around. We then went inside the hotel and saw, to my amusement, the flustered manager heading our way. “Honoured guests,” He said immediately, “I would like to offer you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to stay in our finest penthouse suite, absolutely free!” Iron looked at me in shock, whilst I just shot him a smug grin. “Isn’t it already booked though?” The minotaur asked. “It just opened up.” The stallion responded with a nonchalant smirk. Behind him I could see security escorting a very rich looking, and very angry pony off of the premises. “How wonderful.” I said, adopting my best ‘posh’ accent. “If you would be so kind as to show us the way, that would be delightful. Also, would you be able to find a medical professional for my friend? I’m afraid the journey here was not so kind on him. He looks like he’s been through the wars a bit, no?” “Oh ôui ôui.” The manager responded with an eager nod of his head. "I’ll have the best doctor in the district sent up to your room, along with complimentary champagne.” I threw on a gentle smile and tapped him condescendingly on the head with one hand. “Marvelous darling, I can see that we are going to get along just fine.” The manager began to order his people about and, before Iron even had time to consider how badly he had lost the bet, we were seated on fine seats in the penthouse suite, glasses of champagne in our hands and the finest view of Manehatten that lying could buy stretched out before us. “Now then, what have we learned today?” I asked Iron in a patronising manner before taking a sip of my drink. “Don’t bet against you,” He responded grumpily, laying his own drink to one side, “You cheat.” Damn straight I do.