Chapter 5—Stallions are Creepy, Too
The room was brightly lit, and well-dressed waiters and waitresses trotted around the tiled floor, carrying silver platters of food on their backs or levitated them with magic. The circular tables with white tablecloths were scattered, yet ubiquitous. Ponies ate and chatted, and the whole scene brimmed with complacency. On a table off the side, a gray pegasus with a thundercloud on his flanks sat with his head in his hoof.
Catching sight of a tan Earth pony with horseshoes as his cutie mark, he lifted his head and waved cheerily.
“Hi, I’m Thunderlane.”
“Caramel,” he said, extending his hoof to wave, but instead received a pair of lips on it.
“Rose was right, you are a cutie.”
Oh…he thinks I’m cute…that’s…well, that’s nice of him, I guess… “You are quite…attractive…yourself,” he said, extemporizing.
“I know,” he said, winking. I can’t tell if he’s kidding or actually that arrogant. Mac would never be like that. He’s so straightforward. I don’t have to guess with him at all. Caramel shook his head. Bad thoughts! Stop thinking about him!
“You okay there, sweetie?”
“I already ordered for you, so don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, thanks…” What a chauvinistic jerk! Nah, that’s mean. I’ll give him a chance.
“Is your mane naturally like that? It looks kind of weird.”
Weird?! Fine! You’re too straightforward! Oh, I hate you! Caramel opened his mouth to tell him off.
“Caramel?!” came a voice from behind him. He immediately turned around to see Applejack and Fluttershy.
“Oh…hi Applejack, Fluttershy,” he said.
“Who’s this?” Applejack asked kindly.
“I’m his date!” Thunderlane proclaimed proudly, slapping his hoof on his chest.
“Date? Oh shoot! Ah forgot to talk to Big Macintosh and Twilight! Ah’ll be back, Flutter,” she said, kissing her marefriend on the cheek and running off.
“Oh…I didn’t mean to ruin your date…”
“Oh it’s quite alright. We were just having dinner. And you know Applejack…she um…she doesn’t like leaving things unfinished…” Fluttershy left and took her seat at another table.
Caramel turned back to Thunderlane, who was giving him winks and air kisses. I guess this is a nice gesture…I’ve never really had a stallion give me attention like this before… Their food arrived at that moment. A pink mare with a purple mane levitated two platters of food onto their table. “Here is the daisy salad, and here is the hay and carrot thermidor. Will there be anything else?”
Caramel lifted his head in hope, snapping his head right and left, scanning the restaurant for any hint of a red stallion. His eyes finally found Thunderlane, who was grinning. He instantly disliked him even more. “You going to eat your carrots, or do I have to feed them to you? Because I know I’ll be feeding you a carrot later on tonight, anyway,” he winked.
The tan stallion decided to let his “date” know that he didn’t plan on doing anything like that. Maybe I’m giving off the wrong vibes. “Um, Thunderlane?”
“Yes, my Rubenesque colt?”
“I really appreciate all the compliments, and I do enjoy the attention you’re giving me, but do you think you could scale it back a little? You’re making me a little bit uncomfortable…” And did he just call me Rubenesque? I…guess…that’s a compliment…I mean…it’s not meant as an insult…is it?
“Um…Caramel?” came a soft voice behind him, “Do you think I could talk to you for a minute? If you want to, that is?”
“Sure, Fluttershy,” he said, happy to get away from Thunderlane for awhile. He followed the yellow mare back to her table, where Applejack was still absent. “What is it that you wanted to tell me?”
“Do you like Thunderlane?” she asked timidly.
“Um…not particularly, no.”
“I can tell…”
“You can?” Caramel’s eyes opened wider. He had hoped that he was being polite and kind, just as the magazine had said.
“You keep casting him these…looks…and I think he’s mistaking them for…flirting…”
“Oh… that would explain his…sordidness…”
“Sordidness? I can also tell you’ve been talking to Twilight” she giggled.
“Oh, why not?” she asked, concerned.
He stole my stallion from me. “We had a dispute over…somepony.”
“Who was it? It wasn’t me, was it?” She ducked under the table momentarily, fearful of all the attention she was getting.
“It wasn’t you, Fluttershy. It was…Big Macintosh, okay?” he said, blushing, and feeling another wave of sadness.
“What did you disagree on? I mean, if you feel okay with telling me.”
Is she really making me do this? Oh well, I might was well come out now…I’m having a date in public after all—if I can call it a date. “We both love him, okay?”
“But that’s wonderful! You should be agreeing on—oh…as in love love?”
Caramel nodded. “Love love.”
“But you’re here with Thunderlane, so…oh no! I’m so sorry, Caramel!” she cried, placing a hoof gently on top of his.
“It’s okay. I know we can’t ever be, so…I’m trying to get over it.” And it’s not working. Thunderlane’s just making me love Macintosh more. Juxtaposition is Magic.
“It’s interesting, though…I actually know that Twilight prefers stallions that are very open and forward, even ambitious. Well, I guess she likes Big Macintosh anyways. Okay, well, if you need anything, just talk to me or Applejack, but I imagine that she already knows.”
“She was actually trying to warn me before I went and found them out, but she was too late.”
“Just know that we’re both here for you if you need us, okay? Now don’t keep your date waiting. And give him a chance, even if you don’t like him now. Sometimes things can’t be perfect, but you can fall in love with somepony just the same,” she smiled.
Caramel returned the smile and trotted back to Thunderlane. I guess he deserves another chance.
“What took you so long, sweetie?”
“Just talking about how my day went.”
“Please tell me something sexy happened.”
“Um…” Should I tell him about the clopping? Hey, wait! This is a first date! Why is he…Oh Celestia… “No, not particularly.”
Thunderlane had finished his food and was waiting for Caramel to finish his. While munching on a carrot, he felt something lightly touch his hoof. What was that? Probably a bug or something. He shook his hind leg to get the insect to escape.
Suddenly, the touching continued. It wasn’t a bug. The tickle turned into a rub, and he glanced under the table. A gray hoof was rubbing his hind leg almost sensually. He looked up in confusion and annoyance and saw an expression of what he considered to be utter sleaze. “Yeah, you like that, you little filly?”
“Stop it, Thunderlane!” Caramel whispered. He didn’t want to attract attention.
“Okay, geez. Playing hard to get, huh?” he said, winking. He made the wink extremely obvious, as if he were trying to shut his eye so tight that it stuck.
I’m not having fun with this…he keeps…doing stuff! And…oh, Mac would never do this to me…Stupid sexy Twilight...What does he even see in her? No, no, I have to move on…
Caramel’s thoughts were interrupted by a very special feeling—one that he hadn’t felt for a couple of hours. But this time, he wasn’t the one doing it. The tickle began from his hoof again, but this time, in one quick stroke, everything began festering in his special areas. His eyes closed in ecstasy and his mind blanked out like a shaken Etch-a-Sketch. He let out a little moan.
“Guess I found my colt’s special little spot, huh?”
Caramel’s eyes snapped open. He raised a hoof and in one quick stroke, slapped the offending pegasus across the right cheek. The rest of the dining establishment started, and the sound of dropping cutlery on plates began. Sadly, nopony could hear the symphony of metal on glass because of all the gasps from the audience.
It was hard to distinguish whether Thunderlane’s mouth or eyes were open wider. “Oh my,” Fluttershy gasped. The conversation in the building had been extinguished as every single pony paid their patronage to table twenty-three.
“Every. Single. One,” Caramel said softly, his voice dripping with danger. His head was down and he refused to look the pegasus in the eye.
“Every single what?” he asked, slightly terrified.
“I gave you every single chance!” he screamed, staring directly into the window to Thunderlane’s soul. “You insult me, you make your…moves on me, and you violate me! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of you! I can’t believe I agreed to this!”
Even though it was Caramel dishing out all the verbal violence, it was he who was the one that was truly hurt. His doubt and betrayal simmered in his mind the entire day, and it had finally reached its boiling point. Tears dripped onto his empty plate, and Thunderlane cowered in his chair. “I hate you, Dunderbrain! I hate you!”
With that, Caramel ran out the door, leaving behind a myriad of confused ponies, although the most confused was probably Thunderlane. Why couldn’t he be more like Mac? I give up. I can’t have anypony else. I just want Mac. Just him…there’s nopony else than can replace him. I shouldn’t have tried to. I love him, and him alone. And there’s nopony in Equestria that could make me change my mind. I’m through. I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore.
I try, and I try, and I try so hard to make everything work. I give myself hope, and this is what bucking happens. I try to think, “Oh well, I have to move on.” If moving on means giving up on my only dream to be with a jerk like Thunderlane, then there really isn’t a point. I’m going to live my life lonely, and there’s nothing I can do. If there’s any hope left in me, then I hope that my life ends soon. I want to die.
Caramel’s running slowed down to a walk after he became too tired to continue. He had stopped in front of Rose’s house.
The cream-colored mare opened the door to a sobbing colt—one that she had dealt with a record number of times that week. “It was a bad idea!” he cried, “I want Mac!”
Rose hesitated before saying, “I know…I know, Caramel.” She stopped herself before she could tell him that he couldn’t have him.
I hate everypony, but I think I hate myself the most.